The Relationship Thread

[Wretch]

Nevermind

Edited January 12, 2016 by Wretch

[Slapnut]

Slap, the best thing to do when dealing with someone with depression is to listen and never judge. It's a situation that requires sympathy and not empathy.

 

I split up with my wife at the end of last year and I'm nowhere near over it. Then I got the sack on Christmas Eve (pending an appeal) On double dose meds and they knock me out. I've no energy but know that staying in my flat all day on my own isn't helping. Small steps and all that.

 

Great to read some positivity in here though, nice one fellas.

 

Yeah I agree, I would never judge her over it.  It's more about gaining understanding about her mindset at the moment, which I'll admit is probably an impossible task for somebody who has never suffered with depression.

 

Sorry to hear about you and your wife Keith, I hope you're up on your feet soon.

 

Hey Slapnut, any chance the over protective mum might be associating her daughters depression with you/your place and is putting pressure (passive aggressively) on her not to venture down there in the form of support? Might explain why she is a bit aloof about it.

 

There may be an element of that to it, but she's actually quite a selfish person so I think a lot of it involves having her baby daughter back in Essex.  Again, I know that's natural motherly instincts, but it wouldn't at all surprise me if she was putting her own needs and wants over her daughter's.

 

@Slapnut, I won't quote as it would be really long but regarding Dublin and you mentioning copious amounts of Guiness, obviously if she's on meds it's not a great idea. I mean I've been alright the few times I've done it but I've been taking it for near on 6 years.

 

If she's just started, I would suggest not letting her drink on them. Hope it all works out!

 

Yeah this entered my mind, but I asked her last night and it turns out she's not on anti-depressants.

[MrK]

I really hate talking about this but I need other peoples' perspectives on the situation. At the end of October my girlfriend came down with a bout of depression (eventually diagnosed as a dissociative disorder) and went to live back at her parents' in Essex. She wouldn't talk, cried a lot, panicked easily over small insignificant things, and generally became something of a recluse. She's had small bouts of this in the past which have only lasted a week or two, so I didn't think too much of it. 2 and a half months later and she's still there.

 

She's improved a fair bit since then, she's talking normally again and seems to be interacting with her family and friends up there, but she is flat-out refusing to come down and visit, saying that she doesn't feel comfortable being on a train or a bus on her own for an extended period of time. This would be understandable in a way, but we're going to Dublin on Saturday for the weekend (which I booked before she got depressed) and she's choosing to catch the train to Bristol airport on Saturday morning before the flight instead of Friday evening and spending the night at my place. She's citing the trains being much cheaper on Saturday morning for this, but I've checked and there's only £10 difference which, when you consider coming down Saturday morning risks missing the flight, doesn't seem like a lot to me. This is also without mentioning the fact you can get the Megabus for as low as a fiver.

 

We haven't exchanged Christmas presents yet because we haven't seen each other since before then, but I know she's got me something which takes place in Cardiff on Wednesday (the day after we get back from Dublin), but she's actually going through the fuss of either changing the date or seeing if anybody else can take her place in whatever the activity is because she doesn't want to be left alone in my house when I'm in work on Wednesday. My argument is that she needs to push herself to try and get better otherwise she's not going to improve.

 

I'm trying to approach the situation as delicate as I can because I know she can't help the way she feels, and I've never suffered with depression so I don't really know what it's like, but I can't help but feel there's more to the situation she's not telling me. I'd understand if she was completely shut in her house and not venturing outdoors, but in the past month she's been up to Crewe to watch a panto with some family members, into London with her friend to watch a play, and the other day she sent me a video of a Christmas party she was at in which she was in good spirits and dancing. It doesn't seem like she's struggling that much, certainly not so much that she has to avoid coming down to visit, but obviously I don't know what's going through her head so it's not fair of me to make that judgement.

 

Her mother isn't helping either. I've never known somebody to treat their 26 year-old child so....childishly. I know it's motherly instincts to protect your child and everything, but she genuinely treats her like a teenager to the point it can't be helpful. Plus, whenever I go up to visit and I do something that her mother doesn't agree with, something very small and insignificant like leaving to go home an hour earlier than she would like, she treats me like shit in the most passive-aggressive way you can imagine. Sometimes it's only small things, like giving me the cold shoulder or responding to my farewell with a simple "Ok bye" and then leaving the room. It's difficult to explain really.

 

I really just needed to get all this off my chest as it doesn't look like it's about to improve anytime soon, and I'm constantly saying things to her that probably come across as harsh, but I'm genuinely trying to be helpful. I don't suppose I really have much of a question except what are your thoughts on this? It'd be nice to hear other peoples' opinions.

Have you been to see her since she moved back in with her parents? And if so how was she? Adding up everything you've said, it sounds more like a relationship issue than a depression issue.

[patiirc]

@Slapnut, that's horrendous mate, the time apart can be soul destroying especially as you don't know what's wrong with her specifically aside from being depressed, if that makes sense. 

 

I hope Dublin works out for you two and that you are able to work things out. The lass I was first engaged to had severe and crippling depression and the amount of things that occurred because her head wasnt in the right place is not utterly dissimilar to what you are going through. She moved back to her parents for 6 months and aside from a mercy trip half way accross the country when she threatened to hurt herself, then she set about finding her self getting better and starting to go out.

 

Like your situation, her parents were overbearing and molly coddling her, but it was through misguided love and affection and hoping that that would solve the issue. Eventually, when tablets and counselling had started to kick in, she moved back up and into the house we shared and things were great.

 

Ultimately there were very different reasons for our eventual break up, but it can be done. 

 

Just talking and being there is a very good thing to do in these situations. Keep yourself busy too.

 

@Felatio Lips. Congrats, I hope the move goes well. Bollocks to the ney sayers. known a few people move in after a short time, indeed been there myself and things just work. Good luck.

 

 

 

Christ I've become a slapper since starting to change, I have attracted my own male sub, i'm not sure what to do with, he is properly devoted and really has stepped up his game to impress 'his mistress'. I dont want to hurt the guy as he is really sweet, but it's very very weird and he is very clingy. How do I let him down gently?

 

I went on a date on Sunday as me with a lass, who knew me as 'Pat' and now as 'Patricia', she's very keen and we are going on another date, well I'm going to hers on Friday for some fun.

 

However, I'm having trouble shaking off the most recent ex. It was abusive and narcissist and wrong for me, however I cannot let it go nor die. I'm moving on, but ultimately I still care/love them. Is ploughing forward regardless going to change that? or should I take a step back and work it out properly?

 

New lass, is older  (by 4 years), stable, cute, funny, caring and we get on like a house on fire. She is stable, has no MH issues, and share similar outlooks. She hasnt been out with a girl/TG before though and im wary that may cause issues going forward, but dont want it to spoil anything that may happen going forwards. Heck I'm even keeping anxious attachment in check too.

 

Ideas?

[Sergio Mendacious]

How do I let him down gently?

 

I'm guessing he's not a footlong sub?

[patiirc]

 

How do I let him down gently?

 

I'm guessing he's not a footlong sub?

 

 

Nearly     

[Scott Malbranque]

Pat, your posts never fail to absolutely astound and/or intrigue me! It's like if David Lynch turned his hand to Eastenders.

 

And I mean that without jape or condescension, boss.

[Chest Rockwell]

Fucking hell pat, I thought you were supposed to be on a ban from relationships for a while? You're incapable of not being in one. Mess about and have some fun by all means, but stop getting into proper relationships until you've sorted your own shit out!

[Sergio Mendacious]

Chest is right — you need to get your own junk in order before you move on to handling someone else’s.

[Scott Malbranque]

What's a sub?

[PunkStep]

What's a sub?

 

Edited January 13, 2016 by PunkStep

[Linus]

 

What's a sub?

 

 

 

Tsk, damn millenials...

 

[Sergio Mendacious]

David Fairclough

 

EDIT — Boo.

Edited January 13, 2016 by Bill Diarrhea

[Keith Houchen]

Branquefurter. A sub is the opposite of a Dom in a domination type thing.

 

My doctor phoned me the other day as she was worried about my state of mind. Today I had a meeting with the mental health unit that she referred me to. During the meeting it twigged that it was to see if I was to be sectioned. Thankfully I'm doing better than the need to be sectioned so they're arranging a program of rehab and therapy to keep me off the booze, self medicating and then wanting to die.

 

Feels really good as it goes, I thought doctors only did shit like that on that daytime soap about Doctors who visit people when not being a Doctor with the other Doctors. I think it's called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down"

[Scott Malbranque]

Well played, Brewster and Linii/Plops and thank you as always, Houchey Koo!!

So essentially, and quite possibly, Pat could be standing on some gimp masked and/or nappy clad chaps' Baxters in a pair of stilettos while brandishing a fire poker or whip?

 

Feels really good as it goes, I thought doctors only did shit like that on that daytime soap about Doctors who visit people when not being a Doctor with the other Doctors. I think it's called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down"

 

As always, your fucking majestic sense of humour still prevails and spits in the face of your own adversity, boss!

I had no idea things were that bad, where there was a sanction being mooted about but man, I really hope and pray you get back on your feet soon. I have no doubt that you will though! Your character is far too strong to be kept down for long!!

 

Man, I've no problems saying this on the open here, but you know if you're ever in Dublin you always have a place to stay in my kennel and chill out for a few days where we can dance like it was 2005 again! I mean that!

Edited January 13, 2016 by Scott Malbranque