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Favourite Simpsons Quotes


Family Guy PMSL

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Posted

(Homer trying to play Lisa's sax, to the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)

 

Saxamaphone... Saxamaphone...

 

 

-

 

 

Mr. Burns: Remember, your job depends on your successful completion of Nuclear Physics 101. Oh, and one more thing... (ominously) You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.

 

Smithers: Actually, sir, we found the Jade Monkey. It was in your glove compartment.

 

Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?

 

Smithers: They were in there, too, sir.

 

Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...

 

 

-

 

 

Crowd: We need a cure! We need a cure!

 

Dr. Hibbert: Why, the only cure is bed rest. Anything I give you would only be a placebo.

 

Woman: Where do we get these placebos?

 

Man: Maybe there's some in this truck!

 

(the crowd push over a truck, and boxes labelled "DANGER: KILLER BEES" break open. The bees go everywhere and everyone panics. One man puts a bee in his mouth)

 

Man: I'm cured! I mean, ouch!

 

 

-

 

 

Bart: Hey, G. I. Joe, your sign's broken. We're already in Australia.

 

Marine: Actually, Sir, the embassy is considered American soil, Sir!

 

Homer: Really? Look, boy, now I'm in Australia... (hops over the line) Now I'm in America...Australia! America!

 

Bart: I get it, Dad.

 

Homer: Australia! America!

 

Marge: Homer, that's enough!

 

Homer: Australia! America!

 

(the Marine punches him in the face)

 

Marine: Here in America we don't tolerate that kind of crap, Sir!

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  • Paid Members
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Eddie: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.

Wiggum: Forget it, that's two blocks away.

Eddie: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!

Wiggum: I'm proceeding on foot! Call in a code 8!

Eddie: We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels.

  • Awards Moderator
Posted

All from the 'Fear Of Flying' episode:

 

 

 

Marge: Everybody's afraid of something.

 

Homer: (smugly) Not everybody.

 

Marge: Sock puppets.

 

Homer: (shrieking in terror) Where? Where?

 

 

-

 

 

"I wanna shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I wanna explore the world. I wanna watch TV in a different time zone. I wanna visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot long hero. I want to LIVE, Marge. Won't you let me live? Won't you, please?"

 

 

-

 

 

Homer: This is it. The last bar in Springfield. If they don't let me in, I'll have to quit drinking.

 

Homer's Liver: YAY.

 

Homer: Shut up, liver...

 

 

-

 

 

(Homer in a lesbian bar)

 

Homer: Wait a minute... there's something bothering me about this place... I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap, ladies!

 

Woman: What was her problem?

  • Paid Members
Posted

Sometimes a one liner needs the set-up though.

 

For the last one I posted, I was eating pretzels and that line popped into my head but it really doesn't make sense without the scene setting.

Posted

To be fair, a lot of the one-liners have surely been exhausted. I can't think of many more off the top of my head. I even trawled through wikiquote like a sad bastard the other day.

 

"That was more of a burgundy"

  • Awards Moderator
Posted

If Family Guy PMSL had the ability to alter 'One-Liner' in the thread title to 'Quotes' then that would probably be preferable. But I think he might have been banned since then?

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Posted
Looking through the last couple of pages of this thread, it's amazing that no one seems to know the definition of a one-liner.

 

Don't be a kill-joy, just contribute! It's all funny stuff.

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Posted
"Troy McClure? I thought you said he was dead?"

 

"No, I said he sleeps with the fishes"

 

MacArthur Parker, the agent? MacArthur Parker, MY agent?

  • Awards Moderator
Posted
"Troy McClure? I thought you said he was dead?"

 

"No, I said he sleeps with the fishes"

 

MacArthur Parker, the agent? MacArthur Parker, MY agent?

 

I love legitimate thee-atre...

 

 

Down in front!

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