Guest Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 On further consideration, I'll make an exception for Steve on this one. I wouldn't want to keep my bare thighs on the porcelain for a second longer than I had to, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted March 20, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted March 20, 2020 This is like the black and blue or white and gold dress, but with a poorly-wiped arse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted March 20, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted March 20, 2020 31 minutes ago, Steve Justice said: A very similar method, granted, but we don't stick our hand in the shitty toilet nor run the risk of wiping shit over ourselves as we pull it back out to check it. Similar? It's the same! I have been wiping my arse for 34 years now and guess what? 34 years without wiping shit over myself! How would your hand be in the shitty toilet? This isn't Trainspotting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperBacon Posted March 20, 2020 Members Share Posted March 20, 2020 I just can't imagine how high the water level is in some of these bogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted March 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted March 21, 2020 1 minute ago, SuperBacon said: I just can't imagine how high the water level is in some of these bogs. Steve Justice's toilet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted March 21, 2020 Moderators Share Posted March 21, 2020 Sitter Brain: how do standers not get shit all over themselves?! Stander Brain: how do sitters not get shit all over themselves?! UKFF Galaxy Brain: poking my ricker out of the window, letting the rain and/or crows take care of it, you fuckin' chumps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Bifkin Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 Can we use this thread to discuss how we might deal with the very real possibility of life without toilet roll? Do we get our hand up there and pull our fecal matter out like Loki? Invert a shower head into a makeshift bidet? Cut up an old towel and soak in lukewarm water, use old newspaper, drag our pile ridden shitty arses over the carpet or wipe it on a bat like in the wet markets of Wuhan. I'm open to all suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperBacon Posted March 21, 2020 Members Share Posted March 21, 2020 Just get in the shower like a normal human being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PJ Power Posted March 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted March 21, 2020 2 hours ago, SuperBacon said: Just get in the shower like a normal human being. And if your home doesn't have a shower? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperBacon Posted March 21, 2020 Members Share Posted March 21, 2020 28 minutes ago, PJ Power said: And if your home doesn't have a shower? 3 hours ago, Astro Hollywood said: Sitter Brain: how do standers not get shit all over themselves?! Stander Brain: how do sitters not get shit all over themselves?! UKFF Galaxy Brain: poking my ricker out of the window, letting the rain and/or crows take care of it, you fuckin' chumps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 Might have to start accepting those free copies of The Sun I'm always offered in Nisa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonworden Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 This has cheered me right up but I have to side with the sitters here. Can I ask the standers is it wiping while straight upright or at an angle. Considering we are a forum of wrestling fans, mostly male and many on the huskier side if you are anything like me then standing up past a point would sort of smush the area together creating more of a poo sandwich between my rather large cheeks and making the whole clean up task a lot more paper heavy. That said I have in the past worked in places where the toilet bowls were shallow and somewhat German in nature meaning any attempt to wipe would at best end up with shitty bog water on your digits and at worst shaking hands with long brown turd. If you have one of those as your only home toilet then i'll excuse you but if it was by choice then you are an even bigger fucking monster! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Justice Posted March 21, 2020 Share Posted March 21, 2020 When standing there's more manoeuvrability. If you're a skinny, sitting kind of makes sense. But if your arse pretty much takes up the width of the bowl, even with bending you're going to struggle to not let your hand touch the toilet seat and porcelain, and not much space for the wiping motion. However, you lot converted me away from sitting on the porcelain, so I'll give this a go and report back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted March 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted March 21, 2020 8 hours ago, PJ Power said: And if your home doesn't have a shower? Squat over the bath plughole and mash it down with a potato masher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted March 21, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted March 21, 2020 (edited) I sometimes think this forum is an interesting, smart place, and then I realise we're literally spending years toilet-training one member. Edited March 21, 2020 by Chris B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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