Moderators PowerButchi Posted April 19, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 19, 2014 I've got piles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted April 19, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 19, 2014 I've got piles. Â Welcome to the club. Have a seat. Or don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gmoney Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I've got piles. Â Â Piles 'a money! Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted April 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 I had piles once. I have never felt more guilty than when I hopped up on the table and made the doctor look at my bumhole. I know it's his job, but I still felt awful. Â Anyway, it was only minor and they went away pretty swiftly using the Anusol cream. Even the name of the medicine is embarassing! Fucksake, you're carrying that shit around everywhere you go what if it falls out of your bag? They could have been a bit more subtle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members John Matrix Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 I had piles once. I have never felt more guilty than when I hopped up on the table and made the doctor look at my bumhole. I know it's his job, but I still felt awful. Anyway, it was only minor and they went away pretty swiftly using the Anusol cream. Even the name of the medicine is embarassing! Fucksake, you're carrying that shit around everywhere you go what if it falls out of your bag? They could have been a bit more subtle.  Never will a truer sentence ever be spoken.  Bedside manner wasnt mines' forte though, i'd already explained my suspicions, her diagnosis...."Yup".  Only slightly less embaressing than being asked at the counter in Boots "Is it yourself who has the haemorrhoids sir?" in front of a forming queue.  My only point of reference prior was the old Nobby's Piles strip in Viz, so as you can imagine, i was fucking petrified, turns out as the Chesty one says, a few days on the Anusol and you'll be right as rain fella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted April 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 How did you guess what it was? Â I had no idea.. I didn't even know what piles was to be honest, apart from being something that happens to your arse. Â I just mumbled something about itching on my bumhole and being able to feel "something there", and then said sorry as I got up on the table. I'm just really glad it wasn't my regular doctor or pharmacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members John Matrix Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 How did you guess what it was? I had no idea.. I didn't even know what piles was to be honest, apart from being something that happens to your arse.  I just mumbled something about itching on my bumhole and being able to feel "something there", and then said sorry as I got up on the table. I'm just really glad it wasn't my regular doctor or pharmacy.  As i say mate, avid reader of Nobby's Piles.   The moment i felt that small fleshy lump, i drew only one conclusion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d-d-d-dAz Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) I've had a dreadful history with the dreaded Farmer Giles. Just dreadful. Â Worst, when I went to the Doctors with them years ago I made a right tit of myself. He was a foreign fella and struggled with his English. He invited me to go behind the curtained area, drop trou and (I'm sure this is correct) 'get myself ready'. Â So, I did. Â Minutes later he came through the curtain and was greeted by the sight of me, young and not knowing the anal examination etiquette, bent over his table dangling my arse in the air like a cheap whore. Â He politely informed me that 'no, can you please lie on top of the table and bring your knees to your chest' and I wanted to die. Awful. Edited April 22, 2014 by d-d-d-dAz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 When you're a teenager, eating like shit and squeezing unhealthy turds out of your rectum using sheer willpower, nobody tells you about piles. I feel it's something that should be brought up. "If you push like a rutting stallion, son, you'll regret it later in life when going for a dump is a major operation". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted April 22, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 I first had a case of the Nobby Stiles when I was 18. I had an absolute shitload of bumgrapes then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 Is it forcing out your poos that actually causes piles or is that just a myth, like sitting on cold stone? Luckily my high fibre diet mean my stools escape like a greased eel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 God, my shits vary from shit to shit - it's horrible, I never know what's coming next - chocolate rain or a good solid log, a silty brown mist or melted treacle toffee. It's very demoralising. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 I had no idea so many relatively young people got piles, I thought it was a middle aged ailment. I hope it never happens to me and my pristine anus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted April 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) Is it forcing out your poos that actually causes piles or is that just a myth, like sitting on cold stone? Luckily my high fibre diet mean my stools escape like a greased eel. Â Â The doctor did say the thing about forcing out poos to me so if it is a myth then it is still a widely propgated one. Â Â edit: I thought so too, bellend; part of the reason I was so mortified. Edited April 22, 2014 by Chest Rockwell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted April 22, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) My diet is pretty much exclusively ale, red meat and steak pies so that probably explains my chalfonts. Â Anyway, I found a dog playing in the road looking lost the other day, so I handed it in at the local. I hope it's ok and reunited with it's owner. Lovely little black and tan Yorkie. Edited April 22, 2014 by PowerButchi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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