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The Orange Cordial Thread


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Anyone else watch the documentary on AA?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001fyzd/im-an-alcoholic-inside-recovery

Very triggering, and I couldn't quite believe that the faces I was watching had been digitally altered (ensuring the anonymity) but it was a fascinating watch. 

I've struggled with alcohol in massive parts of my adult life, but I grew up with an alcoholic mum so it hit home quite hard.

Sometimes it was sheer hell, and it ruined my childhood. Anyone who has gone through similar, I  would encourage you to read Shuggie Bain by Douglas Stuart, which with pinpoint accuracy, nails what it's like.

I hated her for years, until I came to accept that she was an alcoholic, an addict, and someone that had her own struggles and demons, and I let go of my hatred for what she put me through, and understood and accepted it (Alright Bacon, this isn't therapy) 

I have other family members who suffer with addiction also and I have the utmost empathy and respect for people who suffer with addiction and hope they all know that they are supported and loved.

But at the same time, I have still called people "pisshead" and "alcy" as an insult, and laugh about drinking culture in this country (which is, let's be honest, quite funny sometimes) and I think that alcohol dependency is not taken as seriously as other addictions, and programmes like this can only be a good thing in terms of awareness. 

Really eye opening doc. But if you do suffer from addiction, be kind to yourself and tread carefully as it can be triggering.

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20 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

I hated her for years, until I came to accept that she was an alcoholic, an addict, and someone that had her own struggles and demons, and I let go of my hatred for what she put me through, and understood and accepted it (Alright Bacon, this isn't therapy)

All of this hits home mate. Went through pretty much the same progression of emotions with Dad. You know it's an addiction, you even understand many of the thoughts and motivations they experienced when you struggle with the sauce yourself, yet it takes so long to accept it. That I didn't properly until Dad was so ill that there wasn't much time for us left to spend with one another will always be a regret for me (alright, Gus, this isn't therapy either).

Will definitely try out the book. The National Association for Children of Alcoholics https://nacoa.org.uk/ helped me a lot over the years too, the helpline was a gem during some of the bleaker times.

Edited by Gus Mears
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6 minutes ago, Gus Mears said:

All of this hits home mate. Went through pretty much the same progression of emotions with Dad. You know it's an addiction, you even understand many of the thoughts and motivations they experienced when you struggle with the sauce yourself, yet it takes so long to accept it. That I didn't properly until Dad was so ill that there wasn't much time for us left to spend with one another will always be a regret for me (alright, Gus, this isn't therapy either).

It used to make me feel really hypocritical, because its almost like "I have sympathy for all addicts, except for this one who is directly affecting me" 

Took me years (and actual therapy and loving people) before I could let go.

8 minutes ago, Gus Mears said:

 

Will definitely try out the book.

 

I believe its just been adapted for TV as well.

It's so accurate it's scary. It's essentially about a little lad who has an alcoholic mum, who he loves and protects very much. It's really beautiful, but harrowing as well.

One point where he describes the split second where he turns the key in the lock having come home and the dread that you feel where your evening is about to be revealed with literally one look, fucked me up for a few days, as that's what it was like.

Your heart swelling or sinking in a split second is the worst aspect of it all.

Anways, all a bit heavy, apologies, much love to you all x

 

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I've made a conscience and attempt to quit the booze, not had a drop since April. My relationship with alcohol was incredibly negative and I had begun to use it as an emotional crutch and it had become quiet unhealthy. 

Honestly the benefits of knocking it on the head both mentally and physically has really suprised me. 

After the first few weeks I've not found it difficult to abstain either, that's  until the festive period started and it seems to be bloody everywhere and being encouraged by everyone. 

 

Edited by ElCece
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Gosh I appreciate the honesty on here with this subject. It is hardly the easiest topic to talk about.

I come at this from a different perspective... the concerned family member. I will be as gentle as I can be whilst also highlighting my own experience and what I have found works for people, having worked with people w/ alcoholism as an adult.

Firstly, I never realised how hard it is to have a problem with alcohol. I can relate to food addiction though I'd never say I am fat, but alcohol and drugs have never been a big thing for me personally. I was extremely anti-alcohol-drinkers in my early dating years and whilst I would binge on weekends, I lost a number of relationships through my (relatively) irrational fear that someone I dated would end up as an alcoholic. My grandfather was the alcoholic; tonnes of embarrassing introductions to friends, aborted social events and a fair amount of anger and hostility all round. He would hide cans around the house and when they were discovered and bought to his attention he would flat out deny that they were his. In his own coat pockets, behind the cistern, in the garden behind the shed - all the cliched places. I was often frustrated that he simply - in our opinion at the time - lied so outrageously and seemed to believe he was being honest. He would spend HUGE sums of money on booze and gambling and yet would never admit that the reason he was in debt was because he couldn't stop. My grandmother cried, begged, threated to leave him (several times) and nothing. We were as a family driven to despair and there were many nights when the screaming, slamming of doors and crying went well into the early hours. 

Then something changed. He got ill. Like REALLY ill. He got taken into hospital and had to admit that he was an alcoholic - primarily because he was withdrawing and needed medication to dampen down the hideous physical effects. At the same time he didn't want to stop. It was only because he was stuck in hospital for months that he came to the realisation that he couldn't continue. He had been to the GP many times before but ignored the blood tests - live damage, kidney failure etc - and didn't seem to give a shit if he lived or died. It was a mix of deeply sad and utterly infuriating for those of us watching him withering away slowly. 

When discharged from hospital he just stopped. It was like a lightbulb turning on. He never went back. It is about 7 years since he became sober and he knows he can't even have one drink. Not a single beer. He averaged at 8+ cans of strong lager a day, almost every day, for 40 years. The doctors said he should have been dead. He was incredibly lucky. 

Soon he became his old self again - before the alcohol addled his brain. His memory improved and he became my old grandad again - humour returned, he was jovial, interested and actually awake to his experiences. He forgot most of the events in my life and that saddens me, but at least we now have him back. 

In terms of what I have found helpful...

  • Abstinence seems to be one of the biggest factors if you are an alcoholic. I've met many people who say "I can just have one" but it seems to be MUCH harder to get out of the habit that way. Of course, this needs to be done with doctor advice given the huge risks of seizures and withdrawals. My grandad can see that he can't just have one. He likes to think he could but he knows that it simply isn't a wise option. He doesn't want to delude himself into believing that he hasn't got an alcohol problem - for him, he will always be addicted. 
  • Mindfulness can be wonderful. The idea is to observe ones cravings/urges, notice when emotions and other prompt events may lead to unhelpful patterns and then doing the opposite of the urge. The idea is noticing when you are moving into mindless, alcohol related behaviour and asking (compassionately) "what is going on in this moment?" I find many people with alcoholism don't stop, think about what is going on and then move forward mindfully. 
  • Sort out your emotions. All behaviour is caused - including excessive alcohol use. Much of the time it is a way of either 1) decreasing our anxiety or 2) making us happier when we are miserable. Unfortunately this simply doesn't work in the long-term and we have to bring the long-term consequences to the front of our mind EVERY time we want to engage in that behaviour. It is painful, hard going and never-ending though the alternative is much more dangerous. Seeking alcohol counselling is likely to be more helpful though the group approach that AA has - including maintaining accountability - is also good. 
  • I find with AA you just need to believe in a higher power. It can be ANYTHING. For people who dislike the religious connotations with this, the power could be nature. Fate. The purpose isn't indoctrination but to give you a place to "put" your misery rather than feel like you have to hold onto it. Prayer is a common way in which people off-load their misery, because you can then "leave it to" that power to sort it out. This is incredibly helpful when your situation is unchangeable and you have no control over it - though problem solving when you can change something is certainly not discouraged. 

So that's my thoughts. Hope this makes sense and doesn't sound brutal or disrespectful 

Also good shout re: Shuggie Bain - massively deserved winner of the Booker Prize too.

Edited by Michael_3165
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I think acknowledging what happened and the shame attached is important, but it’s also important to note it’s not a regular occurrence and was a party with free booze. I think we imagine things to be a lot worse that they were, once you’ve seen work colleagues I’m sure it’ll help put you at ease. 
 

If you are worried about always wanting another one, one is too many and ten isn’t enough. 

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9 minutes ago, Keith Houchen said:

 

If you are worried about always wanting another one, one is too many and ten isn’t enough. 

thats a big part of the problem, especially when i'm out, when i drink at home it's always three, unless there's a reason for more (people over, Christmas) but like i say they;re my measures. But on the rare occasion i'm out i really don't register the need to not have another. 

 

Cheers for replying though, sorry it was such a long post.

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  • 10 months later...

What's up Straight Edge Society.

Absolutely have to pack it in. I've only been drinking once a week since I broke up with my ex earlier in the year but I've completely lost control on it. Small mercies that all I do when I'm drunk is become hugely animated and talk shit but I just have absolutely no off switch with it whatsoever and it seems to have gotten worse and worse recently. I used to think drinking into the morning and just getting more and more energetic from it was a sort of superpower but I've come to respect that it just means I have The Gene really, and should probably just fucking stop. 

I ended hanging out with a bunch of people I don't particularly like last night doing lines of coke off a kitchen plate. I'm deeply ashamed of this. I think I'm typing it out and posting it to hold myself to some sort of account, and because I believe open dialogue is conducive to staying on the straight and narrow. I've quit multiple time before. I'm an obvious problem drinker. I think with everything else going on in my life this year though I just sort of gave it a pass. I moved back home. I had so much catching up to do, so much going on. I think in a way I craved any kind of normality I could and drinking is absolutely normality for me. I was also subconsciously afraid of trying to do too many things at once but the time is right now. I'm not having a miserable Christmas. Well I might...but it'll be a stoic, sober, miserable Christmas. And I can handle that. 

I'm so exhausted from feeling dread, anxiety and grief the morning after. I know it'll pass...I'm just hugely impatient right now, which I guess is pretty optimistic! Can't wait to wake up tomorrow and be another day removed from this shite. 

So yeah, off to the races we go! I think I might have to go to meetings. Talking's my new superpower. Appreciative that I'm able to howl into the wind here. Continued well wishes to anyone else doing this! 

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Good luck, mate. Just remember that meetings aren’t for everyone so if you aren’t benefiting from them, there’s no reason to keep attending. 
 

For what it’s worth, I kind of think of this thread as our meetings and I find it much more helpful than sat in a church hall talking and listening with people. Feel free to slide into my DMs if you want to vent, but also vent away in this thread, it’s very therapeutic!

Just realised it’s my 6th year soberversary this week. I accepted that the drink and drugs was essentially a masking technique and wasn’t my actual personality. I’ve accepted and embraced that I’m a really boring and unsociable fucker and I’m at peace with that! 

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