Moderators neil Posted April 22, 2014 Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 Yeah I get them from time to time. Quite awful things. I definitely found improving my diet so I'm shitting everyday and strictly limiting myself to 10 mins on the toilet with no major pushing has helped them not come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladiesman345 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm constantly constipated so I'm assuming it's only a matter of time before I get the dreaded fuckers. There was a guy on Embarrassing Bodies whose arsehole had a massive bit of shit on it as he couldn't wipe properly. It was disgraceful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 You lot struggling with poos and piles need to get some acidophilus from Holland & Barretts. Get the chewy blueberry flavoured ones, they taste like parma violets. They've done me wonders the last two years I've been taking them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 You lot struggling with poos and piles need to get some acidophilus from Holland & Barretts. Get the chewy blueberry flavoured ones, they taste like parma violets. They've done me wonders the last two years I've been taking them. Â I'm going to get right on that - I'm on a self-prescribed pharmacopeia right now, trying to not feeling like shit all of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladiesman345 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I've been giving myself home-made enemas to deal with it. Syringe full of water a few times, and bang, I'm shitting for about ten minutes. I'm on citalopram and I've read that constipation is one of the side effects. The amount of energy you lose from being bunged up is amazing as well. Take a good dump and you can take on the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 I had the piles a lot when I was on the old bicycle a few years ago. Didn't use "Anusol" or any other creepy sounding stuff on it, just didn't go on my bike for about a week, and it worked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 I'm surprised about everyone's faecal abnormalities. I'm waiting for someone to advocate for no toilet seat. I have considered that mental looking bog straddling, to make it all run smoother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Bran Flakes ftw~! Â Top mine off with fresh raisins for greater effect. Don't buy the raisin bran off the shelf, the raisins are all dried and manky. Â I think I've got flu or something, everything hurts. Moving, sitting, lying down. Even my t-shirt was hurting my arms earlier. Wife said I was burning up in bed but I was shivering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kookoocachu Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 If you want a good flushing to get rid of all the stubborn mucus and catarrh, down 1 pint of prune juice (the pure stuff, with bits) and then half an hour later have half a pint of cloudy apple juice. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. Â Once I did it and I lost 6lb overnight from everything that was stuck in there. Now I do it once a month and swear by it to feel light on the inside. It will help your digestive system work a load better too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladiesman345 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I would love to get a colonic irrigation. Just imagine getting rid of all the shit stuck to your intestines. Marathons and opal fruits aplenty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted April 22, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted April 22, 2014 If you want a good flushing to get rid of all the stubborn mucus and catarrh, down 1 pint of prune juice (the pure stuff, with bits) and then half an hour later have half a pint of cloudy apple juice. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. Â I'm going to try this. The juice thing, not not leaving the house, I do that already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted April 22, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 I read a good article online at the Grauniad (I think) about people who go on colonic holidays. One bloke shat up a marble he swallowed when he was five. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Bifkin Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 If you want a good flushing to get rid of all the stubborn mucus and catarrh, down 1 pint of prune juice (the pure stuff, with bits) and then half an hour later have half a pint of cloudy apple juice. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.  Once I did it and I lost 6lb overnight from everything that was stuck in there. Now I do it once a month and swear by it to feel light on the inside. It will help your digestive system work a load better too.  I like the sound of this. 2 questions. Firstly, would just blending up a tin of prunes do the job, or is there a particular brand of prune juice you used? Secondly, how long were you shitting for?  I read a good article online at the Grauniad (I think) about people who go on colonic holidays. One bloke shat up a marble he swallowed when he was five.  I have read it, in fact I have it bookmarked - The Enema Within  The end result sounds brilliant, and I was tempted but it just seems too much of an ordeal. Charles Bronson's solitary fitness gives instructions on how to give yourself a homemade enema. He has trained his anus to suck water up from a bowl. I think I'll stick with prune juice though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted April 22, 2014 Author Moderators Share Posted April 22, 2014 It's sad enough I remembered it, and you've bookmarked it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Bifkin Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 I nearly booked the holiday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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