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Sergio Mendacious

Doomed anecdotal megathread #2

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Was discussing exactly that last night — realized that although I spent a long time at the seaside as a child, I love everything about seaside resorts except the beach. I like the sea, even, but it's either sandy and awful, or rocky and awful.

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I walked from Waterloo today to Monument then up to Tottenham Court Road, well Fitzrovia, and discovered that if you have time, then London is easily walkable to anywhere really.

 

Oh, definitely. My uni mates and I used to walk from Russell Square (Bloomsbury) through Tottenham Court Road (Fitzrovia) through Soho to Piccadilly (Mayfair) on a regular basis. Pretty easy. The Tube's only really for if you're in a hurry.

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Was discussing exactly that last night — realized that although I spent a long time at the seaside as a child, I love everything about seaside resorts except the beach. I like the sea, even, but it's either sandy and awful, or rocky and awful.

I also made the mistake of leaving my phone at home - thinking I could just chill without it - but I was bored as fuck sitting on a poxy deck chair. Sand everywhere. 

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British beaches feel weird now because there's always so few people on them. As a kid you'd teeter around people looking for a good spot to put your towels down. Now you just feel self conscious because the nearest person is 50 feet away and just stood with their arms folded.

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I just went to the shops and was propositioned by a fat, cracked out hooker on my road. Broad daylight.

A mate of mine is going through a bit of a bad patch at the moment and so has been a little self destructive recently (sofas, MDMA, etc.).

During a two week period where he was convinced he had AIDS, he was propositioned by a girl offering a blowjob for £20.

"Are you attracted to me?", he asked her.

"No", she replies.

"Well, I'm not particularly attracted to you either, so there's not really much in for either of us. I figured you must have fancied me at least a bit seeing as you were charging so little"

"I'm a crack whore" she explains.

"If I give you the £20 and we don't have sex, can I have some of your crack?" He asks.

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Had a sore throat/cough for 4 months now. 2 weeks of antibiotics never stopped it, hayfever tablets didn't really help. No fucking clue what it is. It's doing my head in.

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A while back at work a few people kept mentioning that a guy in our department had a band and that they were playing a gig soon, if I was up for it. I couldn't be arsed obviously, mostly because I'm an antisocial prick but also because I assumed they'd be shite. Turns out he's the ex-drummer for That Petrol Emotion and his current band are an off-shoot of that, with all the old Undertones lads. Still probably wouldn't have gone like, I mentioned what a miserable arse I am, but it's still noteworthy. 

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I just went to the shops and was propositioned by a fat, cracked out hooker on my road. Broad daylight. 2:30pm. I thought Tottenham was getting gentrified?!

 

I've not been propositioned by a female hooker for years now. Seem to be mostly male ones up here, for some bizarre reason. I imagine the female ones have went online now for their business.

Edited by bAzTNM#1

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The other day I managed to successfully do the 'knifey-spoony' routine from The Simpsons with someone who'd never seen the episode, but who somehow fed me exactly the right responses to each line. It was satisfying.

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Lol, how did you get yourself out of that? Where you standing at a bus stop for "longer than you should have"? My bros mate got pulled for that. Thought he was a right rent boy.

Edited by bAzTNM#1

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Fancy dress party, uni years, 2007. I had fantastic long girly hair, a running joke clean shaven on the face how I resembled a woman. So my lass flatmates decided I'd dress as that for the party. Went to meet our flatmate coming back from the offie and next to our halls was a notorious curb crawling area. Idiot me waited there.

 

How did I get out of it. Told them I wasn't a prostitute, I was a student. They sodded off and said 'have a good night love'. Bastards.

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I once got mistaken for a prostitute by the Police in Liverpool.

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"Does you's put out like?"

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