The Relationship Thread

[Mr.E]

Strange days, I found out in the space of a week that two of my ex fiancees are pregnant with their new partners. Both came completely out of the blue. One was in person with a definable bump, though she didnt recognise me. the other via a facebook profile change  that saw on one of them On This Day updates.

 

Given that we actively tried to have kids going as far as IVF or had multiple scares with all three of those i ve been engaged too, how am I meant to feel? I cant have kids now because of the hormone treatment, but all three have gone on to have kids or are pregnant,is weirding me out. I appreciate life goes on and am happy for all involved, however the shock and the sort of kick in the teeth at something in part which caused break ups, in one of the cases. What am I meant to do? shrug brush it off or try and work through it as logic would say that clearly the problem was me, despite the IVF tests showing otherwise.

This one could but complete coincidence, in so far as, even with IVF or without, isnt there still a chance you could conceive naturally? For yourself though, its difficult but you're moving on with your own thing, and you still have options in terms of having children in the future.

 

 

So I've been out of my long term relationship for about 9 months now and been interested in this lass for a bit. She invited me on her birthday night out with others last weekend. Things were going well, we went for a meal, I gave her a present I knew she'd like, things seemed to be going well. Moved onto the club, she introduced a bottle of Vodka to the table. I had a bit, trying to fit in, not much of a drinker and that's when the shit hit the fan...The next 3 hours are a blur but by her account I made a bit of a tit of myself. She's still speaking to me 3 days later but what does the UKFF think? Have I blown it?

 

Is shes still speaking with you, its a plus. Try and find out what you've done, and just make a bit of a joke about it, if possible. Depending on how much of a tit you made of yourself, it may just be that you were insanly drunk, instead of say....smashing up the bar or something.

[patiirc]

 

This one could but complete coincidence, in so far as, even with IVF or without, isnt there still a chance you could conceive naturally? For yourself though, its difficult but you're moving on with your own thing, and you still have options in terms of having children in the future.

 

 

Thanks for the response, but nah, I cant hormones have basically chemically castrated me, T levels are pretty much zero, so its a physical impossibilty now it's adopt or bust in terms of having my own kids.

 

It's just playing on my brain.My bro had loads of problems conceiving with his wife indeed they lost their first at nearly full term as went with undiagnosed Spina Bifida and was still born, . Their second is doing really well. It's a case of genetics meaning that my swimmers were not right for my body, just reaffirms all that was wrong, but is sad because I never had the chance to be a dad when I was a bloke, as i could never be.

 

I guess its more about what ifs that regrets or anything like that. Im god mum to one of my mates kids, so if i get a chance will have to be a parent by proxy or if i get into a relationship where there are already kids.

[GPW Kristian Zane]

Thanks for the advice guys!

[Mr.E]

 

 

This one could but complete coincidence, in so far as, even with IVF or without, isnt there still a chance you could conceive naturally? For yourself though, its difficult but you're moving on with your own thing, and you still have options in terms of having children in the future.

 

 

Thanks for the response, but nah, I cant hormones have basically chemically castrated me, T levels are pretty much zero, so its a physical impossibilty now it's adopt or bust in terms of having my own kids.

 

It's just playing on my brain.My bro had loads of problems conceiving with his wife indeed they lost their first at nearly full term as went with undiagnosed Spina Bifida and was still born, . Their second is doing really well. It's a case of genetics meaning that my swimmers were not right for my body, just reaffirms all that was wrong, but is sad because I never had the chance to be a dad when I was a bloke, as i could never be.

 

I guess its more about what ifs that regrets or anything like that. Im god mum to one of my mates kids, so if i get a chance will have to be a parent by proxy or if i get into a relationship where there are already kids.

 

Yeah, by options I meant adoption hah.

 

We all get "what if's" playing on our minds from time to time, so try to look forward instead of back. You're a whole new you now , (literally ha) so focus on that

[Monkee]

I give up on men. I'm done. I'be resigned myself that I'll be single for the rest of my life. And I'm definitely sure that's no great blow to the male population.

[Lenin]

Bit of a downer in here at the moment. I'm going to add to this by asking a question I think I know the answer to.

 

Was asked to look at one of her presentations, gave me the laptop on her way to the loo. Reading away and messenger is open.

 

It's her best friend. The one who ivr never got on with through 12 years of dating/marriage.

 

And the missus is going on about how she thought she was pregnant. News to me. 2 weeks late did several tests. Them I thought hang about not done it conventionally for a few weeks.

 

So two questions.

 

Is it normal for me to not be the first to now because women? And how do I know it's not someone else's juice got her panicking?

[Surf Digby]

Is it normal for me to not be the first to know because women?

This depends on a) How you feel about her being pregnant, and b) how she thinks you feel about her being pregnant. If she's worried that you'll take the news badly, she might be wanting to make absolutely sure before she lays it on you.

 

And how do I know it's not someone else's juice got her panicking?

The blunt answer is you don't.

 

I give up on men. I'm done. I'be resigned myself that I'll be single for the rest of my life. And I'm definitely sure that's no great blow to the male population.

Pish posh.

 

I felt like that back in 2009/10. I was convinced that nobody would ever have an interest in me, and I had so little confidence that there was no way I was ever going to approach anyone (especially after the one occasion where I did mention to someone that I like them and she asked me if I was drunk, and that she had no idea why I might think she'd be interested in me).

I'm now six years into a relationship, new baby, lots of duplications in the DVD collection, etc.

 

If there's someone out there for a nobhead like me, then there's definitely someone out there for you.

[Lenin]

True. She was all for it and last few months has done a 180 as evidenced by her horror that it was a possibility.

 

I don't mind my concern in early 30's is leaving it too long.

[slashlover]

Also, two weeks late does not mean two weeks pregnant. Because of a cycle, two weeks late can mean 4 or 5 weeks pregnant, more if her cycle is irregular or longer that the 28/29 day average.

[Gus Mears]

Good luck with your stuff Sinner and Monkee, you will find someone I'm sure, as everyone else in here has said.

 

I'm going on a second date with the girl from last weekend. She's really nice and incredibly easy to talk with, which is excellent.I'm also unfortunately continuing to phone Gus met Sally girl and having long drunken conversations with her several times a week. I really need to stop that, it's not healthy and I know it isn't.

[Juan Manforce]

Tried to get back into the whole online dating thing again recently, reactivating POF, OK Cupid and (probably stupidly) Tinder. A few weeks in and I'm starting to get despondent again. One girl I've messaged has responded in all those weeks. Was having decent chat with her, added her on Facebook, and within 2 days of that her messages started slowing down then stopped. I could see the messages were read. Unfriended her, I don't need a headfuck like that in my life.

 

It's hard enough finding people with similar interests to me on 'normal' dating sites (where every other girl lists 'gym' or 'travel' as their main hobby), when I whittle it down to people I'm even remotely attracted to I end up with only a handful of options and never get any replies. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong anymore. Is it my profile, my chat, the fact that I'm not a 10, a combination of it all? Considering my already low self esteem is taking a pounding thanks to other areas of my life, I don't know how much longer I should keep this up. I'm clearly bad at dating - never had a relationship, owing to self esteem/anxiety issues, my image in the past didn't help but I've gone from weighing 26st to 13st in the past 6 years, I should be over that kind of shit - and have no idea how to get better at it without getting experience that at my age (28 next month) I should already have. It's a vicious cycle. I get down because I'm lonely, try to make an effort to change that, and just get even more down.

[Lenin]

Good luck with your stuff Sinner and Monkee, you will find someone I'm sure, as everyone else in here has said.

 

I'm going on a second date with the girl from last weekend. She's really nice and incredibly easy to talk with, which is excellent.I'm also unfortunately continuing to phone Gus met Sally girl and having long drunken conversations with her several times a week. I really need to stop that, it's not healthy and I know it isn't.

Cheers. Just had it out, managed to get her to confess what I'd read without revealing I'd read. Overreaction on my par it seems. I've been snapping about stuff and I didn't realise I had been (project at work putting me under strain) so she didn't want the hassle of throwing the baby bomb into the mix.

 

She isn't, and we're talking. Seems to crop up every so often. Phew!

[Surf Digby]

Soapy bath for two to make up for it?

[Lenin]

Joint shower after I got back from golf. Better than nothing I guess.

Edited September 18, 2016 by Suplex Sinner

[Mr_Danger]

Any divorce veterans knocking about? I think she's going to try to say I emotionally abused her which I would contest. There's been a bit on both sides, it's almost impossible not to argue without ticking a few of those boxes but it's never been Trevor and Mo and I have never consciously tried to carry out any form of emotional abuse, neither has she.

 

Ayway, if it does pop up how do I react? Is it as bad as it sounds? Will it affect my access? I'd rather get it over and done with but won't accept being labelled as an abuser in any form. As an aside she did mention that the only way she could get financial assistance was if there was abuse in the relationship so it could be her crazy brain reinventing our relationship in a certain light.