Paid Members Your Fight Site Posted November 3, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 3, 2011 lol Khemical toilet lol Shit joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 I've just thought. We're all assuming Steve has a massive, massive arse, and yet it could be that it's so bizarrely slender that he slips down through the seat and that's why the edges dig into his cheeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maytrix Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I've just thought. We're all assuming Steve has a massive, massive arse, and yet it could be that it's so bizarrely slender that he slips down through the seat and that's why the edges dig into his cheeks. Â If that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 My mate told me that when he went to Tokyo he discovered that they have heated toilet seats in the hotels out there. He said it was horrible- as if someone else had just been on right before you. Â Some of the toilets in Tokyo have so many different buttons, options and settings it can actually be quicker sorting out your tactics and formation for a Champions League semi-final second leg on Football Manager, than setting up your imminent dump. I want to know what options and settings you need on a toilet?! I'm very intrigued! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyperion Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Only read the first two pages, I was cringing that much. Holy shit, I've read some horror on here but this one has got to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Halitosis Romantic Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 I need a shit, I might have a go at the Onanistic Toad style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 It crossed my mind earlier, as the evening sit down was announced. Then I remembered how batshit mental you'd have to be to squat on the freezing, piss soaked porcelain. Does your partner know this about you Steve? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members WWFChilli Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) I sit on the seat and stand up to wipe my arse, right handed with the toilet paper, flush the chain, pull the seat lid down, viola. Â ...and tbh I can't really believe the day came when a topic arrived that would lead me to post such a statement. Madness, this stuff happens when you disband 'the lads'. Forum madness. I'm calling an election. Edited November 4, 2011 by Chilli_Dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bus Surfer Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 I can't see why anyone would wipe standing. Not only are you squishing the shit up and making more of a job of it when you stand, but surely it hinders your wiping range? A sitting position provides a better wipe scope IMO. Â Onto another important question... Â How many sheets do you go through on average? Â I try and use 2 sheets (folded) per wipe. Usually require 3 wipes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenryck Pilchards Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I sit on the seat and stand up to wipe my arse, right handed with the toilet paper, flush the chain, pull the seat lid down, viola. I think its beautiful that you finish your pooing ritual with a musical toot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobra_gordo Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) hinders your wiping range  Why can I imagine you standing in front of one of those massive strategy tables in old war movies where they move all the pieces around to come up with a plan of attack.  "Ok chaps, the way I see it we have to squat, part and scrape. Don't stand up mind, that will just hinder our wiping range. What what."  "Nein! Ich habe shit all over mein arse cheeks. Damn Steve Justice und dein krazy viping ideas!" Edited November 4, 2011 by cobra_gordo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members neil's bitch Posted November 4, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted November 4, 2011 "Nein! Ich habe shit all over mein arse cheeks. Damn Steve Justice und dein krazy viping ideas!" That tickled me a bit.  Its been said before, but I've just read the first post and shouted "WHAT?!". Not sure about the non toilet seat method. And every body knows you need to stand to wipe!  My mate told me that when he went to Tokyo he discovered that they have heated toilet seats in the hotels out there. He said it was horrible- as if someone else had just been on right before you  Did he think that maybe somebody actually had been before him and there is no such thing as heated toilet seats? To be fair though, i've heard that the Japanese do have crazy functions on the toilets. I saw one of the Jackass episodes that had a Fixed down seat on the toilet, so if you spray whilt taking a pee, the seat has a little cleaning/wiper gizmo that spins the seat around to clean! Of course it being Jackass, the guys stuck a nugget of Poo on the seat, and it wiped it all the way around the seat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Justice Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 It crossed my mind earlier, as the evening sit down was announced. Then I remembered how batshit mental you'd have to be to squat on the freezing, piss soaked porcelain. Does your partner know this about you Steve? Â Of course she does, but didn't think anything of it, like me, because she assumed that's how blokes did it. She thinks it's more weird I started a thread about it on here. Fair point really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BionicRedneck Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Why on earth would she assume that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Justice Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Why on earth would she assume that? Â I guess because I'm the only bloke she's been with who has taken a dump in front of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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