Stuff that happened as a child that really shouldnt have.

[Astro Hollywood]

2 hours ago, Lord-Mountevans said:

5, I did "Computer Studies" for 3 years without ever using or seeing a computer! (the school had one  for computer studies, but it was locked in a room 24/7) .

This is glorious. What did Computer Studies lessons consist of?!

When I left in '96, the school didn't have any internet access because "all you lot would use it for porn."

[Lord-Mountevans]

2 hours ago, Astro Hollywood said:

This is glorious. What did Computer Studies lessons consist of?!

When I left in '96, the school didn't have any internet access because "all you lot would use it for porn."

We did lots & lots & of writing, i still remember my arm aching near the end of each lesson. We did flowcharts & wrote about the meanings of words used in computer programming. I just wrote what i was told without taking any of it in. It was a very poor way to learn because without  any practical experience it soon gets boring & repetitive.

Why we never got to use a computer is beyond me? To this day it has hindered my progression in the workplace, although  my entire shitty experience at school did indirectly prepare me for the rough & tumble life of factory work (the same factory work that i was only really suitable for because of my poor education!) 😒

[Rule One]

My mums boyfriend at the time stole my stuff - 

Bikes - gone.

PS Games - gone.

Rockport Boots (Fashion of the time.) - gone.

North Face Coat (When they were more expensive/didn't appeal to the masses.) - gone.

If it was mine, was of value and wasn't nailed down, it magically disappeared. Stolen. They even faked a house burglary but only my stuff went.

Didn't twig on until I was about 13, I got the last laugh but it really wasn't worth it. Still haven't forgiven my mum for it and probably never will.

So yeah. Life eh?

[Surf Digby]

On 5/26/2018 at 6:15 AM, bAzTNM#1 said:

Has to be the Joely Richardson and Sean Bean version. An often over-looked serial I thought. I wouldn't be pumping couches over it but still, good enough. Really hard stuff for the BBC. I don't think they've done anything as hard since. I think it was even harder than the film that came out in 1981 with Sylvia Kristel.

When that was first broadcast, the Radio Times did a two page special feature on male on-screen nudity.

My dad was so incensed by it that he sellotaped the pages together.

[Mr_Danger]

My dad used to glue the lingerie sections of Littlewoods together.

[Lord-Mountevans]

26 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

My dad used to glue the lingerie sections of Littlewoods together.

Are you sure it was glue that stuck the pages together? 😄

Pornography used to be so much more fun before it became easily accessible. We had a clique at work called "The Filthy Friends" who used to copy videos for each other & swap notes. You would pass one over & say "2 hours 13 minutes" with a wink, for a really good scene. I used to put a little clip of myself at the front of the videos sometimes for a laugh. Nothing bad, just something stupid like making it look like i was wanking until the camera got up close & i was polishing some brass ornament or some other daft shit to make my mates laugh.

[Mr_Danger]

Fucking hell Lord, you couldn't teach yourself to learn how to use a computer but you learnt how to edit yourself in to pornos to crack your wank buddies up!

[Lord-Mountevans]

10 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

Fucking hell Lord, you couldn't teach yourself to learn how to use a computer but you learnt how to edit yourself in to pornos to crack your wank buddies up!

I was tape trading wrestling videos at the time & we had a camcorder to film my young family, so with help from my brother & missus i could do it. I really am a hopeless old dinosaur at the best of times. I would love a smartphone but it would drive me & any poor soul who had to try & teach me up the wall!

Back to purchasing porn videos. I met this bloke who you could just tell was into selling stuff on the black market, so i ask a mate who knew him if it was OK to approach him about porno videos. Long story short is that before he got busted, his flat above a shop had been turned into a living mini-porn warehouse! He actually made furniture out of video cassettes! He had a massive porn coffee table & a big grumble flick throne! 😃

[bAzTNM#1]

On 5/26/2018 at 7:47 PM, Astro Hollywood said:

This is glorious. What did Computer Studies lessons consist of?!

When I left in '96, the school didn't have any internet access because "all you lot would use it for porn."

Yeah, we still had the BBC Micro's out until I went to college. It was like I was in computer heaven.

[Carbomb]

I was part of that generation that was unlucky enough to be at school when Computer Studies meant working on a computer from the last wave of pre-mainstream internet-capable tech, namely an RM Nimbus, in the early to mid-90s. This was when a lot of offices, schools, etc., had internal networks, but also had to have one or two dedicated computers for browsing the internet, as it was still seen as something for geeks, or as a special project resource, rather than something for everyday use. So we were learning bits of the back-end stuff, like Basic, hexadecimal, Pascal, etc., except my maths wasn't of a level high enough to really get to grips with the complexities of software engineering (I think I probably absorbed up to trig, gradients, and vectors before I completely dropped maths at A Level and just did all languages). As a result, I didn't really retain anything, and unless I'd gone into the software industry and kept current with it through work, nothing I did learn would've been any use anyway. 

Well, until now, when even bloody five year-olds are absorbing programming like it's Peppa Pig, and toying with Raspberry Pi units and forgetting more in their first decade of life than I'll ever know. I got this for my little niece for Christmas. A coding book for six to nine year-olds! I was shocked to find out it was possible to teach them this stuff at such a young age.

Might even buy one for myself. Probably the only way I'll learn.

 

[Guest]

Bit of a slow burner, that front cover. The poor kid has to read and understand the whole book before she can decipher the message "You're adopted."

[Loki]

@LORD MOUNTEVANS and I went to similar schools I think.

Nonces really were allowed to operate with impunity in those days, weren't they?  We had a similar teacher at our school, very handsy with the boys, insisted om checking each boy as they left the shower to check they were "clean".  Some of the parents complained about him, and he was quietly moved on to another school, where he presumably did the same shit.

Physical punishment was still a big thing in my time.  Teachers used to throw blackboard dusters (the big wooden ones) at you regularly.  One teacher got so incensed by a classmate's thickness that he stuffed him headfirst into a bin and beat the bin with a broom handle.  He'd actually patrol the classroom with broom handle in hand during classes, it was his incentive for paying attention.

Another common punishment was you had to stand in the corner with arms outstretched and a large book on each upraised palm.  If you dropped your arms you got the broom handle.

Caning was still the ultimate punishment, although they downgraded it to being beaten with a trainer by the time I left.

The teaching environment was like the Wild West.  Teachers all smoked in class, some of them smoked fucking pipes.  The science teacher was an ex-Brigadeer who'd served in Normandy, and had German helmets and bayonets to prove it which you could borrow for the weekend.  He had some good teaching ideas as well - to teach us all about electricity he'd get us all to stand in a circle holding hands, then he'd give the two end boys copper wire, plug them into the mains and switch it on.  

The best thing he did was, once a year on a very windy day, he'd take us all outside to the playing fields, and unpack his parachute from WW2.  Then he'd strap you in the parachute, and let go and you'd be pulled across the playing fields whilst he drove alongside you in his jeep, before collecting you up before you hit the barbed wire fence at the bottom.  Then back to the top for the next kid's go.   Best teacher I ever had, so much fun.

So many stories - and then I think the government brought in some legislation in the early 90s and the place had to clean itself up a TON.

[Fox Piss]

I suffered from hanging around with older kids for a period around 9/10/11. I'd say my parents were far too lenient letting my camp out and cause mayhem and watch the 14/15 year olds have sex in the tent. So I was bemused when i turned up to my parents at around 10 years old and said i'd need some beers for next time camping out and got a bollocking especially since my parents treat to me on a Friday night was 1 bottle off Cast Away or Hooch for 79p.

On the noncing front, i had a guy pull up next to me at a urinal and intensely stare at me whilst i took a piss in Leeds train station. I didn't think that much to it until i was waiting outside and saw him walking back and followed him in with friends to do the same thing. I reported him. 

Public restrooms must be the holy grail for nonces because when using a actually cubicle to piss in at a bus station there was a guy sliding the side wall back and forth watching me. I report this guy and the guys at the station are like "ohhh Bobby is back again."

 

[bAzTNM#1]

We had weird shit in my school (left in 1997) like some teacher getting baseball batted during lunch hour by an irate parent (didn't witness it) because he was teaching about Catholics in a Religious Education class. School was in Protestant area. Weird stuff like that would prob not happen now.

[Merzbow]

On 5/26/2018 at 7:23 PM, Keith Houchen said:

He should have used a fire extinguisher.

Have we had a bumming down a dark subway story yet?

 

No real dodgy stories from my school life, mainly as I skipped so much of it but I did witness this lad Rory calling our PE teacher a n****r and subsequently being chased down and thrown to the floor before being dragged away to the head, he seemed like the least likely kid to come out with anything like that and it was seemingly out of nowhere so no idea where it came from.

Oh and there was ginger Amy who'd just pipe up in class that you could feel her tits for 50p.