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Sorry to megathread this but couldn't think of an existing thread to shoehorn this into and there's no way I'm starting a new thread for this!

Had the old snip a few months ago (we have 2 kids, one of each, so we're done). Yesterday I had to have a follow-up fertility test just to make sure my .357's have been replaced by blanks. I had the feeling that these clinics weren't great when it came to preparing you to provide a sample in terms of material provided, although admittedly I am basing this on tv shows and movies such as Road Trip, but I thought they might have better offerings than this.

 

***obviously NSFW***

 

So I open the draw...

 

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What the fuck is Bonesaw all about?! I feel for the poor blokes as it appears they are about to have their nobs chopped off by somebody cosplaying the killer from Scream while trying to have a good time.

The magazines were uninspiring- the amount of easily accessible porn videos we have at our disposal make jazz mags a thing of yesteryear unfortunately. They didn't do it for me. Let's try a DVD, see if that works (not Bonesaw obvs, 'not gay' /Baz). What do we have here...

 

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What the!!! It's 2019, not 1996! They surely can't expect me to blow my load over some amateur 20+ year material that I already cracked one out over when I was in my teens?! Not even for nostalgic value was this going to do the trick. This is madness.

Decided to make the use of their free WiFi instead. Xhamster is always the answer, I can get this over and done with sharpish and then pop into town to by some birthday presents for relatives before lunch. No wait...xhamster is blocked on their local WiFi. You have got to be kidding me- this is the one place where access should be encouraged! I look up and read a poster on the wall...

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You fully understand the difficulties? You block xhamster, give me Bonesaw and a celebrity sextape older than most of the England squad! You're not helping matters! Let's go back to that DVD and skip the Pammy video, see what's next...

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Northern Birds Shagging. Right. Fuck this, I'm looking through my Olivier Giroud stock pics- that should do the trick.

 

The moral of the story is - as the Scouts would say (perhaps not intended for situations like this) - be prepared.

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Sorry to megathread this but couldn't think of an existing thread to shoehorn this into and there's no way I'm starting a new thread for this! Had the old snip a few months ago (we have 2 kids, o

When I had to give a sample they gave me a little pot to fill at home and it was a disaster. I tried it with my right hand, nothing. I tried it with my left hand, nothing. Then my girlfriend

Spare a thought for @tiger_rick if he goes to his local clinic for the same check-up.

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Funnily enough, also had the snip in May. They gave me a sample pot to do at home though. 

Worse than the pain was the chat beforehand with the middle aged doctor who was far too comfortable talking about ejaculation and masterbation for my liking. Not sure I've cringed that much since sex education at school. 

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I had my factory closed last year. While preparing for the doctor to open my ball bag up, we had an in depth conversation about the state of Yorkshire cricket, and in particular Gary Ballance. Funnily enough, just like Ballance, the surgeon had a habit of making nicks himself...

Edited by Cod Eye
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Lads who have been snipped, how do you feel about it now? Any regrets? My wife and I are adamant we don't want anymore but we've a good few years where it's still a reasonable proposition if we changed our minds. Part of me doesn't want to turn it off forever, just in case, but I don't think I could cope with the no sleep bit anymore. 

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I had mine done a couple of years ago and was given a pot to do the sample at home. There were signs up as I was leaving basically saying to wait til you got home to do it and not produce your sample in the car park. The joys of living in Rotherham.

Edited by cobra_gordo
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As my wife suffers from polycystic ovaries, when we were trying for our first baby, I had to produce a sample to make sure 'there's nothing wrong with your pipes'. I'm quite shy and walking into that clinic on my own and being escorted straight through to a room on my own to have a one-in-a-bed romp was just mortifying. I did get a couple of nods of sympathy from the other guys in there who'd presumably had to do the same thing.

And I got the 'leave yourself alone' talk too.

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I googled "Bonesaw" to see if there was any reviews, and it has its own wikipedia entry! This review from Barry Norman makes it seem like a must watch.

Quote

 

"Certainly an unusual porn video, Bonesaw is destined to become a gay classic. Its combination of horror, suspense, huge cocks, hunky men, and tight assholes serves up something for everyone. At least, everyone who is interested in steamy, man-on-man sex. While the production values lean toward gore a bit more than desirable, this video somehow escapes cheesiness and deserves a round of kudos".[7]

 

@PunkStep did they have Dr Gay in by any chance? Imagine this bloke turning up, tool in hand, to do the operation?

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Edited by IANdrewDiceClay
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1 hour ago, hallicks said:

Lads who have been snipped, how do you feel about it now? Any regrets?

It's not something I'd ever consider to be honest, because as harsh as it may sound, you never know what your personal circumstances will be years down the line. You may have two kids with your wife at the moment (not you personally), but if that relationship goes tits up you may find yourself remarried with someone who wants children. What then? "Sorry love, I got snipped years back, so sorry. No can do."

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2 minutes ago, David said:

It's not something I'd ever consider to be honest, because as harsh as it may sound, you never know what your personal circumstances will be years down the line. You may have two kids with your wife at the moment (not you personally), but if that relationship goes tits up you may find yourself remarried with someone who wants children. What then? "Sorry love, I got snipped years back, so sorry. No can do."

She had quite a late one recently, where we thought "here we go again." We'd even started talking about names. Once that clock gets a bit closer to the end, who knows. 

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