Weirdest injuries

[tiger_rick]

22 minutes ago, TheBurningRed said:

Playing a football match at lunch time in school, one mate was in goal and one was attacking. Attacking player went for a header and the goalie came for the ball. They clashed heads. Goalie ended up with the other guys tooth embedded in his head. The attacker was on his arse with blood all down is chin and tears down his face. Was the most bizarre thing I saw. 

We got that at our club Xmas party last year. This kid just walked over with blood pissing down his face looking like he's Ric Flair and we wondered what the hell happened. I sat him down and he asked, through his tears, "Is it bad?" I lied my arse off. Anyway, we got him all cleaned up and he had the smallest nick in his head. Turned out they were pissing about playing football with a giant connect 4 piece (!!) and they clashed with one lads tooth digging in his head. To be fair, the other kid looked like Plug from The Beano so he's probably lucky he wasn't killed.

[TheScarlettChad]

I have two recent ones. I jumped off a small wall and did a barrel roll in mid air, And landed on my neck, Rolled over, How I didn't break my neck, Is beyond me.

And the last, I went onto a wooden table to grab a spider to put outside, the table buckled, I fall off said table, crash into the wardrobe, the table falls on me, and then my 2011 HUGE TV, Falls onto my hand, I think I just badly sprained my arm on that one, I had blood blisters all over my hand and I almost sliced my throat open on broken glass that had fallen after it smashed off the broken table. So feck injuries, I almost died...

[Nexus]

When I was a kid, I pulled a wardrobe down on top of - a mug that said "World's Best Son" smashed me on the back of the head and led to me needing stitches there. 

 

About two years later, at school, a bully pushed me into a concrete pole and cracked my head open again... 

[davertfnewman]

Two I know, not mine:

1. Lad I used to work with was on holiday with his girlfriend and a group and when they were a bit pissed she grabbed his pecker through his trousers and it hurt more than it should, not helped by her going to grab it again. Turned out that whatever she had done had torn part of his foreskin. Circumcision was on the cards, but the doctor said basically it is a piece of skin and will mend itself, but be careful.

2. Hockey match at school and one lad (Carl) was in front of another lad (Matt) who was marking him. Carl swung back, as you shouldn't, with the hockey stick like a golf club and it hit Matt right in the eye. It swelled up so quickly that it was like when a cartoon character has an anvil drop on their head and the bump comes up like a mountain.

[SuperBacon]

I have a small scar going through one of my eyebrows. I did it when I was 19 trying to get my cat down from a fence as she had no tail and would fall and hurt herself, slipped forward and hit my head on the corner of a brick wall. Smooth.

Whenever a girl would ask where I got the scar, I would say "scrapping" as I was a proper LADLADLAD...sorry, I mean TWATTWATTWAT. 

I once got bit on the arse by a dog on the estate which took a chunk out of it but didn't rip my jeans. Had to have a shot after that, but it was just a small prick in my bum WAHEEEEEEEEY 

[wandshogun09]

4 minutes ago, davertfnewman said:

grabbed his pecker 

[davertfnewman]

1 minute ago, wandshogun09 said:

I was going to say cock, but felt less medical.

[I Bent My Wookie]

Had to get a head and neck X Ray during college after I hopped off a bench hit a metal scaffolding pole above the bench and fell neck first across the seating area of the bench. 

Walked down to A and E and sat there for an hour before someone on reception noticed I mentioned head and neck injury and unable to move my head left or right and next thing you know I'm on a bed with a head and neck brace, a nurse dropping painkillers into my mouth and then essentially water boarding me trying to give me water to take them with and then cutting my shirt off me to take the X ray as I had metal buttons on it.

Was told I was very lucky that I hadn't actually broken my neck essentially to answer a call centre phone call.

I've also realised I say essentially too much.

 

Edited October 14, 2024 by I Bent My Wookie

[lanky316]

I was helping out the local youth theatre for a production of Romeo and Juliet, before opening night that lad playing Romeo came down with a ridiculous stage fright and couldn't go on. A lot of panic backstage and it's decided that as I was 22, I was the least creepy replacement and so was handed a script and told good luck. I'd worked with the people in fight scenes to come up with basic choreography to get through those, but I'd also said to people "if I'm in the wrong place for your marks just find a way to move me. This was a big mistake, as at one point I'm on the floor doing one of the many "woe is me!" moments, obviously I was in the wrong place for this as the girl playing Nurse decided to move me, no subtle eye movements, no hints I need to be elsewhere. She merely moved me while I was on the floor by booting me in the ribs during her "for Gods sake Romeo be a man" bit. Granted she did what I asked and moved me to where she needed me, at the cost of four broken ribs and a lifetime of further breathing problems.

[neil]

I broke my nose, not once but twice, doing a front flip by landing and my face ramming into my knees.

[ReturnOfTheMack]

3 hours ago, FLips said:

Were you holding the cheese in your mouth?

I'm just very enthusiastic about cheese!

[Surf Digby]

Put the kettle on, this might take a while.

When I was 6, I was helping to strip the wallpaper in the lounge of the house we'd moved into. I was holding the scraper vertically, and going upwards. At some point I got a good scrape under a big piece of paper (which was about 8 layers of wallpaper, as was fashionable with old people at the time) and then my scraper got stuck. I pushed and pushed, and eventually it came free, however I'd put so much force behind it that it flew up and hit me in the bridge of the nose.

I instinctively rubbed my nose, and as I took my hand away, there was a fair amount of blood. "Mum, I've had an accident", says I. She sees the blood on my hand, grabs me by the wrist and pulls me into the kitchen, sticking my bloody hand under the tap. At this point I had to tell her that it wasn't my hand that I'd cut, and she finally noticed the blood pissing out the top of my nose and now covering half of my face.
Once cleaned up and the bleeding stopped, I had to go to school with a plaster across the top of my nose, like a cut-price Adam Ant.

 

When I was 11, we were on holiday in Spain, and we found a park one evening. I was on the roundabout, and there was a broken board on the base of it. I was watching the floor whizz by through this hole, when I had the sudden brainwave that if I stuck my foot through this hole and onto the ground, it would act like a brake and bring it to a halt.

Of course, roundabouts in those days had probably 100kg of wood built around several hundred kilos of metal, and when they're spinning at high speed, that weight carries with it a fair bit of momentum.

So I stuck my foot through the hole, and instead of the roundabout slowing down, it carried on as before, dragging my foot underneath itself, making me genuinely believe that it was going to rip the thing off. Finally the roundabout stops, my ankle is in a bad way, but I also know that I can't go tell my Mum, as she'd just mock me for being so stupid, so I had to walk with minimal weight being put on that foot, whilst trying to make it look like I was walking normally.

Edited October 15, 2024 by Surf Digby
.

[Bus Surfer]

19 hours ago, FLips said:

 

 

 

18 hours ago, FLips said:

 

Double post cheese cyst wanker I am

Edited October 15, 2024 by Bus Surfer
Cheese on

[Bus Surfer]

19 hours ago, FLips said:

Now, decades later every now and again the wound flares up and fills with white gunk that smells of cheese when I squeeze it out.

 

 

18 hours ago, FLips said:

Were you holding the cheese in your mouth?

 Fucking hell. It's only 9.30am.

[Joe Blog]

I have a scar across my right eyebrow and no hair grows there so I have a permanent half eyebrow look going on. I did this by managing to whack a golfball off of the part of a wall where the front and top meet (the edge?) the ball shot back and hit me in the eyebrow. Pissed blood for ages it did.