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Facebook updates that blow your mind


SpursRiot2012

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My relatively small friends list is almost completely free of most of the daftness documented in this thread. There is however a small contingent who share links to sites like WorldTruth.tv and The Alternative World News Network, etc. They invariably have a pre-occupation with nutrition, and seem very fond of the trope about docile masses eating microwaved food and watching reality TV. Almost every post will allude to this trope in some way.

 

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Thank fuck for that North Korean dude.

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There's a girl on mine whose friend request I accepted purely out of politeness as she hangs out with some actual, proper friends of mine. Little teenage gutterpunk girl, throwing herself wholeheartedly into the sex, drugs and rock n roll thing. The other day she posted a distraught status about how hard it is only seeing her child once a month and being thought of as unable to care for it. Every day, she said, is a constant struggle, and she misses her baby more than anyone can possibly imagine.

 

All very upsetting, were it not for the fact that this status was immediately followed by an album of photos of her getting drunk and taking drugs with a bunch of scummy fuckers, then another status about how great it was being out of work and being able to drink all day, starting as soon as she wakes up. Great way to convince social services of your parenting skills there, love.

 

Also, the sad status about her kid was written entirely without punctuation in textspeak. Not a real reason to hate someone, but it winds me up no end. Textspeak developed because characters were at a premium when texts were expensive and it made it easier to type on a phone keypad. There's absolutely no excuse for it when you're sitting in front of a full qwerty keyboard.

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The Royal Baby hysteria from a few weeks ago got a bit daft as far as some of my Friend List goes. I'm not a Royalist but I respect the fact that a lot of people in England are. Anyway, one of my Facebook friends who I haven't seen since school/college (who I only accepted out of politeness) came up with a vomit inducing status about Prince George on the day he was born.

 

"Congratulations to all babies born today and everyday. You're all Kings and Queens with a world of possibilities in front of you!".

 

Not only will none of the babies born on 22nd July 2013 have read his status update, the point he was making was null and void as it had no truth to it whatsoever.

 

He's also one of the "Share this if you think this person should be hanged" brigade. The bloke's a fucktard. I think I'm going to unfriend him tbh.

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Just had this doozy pop up:

 

"iv sead befor il say it agan things that go bump in the night im the one that dumps back".

 

I don't know what's worse- the spelling, the lack of punctuation, the hilarious typo that removes what little meaning the statement may or may not have had, or the fact that anyone that says 'I've said it before and I'll say it again' followed by some homily or platitude actually means 'I've just heard this phrase for the first time, so I'm going to use it over and over in the wrong context to try and make myself look clever'. It didn't work mate.

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Philo, how can you possibly justify having a friend on Facebook who writes like that? That would warrant immediate un-friending for me. I actually think it's better to have less Facebook "friends" nowadays as you stand a chance of getting to see an update from someone you actually give a shit about.

 

Unless anyone knows a way of making Facebook show you updates from Close Friends for preference, with less from Acquaintances, as currently it seems massively skewed the other way.

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I'm guessing everyone must have at least one FB friend who decides to post an extremely unfunny joke as their status update on what seems like a daily basis. Only problem is, nobody seems to tell them they're not funny (maybe I should be the first).

 

Constant updates about how much people love their partners annoy me too. You love your partner. Good for you! Now stop reminding us all about it all the time.

 

I'm pleased for people who have kids but if all you ever do is talk about them and post pictures and videos of what they do on Facebook, then that makes you a baby bore. That is all.

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I'm guessing everyone must have at least one FB friend who decides to post an extremely unfunny joke as their status update on what seems like a daily basis.

 

And if you're thinking "no, I don't", it's you.

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I'm pleased for people who have kids but if all you ever do is talk about them and post pictures and videos of what they do on Facebook, then that makes you a baby bore. That is all.

 

One of my uni friends has turned into one of these. It's remarkable, because I've had her as a friend on Facebook long enough to witness the transformation from someone who would post semi-regularly about a variety of things to someone who posts at least three times a day almost exclusively about her kid. Who I've never met but feel I know absolutely everything about. The change was pretty much instant, it's a little bit like that episode of Family Guy with Brian's son - "until you've had a child, you can't understand..."

 

She's also started using 'hun' all the time, which is my number 1 Facebook twitch-inducer at the moment, and all her political views have changed to that of a Daily Mail reader since she became a mum. Sadly, I think she may have become a baby bore :(

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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