Post Of The Year 2014

[NEWM]

Stick one on from me for Astro and Magnum. That Astro one is a spot on takedown of such a shitty, shitty thing, and the festival poster really does had me going from a giggle to a guffaw-out-loud by the end.

[neil]

I hadn't noticed that poster as that thread seemed shit from the get-go, but there is something inherently hilarious in Magnum's poster. You'd think it would just be "monkey cheese" humour, but theres something truly hilarious in that line up.

[gmoney]

It's in the diversity and obscurity of the choices I think. The entire Derby county team, Honor Blackman, Eva Peron and and Shola Ameobi's dad (identified by his profession) probably got the biggest laughs from me.

[PowerButchi]

John Selwyn Gummer for me. Also made me think about Rhodes Boyson doing a turn at a festival, which is no bad thing.

[neil]

I thought of Geoff Capes coming out and addressing the crowd is a hilarious thought.

[Fatty Facesitter]

This post from Ian sums up Batista brilliantly.

 

That's Batista. I remember he was interviewed by (I think) Bryan Alvarez once and he asked him "where did you get those whacky clothes when you were a heel" and Big Dave was like "oh, my wardrobe". I love him for it. He admits he's an overgrown child, who collects toys he could never afford when he was a kid, buys cars that he doesn't need, did an MMA fight just to say he did it, wears mad clothes because he doesn't give a fuck and shags whoever he likes. He's a great man. He's a bloke who got rich later in life, and is just having it. I love him.

 

He has a fucking nose ring in his mid-40s. That isn't trying to impress anyone. That's him not giving a fuck. He's a great man. Although, he does look like a Ninja Turtle without the hair. He really needs the stubble back.

[HarmonicGenerator]

I'm reasonably confident the Liars thread will yield some great stories, but as it currently stands, this one made me laugh. I've known people like the Liar here...

 

Back when I was at college, I used to know some people who did Backyard Wrestling. I never partook myself, but knew all involved and that was there thing I just used to watch. Anyway, one time there were two of them doing a match and this lad (who looked to be into metal like we were) walks up to us and we make polite conversation for a bit. I'd never seen him around the college or anything, but he could have easily just taken different subjects to me and our paths never crossed. Either way, after a few minutes he mentions about how he goes to a wrestling school and has training with guys who used to work for WCW then moved onto WWF (think it was still WWF at the time but i could be wrong). "Oh yeah? Where does that happen at", just making polite conversation, and this is how it went:

Liar: "Oh its Woodford [Leisure Centre, I would put a website here, but it only has one affiliated with Hull County Council], its run by WWF".

Me: "WWF runs a school at Woodford Leisure Centre....in Hull?"

Liar: "Yeah, they've had it there ages"

Me: "In Hull? Not London, Manchester or any other major city in the country, but here in Hull?"

Liar: "Why are you saying it like that?

Me: "Because it sounds ultra-far-fetched that the WWF would have a wrestling school in Hull"

Liar: "They do! Jeff Hardy and Lita were there last week! [this is when Jeff Hardy was at the height of Team Extreme]

Me: "Oh yeah? and what were they doing there?

Liar: Oh, Jeff just went through some things to do with running the ropes and jumping off the turnbuckles. He said I was really good and then we had a Hell In A Cell match"

Me: "So you had a Hell In A Cell match with Jeff Hardy at Woodford Leisure Centre last week?"

Liar: "Yeah"

Me: OK, course you did"

Liar: Yeah, yeah I did. Tell me this then. How do i know that Lita's real name is Amy?"

Me: "But I know that, her name is Amy Dumas, you can find that one the internet for fucks sake"

Liar: "oh, well, yeah I did"

 

 

I'm sure he was just guy who saw what we were doing and was trying to sound impressive to us for some reason as we'd be starstruck that he was training with the WWF or something. It was just the way he played it totally straight and was committed to the lie

[HarmonicGenerator]

Actually, never mind, wand just topped it. Love this story.

 

This is more about this girl's stupidity than it being a great lie obviously but...

 

A couple of years ago, my girlfriend's dopey cousin was round our place and an advert for KFC came on the telly. I told her that the old bloke on the KFC bucket (Colonel Sanders) was Rolf Harris, fully expecting her to just roll her eyes and call me a twat or something. But no, she said "Is it? I thought I recognised him." Then she started saying how he was a hypocrite for doing Animal Hospital but endorsing a bucket of dead chicken body parts. "So he's all sad when a guinea pig has to be put to sleep but he's alright with chickens being killed and fried?" I had to leave the room at that one.

 

Best of all, I completely forgot about this for about two years. Then she came around ours with her new boyfriend a few months back, just after old Rolf was arrested for fiddling. Her boyfriend said "Did you hear about Rolf Harris?" And we were on about it. Then it went quiet for a second and she said "What's going to happen about KFC then now? They'll have to put someone else on the bucket won't they?" The way she said it all concerned and serious just slayed me. It took my legs out like I was a boxer on the ropes. Two years she'd been going around believing Rolf Harris was the face of KFC. Her boyfriend thought she was cracking a joke so he was laughing until he saw her giving him the death stare. I had to break the news to her that it wasn't Rolf on the bucket. And she still didn't believe me until she Googled it.

[Frankie Crisp]

That's absolutely wonderful. Seconded with a huge thumbs up.

[PunkStep]

This from Woy got a big laugh out of me, and I might've shouted out 'SHHOOOOOOWWW' after

 

On the website, it says

[NEWM]

Exactly what I came in to post, I love it when you read a post with a voice in mind and it makes it even funnier. Just brilliant. Heartily seconded.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Whether you agree with it or not, this is a lovely comparison Astro makes in the RAW thread.

 

Spoiler tagged as it refers indirectly to Royal Rumble and this week's RAW.

 

<-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler

Yeah, the soap thing doesn't work as an analogy at all, and nothing really does, because wrestling is such a unique form of entertainment/business. Here's the best I've got:

 

As they've got the monopoly on things, think of WWE as Hollywood. What's happening now, or other times when fans have kicked up a stink about booking, is like when a studio takes a really interesting, well received smaller film and buries it on hardly any screens, shoves it out straight to DVD, or takes it from the director and re-cuts it. It makes fuck all money, which gets blamed on the director, stars, writer; who have to work their way back up from scratch, or never work again; and even on the genre. "Cancel the greenlight on that time-travel flick -- those don't sell right now." And it certainly won't get any sequels. That's Daniel Bryan.

 

Cena is Transformers 4. It's guaranteed to make a fuck load of money and shift tons of toys from its target audience of children, but the budget and promotional costs are so huge, five smaller, more risky, original films that could have filled that spot, and made new stars or franchises, never get made. Randy Orton's R.I.P.D. He gets the big opening, the expensive actors, the huge budget, but is really dull, and doesn't make any money because nobody wants to see it. Despite this, many similar films will bomb every summer, from now until forever, because nobody ever learns.

 

Batista is Die Hard 4, a once-entertaining an old favourite getting wheeled out for another go, because more people will watch than won't, even though it's not a shade on the earlier ones. Each of these films come out at the expense of Daniel Bryan, whose director has currently been locked out of the editing room, who's hitting iTunes before a small theatrical run. People complain because it's obvious the system is fucking up, regardless of whether or not "whining fans don't know shit." After Earth bombed, you say? Stop throwing money at M. Night Shyamalan, then, because everyone saw it coming.

 

Probably doesn't work, I had a go.

 

[close spoiler]

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[patiirc]

Pitcos nailing The Rock's Return to the WWE

 

http://ukff.com/index.php?s=&showtopic...t&p=2815025

 

I'm not a Cena hater and I understand and appreciate his role in the company, but I don't think he is on The Rock's level

He's not -- he's leagues above The Rock's level, if their feud is anything to go by. The Rock's return, exposing himself as a bit of a lame nostalgia act armed with sub-Cena material, is one of wrestling's biggest ever anticlimaxes. It was more childhood-raping than any Hollywood remake, because it made everyone realise that the attitude era coming back would be crap. For years, the general mindset seemed to be "wrestling's shit now, it was good when The Rock was in it, they'd never get him back now but if they did it'd be awesome." And then they got him back, he was outclassed by John Cena -- the bloke he was meant to be saving us from -- on every level, he had to write his shit lines on his fucking hand, and he couldn't go more than five minutes without tearing some muscle or other because he'd ballooned up to cartoon meathead size for the role of Roid Man in a production of real life. And everyone then had to either have a word with themselves about what a tit they must have been when they liked him in 2000, or they had to go into denial mode and pretend that he was a completely different character now.

[HarmonicGenerator]

I like The Rock, but that's a good post. Seconded.

[HarmonicGenerator]

It doesn't look like I can put a quote in an edit, but here's Surf with a great one liner...

 

Once I finished swimming my legs just felt like jelly and I struggled to get my T-shirt on.

If you're putting it on your legs, that's half the problem.