Paid Members JNLister Posted February 10, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted February 10, 2017 As we know, ring names are just for show and to add a bit of glamour. But what if wrestler's entire ring names were literal descriptions? Who would become a great wrestler and who would flop? Â For example: Â Domino could only work spot shows. Â Rich Swann would be able to afford the best training but would be very vulnerable to neckbreakers. Â Drew Galloway would only be appealing to promoters around Dumfries, but he'd do great business for them. Â Randy Savage would have a lot of brute strength and aggression, but be easily distracted by valets. Â Apollo Crews would be hugely successful as he'd have the power of three men and be impervious to gravity. Â Roman Reigns would be champion for 1,500 years. Â El Gigante would have nothing to offer but being tall. (Erm...) Â Sin Cara could only work heel. Â Viktor would always win. Â Christian could never work PPVs. Â Rezar would blade. Â Pat Patterson would be suspended pending an internal investigation. Â Koko B Ware would win by throwing a mysterious brown powder. Â Red Berry would be the guy who stopped Georges Gordienko getting the NWA title. Â Flash Barker would work mainly in promotion. Â Jim Breaks would frequently take time off for extra training. Â Johnny Kidd would be Jack Sexsmith. Â Johnny Saint would tut his head at all the old wrestlers who get big child support bills. Â Steve Veidor would be able to carry anyone, but only on shows by the coast. Â Â Who else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted February 10, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted February 10, 2017 Big Van Vader would be a novelty vehicle at Star Wars conventions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted February 10, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted February 10, 2017 The Big Show would be a West end musical scored by Andrew Lloyd Webber, with Michael Ball playing the lead role. Â Dino Bravo would be a prehistoric creature that has a habit of applauding people. Â Alberto Del Rio would be a trader from Peckham and his seafaring uncle with a can of tropical fizz in one hand. Â Kelly Kelly would be Jimmy Two Times' goomah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted February 10, 2017 Awards Moderator Share Posted February 10, 2017 Baron Corbin would be the aristocratic black sheep of Jeremy's family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonworden Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 AJ Styles would be a famous hairdresser  Hunter Hears(e)t Helmsley would seek out people to kill for sport and the see them buried...oh wait it's 2003 again  Rob Van Dam would break into trucks and the then stash the loot in a hydro electric plant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d-d-d-dAz Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Doink The Clown. Wouldn't be interested in wrestling. Would only have sex with a particular clown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bicurious Dad Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Doink The Clown. Wouldn't be interested in wrestling. Would only have sex with a particular clown. So Noelle Foley then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pryko Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Tatanka would have a single tattoo and a Ford Ka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPumaPants Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 The Ultimate Warrior would be unbeatable, sent out by the US Army to do its bidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otto Dem Wanz Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Stu Hart would be a tender, slow cooked love muscle resting in a bowl of steaming gravy and root vegetables. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Stone Cold Steve Austin would be dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobra_gordo Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 The Miz would sing glitzy West End show tunes, be escorted to the ring by prostitutes and tag team with Jean Valjean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ambulance Chaser Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Steve Blackman would be, nah forget it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members eugenespeed Posted February 10, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted February 10, 2017 DDP would be the owner of a page from the script of Dallas, encrusted in Diamonds.  Joey Styles would be the ultimate hairdresser of Kangaroo offspring  Tommy Dreamer would always fantasise over British WW1 soldiers.  The Undertaker would be an annoying twat who always passes on the near side of motorways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted February 10, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted February 10, 2017 The Rock would frequently be being sucked off in Blackpool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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