Facebook updates that blow your mind

[RoryFice]

It has got the point now where I'm actually reading things like this, just to see how ridiculous they are:

 

Be Alert & Cautious / Must read!! A man came over and offered his services as a painter to a female who was putting gas in her car and left his card. She said no, but accepted his card out of kindness and got in the car. The man then got into a car driven by another gentleman. As the lady left the service station, she saw the men following her out of the station at the same time. Almost immediately, she started to feel dizzy and could not catch her breath. She tried to open the window and realized that the odor was on her hand; the same hand which accepted the card from the gentleman at the gas station. She then noticed the men were immediately behind her and she felt she needed to do something at that moment. She drove into the first driveway and began to honk her horn repeatedly to ask for help. The men drove away but the lady still felt pretty bad for several minutes after she could finally catch her breath. Apparently, there was a substance on the card that could have seriously injured her. This drug is called 'BURUNDANGA' and it is used by people who wish to incapacitate a victim in order to steal from or take advantage of them like REPEATED GANG RAPE. This drug is four times more dangerous than the date rape drug and is transferable on simple cards. So take heed and make sure you don't accept cards at any given time alone or from someone on the streets. This applies to those making house calls and slipping you a card when they offer their services . PLEASE SEND THIS E-MAIL ALERT TO EVERY FEMALE YOU KNOW

[Daaaaaad!]

Can we start one of these and see how far it spreads?

[deathrey]

Can it involve a man called Kevin Nash in some way?

[Surf Digby]

Fucking hell. Someone's gone all out on this one.

 

POLICE INFORMATION

 

The first bit is mainly for women, but gents , please read it and send it on to any women you care about. The second bit is a warning to all of us!

 

Some sound advice for us all, as we all sometimes forget to take our commonsense with us when we go out.

This is from Northants Police Women.....

 

Please read, and pass on.

 

An important message from the Police -

please pass this along to all the women you know.....

 

This actually happened a few weeks ago on the M3 FLEET SERVICES!!!

 

It was early evening, and a young girl stopped to get petrol. She filled her tank and walked into the store to pay for her petrol. The cashier told her, 'Don't pay for your petrol yet......walk around the store for a while, and act as if you're picking up some other things to buy. A man just got into the back of your car. I've called the police, and they're on their way'.

 

When the police arrived, they found the man in the back seat of the girl's car and asked him what he was doing. He replied, he was joining a gang, and the initiation to join is to kidnap a woman and bring her back to the gang to be raped by every member of the gang. If the woman was still alive by the time they finish with her then they let her go. According to the police that night, there is a new gang forming here, originating from London . The scary part of this is, because the guy didn't have a weapon on him, the police could only charge him with trespassing....

 

He's back on the street and free to try again. Something similar to this happened at the Tesco garage on Cardiff Road in Newport recently, but luckily the cashier saw the man get into her car. Please be aware of what's going on around you, and warn your family and friends.

 

LADIES, you or one of your family or friends could be the next victim. Please forward this on to everyone you know. Please do not discard this message; it is very important that everyone knows what is happening. Please be careful when leaving your vehicle, and make sure it is ALWAYS LOCKED to prevent this from happening to you.

 

MET POLICE

 

In light of the recent kidnapping and now murder of Leigh Mathews, I think it is important to read the following info for your own safety. Things women should know to stay safe: Please take the time to read these pointers. There may be just one or two you hadn't thought of. After reading this, forward it to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

 

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

 

2. if a robber asks for your handbag, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you..... He is probably more interested in your handbag than you, and he will go for the handbag. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

 

3. if you are ever thrown into the boot of a car: Kick out the back tail lights, and stick your arm through the hole and start waving. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

 

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their cheque book, or making a list). DON'T DO THIS! A predator could be watching you and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, and attack you. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

 

5. A few notes about getting into your car in car park:

 

a) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, look at the passenger side floor, and check the back seat.

 

b) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most attackers surprise their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

 

c) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the shop, or work, and get guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

 

6. ALWAYS take the lift instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone, and the perfect crime spot.

 

7. if the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT BE A VITAL ORGAN

 

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic:

STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women, He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

 

9. Another safety point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her, 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way. Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes, thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls from women saying that they hear babies' cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

 

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life.

 

A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. Send this to any woman you know who may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it, and it's better safe than sorry.

 

TO ALL CAR OWNERS AND CAR DRIVERS: PLEASE READ

 

Warning!!!! Be aware of new car-jacking scheme ..You walk across the car park, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine and shift or put into reverse. You look into the rear-view mirror to back out of your parking space, and you notice apiece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift the gear stick back into park or neutral, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper, or whatever it is that is obstructing your view.

When you reach the back of your car that is when the car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and takeoff!! Your engine was running, you would have left your purse in the car, and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED IN LONDON , MANCHESTER , AND MAKING ITS WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!

 

Just drive away, and remove the paper later! It is stuck to your window, and be thankful that you read this email. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women! A purse contains all identification, and you certainly do NOT want someone getting your home address. They already HAVE you keys!

 

JUST BE AWARE AND TAKE CARE -- IT WILL PROBABLY SOON ARRIVE IN YOUR AREA....

[HarmonicGenerator]

Fucking hell. Nowhere's safe!

[Frankie Crisp]

Residents of Northampton beware.

 

few years ago a mother and a father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. So they called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the children. Later in the night, the babysitter got bored and so she wanted .................................to watch tv but she couldnt watch it downstairs because they didnt have cable downstairs (the parents didnt want their children watching too much garbage) so she called them and asked them if she could watch cable tv in the parents room. Of course the parents said it was ok, but the babysitter had one final request. She asked if she could cover up the large clown statue in their bedroom with a blanket or cloth, because it made her nervous. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father(who was talking to the babysitter at the time) said.....take the children and get out of the house.....we'll call the police...we dont have a clown statue..... the children and the babysitter got murdered by the clown. it turned out 2 be that the clown was a killer that escaped from jail. if you dont repost this within 5 minutes the clown will be standing next 2 your bed at 3:00am with a knife in his hand

They're not even trying now.

[Bellenda Carlisle]

Frankie it was worth a try but you know posting that in here doesn't count as reposting it and the clown will still come for you right? Shit, it's too late. RIP Waterboy

Edited October 9, 2013 by Steve 'Big' Jobs

[HarmonicGenerator]

I read that and didn't repost it and I was woken up at around 3 this morning. I didn't find out what it was that woke me (it was probably the dog), but I did check the room for giant clown statues just in case.

[quote the raven]

Well it does not say the clown will kill you, just standing there.

 

What happens next he walks home?

[lanky316]

Residents of Northampton beware.

 

few years ago a mother and a father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. So they called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the children. Later in the night, the babysitter got bored and so she wanted .................................to watch tv but she couldnt watch it downstairs because they didnt have cable downstairs (the parents didnt want their children watching too much garbage) so she called them and asked them if she could watch cable tv in the parents room. Of course the parents said it was ok, but the babysitter had one final request. She asked if she could cover up the large clown statue in their bedroom with a blanket or cloth, because it made her nervous. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father(who was talking to the babysitter at the time) said.....take the children and get out of the house.....we'll call the police...we dont have a clown statue..... the children and the babysitter got murdered by the clown. it turned out 2 be that the clown was a killer that escaped from jail. if you dont repost this within 5 minutes the clown will be standing next 2 your bed at 3:00am with a knife in his hand

They're not even trying now.

 

It's strange how Facebook has finally caught up with the awful chain emails we used to get. This one seems to have been around years, so did the one about the kids being killed by being dragged down the well by zombie girl. The other day I even saw some one post the flashing headlights initiation the other day.

[ReturnOfTheMack]

One idiot on my Facebook in response to being asked about a work induction he was expecting, but he wasn't sure where it was being held.

 

I dont have a clue mate dis this in called work solutions told me der is an induction for amazon tday 9:30 n 1:30 so i said ill go. Its do all the test like litracy n numeracy n drug and alcohol test

[Daaaaaad!]

ReturnOfTheMack - do you live in Doncaster? I think we might have the same illiterate mate.

[slashlover]

..

Edited October 10, 2013 by slashlover

[Chest Rockwell]

I don't want to see that picture, you idiot.

[Guy Bifkin]

Speaking of idiots, I am of the opinion that if I were to remove all females and family members from my Facebook friends list it would instantly become a much more enjoyable experience.