AEW Rampage Thread 2023

[ReturnOfTheMack]

Oh. I watched Rampage while my wife was upstairs, still in bed. Seems she was partially awake, heard Isiah Kassidy doing that orgasm moan, decided I must be watching porn, decided she couldnt be bothered and went back to sleep.

[jazzygeofferz]

On 5/6/2023 at 9:26 AM, ReturnOfTheMack said:

Not a bad show. Brisco/Vincent went on a few minutes too long really. And the Hardy compound stuff was mostly silly fun, but the initial day becomes night stuff did irritate me, a step too far in my suspension of disbelief.

It was the commentary that killed it for me. Hardy compound nonsense is going on, and you e got Excalibur & Schiavone calling it? Just let it play out on the screen. 

[Fatty Facesitter]

👍 Double J in general. 

👍 Briscoe/Vance - Decent brawl with Briscoe in particular really busting a gut. Nice moment with his family at the end. The only redeeming match item on this week's show. 

👎 Six-man opener - Generally fine but it felt like everyone was working at half-speed. I'm usually bang up for a tag opener and it nearly always gets a thumbs up from me, but it felt like they never hit top gear and there felt like a severe lack of consequence. 

👎 Cargill squash - Pointless and just another notch on her record. 

👎 Firm Deletion - Any Broken Hardy bollocks will always be subjective and your enjoyment of this really does depend on your tastebuds when it comes to these cinematic matches and how you feel about the wider Hardy universe/aesthetic generally. Some good comedy from Stokely aside, I thought this was an awful spectacle and reeked of a self-indulgent passion project which just didn't land. Excellent point from @jazzygeofferz on the commentary - what an absolutely ridiculous addition to proceedings that was (as if the whole fucking shower wasn't ridiculous enough in the first place). Way, way too much of a juxtaposition from AEW's regular output and it doesn't belong on television. I'd be completely and utterly embarrassed to be associated with the whole thing. They Hardys could retire tomorrow and it wouldn't be a moment too soon. As for Hook, their talents are wasted being part of this frankly absurd angle. Perhaps I've overreacting to what some people might view as daft and silly fun, but this has done nothing for anyone involved and I was embarrassed even watching it. A proper shower of shite, a ridiculous spectacle and a proper eyesore. Let this be the death of the cinematic match. Also, cringerworthy acting for the duration (though again, Stokely at least threw himself into the absurdity of it with aplomb).

Overall - An all-time crap Rampage mainly because of the Firm Deletion. I'm giving it until Double or Nothing and if the show doesn't improve, I'm out. No more Fatty Facesitter thumb reviews. That'll show them! 

 

Edited May 8 by Fatty Facesitter

[jazzygeofferz]

28 minutes ago, Fatty Facesitter said:

 Briscoe/Vance - Decent brawl with Briscoe in particular really busting a gut. Nice moment with his family at the end. The only redeeming match item on this week's show

It was a decent match, and as nice as it was celebrating with his family, did it not seem a bit much after he's just beaten Preston Vance? If he'd won a belt or something, then yeah celebrate with the kids, but he's won an overly long jobber squash on the B-show. It's a step removed from Luger's celebration at Summerslam 93.

[GlennCullen]

Family has had a rough few months of it, they got to go out and see Mark wrestle. No complaints here.

Edited May 11 by GlennCullen

[Big'Olympic_Hero'Pete]

On 5/9/2023 at 12:28 AM, jazzygeofferz said:

It was a decent match, and as nice as it was celebrating with his family, did it not seem a bit much after he's just beaten Preston Vance? If he'd won a belt or something, then yeah celebrate with the kids, but he's won an overly long jobber squash on the B-show. It's a step removed from Luger's celebration at Summerslam 93.

But as was alluded to throughout the match, it's almost 'home arena' for Briscoe so kind of like a homecoming/thank you and with the crap his family have had, let them have that moment. 

 

Harry Vance I thought looked pretty reasonable in the match, not superb, but solid enough. If we want to have the TNT title aimed at bigger fellas, then Vance maybe just about gets into that stage.

[Lorne Malvo]

A decent enough Rampage let down by another terrible Hardys segment. Both of them are pretty unwatchable at this point. 'Matt Hardy vs contracts' seems like it's been going on for longer than AEWs existence and is always shit. 

It really is just Heat at this point though. Absolutely nothing of note happens on Rampage anymore.

[Fatty Facesitter]

👍 Acclaimed vs Butcher/Blade/Sabian - Good, fun start between six dependable bodies who got the crowd going. 

👍 Storm/Kay - Rock solid. 

👍 Andretti/Fletcher - Slow and steady in the first half, but the second half was much more action-packed. 

👍 Mogul Embassy/Dark Order - Again, this was solid and dependable. Loved the posedown between Brian Cage and Johnny Hungee. 

👎 QTV - I don't hate the gimmick as much as others but this was a pants segment this week. 

👎 Hardy bollocks - When I first typed this out, I had a temporary auto-correction to 'hairy bollocks', which is probably just as apt a description. Just when you think we're finally moving on from contract speak, we're back where we started. Matt, Jeff, you've served us well. Time to hang them up, go and get a Hall of Fame induction perhaps. Sing a few autographs at some conventions. Do a podcast with Conrad. Anything but this. 

👎 @Lorne Malvo hit the nail on the head in his last line. It's just Heat now. 

Overall - Perhaps a slightly contradictory entry from me for Rampers this week. I thought all four matches were rock solid to jolly good and the show breezed by except for a couple of naff promo segments, but the truth is that there's so much good wrestling out there at the moment and unless some of your top, top, top stars are involved, you've essentially turned Rampage into an equivalent of what Heat used to be. I'm all for midcarders getting time to shine, and there were some over acts on this show that will be grateful for said minutes, but Unless Rampage busts out some bonafide main eventers again, this show will die on its arse once Collision starts. Which seems like a shame considering how hot the show used to be. 

Edited May 14 by Fatty Facesitter

[Lorne Malvo]

Rampage is just the show now where never-ending feuds just rumble on forever. Ethan Page vs Matt Hardy and Swerve vs Keith Lee have both been going on longer than I've been alive. This week did reheat both feuds up quite well but I'm begging they all move on after Double or Nothing.

Swerve/Lee missed a trick by not doing their singles match as soon as Lee returned. Instead we've had what seems to be about 6 months of Swerve arsing about with neo-Nazis and the Embassy while Keith Lee's role now is to stroll to the ring slowly while Dustin Rhodes gets battered. Hopefully Collision is the start of Swerve getting featured more, he's so good. Dustin bled an absolute gusher here and it looked like he got cut hardway.

Ethan Page has been carrying this Hardys/Firm shite on his back for the past year. I really liked the Page/Hardy Party friendship that was built up on Dark/Elevation so Ethan's promo fooled me, the bastard. That chair spot on Brother Zay was nasty and gives the feud some much-needed heat before Double or Nothing. I'm praying for an Ethan Page win though, I really can't be doing with yet another contracts storyline.

The opener was match of the night and I liked Best Friends playing on their history with Yuta. Trent was right all along about Wheeler, he's a little shit!

[David]

3 hours ago, Lorne Malvo said:

Dustin bled an absolute gusher here and it looked like he got cut hardway.

Looked like a collision with a camera, didn't it? Did the commentators confirm that? Regardless, it looked pretty nasty.

[Fatty Facesitter]

19/5

Overall - Far from perfect but a step int be right direction for the show. Some big hitters returned to the show’s screens which was a most welcome development. The wrestling started brilliantly and there were some other good moments. However, there are still some elements that need switching up and with Collision on the way, it’s now make or break time for this show. 

👍 BCC vs Best Amigos - Now THIS is how Rampage should be. An act like the BCC locked into one of AEW’s most high-profile feuds taking on another popular act and putting on a clinic. A brilliant watch. Bandido is becoming a firm favourite in the Fatty Facesitter household, which brought about some great analysis from the better half: “He’s really showing lots of emotion and personality even though his mask covers his whole face and you can’t see his mouth! Also I like his hair.” Spot on, he’s great. Could probably skip the rest of the show after this to be honest. 

👍 Cole/Jericho business - Again, we’ve been lacking some spark on Rampage of late with some of the main feuds not always transferring over from Dynamite, so this was a great edition. They’ve done a great job of making you really feel their hatred of one another and I’m looking forward to the forthcoming encounter.  

👍 Acclaimed vs Varsity Athletes - Nothing we haven’t seen before but more good, silly fun from the Acclaimed and Daddy Ass. 

👍 Dustin Rhodes vs Kaun - Ignoring the post-match stuff for a moment, this was a good brawl. Dustin took a nasty shot from the camera and May have been busted open hardway. He can still go can ol’ Dustin. 

👎 Jade Cargill business - Sorry but this is now turning into one of the most boring professional wrestling ‘streaks’ ever. Jade always looks impressive from an athletic perspective and clearly has star quality,  but these squashes are becoming tiresome and are doing nothing for the TBS title. They’re clearly just topping up the number for the sake of it, and while in the long term that might work when they get towards triple figures and the intrigue ramps up, it’s going to be a bit of a slog getting there. Also, confusing dynamic here - it looked as though Taya had replaced that third lass in the open challenge, but then didn’t and rather than pounce on her now she’s going to her loads of time to recover for the PPV? Just a strange execution. 

👎 Page/Hardy bollocks - At this point I’m like the bloke who’s not quite fully dead yet in Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003 version, Andy I think his name was?) where his friend discovers him and he begs her to ‘end it’ so he no longer suffers. Just end it for all involved. Please. An overly gratuitous chair-neck bump didn’t have the desired effect either - they were going for the shock factor, but it’s been wasted in a feud that’s far overstayed its welcome. 

👎 Swerve/Lee business - I know there were more players involved here than the two I’ve just mentioned, but this has dragged far too long. The brawl between Lee and Cage was pretty disappointing in truth - it lacked intensity, and Cage almost buggered his finish (though I do appreciate that Big Keith is a hefty fellow). Swerve shows potential - his prowling to the crowd and his general athleticism are major assets. But we need to move on from this. 

[Supremo]

Fun opener. Biggest takeaway was seeing Claudio and Bandido interact. Magic. They need to book a singles match as soon as possible. Peak AEW where you suddenly realise there’s a perfect match up that you never even considered before. Battle of the freakishly strong bastards!

I can’t believe the Matt Hardy contract saga is continuing. I thought it was a joke when I read about that Double or Nothing six-man tag. Unbelievable. Beyond parody at this point. I can’t think of anyone who’s ever had greater fuck off heat than Matt Hardy in 2023.

Absolutely adored the Jericho/Adam Cole stuff. That’s the closest Rampage has felt to having crazy, main event Dynamite energy in months. Pure fire! Hopefully a sign of what Collision has the potential to be.

Credit to Dustin Rhodes for trying to make something of that main event. Working his balls off and bleeding a gusher on what is essentially WWF Metal at this point. Fair play. Didn’t work though. I finished the show minutes ago and I’ve already forgotten what the other fella was called.

Swerve Strickland looked the absolute business at the end though. Landing on his feet, staring down at the camera, the gorgeous red kecks, a noticeably better physique. That closing shot may as well have been his audition to be top heel on Saturday nights. He’s the next big thing.

“Don’t bother coming, Punk. We don’t need you.”

 

Edited May 24 by Supremo

[Lorne Malvo]

3 minutes ago, Supremo said:

I can’t think of anyone who’s ever had greater fuck off heat than Matt Hardy in 2023.

 

His brother, for one.

[Fatty Facesitter]

*Note - As it’s the last Rampage before DoN and we’re not far off the Collision debut, I’m going to take a breather from watching (and thus reviewing) for now. Might check out the odd YouTube highlight from time to time though.*

Overall - Three solid encounters, but nothing that made you leap out of your chair with glee. Still, some good additional bonus build towards DoN and a breezy hour of wrestling to go with my peanut butter and toast this morning. 

👍 Acclaimed 6-man - Jolly good fun again from the trio who have essentially become Rampage MVPs at this point, with La Faction being good fodder for them. Billy still looks the business. 

👍 Women’s tag - Fine and dandy. AEW’s women’s tag team matches are currently a far better standard than WWE’s output. Britt remains a tremendously popular act. Good to see Nyla Rose back in the mix. 

👍 Best Friends vs Moriarty/Big Bill - Solid (if unspectacular) main event with a fun post-match brawl between the different parties involved in the battle royale. Glad we got an Orange Cassidy cameo to close the show too. 

👎 Page/Gunns 6-man - Easy skip and a completely charmless squash. Page is a great presence on the stick and clearly a capable hand in ring - maybe the roster split will be a good platform for him to ascend up the card again depending on which show he winds up on regularly. As for the wider backdrop with the Hardys, load of bollocks as previously stated. Bin. 

Edited Saturday at 09:15 AM by Fatty Facesitter