Joke and Phrase Retirement Home

[Guest]

12 hours ago, deathrey said:

When I trained as a Mental Health First Aider we were told to use the phrase 'completed suicide'. As @Jazzy G pointed out 'commited' is generally used for crimes. I don't particularly like that terminology either, sounds like they finished a computer game 

I've just done a MHFA course and I'm glad to say "completed" suicide never came up! Hideous use of language. 

[Chest Rockwell]

Is x in the room with you?

[Mr_Danger]

This is neither a joke nor a phrase but here seems to be the place to hate all things yoof. My 12 year old daughter tells me there’s people her age who think Nirvana is a clothing brand and I find it hilarious. That’s what you get goths.

[johnnyboy]

On 8/7/2024 at 10:57 AM, BomberPat said:

A big one for me. There seem to be thousands of people on TikTok who don't know what "POV" means, because 99% of the time I see it, it's on a video that isn't from that person's POV.

My daughter tried to convince me that it stood for "Point of Video" after showing me a TikTok "POV" that I said was not a "Point of View" in any shape or form.  I remain unconvinced.

 

On 8/7/2024 at 3:37 PM, Slapnut said:

Similar to this, adding “not” at the start of a sentence when they’ve done the exact thing they’re saying they haven’t done.

Everyone knows that it should be added at the end after a small pause, just like Borat does it...  NOT!

[Chest Rockwell]

We got thing before GTA6

[Dr. Alan Grant]

They could never make me hate you.

[Insert name], you will always be famous.

Me and who?

[thevestofdeanambrose]

Has anyone said Demure yet? That is heading straight for this thread

[Arch Stanton]

I must be winning, because I've not heard of any of the last three submissions.

[Dr. Alan Grant]

Latest one that I’ve been seeing far too often. “If you know who this is, we can be friends.” Followed by a picture of a random actor when they were younger. 

[The Gaffer]

On 8/23/2024 at 8:30 PM, thevestofdeanambrose said:

Has anyone said Demure yet? That is heading straight for this thread

File under "People assume I'm doing the thing but I've always used that word" for me. Got pulled on it yesterday. 

There's no way I could have known. I've only just started catching up with Brat Summer. 

[wordsfromlee]

On 8/7/2024 at 12:27 PM, SpiritOfTheForest said:

"expletive + noun" as an insult. You know the ones - cockwomble, wankpuffin, shitgibbon, spunktrumpet etc etc

Must have been going on for years now. Someone thinking they're dishing out a devastatingly witty insult but end up sounding overly-twee and a bit try-hard. Clearly it's just me though as to this day, whenever such a term makes an appearance on X, there will be someone commenting along the lines "absolutely outstanding Sir, you have just won the internet for today". Which could in itself be another entrant in this thread. 

Shite patter. Although I did once year someone be referred to as a "spamjavelin" before and I have to admit that one was pretty good. 

This one has been annoying me a lot recently. It also seems like those twee, charisma-vacuums have now moved onto insults like “I hope they step on Lego every time they go to the toilet in the night!” or “I hope they misplace their car keys and are late to a very important meeting” like it’s some kind of sick burn. 
 

Just say you fucking hate them and wished that bullet had actually gone straight between his eyes, like a normal person would. 

[SuperBacon]

On that note, I stepped in dog shit the other day on the way to work. 

I hope every cunt that let's their dog shit on pavement dies a slow and painful death.

I wanted to dropkick someone in the face all day.

[Carbomb]

2 hours ago, wordsfromlee said:

This one has been annoying me a lot recently. It also seems like those twee, charisma-vacuums have now moved onto insults like “I hope they step on Lego every time they go to the toilet in the night!” or “I hope they misplace their car keys and are late to a very important meeting” like it’s some kind of sick burn. 
 

Just say you fucking hate them and wished that bullet had actually gone straight between his eyes, like a normal person would. 

According to a Jewish friend of mine, it's a very Yiddish way to curse somebody. There's not necessarily a defined, identified cultural origin for it, but the most common notion is that, because Jews as a people have experienced some of the worst things humanity has ever done, they're reluctant to wish things like death or maiming or anything particularly horrendous on anyone as a general matter of course. So you end up with things like "I hope they build an abbatoir next to his house" or "May you either have to use the toilet every three minutes or every three months".

The above curses of someone's life being plagued by minor annoyances fits with that very well.

Edited November 27, 2024 by Carbomb

[Bellenda Carlisle]

Do you remember those "funny sex moves" people used to joke about? Like "oh i gave her the arabian goggles, donkey punch and long john silver etc".

i always thought those were the legit least funny thing of all time, however I've seen a few of these recently and I think they might be even less funny.

I saw all these on social media in the last couple of days, the set up is simply that there's a picture of an attractive enough woman and these are among the replies;

Spoiler

 

[Chest Rockwell]

I was thinking the exact same just a couple days ago! Wasn't sure if it was something that I've only just become aware of it if it was actually something that has very recently started to become more prolific, so I guess it's the latter with you posting it here...