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Men & The Toilet Seat


Steve Justice

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Taking a dump in front of your loved one is NOT FUCKING ON.

 

To maintain some mystique in your relationship, some things should remain behind closed doors. My list:

 

1) Taking a fucking shit, obviously

2) Taking a piss as well to be honest

3) Lady taking out or putting in a tampon or towel

4) Trimming pubic hair

5) Masturbation - I don't mean as part of foreplay, but as in just tugging one off whilst your wife is asleep next to you in bed.

 

Thoughts?

 

Nowt wrong with having a piss in front of them like. Specially if it

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If this is in reference to my post, I was taking a dump and she walked in half way through, I told her, she didn't seem too bothered and was actually laughing at me and I told her to get the hell out.

 

Under no circumstances would I willingly and knowingly drop the kids off at the pool in front of m'lady.

 

Nope, it was in reference to the freak show that is Steve Justice's water closet:

 

 

Why on earth would she assume that?

 

I guess because I'm the only bloke she's been with who has taken a dump in front of her.

 

What next? Helping her take out her tampon?

 

I've only done that once. With my teeth. I came out looking like one of those little men from the Ribena advert.

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I seem to be of the same pooping principles as Chest and Woyzeck. Woyzeck is so very right that the wiping technique always results the same, with one party unable to even comprehend the others. Somehow, someway any time the gents and myself meet up for a gathering the topic of discussion will always, without fail turn to poo at some point.

 

In saying that, the wiping argument popped out a few years back in one such discussion and this was the first time i was horrified to learn that some twisted souls wipe towards their fucking balls. Like reaching under their legs and up to their crack with a cock and balls obstacle. HOW CAN THAT SEEM LIKE THE LOGICAL SOLUTION!?! It really does blow my mind. Anyway, the beauty of the reveal came in that some matter of dumping and wiping was being discussed and in mocking someone else about something and having to do the action to make the joke Mr. BackToFront does his action of wiping as so before sitting down awaiting the chuckles, unbeknownst that others, many of which sitting at the table don't wipe like a fucking crazy person.

 

'Woah! Wait!?! What the fuck!? You wipe your arse towards your balls!?' I or another decent human being naturally piped up with. And then of course the debate we're all now so familiar with occurred. Shortly after such a debate in what again appears to be another regular occurrence, curious to learn of the other way of life (the right way) another Back-To-Fronter decided to test the other method after a future shit to see what he'd been missing and getting wrong for so long and proceeded to somehow wipe wet shit all up his arm. Clearly a complete failure of humanity.

 

In saying that, on the shitty balls discussion. I have once, some time ago had a poo so wet and explosive that it seemed to go everywhere and just smother my balls in chocolate kisses. Took at least 3 showers to feel clean and at peace with myself. A real, real low point.

 

I can't begin to fathom what goes through the mind of Justice though. To seat seatless, and then go on to do a back to front. Disturbing as hell, part of me doesn't want to know what else goes through your mind in general day to day life yet i'm also desperate to know what other common things you're unaware of and do all so very wrong.

 

Anyway, i think your solution to your toilet troubles is to just go ahead and do an Andre and dump in the bath.

 

'Right up to the taps brotha!'

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I can't understand the logic in wiping your arse standing up. As a hairy bumcracked gentlemen, for me it would squash all the shit against the hair, get all tangled and I'd probably have to wait for it to dry so I could cut it out with scissors or something.

 

I think when people are referring to 'standing up' they actually mean raising themselves up off the seat as opposed to actually standing straight up. Personally I get a load of toilet paper in my left hand, raise myself off the seat but still in a hunched/seated position to avoid cheek clenching, place my empty right hand on my right cheek & splay my cheeks a little...not a gape, just a little more encouragement to ensure a thorough wipe.

 

 

I'll lean forward and raise up a bit.. but some folk properly stand all the way up and turn around, I hear.

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Should have know better clicking on a thread with "Toilet Seat" in the title, but I have to say you really upped the ante in the last 2 pages, and by that I mean it became a more disturbing thread, I don't want to shit in front of anyone or be present when some else is shitting, don't care how much you love them, that's just gross, especially if its a bad one.

 

Then theirs your toilet habits, if you Steve were just doing this in your own house that would be one thing(still crazy), but in work/public toilets as well, fucking hell, I'd honestly rather go take a shit in some hidden bush rather than sit my bare bum on somebody else's rank piss stains and some tramps dry wank and god knows what else is living on there.

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Whilst we're on this topic...what are peoples opinions on shitting at work? It seems to be quite a big male/female divide in that most women I know claim they don't & only want to do it at home. I used to work with a bloke who claimed he wouldn't shit at work. Personally I prefer to do them at work...I get paid for it, I save

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