The Transphobes, Terfs and Assorted Anti-LGBTQ+ Sorts thread

[Carbomb]

21 minutes ago, westlondonmist said:

I think it's more anybody not a right bigoted cunt rather than left wing. 

To a lot of the modern right, that's the same thing. 

[RedTwoster]

A lifelong friend of mine - I’d have called her my closest friend at one point - has been utterly radicalised against the trans community.

I’m not sure how or when it happened, but it did, and it’s really hard to know how to deal with it. There’s a real tendency among the anti-trans ‘community’ to refer to trans advocacy as a cult; but in reality, it’s the other way around. The Linehan comments above are a good example of that, but I see it first hand with this person.

It’s pretty much all she talks about, she describes the idea of trans women using female toilets as ‘end times stuff’ and has even started using the word ‘woke’.

I go back and forth between feeling like I should end a decades-long friendship, and believing the good person she was can’t have gone away completely - that there’s scope for her to be deradicalised one day, and to realise her brain has been fried.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is, but I do know that I feel pretty sad that hate and fear can be so infectious. And angry at the grifters who spread it.

[Chest Rockwell]

Ah shit Rooster. I'm so sorry. And sorry to say from my experience that there is very little you can do as well.. it's incredibly sad and frustrating and know that what you will likely find yourself experiencing is very much mourning / grief even though she's still alive. So treat it as such and take care of yourself.

Hopefully she'll come out the other side but you have to assume she won't and that either way you are going to be pretty powerless to effect that outcome.

You should definitely try, and definitely say your piece. But you can't be complicit or enabling, and you can't put your own mental health at risk being too close to them so you're probably going to need to walk away at some point. The act of doing so might even be the thing saves her. You never know, but its her journey. 

Edited December 15, 2025 by Chest Rockwell

[Lorne Malvo]

I've had the same the past few years. Had to cut ties with a lot of people. Not necessarily for trans issues, more to do with immigration/racism, but generally I've seen a fair few people I used to get along with have a sudden lurch to the far-right/fascism. It's so disheartening.

Still, I'm saving a fortune on Christmas cards, so swings and roundabouts I guess.

Edited December 15, 2025 by Lorne Malvo

[westlondonmist]

19 hours ago, RedTwoster said:

A lifelong friend of mine - I’d have called her my closest friend at one point - has been utterly radicalised against the trans community.

I’m not sure how or when it happened, but it did, and it’s really hard to know how to deal with it. There’s a real tendency among the anti-trans ‘community’ to refer to trans advocacy as a cult; but in reality, it’s the other way around. The Linehan comments above are a good example of that, but I see it first hand with this person.

It’s pretty much all she talks about, she describes the idea of trans women using female toilets as ‘end times stuff’ and has even started using the word ‘woke’.

I go back and forth between feeling like I should end a decades-long friendship, and believing the good person she was can’t have gone away completely - that there’s scope for her to be deradicalised one day, and to realise her brain has been fried.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is, but I do know that I feel pretty sad that hate and fear can be so infectious. And angry at the grifters who spread it.

I've lost family to the anti woke move. One stopped drinking Budweiser because of Dylan Mulvaney, they also became racists who spent their time watching GB News. I tried confronting them, they just got angry. In the end I thought it was best to just not be around them. Some of them were like that for a while, another turned recently.  I had to get away as I was kind of afraid I'd be next. I thought they might change but they got worse. Best decision I ever made. My son sometimes asks where they are, I've just said they behave badly so they haven't deserved to play. I can't go to my local football club anymore, which upsets me, although the anti woke movement had been growing in the support. 

 

I've lost an inheritance, but gained by sanity. They might change but it will take something big to happen. 

 

If it's new maybe you and other friends can try. What don't they like about trans people, do they really think they are a threat and what evidence is there they are. It's probably worth trying but the right wing are great with propaganda,creating a fear that of talked about eventually becomes real. 

 

Edited December 15, 2025 by westlondonmist

[RedTwoster]

43 minutes ago, westlondonmist said:

If it's new maybe you and other friends can try. What don't they like about trans people, do they really think they are a threat and what evidence is there they are. It's probably worth trying but the right wing are great with propaganda,creating a fear that of talked about eventually becomes real. 

It’s sort of slowly happened. We live far away from one another, and last time I saw her she said something that made me raise an eyebrow after I trashed GB News, basically saying they were the only channel where she could hear an interviewee she wanted to hear. I kinda ignored but said there was probably a reason for that. Then, most recently, she was a fully-fledged, signed up member of the anti-trans rights crew in spite of not knowing any trans people and adamantly insisting that she has nothing against trans people, ‘but…’

She’s radicalised to the point she sincerely thinks it must be easy being a trans person ‘because of protected characteristics’. I’d have to imagine that most people aligned to that viewpoint would at least accept it’s difficult to be trans, how could you not think that? 

I really do believe it’s like pulling someone out of a cult. Push too hard, you’ll just send them deeper, make them see the lack of logic in their own logic by essentially asking questions - that kind of thing. The alternative is to just give up on her, accept the person she was is gone and let her become even more radicalised. I’m not quite ready to do that yet, and I hope that point doesn’t come. 

[westlondonmist]

46 minutes ago, RedTwoster said:

It’s sort of slowly happened. We live far away from one another, and last time I saw her she said something that made me raise an eyebrow after I trashed GB News, basically saying they were the only channel where she could hear an interviewee she wanted to hear. I kinda ignored but said there was probably a reason for that. Then, most recently, she was a fully-fledged, signed up member of the anti-trans rights crew in spite of not knowing any trans people and adamantly insisting that she has nothing against trans people, ‘but…’

She’s radicalised to the point she sincerely thinks it must be easy being a trans person ‘because of protected characteristics’. I’d have to imagine that most people aligned to that viewpoint would at least accept it’s difficult to be trans, how could you not think that? 

I really do believe it’s like pulling someone out of a cult. Push too hard, you’ll just send them deeper, make them see the lack of logic in their own logic by essentially asking questions - that kind of thing. The alternative is to just give up on her, accept the person she was is gone and let her become even more radicalised. I’m not quite ready to do that yet, and I hope that point doesn’t come. 

Had something similar, I ripped into GB News, "I just want to hear opinions from all sides and nobody else interviews the same people". 

 

Is she isolated from the rest of her friends? Other things in her life going a bit pear shaped? This is maybe her 2 minute hate to make her feel better and forget about her not being happy? 

 

I think retirement killed some of my family, work was their social life. Outside of that they did barely anything. 

Edited December 15, 2025 by westlondonmist

[Devon Malcolm]

The examples both of you have raised, where it seems as though media outlets like GB News have had a strong influence on people around you, are not isolated at all.

The fact is that the strong majority of news media outlets and organisations in this country are anti-trans. And even those that are not are rarely heard to be supporting trans rights. You only see real circles of support and advocacy outside of the mainstream, and many people are simply not exposed to those views nor do they engage with those who are trans or are pro-trans.

As such, it's very easy for people to get caught up in the rhetoric. What I will say is that, unfortunately, with the vast majority of people who espouse those views, they have always bubbled under the surface. There really aren't that many people who swing wildly from staunchly supporting one side to the other. It's those people who are targeted by the most vocal of transphobes, terfs and 'gender criticals'. The undecided voter, if you would.

And there's a clear difference between both sides. If you're anti-trans, you're REALLY anti-trans. There's no sugar coating at all. But on the other side there are many people who say they're pro-trans but they aren't really. "Well I don't support Rowling's views but I'm looking forward to the new Harry Potter series." Hey. You're not pro-trans, then. Your average terf isn't going to sit down and watch the next Hunter Schafer film.

I can't really give advice to you, @RedTwoster, on what to do about this and I understand you don't want to lose your friend. The thing is that you already have. The best thing you can do is go out on your own terms by telling her why she's wrong and why you can't do this anymore. She'll no doubt spin it into a "The woke hivemind is costing me my friends!" but it will be that point when you know you've done the right thing.

[Thunderplex]

Bit of an outside looking in question.  Most of the anti trans stuff I hear is based around constantly nonsense allegations that trans women using womens bathrooms and other female based areas for sexual gratification, and some women not being happy about it.  Do trans men get the same issues?  We have a lad at ours and I’ve not heard one negative jibe at him or about him, unlike a trans woman who worked with us who got quite a lot of shit from several women and a couple of gay lads.

[SuperBacon]

2 minutes ago, Thunderplex said:

Do trans men get the same issues?  

I can only speak on behalf of someone very close to our family, but unsurprisingly, no they don't. 

As a semi related thing we found out the other day that my youngest hates going to the toilet in public as she's terrified someone will think she's in the "wrong" toilet. 

For context she has very short hair and is constantly being misgendered (which doesn't bother her at all) but this made me so fucking sad I can't even explain. I've just said from now on, if the disabled toilet is free she can just use that, which isn't ideal.

The idea of someone confronting my child about her gender while she tries to use the loo makes my fucking blood boil to be honest, but this is where we are.

[Devon Malcolm]

8 minutes ago, Thunderplex said:

Bit of an outside looking in question.  Most of the anti trans stuff I hear is based around constantly nonsense allegations that trans women using womens bathrooms and other female based areas for sexual gratification, and some women not being happy about it.  Do trans men get the same issues?  We have a lad at ours and I’ve not heard one negative jibe at him or about him, unlike a trans woman who worked with us who got quite a lot of shit from several women and a couple of gay lads.

As @SuperBacon has said, no they don't. Transphobes don't talk about about trans men for the most part because it pisses on their lie that their views are feminist and based around protecting women.

[deathrey]

3 hours ago, Thunderplex said:

Bit of an outside looking in question.  Most of the anti trans stuff I hear is based around constantly nonsense allegations that trans women using womens bathrooms and other female based areas for sexual gratification, and some women not being happy about it.  Do trans men get the same issues?  We have a lad at ours and I’ve not heard one negative jibe at him or about him, unlike a trans woman who worked with us who got quite a lot of shit from several women and a couple of gay lads.

 

This is one of the things that I find the most puzzling. I've been a woman my whole life, I've been to toilets all over the world, I've never been to a women's toilet that wasn't all cubicles. Even the hole in the floor public toilets in India were still enclosed in cubicles. There was no way anyone can see you going to the toilet, the only area that is communal is washing your hands. If someone wants to get a sexual kick out of listening to someone going for a piss, there is easier ways to go about it.

This is a completely uneducated take on it but the only thing I see for the male to female hate is that is routed in good old fashioned misogyny. The idea that anyone would choose or want to be a woman is just so looked down and frowned upon that anyone who chooses to do it is ridiculed. Its the idea that they are choosing to be lesser and why would someone what to do that?

Edited December 16, 2025 by deathrey

[Thunderplex]

A majority of the hate seems to be from Women though.  From the experience I saw at work, none of the men there had a problem with her, apart from 2 very bitchy gay chaps who seemed to focus in on anyone with a vulnerability, thankfully now both fired.  The vitriol seemed to be from the women, which may be a reverse scenario of what you said.  Again, not all of the women, and she built some great friendships with many of them that have lasted after she moved on to better things, but even just a couple of them made it an uncomfortable place for her.

[deathrey]

Internalised misogyny is very much a thing. I come across it everyday, particularly from the older generation though not solely, I see it from my generation all the time too.

 

This is a huge generalisation and I say this as a mother of two sons but take a look at a woman who has adult sons and see how she treats her daughter in law/sons significant other. The nightmare mother in law trope comes from internalised misogyny.

Edited December 16, 2025 by deathrey

[Thunderplex]

Sorry to hear that.