hallicks Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 16 minutes ago, Ralphy said: Hi, i have had my suspicions for a while, but i believe a lot of my issues stem from an undiagnosed condition on the ASD spectrum (aspergers). My gp does not take me seriously so i am trying other avenues As i am 35 it seems im not taken as seriously as a kid would be, and i am annoyed that if i am on the spectrum, why it wasn't picked up sooner i dont want to go into specific details as yet though There wasn't the support or wider understanding of it in the 80's/90's. If you were melting down/not coping with things at school, you were labelled as problematic or soft, there was zero interest from the school or teacher in digging any deeper. I think it's better now. I'm not pursuing a diagnosis for myself at the moment, though from learning about it due to my kid, it's pretty obvious to me that so many of the things I have struggled/do struggle with are because of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted November 17, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Ralphy said: bit of both, many things revert back to childhood and a few experiences i don't want go into for the time being. Its not just the ASD but the other conditions linked to it, pretty much everything that is or was "wrong" with me is linked. I have noticed similar patterns of behavior from my uncle on my mums side (i am very similar to him in behavior and the way i look) I know that this would be a break of habit for you but I implore you to take notice of @King Coconut and actually listen to the advice you are given for once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patiirc Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Ralphy said: bit of both, many things revert back to childhood and a few experiences i don't want go into for the time being. Its not just the ASD but the other conditions linked to it, pretty much everything that is or was "wrong" with me is linked. I have noticed similar patterns of behavior from my uncle on my mums side (i am very similar to him in behavior and the way i look) Ralphy. The road to find a disease, condition, illness or something else to fit your past and determine your future is a fruitless endeavour in so much that you are looking for something to define you as opposed to defining yourself. It appears that you are resting all hopes on diagnosis being a catch all. Last time I checked adult ASD diagnosis was taking somewhere between 3-5 years to conclude and even then the answer or non answer would lead to more questions. From working with what you have said here and elsewhere. Id certainly be looking at High functioning anxiety and then look at conselling especially around trauma and trauma blocking, which it seems to be repeating in a cyclical pattern. Journalling if you aren't maybe helpful as well as grief centred responses to your Ibs or digestive problems which could be seen as causality to be defined by illness and not as a person. Resilience, looking at how past traumas have affected your coping mechanisms maybe beneficial as well as establishing who you are and who you want to be. You are not the sum total of your conditions, your past or your traumas and working on you as opposed to try and define yourself by illness and malady maybe immensely beneficial. It's certainly something to think about as even if you were to be diagnosed with ASD it would not be the thing that defines you. Worth getting out the 'yellow pages' outor looking at projects such as Cruse, or No Panic or other things so you can start being Ralph first and living with conditions if diagnosed second. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael_3165 Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 I completely agree w the poster before me. There is a tendency to look for answers from psychiatrists but this almost always leads to no sense of resolution. In some ways it makes things trickier, esp if they say you haven't got anything 'wrong'. Psychiatry is fundamentally a subjective endeavour, so each clinician may have their own view of each case. They try to have some agreed upon standards for measuring a condition but there isn't any biological test for most conditions. I guess the question is what would a diagnosis do for you practically? Being curious isn't really enough, especially in the NHS. Many women arent diagnosed w autism and those w low level symptoms are also not picked up. Most services won't offer anything to help w autism unless it's massively impacting quality of life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PJ Power Posted November 18, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) I was diagnosed with an ASD as an adult a few years back. Some of the things I've learned from obtaining a formal diagnosis... 1. If you are applying for a government benefit like PIP or ESA, or some other form of discretionary grant from those with disabilities, this gives you a key focus on what your issues may be centred on though this will not be enough on its own, you'll need to explain how your ailment affects your life. but having a formal diagnosis is a good start. There are no guarantees however as to what benefits you may get. 2. Through your GP or a community mental health team, you may be referred to a specialist if your local health authority has someone or a team that co-ordinates help for adults with an ASD. As more whom have been diagnosed with an ASD as a child now reach 18+ years old, more authorities are now setting up such units. 3. You will often gain access to help with certain lifestyle & work activities through referral via an adult ASD team (or GP if such a unit doesn't exist locally). This will include independent living activities for those whom wish to live away from parents or whom have just started, to getting involved in volunteer or paid work positions, volunteering being the easiest of the two in which to get a foot into personal development. Sometimes depending on government or local funding, you may be invited to come and meet others with ASD in a specialist club or summer scheme that will normally be run by a charity that helps provide the things I've already mentioned in this paragraph. 4. Having such a formal diagnosis suddenly won't make your life better, but over time it'll help you understand yourself better not only for the future tense but also the past as well. If you're looking to get or stay into paid work, having a formal diagnosis can be both a help and a hindrance, sadly. It's estimated that only one in eight adults whom have been diagnosed with Asperger's or high-functioning autism are in full-time paid employment. Your best bet for employment would be within the public sector (in my experience) but in what role(s) would be a personal choice. Edited November 18, 2020 by PJ Power Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael_3165 Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 So glad it's worked well for you PJ. Our services are shocking locally.. Local MH team aren't interested, local authority will only deal w complex people... Shocking how different areas are so variable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 We got a new sofa today, been waiting about 3 years to get it and finally able to afford the one we wanted. 4 year old cried for about 2 hours and now won't go in the lounge. When we brought her to sit at the table for lunch she put her hands over her eyes the whole time so she didn't have to look at it. When we try and bring her in, she kicks off in the worst way I've ever seen. How can we help her adjust? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted November 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 21, 2020 1 hour ago, hallicks said: We got a new sofa today, been waiting about 3 years to get it and finally able to afford the one we wanted. 4 year old cried for about 2 hours and now won't go in the lounge. When we brought her to sit at the table for lunch she put her hands over her eyes the whole time so she didn't have to look at it. When we try and bring her in, she kicks off in the worst way I've ever seen. How can we help her adjust? Is it significantly different from the previous sofa? In terms of colour and material, especially? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members quote the raven Posted November 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 21, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, hallicks said: We got a new sofa today, been waiting about 3 years to get it and finally able to afford the one we wanted. 4 year old cried for about 2 hours and now won't go in the lounge. When we brought her to sit at the table for lunch she put her hands over her eyes the whole time so she didn't have to look at it. When we try and bring her in, she kicks off in the worst way I've ever seen. How can we help her adjust? The change is overwhelming her. I have seen people remove offending new items before. My son took a while to accept his bedroom being decorated. A few options depending on her understanding. You could try making a social story about why the old one had to go and the new one is better Using her fave food or toy to get her in the room is another slowly allowing her to accept the new norm. As with most of our guys and gals it’s going to take time sadly. Don’t be disheartened by it sooner or later the sofa will be accepted. Feel free to pm me if needed. Edited November 21, 2020 by quote the raven Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Devon Malcolm said: Is it significantly different from the previous sofa? In terms of colour and material, especially? Yeah it's a big change. Old one was a 2 seater, dark red. This is a big corner one for 4/5 people, blue/green. New ones probably a bit more taut in the material covering and more plush feeling to sit on as the old one was so battered. 55 minutes ago, quote the raven said: The change is overwhelming her. I have seen people remove offending new items before. My son took a while to accept his bedroom being decorated. A few options depending on her understanding. You could try making a social story about why the old one had to go and the new one is better Using her fave food or toy to get her in the room is another slowly allowing her to accept the new norm. As with most of our guys and gals it’s going to take time sadly. Don’t be disheartened by it sooner or later the sofa will be accepted. Feel free to pm me if needed. Thanks man, will give some of those a go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted November 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 21, 2020 17 minutes ago, hallicks said: Yeah it's a big change. Old one was a 2 seater, dark red. This is a big corner one for 4/5 people, blue/green. New ones probably a bit more taut in the material covering and more plush feeling to sit on as the old one was so battered. It's worth investigating exactly what it is about it that's upsetting her. It's almost certainly not material as her reaction was visual. It's never an easy process but you could narrow it down to colour, size and even the positioning of the sofa. Try putting a single chair where the old sofa was and see what her response is to that. Place a blanket or throw on the sofa that's the same colour as the old one. It's often a process of elimination, and you often have to jump throw all manner of seemingly daft hoops to get to the root of the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 21 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said: It's worth investigating exactly what it is about it that's upsetting her. It's almost certainly not material as her reaction was visual. It's never an easy process but you could narrow it down to colour, size and even the positioning of the sofa. Try putting a single chair where the old sofa was and see what her response is to that. Place a blanket or throw on the sofa that's the same colour as the old one. It's often a process of elimination, and you often have to jump throw all manner of seemingly daft hoops to get to the root of the problem. Thank you. Changing the position will be tricky, there's not space for it anywhere else. Will see if we can a throw in the old colour for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted November 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 21, 2020 Just now, hallicks said: Thank you. Changing the position will be tricky, there's not space for it anywhere else. Will see if we can a throw in the old colour for it. I wouldn't change the position. It's important to find the balance between conceding and challenging. You'll show this is a new thing in your home that she has to deal with but that you'll do what you can to help her live with it. Think of it as a 'sabotage' exercise. It's something my 12yo's teacher talks about a lot, how we help them to live with and tolerate change by changing something in their day to day life that they expect to be a certain way. Doesn't always work but the results are often surprising. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members quote the raven Posted November 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted November 21, 2020 What Devon is describing is spot on. A while back I’m out Sunday walk when my dog bumped into my son knocking him the mud. We turned to go hone and caused a meltdown. I had no idea he had clicked to way we go every week but needless to say not allowing him to carry on caused issues. For the next 2 months I went out of my way to take him different ways each time ending with asking him to point to which way he wants to go. The result is he is no longer set on his rails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted November 22, 2020 Share Posted November 22, 2020 She found the blue blanket that we'd had over the seat cushions on the old sofa, which I'd forgotten about. (After all of 2 hours in between getting rid of the old one and the new one arriving). She brought it over to us so we laid it on the new one. After a bit of encouragement, she sat on my wife's lap on it for about 5 minutes. Then a bit later with a bit more encouragement, she sat on it. She's been fine since and is sitting next to me on it right now. Thanks @Devon Malcolm and @quote the raven for your words yesterday. It seems silly now but it was such a massive downer and I was worried about her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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