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If ring names were literal


JNLister
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As we know, ring names are just for show and to add a bit of glamour. But what if wrestler's entire ring names were literal descriptions? Who would become a great wrestler and who would flop?

 

For example:

 

Domino could only work spot shows.

 

Rich Swann would be able to afford the best training but would be very vulnerable to neckbreakers.

 

Drew Galloway would only be appealing to promoters around Dumfries, but he'd do great business for them.

 

Randy Savage would have a lot of brute strength and aggression, but be easily distracted by valets.

 

Apollo Crews would be hugely successful as he'd have the power of three men and be impervious to gravity.

 

Roman Reigns would be champion for 1,500 years.

 

El Gigante would have nothing to offer but being tall. (Erm...)

 

Sin Cara could only work heel.

 

Viktor would always win.

 

Christian could never work PPVs.

 

Rezar would blade.

 

Pat Patterson would be suspended pending an internal investigation.

 

Koko B Ware would win by throwing a mysterious brown powder.

 

Red Berry would be the guy who stopped Georges Gordienko getting the NWA title.

 

Flash Barker would work mainly in promotion.

 

Jim Breaks would frequently take time off for extra training.

 

Johnny Kidd would be Jack Sexsmith.

 

Johnny Saint would tut his head at all the old wrestlers who get big child support bills.

 

Steve Veidor would be able to carry anyone, but only on shows by the coast.

 

 

Who else?

Edited by JNLister
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The Big Show would be a West end musical scored by Andrew Lloyd Webber, with Michael Ball playing the lead role.

 

Dino Bravo would be a prehistoric creature that has a habit of applauding people.

 

Alberto Del Rio would be a trader from Peckham and his seafaring uncle with a can of tropical fizz in one hand.

 

Kelly Kelly would be Jimmy Two Times' goomah.

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DDP would be the owner of a page from the script of Dallas, encrusted in Diamonds. 

 

Joey Styles would be the ultimate hairdresser of Kangaroo offspring 

 

Tommy Dreamer would always fantasise over British WW1 soldiers. 

 

The Undertaker would be an annoying twat who always passes on the near side of motorways. 

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