Your end of life stats

[SuperBacon]

OK, you're on your deathbed. You're going. Could've been worse, at least you're going peacefully and not like that lad who got trapped head first in that ravine for days.

Anyway, a little machine at the end of your bed will let you see your end of life stats (maybe show some highlights as well) so what are you choosing?

1.) Wanks. Self explanatory.

2.) Shits. I'd like to see how many, weight and also length.

3.) Fags smoked. Although I haven't smoked daily or regularly since I was 23 I'd still like to see this as I do still smoke on and off and ages 14-23 don't bear thinking about. Never want to see how much I've spent on them though. 

4.) Crisps eaten. Love to see a flavour and type breakdown as well. Despite not being my favourite, I'd say Salt & Vinegar would be the clear percentage winner.

5.) How many times I've said the phrase "for fuck sake" in my lifetime. 

I've gone for 5 but crack on with however many you want!

 

I did steal this idea from a Twitter user for full disclosure. 

Edited November 6, 2024 by SuperBacon

[Lorne Malvo]

I think we'd all go for wanks and shits.

Amount of hours spent watching wrestling, just to hammer home how much I've wasted my life.

Amount of films watched.

I would genuinely like to see how much money I spent on cocaine back in my addict days. It's something I've tried to add up in the past but obviously impossible to do so. It would depress the life out of me, but if I'm on my deathbed that wouldn't be much of an issue anyway.

How many times I've had to edit a post on here for spelling mistakes.

How many times I've said 'I need a new job'.

[SuperBacon]

8 minutes ago, Lorne Malvo said:

How many times I've had to edit a post on here for spelling mistakes.

People could add these on to my machine to kill me off quicker ?

[deathrey]

1) How much time I've spent asleep

2) Time spent watching TV

3) Time spent on my phone (I've recently used the daily function for this and I am a little ashamed of how long I spend using it)

4) How many desserts/cakes eaten

Edited November 6, 2024 by deathrey

[wordsfromlee]

44 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

4.) Crisps eaten. Love to see a flavour and type breakdown as well. Despite not being my favourite, I'd say Salt & Vinegar would be the clear percentage winner.

I have a worryingly reoccurring thought that’s tangentially similar to this. 

For some reason - on a semi-regular basis - I think about how there is bound to be a person out there who has eaten more crisps than anyone else in the world, but probably doesn’t even know it. There must be, statistically! And they’ll just be going about their life not even realising they’re the holder of one of the worlds most prestigious accolades. 

[SuperBacon]

Just now, wordsfromlee said:

For some reason - on a semi-regular basis - I think about how there is bound to be a person out there who has eaten more crisps than anyone else in the world, but probably doesn’t even know it. There must be, statistically! And they’ll just be going about their life not even realising they’re the holder of one of the worlds most prestigious accolades

There is....and its me.

[Arch Stanton]

Story Missions Completed: #

Total Kills: #

[The Gaffer]

- How many individual poems I've written (they've been pissing out of me - good and bad - since I was about twelve)

- How many times I've re-watched The Matrix

- How many times I've re-played Final Fantasy VII

- How many times I've prematurely traded in a game console only to re-purchase it later

- How many times I've said "I'm still into it" as a nervous response 

- How many bizarre cutting agents and shite I've unwittingly inhaled from years and years of crap hash and head shop gak 

Fuck. My life sounds really boring and insular. Cheers, Bacon. 

 

[gmoney]

-Posts I've written on the UKFF and then abandoned before posting, thinking "fuck it". 

[SuperBacon]

Time spent waiting. For anything, Trains, people, appointments etc.

That'd be grim.

[Jesse]

I'd like to know the total number of people who think fondly of me, I reckon that'd be nice. Also how many bags of Doritos I've crushed in my life and the total weight - reckon I must be onto a UK record

[Bradyisgod22]

How Many times youve pressed the X button on the Playstation controller or A on Xbox. Add in the amount of time pressed/holding RT aswell.

Amount of goals you have watched go in,live or on tele. At all standards of the game.

Minutes spent watching sport (with a breakdown of course)

Amount gambled versus money won.

[SuperBacon]

11 minutes ago, Jesse said:

I'd like to know the total number of people who think fondly of me, I reckon that'd be nice.

That's a lovely thought. 

11 minutes ago, Jesse said:

Also how many bags of Doritos I've crushed in my life and the total weight - reckon I must be onto a UK record

Clarification needed. By hand or by accidentally sitting on them?

[organizedkaos]

Someone made a neat little short film that's roughly along these lines

 

[Mr_Danger]

How many sexual acts I sacrificed in favour of making a stupid unfunny joke instead.