Wrestlers who are just shit

[air_raid]

These cunts.

 

 

Christ, yes. Looking back, I realize the gimmick and "zany" antics were designed to appeal to small children, and am tempted to forgive them, but then I remember they were in their WWF "prime" (if that's the right world) when I was a small child myself and I hated them even then. Like most things described as "zany" maybe I just don't get it, and years from now someone will explain it to me, and I'll realize what I've been missing out on and learn to enjoy Luke & Butch on some level. Hopefully they explain Noel Fielding while they're at it.

 

This thread starts and ends with Virgil.

 

Oh lord!

 

His angle with DiBiasi (no matter how much a hand DiBiasi played) exonerates him.

 

This is pretty much how I feel. The uprising of Virgil at Royal Rumble 1991 (crikey, I love that show) was a brilliant bit of emotional storytelling. I like to think they booked the WrestleMania VII meeting to be a minor damp squib on purpose because they knew what ever happened in that arc would be overwhelmed by RANDY AND LIZ!! and so kept the blow off until SummerSlam, which was another great piece of work. Yes, the involvment of two masters like Ted DiBiase in the ring and the verbals of Roddy Piper almost made it a "can't miss," but Virg still had to play his role. For that alone, I can't commit to him being shit.

 

Mark Henry for me.

 

I'll be hiding under the table, I don't want hit by flying plunder.

 

Mideon. I'm not a work rate pervert by any means but this guy was well and truely shit in the ring. He had a shit look and I just can't say there was anything I liked about him.

 

I'm in that camp too. In theory, psychotic Deliverance-style Godwinns should have been slightly interesting, but I have only one fond memory of the entire run of big Dennis (and HOG/Canterbury for that matter) and that was referring to Uncle Cletus as "Uncle Clitoris" every time they were on screen during the heel run, and my best mate Tom taking that nickname home with him, despite not knowing what it meant, and his old man having to explain to him what a clitoris was when he overheard Tom use it. Dipstick. We were 15, in case you're wondering.

 

Utter, utter crap. No matter what character from Johnny B Badd to the Wildman to the boxer with no gloves he was shit.

 

In fairness while there was something about his appearance and mannerisms I didn't take to, I actually thought he had a few good matches as Badd and as the Wildman, and I really dug the no-nonsense boxer character he portrayed for about a month upon return from injury until he started acting goofy and named himself "Marvelous." I still marked out when he brought back the Shooting Star press mind, and thought "Marvelocity" was a reasonably clever name for it.

 

Even as a 14 year old I though Sable was rough as fuck too.

 

I'll agree with this statement if in a subsequent reply you reveal yourself to be 15.

 

Sid.

 

Fucking hell. Good job no-one's carrying any sharp metal.

 

Yeah, from bell to bell Sid will make no one's top ten for execution of DA MOVEZ due to his limited moveset, but he didnt NEED to have much of a repertoire. He was 6'9'' and build like a beast, so he wrestled like it. For plenty of us (myself included) the potrayal of Sids character/persona was strong enough that his matches were interesting to see if his opponent could get around his incredible physical attributes. OK, its easy to assemble something watchable opposite a universally-lauded great wrestler or hard worker like Shawn, Bret, Owen, Mick Foley or Vader, but I loved some of his matches with Smithers, Razor Ramon, Marty Jannetty and others. And I fucking loved him in squashes. I mostly classify how good I think a pro wrestler is purely by their ability to make me care about the match, so by that criteria I definitely can't call Sid "shit."

 

The Miz.

 

I love the Miz, although admittedly I have clutched on tight to memories of the sparse moments when he's genuinely been presented as a big deal - or at least come off like one - and this bias might be blinding me to whether he actually is that good or not. He was so important to getting Daniel Bryan over in 2010, it's not even funny, and when the crowd went molten furious at him for interrupting "Angry Miz Girl" accepting her Slammy, I thought we'd found the next great heel. I still watch Raw wondering what he's going to do next, although I don't know if he'll ever be a consistent main eventer, but I care enough to watch him, so I can't call him shit.

 

How the hell can we be this far in and this bag of dicks not being mentioned...

 

I enjoyed his debut, and I enjoyed the Wildcard match that he was in, but yeah, mostly Ahmed was shit.

 

 

I'm going to get slated by one or two of my heroes, but I never took to Hardcore Holly in any of his guises. At the time he became "Hardcore" and apparently had some decent hardcore matches, in comparison to Stone Cold, The Rock, DX etc he was so fucking dull, I didnt care about any matches he was in, I was just dying for them to end. And I never grew to give a shit about anything he was doing, ever. I viewed the attempt at making him into a short-term main eventer in late 2003-early 2004 completely risible and thought they were scraping the bottom of the barrel so badly, I nearly stopped watching WWE. Thankfully Charlie Manson won the Royal Rumble the night Lesnar put Spark Plugg in his place, so I carried on watching, as I was a SHAMELESS WORKRATE PERVERT at the time, and seeing Benny brandishing the Big Gold Belt (off WcW innit) made me feel "this is better than what I imagine sex is like" and I carried on watching.

 

Oh, and Public Enemy.

[Reznor]

This is pretty much how I feel. The uprising of Virgil at Royal Rumble 1991 (crikey, I love that show) was a brilliant bit of emotional storytelling. I like to think they booked the WrestleMania VII meeting to be a minor damp squib on purpose because they knew what ever happened in that arc would be overwhelmed by RANDY AND LIZ!! and so kept the blow off until SummerSlam, which was another great piece of work. Yes, the involvment of two masters like Ted DiBiase in the ring and the verbals of Roddy Piper almost made it a "can't miss," but Virg still had to play his role. For that alone, I can't commit to him being shit.

Oh he was shit alright. Every shitarse has a moment where a great has miraculously dragged something good out of him. Summerslam was Virgils 15 minutes, thanks to Dibiase, Piper and clever booking which involved Virgil doing as little as possible. It was never to be repeated because he was shit.

 

He got over in 1991 because he was a slave who'd risen up and stuck it to the master. That was a can't fail scenario. Unfortunately for him and for the viewers who had to suffer him, it soon became apparent that Virgil couldn't wrestle worth a fuck, had no personality and absolutely no redeeming qualities about him whatsoever. He was bland, looked like he'd need surgery to change the expression on his face which made him look like Cook from Commando, and he couldn't even hit simple moves right without nearly giving the game away. All combined, it wasn't hard to see how he was eventually demoted to the Jumpin' Jim/Jimmy Powers WWF role. In keeping with the common theme, his music was also shit.

 

In conclusion, fuck Virgil - the shit.

[WWFChilli]

This is pretty much how I feel. The uprising of Virgil at Royal Rumble 1991 (crikey, I love that show) was a brilliant bit of emotional storytelling. I like to think they booked the WrestleMania VII meeting to be a minor damp squib on purpose because they knew what ever happened in that arc would be overwhelmed by RANDY AND LIZ!! and so kept the blow off until SummerSlam, which was another great piece of work. Yes, the involvment of two masters like Ted DiBiase in the ring and the verbals of Roddy Piper almost made it a "can't miss," but Virg still had to play his role. For that alone, I can't commit to him being shit.

Oh he was shit alright. Every shitarse has a moment where a great has miraculously dragged something good out of him. Summerslam was Virgils 15 minutes, thanks to Dibiase, Piper and clever booking which involved Virgil doing as little as possible. It was never to be repeated because he was shit.

 

He got over in 1991 because he was a slave who'd risen up and stuck it to the master. That was a can't fail scenario. Unfortunately for him and for the viewers who had to suffer him, it soon became apparent that Virgil couldn't wrestle worth a fuck, had no personality and absolutely no redeeming qualities about him whatsoever. He was bland, looked like he'd need surgery to change the expression on his face which made him look like Cook from Commando, and he couldn't even hit simple moves right without nearly giving the game away. All combined, it wasn't hard to see how he was eventually demoted to the Jumpin' Jim/Jimmy Powers WWF role. In keeping with the common theme, his music was also shit.

 

In conclusion, fuck Virgil - the shit.

 

You'd think Virgil had ya ma at that outburst

[EdgarTheSlouch]

[Fox Piss]

 

His top 50 material.

[Van Dammer]

The Miz.

 

I just can't get over the fact that he looks like a teenage boy with a wicked suntan. I find it incredibly hard to take him seriously when he's trying to act all psychopathic as he was recently. He may be a decent hand in ring, but I can't get over the way he looks. He's more like problem child.

 

 

What. A. Film(s?).

[Big Jock Knew]

I enjoyed writing the hatchet job I did on Chavo earlier on, so I'll have another go.

 

 

Was less of a fuck ever given about a "WWE Superstar"? I said that Chavo Guerrero was quite often met with groans. I could list quite a few wrestlers over the years who are without fail met with this reaction, and so could you. Lots of them are in this thread. However, groans suggest that you, at some level, are at least conscious of the imminent shiteness about to hit your screen. Jinder Mahal is met with funereal silence every time he enters because NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE FUCK HE IS.

 

Wikipedia reliably informs me that Jinder Mahal made his full WWE debut on an episode of SmackDown! on 29th April 2011. Now, when you think about it, that is not far off a year. A YEAR?! Time flies, but not to the extent. Fast forward to 29th January 2012 at the Royal Rumble where he entered at #14, lasting 1:17 before being eliminated by the returning Great Khali (who, incidentally, not many people cared about either). You could have heard a pin drop. Nobody is familiar with his music. Nobody really knows what his gimmick is without Michael Cole prompting your memory. At best, he's known for being squashed by Sheamus a couple of time on Raw. The energy-seeping apathy with which Jinder Mahal inspires is surely an indicator that nobody watches SmackDown! anymore. A crying shame because I have a great love for the blue brand, but characters like him, the incredibly synthetic/dull atmosphere that surrounds the taping of the show and my nocturnal drinking habits of a Friday evening mean that it's very easy to miss SD! and not feel that bad about it. What happens on SD! anymore? You get some decent extended wrestling on it but what's the point if everyone is so bland or stale? This has turned into a bit of a tangent about SmackDown!'s failings but the bigger point I'm trying to make is that the likes of Mahal don't help matters.

 

Concerning Mahal himself, there may be hope for him yet in that he is young and seems to be fairly capable in the ring. But his gimmick is shit, nobody gives a fuck.

[PunkStep]

Sorry to go all Fin Martin, but I noticed this watching Raw (no spoiler, because you can pick out any episode), that EVERYONE is wearing the same shit these days?

Funny you mention this, because when I was watching this years' Royal Rumble match I noticed the same thing, as well as the fact most people have shit generic names. Nobody has character, in comparison to the previous decades. Some may say that it's because times have changed etc, but I say bullshit. A 'Ravishing' Rick Rude and a Jake 'The Snake' Roberts could definitely work today- the whole package- name, attire, style, even the filthy tache. I think going too deep into the cartoon era (such as Duke the Dumpster Drosse etc) won't come off now, but christ the roster is crying for a bit of character. Everyone is the same, and it's dull. This isn't UFC, it's WWE- they're meant to be characters and they're meant to be unique. 'Funkasaurus' Brodus Clay is a good start, I will say.

 

Most of the wrestlers names today don't tell me shit. When a casual would first hear the name the 'Ultimate Warrior', they knew they'd see something interesting. Does a casual feel the same when they see most of the names around today? No.

 

I think it really hit me when I looked at the first five Rumble entrants:

 

Alex Riley- generic name, wearing trunks

Cody Rhodes- generic name, wearing trunks

Justin Gabriel- generic name, wearing trunks

The Miz- at least he has a 'different' name, but still wearing trunks

R-Truth- Aha! Somebody with something a bit different!

[Cobra1000]

Sorry to go all Fin Martin, but I noticed this watching Raw (no spoiler, because you can pick out any episode), that EVERYONE is wearing the same shit these days?

Funny you mention this, because when I was watching this years' Royal Rumble match I noticed the same thing, as well as the fact most people have shit generic names. Nobody has character, in comparison to the previous decades. Some may say that it's because times have changed etc, but I say bullshit. A 'Ravishing' Rick Rude and a Jake 'The Snake' Roberts could definitely work today- the whole package- name, attire, style, even the filthy tache. I think going too deep into the cartoon era (such as Duke the Dumpster Drosse etc) won't come off now, but christ the roster is crying for a bit of character. Everyone is the same, and it's dull. This isn't UFC, it's WWE- they're meant to be characters and they're meant to be unique. 'Funkasaurus' Brodus Clay is a good start, I will say.

 

Most of the wrestlers names today don't tell me shit. When a casual would first hear the name the 'Ultimate Warrior', they knew they'd see something interesting. Does a casual feel the same when they see most of the names around today? No.

 

I think it really hit me when I looked at the first five Rumble entrants:

 

Alex Riley- generic name, wearing trunks

Cody Rhodes- generic name, wearing trunks

Justin Gabriel- generic name, wearing trunks

The Miz- at least he has a 'different' name, but still wearing trunks

R-Truth- Aha! Somebody with something a bit different!

 

Def. I think everyone could wear black trucks, but if they had a bit of personality and character they'd stand out from each other. The generic create a wrestler names definitely don't help anyone. Nobody really sounds 'cool' these days do they? The names all sound like someone trying to hard to make someone have a cool sounding name. There is also the problem of wwe not really caring about the undercard and all the start stop pushes some guys receive.

[King Pitcos]

Concerning Mahal himself, there may be hope for him yet in that he is young and seems to be fairly capable in the ring. But his gimmick is shit, nobody gives a fuck.

He was a bit fucked right from the off. For starters, his gimmick is Alberto Del Rio with nowhere near as much effort put in. It's a total non-starter when Del Rio himself only debuted about six months earlier, and with a million bells and whistles that say "this is how to do an aristocrat gimmick" and "this guy's one to watch." In comparison, Jinder might as well have been an NXT rookie.

 

Then Mahal's introductory storyline was the thing where he was blackmailing Khali. It was very poorly explained, didn't really make any sense, and poor, retarded Khali didn't seem to have a clue what was going on. Since then, JM has done fuck all except have 45905749850 meaningless matches with Ted DiBiase and get squashed by Sheamus 32049584904 times, none of which did anything for anyone except develop the Sheamus-Barrett rivalry that was summarily dropped for Orton's return anyway.

 

The writing really hasn't helped him. But he has to take some of the blame as well. He's had a shitload of airtime now, more than enough to stand out somehow. But he has been as forgettable as a generic NXT rookie the whole time.

[HarmonicGenerator]

It took me several seconds after seeing his picture to even remember who he was, which is either because I should be asleep at the moment or because he's totally and utterly unmemorable.

[Big Jock Knew]

I agree with most of the sentiment of your post but it does lead me once again to consider the state SmackDown! is in. You mention Mahal, Barrett and DiBiase - all relatively young guys who have been given an opportunity. Ted has been unfortunately hamstrung with the most appalling entrance music, but it has to be said: measures were put in place to push him several times. It's inconceivable that he will ever get over.

 

Barrett is a bit of a tragedy. In 2010, there was a real opportunity for him to become the next super-heel of this generation. When he was the leader of The Nexus, audiences cared about him and he did have a vibe of "wow, this guy is a real dick who is probably here to stay". The stable worked, even though it had the likes of Heath Slater in it. You didn't even really mind the fact that this ginger bellend was getting so much TV time because the Nexus was a decent angle. They ought to have pulled the trigger on Barrett at Survivor Series.

 

I was considering actually doing a separate post about Barrett himself but I was one of his biggest advocates when he was leading The Nexus so I feel it would be a bit unfair to do a complete hatchet job on him. There is obviously something there but it is not emerging in his current role. His new entrance music is a complete bag of wank and is maybe up there with Ted DiBiase for outrageously ill-fitting and shite music. His trunks are gash, the whole "anchor" motif is irrelevant to anything and his promos have taken a right plummet. His promos have become backyard worthy; completely awash with cliches and delivered as if he's had a rolling pin shoved up his arse. The predictability of his promos have led me to wonder if he actually ever had any microphone skill at all.

[Jonyp]

Sorry to go all Fin Martin, but I noticed this watching Raw (no spoiler, because you can pick out any episode), that EVERYONE is wearing the same shit these days?

Funny you mention this, because when I was watching this years' Royal Rumble match I noticed the same thing, as well as the fact most people have shit generic names. Nobody has character, in comparison to the previous decades. Some may say that it's because times have changed etc, but I say bullshit. A 'Ravishing' Rick Rude and a Jake 'The Snake' Roberts could definitely work today- the whole package- name, attire, style, even the filthy tache. I think going too deep into the cartoon era (such as Duke the Dumpster Drosse etc) won't come off now, but christ the roster is crying for a bit of character. Everyone is the same, and it's dull. This isn't UFC, it's WWE- they're meant to be characters and they're meant to be unique. 'Funkasaurus' Brodus Clay is a good start, I will say.

 

Most of the wrestlers names today don't tell me shit. When a casual would first hear the name the 'Ultimate Warrior', they knew they'd see something interesting. Does a casual feel the same when they see most of the names around today? No.

 

I think it really hit me when I looked at the first five Rumble entrants:

 

Alex Riley- generic name, wearing trunks

Cody Rhodes- generic name, wearing trunks

Justin Gabriel- generic name, wearing trunks

The Miz- at least he has a 'different' name, but still wearing trunks

R-Truth- Aha! Somebody with something a bit different!

 

 

I thought exactly the same thing watching the Rumble, it was just so boring and a lot of these nxt/lower card guys look exactly the same. You could show me pictures of Ted Dibiase,Alex Riley and Michael McGillicuty and I wouldn't have a bloody clue which one is which. You cant even really blame these guys though because how are they supposed to get over when they look and act and sound like everybody else.

 

A few people have had a go at The Bushwackers in this thread and rightly so because they were shit but when I was growing up I bloody loved them, not because they were the best or even because they were any good (I cant really remember them ever winning more than one match) but I loved them because they were different and they were funny and memorable, as a 6/7 year old kid seeing those guys walking like morons and licking people it was awesome and I loved it,if they had come out in generic trunks and been called Luke Williams and Butch Miller and not had any gimmick at all then I wouldn't have given a shit about them. They were different, the same could be said about people like The Repo Man,Skinner,The Berzerker etc, all pretty shit but very memorable, put them in boring trunks and call them Joe Bloggs and they wouldn't have been known.

 

It just seem's like no effort is being made to make anybody interesting anymore. I don't know if that's something to do with the PG thing as a lot of gimmicks would maybe be a bit too much for their current era but anything would be more interesting than seeing another nxt rookie come through with a generic name and trunks with shitty music. The right gimmick can do wonders for a worker, just look at Muhammad Hassan I mean he wasn't exactly the greatest wrestler in the world but he had a gimmick that worked and in almost no time he was near the main event (Ok it helped that he was of Jordanian heritage but you get my point). JBL is another one,stuck in tag teams and the midcard for years, given a new gimmick and he's one of the top heels in the company.

 

I mean obviously if a guys shit then it don't really matter what gimmick you give him as eventually he'll bomb, but atleast he'll be remembered. In 20 years time will people remember The Bushwackers or will they remember Alex Riley and Justin Gabriel? (to be honest I watched the Rumble just over a week ago and I can' even remember what Riley looks like)

[V1mark]

LUCKY CANNON

 

Gee, he was shit.

[IronSheik]

Virgil - shite

Greg Valentine - shite

Viscera - fuckin shite

Dino Bravo - shite

Big John Stud - shite