Whiskey_Jim Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Was the Bryan/Punk vs Wyatts feud a last-minute decision? If it was planned, then it seems stupid to have had Harper and Rowan lose to the Rhodes brothers and Usos in the weeks before this rivalry started. It was only on Smackdown and nobody remembers those matches, but still. It seems like WWE lost interest in the Wyatts, then Hell in a Cell finished and someone got flustered that there was nothing for Punk or Bryan going forward. I don't think so, as much as I like them they are there to take the heat for Bray so they can build the fued without Bray having to get his hands dirty til PPV. Harper and Rowan will spend the majority of the feud getting their arses handed to them until Bray fights one or both of Punk and Bryan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forrest Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I'm not very well, and I'm quite bored, so I decided to watch the first episode of Portland Wrestling Uncut, which is available and review. I'm not very good at this recapping lark, and there's no screencaps, but I wanted to post it anyway. First thing's first, this is a reboot of Portland Wrestling, the longest running Wrestling TV show ever that ran for 36 years before closing in 1991. I have never watched Portland before in my life. This is filmed in a TV studio, and I count approximately 27 people in the one side of the studio that has fans. I can't tell whether there's only one stand because they couldn't fit any more stands in the studio, or because they couldn't get enough people to fill them. It has a very Jerry Springer vibe to it, if I'm honest. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, I love Jerry Springer myself.  Big Ugly vs. Patrick Large We start with Big Ugly in the ring. Patrick Large is shown backstage in the dressing room and "Large" has to be an ironic surname, he's not large at all. He's asked how he feels about taking on a man nearly twice his size. Patrick doesn't seem to have gotten the memo, Big Ugly is exactly what he says on the tin. Patrick looks like he's just been asked to remove some asbestos or something and begs for a minute to get his head straight, but he's thrown out onto the stage and meekly makes his way to the ring. Big Ugly beats the living shit out of him and makes covers at least three/four times, pulling Patrick up for more punishment. The match ends after maybe two minutes max, with Roddy Piper coming to the ring and battering Big Ugly with a trouser belt, forcing the referee to call for a DQ. Piper grabs a mic and starts ranting about how he hates bullies and that Portland Wrestling made legends like Mad Dog Vachon, Piper says he loves Portland and puts over that the guys in the back are trying to feed their families and that they just need a chance. He starts chopping Large and telling that he isn't a quitter and that Patrick isn't either. I enjoyed the backstage antics with Large, but Big Ugly really didn't get a chance to put over what he was about before Piper battered him away. Piper introducing himself as the boss was interesting, but it wasn't the freshest of material. "Big Ugly is a great name for you because you are Big and Ugly",  We see a flashback to 1990 with another Piper promo, before he rips the mask and wig off of someone whose name I didn't catch that then runs away. Piper tells him he has to turn up "next week" sans mask and wig. Fast-forward to the present day and we see another Portland legend The Grappler who asks why the hell Piper is getting vintage clips shown and he's not. The host mentions that not only will they be showing clips of Piper and the Grappler, but they'll be showing highlights from lots of other legendary names but he urges The Grappler to stay tuned because the guys in the next match are really going to impress them. We then get another vignette of Piper telling us about how great Portland Wrestling used to be, but it was replaced by Sports Entertainment and now he is bringing real wrestling back. He says there will be no frills, no pyrotechnics, no celebrities, just pure wrestling. As he says this, we go to a second commercial break with a grand total of 90 seconds of wrestling in 13 minutes of this show.  Bubba Blanchard vs. Thunder Bubba Blanchard, no relation of Tully, is a generic lardo heel with a Victorian swimming costume and a neckbeard. He does a face and a dance to the referee. Thunder has long hair and a bandana and gives a kid in the audience his sunglasses ala Bret Hart to a pop. He reminds me of Van Hammer. "Mean" Mike Miller, a Portland original, joins us in the commentary booth. This seems to be a powerhouse battle, with the opening lock-ups resulting in a stalemate. Blanchard talks smack and we approach the minute mark before the first move, a forearm, even connects. One thing that's noticeable is that none of the talent are particularly trained in TV wrestling. The referee blocks the camera a few times. Mean Mike is going on about his daughter that he hasn't seen in about 25 years. After a trade of forearms, Thunder locks on a headlock but actually loses grip in his fingers and has to reapply it. Blanchard tries to back suplex out of it, but Thunder manages to keep the move locked on. A second back suplex finally breaks the hold, but we go back to the forearms. A bodyslam gets a nearfall for Thunder, and we get ANOTHER headlock! Blanchard elbows free and dodges a clothesline, before hitting a German Suplex. Thunder gets back up and is hit with a T-bone suplex. Thunder looks like he's about to get a second wind, but ends up going back to the dull forearms. They go into the corner, Blanchard takes momentum and shoves the referee away, only for Thunder to hit him with MORE FOREARMS! A few of these shots from both men don't even connect. The referee tries to stop Thunder and gets pushed away by him too! All out slugging sees the referee try to step in again, only for both men to push him away! This match is thrown out as a no contest. Jesus christ! 2 DQ finishes out of 2! They genuinely keep hitting each other with with clubbing forearms until Blanchard gets bored and just leaves. Security consisting of one referee comes down but it's too late. Thunder leaves the ring like he's just lost to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, collapsing to the mat and rolling out. Blanchard could at least do a decent suplex, but Thunder is just intolerably bad, with his arsenal consisting of forearms and a headlock. He is just the most useless of rockstar bandana babyfaces, and that's saying something.  Piper comes out with a woman on his arm. It's Mike Miller's daughter! She's not seen her dad for twenty-seven years. It's a reunion worthy of Surprise Surprise! Miller ruins this by shouting "YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING!" when he isn't supposed to know where the hell she's been the last two and a half decades. The daughter looks like she lives across the road from them and is just stopping in with an anniversary present on the way to a girl's night out. Meng levels of no selling for this tearful reconciliation. The crowd doesn't pop at all. Roddy Piper pervs on the daughter. This is really bad. Speaking of fathers, we go backstage to see UNDEFEATED MMA STAR Colt Toombes, son of Rowdy Roddy Piper, training to get ready for his debut. We see footage of father and son at a ceremony for the top 20 Madison Square Garden moments, with a red carpet interview where both father and son say they could take the other in a fight.  Colt Toombes vs. "Gentleman" George Michael Yes, that actually is his name. The Gentleman is wearing John Lennon sunglasses and the most repulsive long jacket I have ever seen with a massive Union Jack on it and his entrance is God Save The Queen. He looks at least 45/50 years old and totally shatters the illusion of being a British gentleman before the bell even rings by getting into an argument with someone in the crowd and bellowing in the thickest Portland accent ever. He says he shouldn't have to face this rookie before turning round, being hit with a forearm and pinned 1-2-3. This match couldn't have went any longer than five seconds. It's so quick, the crowd don't even notice. Michael is fuming and tells him to come back here and restart the match, only for Colt to clock him down again and walk away. Piper hugs his son as if he's won the FA Cup.  We go backstage as Michael flops about into some chairs and says Toombs tried to break his jaw. The interviewer turns to his next subject, Exile. Exile is a big guy, like a mix between someone from a local MMA fed and Hernandez. He is wearing a pair of Samoa Joe's shorts that have been left in the lost-and-found bin. They ask what they can expect from his match, to which Exile replies "Pain. Lots of pain." but the technicians forget to lower the background music, so his one line is drowned out by terrible generic nu-metal.  Exile vs. Eric Right Eric Right seems to be throwing up into a bucket backstage until Piper tells him it's time to go on. Right puts on an ill-fitting Playboy robe and seems to be playing a spoilt celebrity/model role. He looks like Joey Ryan after a critical illness. Right tries to throw his robe in Exile's face AND BOTCHES IT. This is a typical squash, with Exile doing all the spots you expect from a monster with no charisma. Gorilla press, delayed suplex and a powerbomb. Right gets in way too much offense for someone being squashed, using eye rakes and such to look vaguely competitive. Exile hits a lowblow, despite having a considerable size advantage and being the face. Exile is plain unsafe in the ring. The first powerbomb spot looked he was going to drop Right on his neck and kill him, then he went for it again, this time with a TRIPLE powerbomb for the win. Uncomfortable viewing trying to watch him do it three times in a row.  We get an interview with Jeremy Blanchard, the brother of Bubba from earlier . He is asked if he is wary of possibly coming up against his brother Bubba in the Pacific Northwest heavyweight title tournament, but he says they've fought all their lives so it won't make a difference if they get paired together. He says he'd fight his own mum to get his hands on the title. He walk away and Daivari comes up to the interviewer and says that he's been on Raw and in Madison Square Garden and that Portland Wrestling Uncut has a pretty special deal here. Piper sticks his head into shot and acts like Scooby Doo having just seen a ghost, because it's apparently in his contract that he has to be in every second segment.  Jeremy Blanchard vs. Wade "By God" Hess Right, I'm really confused. Hess seems to be in the same stable as Thunder from earlier as they're both wearing shirts with "Illuminati" on them, but he's playing the heel as opposed to the face Thunder was trying to portray earlier. Similarly, Jeremy seems to be the face, despite being in an active tag team with his brother Bubba who played the heel about 20 minutes ago. Daivari comes out to commentary. This is a tournament match to crown a Heavyweight champion. There is nothing of note for much of this match, with the commentators spending most of it hyping up the company lineage. There is one woman in the crowd who just continuously trash talks through the whole match, and it's really annoying. I don't think these two hit a single original move or show an ounce of personality between them. They play the wrong face-heel roles, with Blanchard dancing about before turning into a heel, while Hess acts like a snobbish prick before getting the crowd behind him and then cheating for the finish. Blanchard gets a pin with a German Suplex, but because all four shoulders are down, the referee restarts the match and Hess rolls him up with a handful of tights for the 1-2-3. Daivari leaves the booth and complains to the ref, who says his decision is final. Daivari raises Blanchard's arm then wallops him with a clothesline to turn heel... on a man who has played most of the match as a heel.  Daivari goes backstage, grabs the interviewer and cuts a promo half in English, half in Persian saying that the roster sucks and there is no competition. Exile pins him to the wall and tells him that the competition stands in front of him, Piper puts on a really offensive impression of a Muslim cleric and then books Daivari vs. Exile next week and slaps Daivari in the face. We go off the air with the lingering threat of Daivari breaking his neck in the ring next week.  Despite it's many, many drawbacks, I still think the idea has legs. I love TV studio wrestling and if they could just get into a rhythm with a couple of decent workers, this would be great. That said, bagging on sports entertainment and proclaiming the return of real wrestling, and then giving us two consecutive DQ finishes, a match that lasts 3 seconds, a squash too competitive to even get the monster over, a main event where neither man knows who is meant to be playing the face and six segments featuring Roddy Piper, a non-wrestler, does not inspire me to continue watching this. I appreciate this is just designed as low-cost filler for a local TV station, and I can look past the Poundland setup, but when you're fucking up so many of the basics, it is hard to put your faith in it. Hopefully it gets better with time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Butternut Squash Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 (edited) We see a flashback to 1990 with another Piper promo, before he rips the mask and wig off of someone whose name I didn't catch that then runs away. Â That was 1980. The bloke in the wig was Buddy Rose, the biggest draw in the territory's history and generally awesome wrestler (and current avatar of choice). Â Nice one for watching and reviewing that, can't have been easy. Edited November 15, 2013 by Mr Butternut Squash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C-Rock Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 I didn't realise that Tony Chimel was the guy who received the Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels during the WM12 Iron Man Match and that he's worked for WWE since 1991, that's got to make him one of the longest WWE employees, he also has a son named Marrella after the late referee Joey Marella. Â Yes I have just read his wikipedia...wow I really need to start doing more on my Saturday nights lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted November 16, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 16, 2013 (edited) Regarding Forrest's excellent "Portland Wrestling" review, I give you "Gentleman" George Michael.. Â Edited November 16, 2013 by bAzTNM#1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ant Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 I didn't realise that Tony Chimel was the guy who received the Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels during the WM12 Iron Man Match and that he's worked for WWE since 1991, that's got to make him one of the longest WWE employees, he also has a son named Marrella after the late referee Joey Marella. Yes I have just read his wikipedia...wow I really need to start doing more on my Saturday nights lol  I'm not saying Wikipedia is wrong but I'm sure he's worked for the Fed since the 80's as ring crew then went onto announcing house shows late 80's or early 90's.  One of his first tv appearances must be UK Rampage 1993. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members JNLister Posted November 16, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 16, 2013 At a CSF show in Weston-super-Mare tonight. There was a wedding reception in the other room at the venue. I'm assuming someone put a lot of money behind the bar because some old sixty-something guy at the wedding decided it would be a great idea to change into a lime green mankini, come into the wrestling room and then run into the ring just as a match was about to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted November 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) I hope they laid the boots to him when he jumped in the ring for trying to be wacky? Would be bloody hilarious. Edited November 17, 2013 by bAzTNM#1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 They would probably have had their heads kicked in if they had. Considering that old man's entire family was probably pissed up and next door Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NEWM Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Just waiting to take off on a flight to the US and spotted William Regal in first class when we were boarding. Tweeted him about it attempting not to sound like a mad stalker and he tweeted me back a nice joke at the expense of the pilot, so we're basically best friends now, yeah? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members JNLister Posted November 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 17, 2013 They would probably have had their heads kicked in if they had. Considering that old man's entire family was probably pissed up and next door  Most of the wedding party was stood in the doorway. He didn't get punched, but was chased out of the ring and then a couple of the wrestlers threw him across the floor into a chair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Maverick Posted November 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 17, 2013 Regarding Forrest's excellent "Portland Wrestling" review, I give you "Gentleman" George Michael.. Who knew Surf Digby worked Portland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted November 17, 2013 Moderators Share Posted November 17, 2013 Flatliner's a classy guy. Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted November 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 17, 2013 Flatliner just has an old school mentality. A lot of blokes in their mid-60s think like he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Nick Soapdish Posted November 17, 2013 Paid Members Share Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) Flatliner's a classy guy.  Whilst I think Bagga is a cunt, and the rest of the tweet is true, there is no need for the P word.        No, not Promoter Edited November 17, 2013 by Nick Soapdish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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