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The Relationship Thread


Ron&Hermione

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I started dating this girl in June and I ended things in October. We didn't speak for a week and then went back to messaging all day and then in Dec we met up again and had a meal and went and played bowling and pool. We went for another day like this a week later. On Fri we met up and we're now back together.

 

I don't really know how I feel about this tbh. I have my many doubts but when we weren't together I missed her so bad and I was getting depressed. Even more so when I saw messages she put to someone else and I mis-read them as her "moving on with someone else". Seems I can't be with her and I can't be without her

Edited by Nero
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I tend to avoid posting in this thread but bugger it. I'm perpetually single. Most of the time I'm happy this way as I enjoy my own company and independence but then sometimes (as mentioned above) it'd be nice to have someone to sleep next to. Although I go out quite a bit with friends, I rarely go out to places where you'd normally meet people (i.e. bars and clubs) and although I'm on a couple of dating websites they're not really working for me (maybe my profile repels the opposite sex)...

 

So, anyone have any advice? A guy's perspective would be much appreciated as I've already bored my female friends into comas with this one.

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I tend to avoid posting in this thread but bugger it. I'm perpetually single. Most of the time I'm happy this way as I enjoy my own company and independence but then sometimes (as mentioned above) it'd be nice to have someone to sleep next to. Although I go out quite a bit with friends, I rarely go out to places where you'd normally meet people (i.e. bars and clubs) and although I'm on a couple of dating websites they're not really working for me (maybe my profile repels the opposite sex)...

 

So, anyone have any advice? A guy's perspective would be much appreciated as I've already bored my female friends into comas with this one.

 

Any chance of randomly meeting friends of friends, or do you know any girls through work? There are alternatives for sure, like joining classes/groups in the local area, as an example for cooking or whatever, and meeting people through that.

 

Are you on any of the dating sites that offer singles nights or anything? that seems like a good idea.

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Maybe you should get yourself out there to clubs and pubs, Monkee.
If it's not a scene you frequent, then maybe you should change your perspective and give that scene a try for a little while.

Even go to a pub or club that plays your type of music. Whatever music you're into, go to one of those haunts and be around people who are into the same stuff you are, which will put you more at ease from the off and more open to meeting somebody without your guard completely up.

 

Depending on my mood, I'll either prop up a jazz pub, Fibber Magees in Dublin (Herbie will know this metal shithouse) or I'll wind up in a club that plays house and trance music. Anything outside of those those genres and I'm ludicrously uncomfortable.

Put me in a club with stag and hen parties, playing Rihanna, fucking Avicii and/or their/his(?) folk counterparts Mumford and Sons, and I'm utterly fucked socially.

 

 

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I wouldn't place too much stock in going to bars and clubs to meet people. If they're not the kind of places you like to frequent, what are the chances that you would meet someone there that you like??

 

I also think dating services are bullshit. Your best bet is social situations in which you will meet new people, but that are not designed for the pairing off of people. Ideally they are social situations where the people are pre-vetted by some means, e.g. being friends of friends, or at least brought together by some similar interest. Online groups are a good too, I think - much better than online dating services (not this fucking place, obvs).

 

But yeah, it's a tough out there. Sorry Monkee. I think you're definitely one up on the desperados who can't stand their own company though, because when you're in that frame of mine you can't attract anyone, or at least definitely not the right person. Stay positive and keep filling your life with stuff that makes you happy - I genuinely think that is the best way to give yourself the best chance of meeting the right person!

Edited by Chest Rockwell
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I'd say finding clubs and groups centred around stuff you're interested in would be your best bet. At least you know you're meeting like-minded people (to a certain extent), and there's already a context via which to start chatting about other things.

 

That said, have you tried asking any of your mates to set you up on a date or a dinner with anyone they know? They can vouch for whomever they recommend, and they're likely to know your own character that they wouldn't set you up with someone shit.

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People can meet someone in the weirdest of circumstances, a while back one of my mates used to go clubbing solid for a year and never got in with any girls but one day out of the blue he got chatting and exchanged phone numbers with a rather good looking bird whilst he was waiting for the new batch of sausage rolls to cook in a Greggs shop. And he's now married to her with 2 kids. 

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I'm really not a pub/club person and I struggle with my hearing in situations like that so striking up a conversation other than screaming at the bartender's really not going to work. The friends I tend to socialise most with are [female] F1 nerds so when we do go out in a bigger group it'll probably be to watch a race with 100 other people. Again, not ideal for starting conversations otherwise it'd end up with "Shhh! I'm trying to watch the race!" - and that'd probably be from me.

 

I've thought about joining a class too. What'd be good for meeting guys? Do guys do cookery classes? I did a taxidermy workshop last year but there wasn't really anyone there who took my fancy. Most of them had just found it via Groupon and did it for a laugh rather than out of genuine interest.

 

As mentioned, I like my own company and I can entertain myself so it's not like I'm moping around or anything. It's just that sometimes it'd be nice to have a bit of attention if you know what I mean.

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I already do stuff like that - I was doing a BSL course, the taxidermy workshop, a virtual reality study, etc. As Mr.E said, maybe I should look at some of those singles nights that some websites put on. At least then everyone will be equally uncomfortable. Or I could hang out in Greggs and see if anyone fancies my steak slice... so to speak.

 

 

Edit: I've also lost a lot of confidence over the last year and gained a hell of a lot of social anxiety (which pisses me off because I used to be really outgoing) so certain situations where there'll be a lot of [new] people scares the shit out of me so anything that has small groups of people would work better.

Edited by Monkee
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It's horses for courses and all that.  What works for some doesn't work for others.  I met my current partner of two years on Plenty of Fish.  That worked for me because I was to busy between my son and work to join a class or find a new interest.  I found that when I did have time on my own it was great, for a while at least, because I do like being autonomous and having the freedom to do what I want.  Eventually though I got a bit lonely on weekend nights when I didn't have my son so I used PoF, went on a few dates and generally had a really good experience while using it.

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It's really common in Europe. I've stayed in towns in Germany where they literally didn't understand what a double bed was. And even where couples do share the bed, they have separate duvets.

I think that's the way forward for me and my wife.

 

As lovely as it is sleeping next to her, she is an absolute nightmare for hogging the covers. In the summer I wouldn't mind at all because I sleep terribly anyway and even worse when it's hot. But in the cold months it's a bastard. Many a night I'll wake up shivering, teeth chattering, icicles on the end of my nose etc, I look over and there she is all wrapped up nice and cosy. If I put the radiators on she has the cheek to complain that it was, and I quote, "roasting hot in bed last night". Bold as brass! Yeah, roasting for you love. I'm having to practically defrost myself every morning when I get ready for work.

 

Worst of all, in the summer she's stuck to me like glue all night. I could do with that this time of year when I badly need some warmth, not in fucking boiling hot July!

 

Serious business, this.

Edited by wandshogun09
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