Overheard conversations

[Gus Mears]

Walking around during my lunch break earlier and wish I knew the context of the following:

"Baby, I've got to go back to the office. I'm broken, I've been sitting on the toilet for two hours. Please don't do this to me "

 

[Keith Houchen]

I've posted this before but it was the day before one of my weddings.  My cousin (who i'd met that evening) and I returned to our table after getting drinks in to hear my alcoholic head case aunt proudly declare "And that's why the cremated her in Slough, because she died of AIDS"

 

She was on about Princess Margaret.

[PunkStep]

Not overheard, but a redhead girl sitting next to me on the train sent a message to a guy once saying 'you need a bit of ginge in your life'. She was rewarded with a dick pic.

[Kaz Hayashi]

“I’ve checked... Arthur’s still dead.”

Late 90’s, poorly lit path in a park, old woman on sat on her own on a bench.

We didn’t stop.

[Grecian]

In a restaurant in Oxford, I was having lunch after a job interview on my own. On the next table over, four teenage girls, I'd guess 17 years old. This one has stuck with me because I had to text my wife to find out if it was appropriate for a guy in his late 30's to give teenage girls advice on their lovelife, or if it'd end up with me in a cell.

One was talking about her boyfriend, saying how she'd really wanted them to go on their first holiday together. She'd got her parents to agree, found a place in Italy for them to go. Then when she broached it with the chap, he'd refused, saying he was skint and couldn't get time off work. Three days later, she found out he'd taken out a loan, booked a fortnight in Ibiza with the lads and bought himself a new TV.

It was quite the challenge, not explaining to her that she'd be dumped soon and if they were still together after his holiday, she might want to get checked for any infections.

[Grecian]

And another one, walking behind two students on campus. All I heard was one shouting at the other one:

'I WOULDN'T MIND, BUT IT WAS MY FUCKING CUCUMBER!'

[Devon Malcolm]

I was stood in a queue for some doughnuts with my ex in Brighton a bunch of years ago and there was a couple in front of us.

Woman: "So, what are doughnuts made of?"

Man: "......................... dough?!"

She walked off looking mortified.

[ReturnOfTheMack]

A very pissed up lass getting off a train yelled at her mate 'that fart was so bad my tampon fell out'

 

I overheard a rather stereotypical chav talking to her mate in Tesco 

'I had that baby blues afterwards'

'Me too. In America it's called a post mortem depression'.

 

Finally in Asda near the Doncaster Dome a group of lads were talking about Call of Duty, or some game like that, when one yelled out 'seek and destroy'. From an aisle over came the response 'nah mate, I'm Hindu and hiding'

[Mr_Danger]

Similarly I once heard a woman reading out the ingredients needed on a box of Old El Paso. At the end of the list it said "Just add Amigos!" She then asked the man where the amigos were. Unfortunately I am that man and the woman mothered my son. At least she can read though.

[Rule One]

Left my bedroom window open during the recent hot weather and was gifted this at about 2:30/3 in the morning. 

Man: "He's got AIDS! AIDS!" 

Woman: "Yes but he doesn't know."

Man: "Yeah but AIDS! We'll get him a book on it."

That was it, nothing else. Still confused about it.

[wordsfromlee]

Overheard a couple in ASDA who were standing by the deli counter:

Man: "Why don't we get a rotisserie chicken for tea? Save us cooking."

Woman: "CHICKEN?!"

Man: "Yeah!"

Woman: "ON THE FUCKING BONE?!"

Man: "Yeah"

Woman: "You're fucking disgusting!" [Storms off]

[Gus Mears]

34 minutes ago, wordsfromlee said:

Woman: "CHICKEN?!"

Man: "Yeah!"

Woman: "ON THE FUCKING BONE?!"

Man: "Yeah"

Woman: "You're fucking disgusting!" 

I immediately read this in the voices of Adrian Lewis and his waiter from Athletico Mince.

[I Bent My Wookie]

3 hours ago, Grecian said:

And another one, walking behind two students on campus. All I heard was one shouting at the other one:

'I WOULDN'T MIND, BUT IT WAS MY FUCKING CUCUMBER!'

Not the first time I've heard about this sentence being said too. 

Best one from that campus has to be two girls in front of me 

"so if I fuck him first, it'd be okay, because I'm much more jealous than you" 

[StrongStyle]

Was walking past Westminster one day and heard this bloke shouting "STOP BREXIT!!!!" non-stop. I think he's still at it now that I think about it.

[simonworden]

One that sticks out in my head was a very quite young mother to be who came into a pub I worked in (18 as she had a glass of wine! and I checked her ID). Her friend asked her what she was going to call the child and she responded by AJ. The friend then tried to clarify if A and J stood for something and the girl responded "Nah it just means AJ just the two letters". I know there's worse fucking names given to kids and we have our beloved AJ Styles but typically the letters mean something and with the voice she had I was struggling not to crack up 10 feet away at the bar.