VHS and Betamax You Have Recently Rented

[FLips]

Bird on a Wire
Goldie Hawn shrieks and screams her way through a fairly run of the mill action comedy as an entitled rich girl that stumbles across her ex lover Mel Gibson while he's in the witness protection programme. This funnily enough coincides with Bill Duke and David Carradine also hunting him down with the help of a corrupt FBI agant, after he testified against them and got the latter put in jail.
Your enjoyment of the film will live and die based on how much Goldie Hawn and Mel Gibson you can stomach, and in my case it was just enough to make it through.
There's a whole section where the laughs are "what if Mel Gibson was a camp homosexual?" which for some reason I feel like I've seen him do in another film?

Too much of Goldie and Mel, not enough of a plot, cheap laughs and a bizarre violent finale in a zoo. Not offensively bad but not one I'd bother with again

The Protector
Absent father Jackie Chan plays a cop who's partner gets killed in a bar fight with Big John Studd so he gets really riled up when a woman is kidnapped by a Hong Kong Crime boss with the help of a corrupt police chief and sets out with new partner Danny Aiello to hunt down the perpetrators.
I'm new to the genre but was a fan of it. The stunts, the practical effects and choreographed fights. It was almost like wrestling at times. The plot is shaky, and Jackie Chan isn't a good actor but he makes up for it with exciting fights and action. There's a lot of violence and excessive full frontal nudity which we didn't expect, and combined with the fairly low definition camera it sometimes felt almost exploitative if that's the right word.
If you want a bloody and at times both intentionally and unintentionally funny action film then you'll get a kick out of it. We both enjoyed it.

Crime Story
In this one boot licking communist Jackie Chan is a cop (again) when this time a man gets kidnapped by yet another corrupt police officer and his men so they can extort a ransom out of his wife. Unlike Protector which was all in English, this one is dubbed and by extension the dialogue is somehow worse than the broken English of Protector and more akin to something you'd see in a parody. The plot again is all over the place, the editing is a wreck and the film way too long. Yet again though it's saved by some excellent fight and action scenes including a brilliant finale in a burning down exploding building.
Yet again more stunts and violence, and intentional and unintentional laughs. Maybe not as constantly entertaining as Protector but the highs are much higher in this one.

Three for three with corrupt law enforcement. I guess the moral of the story is fuck the police.

[Hannibal Scorch]

Last minute but I’m off to see a screening of a Hans Zimmer documentary tonight. Apparently he, the director and Jerry Brockheimer will also be there.

im going to be disappointed when I don’t get to hear the Going for Gold theme in glorious IMAX.

[Devon Malcolm]

16 hours ago, FLips said:

The Protector
Absent father Jackie Chan plays a cop who's partner gets killed in a bar fight with Big John Studd so he gets really riled up when a woman is kidnapped by a Hong Kong Crime boss with the help of a corrupt police chief and sets out with new partner Danny Aiello to hunt down the perpetrators.
I'm new to the genre but was a fan of it. The stunts, the practical effects and choreographed fights. It was almost like wrestling at times. The plot is shaky, and Jackie Chan isn't a good actor but he makes up for it with exciting fights and action. There's a lot of violence and excessive full frontal nudity which we didn't expect, and combined with the fairly low definition camera it sometimes felt almost exploitative if that's the right word.
If you want a bloody and at times both intentionally and unintentionally funny action film then you'll get a kick out of it. We both enjoyed it.

There are three different cuts of this out there. Sounds like you watched the original American version, which Jackie Chan hated, so he went back and cut out all the nudity and excess violence, and the final fight is different too. That was the version they put out in the Far East. There's also a Japanese version which brought back in all the cuts Jackie made but also left in some of the edits he made.

It was another effort to find a 'western' vehicle for Jackie but he didn't get on with the director and it was a messy shoot. Some good action in there but a bit crap in most other ways.

Edited March 18, 2025 by Devon Malcolm

[FLips]

Armour of God
In the first of two entertaining but incredibly problematic Armour of God films, Panama Papers tax dodger Jackie Chan plays Jackie, a Lara Croft style tomb-raiding adventurer who also used to be in a pop band.
After stealing a sacrificial sword from an indigenous tribe who are all actually asian and white men in full blackface from head to toe but leaving the (also blackfaced) woman they were going to sacrifice to her fate, Jackie sells it at auction to May, a wealthy count's daughter.
Meanwhile his old bandmate Alan seeks Jackie's help after a group of cult wizards kidnap Alan's girlfriend Lorelei.
Together Jackie, Alan and May go to Europe to rescue Lorelei from the wizards.

It's all over the place. Jackie is unlikeable, constantly sulking about Lorelei loving Alan and not him. At one point he throws a full on strop and leaves Alan to die.
The enemies in this are absolutely mental. The blackface tribe from the start is offensive even for 1986, the wizards/cult is made up entirely of weird looking white men who hire prostitutes every monday. One of them says the line "you're so beautiful you SLUT" and he looks identical to Dr Phil.

Again though with most of these Jackie Chan films so far the action is fantastic with most of the stunts being performed by Jackie Chan himself including one that needs to be seen to be believed at the end where he leaps from a cliff to a hot air balloon. There was definitely some extra cuts and edits but there's a full shot of him absailing from the top of the balloon into the basket hundreds of feet up in the air with no visible harness. Wow.
The fight scenes are entertaining as always with this one being more slapstick than violence. Two solid bits being a fight against four black women in leather catsuits and high heels where HD has ruined the illusion and you can clearly see during the fight they're all played by asian men in wigs and some blackface. Another top bit of comedy being when Jackie pulls a suicide vest of dynamite out but the cult calls his bluff when he accidentally lights it so he has to start offloading the dynamite in a panic.

The plot is shaky, the dubbing awful, and this might be the most unlikeable I've seen Jackie Chan in any of his films so far, but some of it is so bad it's good, and the action and fight sequences are just genuinely great.

Armour of God II: Operation Condor
Released in 1991, any concerns that it will be as offensive as the first one are quickly put to bed when traitor to the people of Hong Kong Jackie Chan opens the film by stealing from another indigenous tribe. It's still all asians though but it's hard to tell because they're all painted head to toe in white instead of black this time. Still though, maybe progress?
When he returns with his jewels though and is asked if he enjoyed the Amazon scenery, he replies "it was ok, the ni**ers got a little too friendly though".
Maybe not.

It feels like at this point I must point out I went and checked the original Chinese language/English Subtitle option and the dialogue is much better and he says "not bad the people were also very hospitable". So it turns out just the dub is offensive which for 1991 is certainly a choice.

This time through a set of various circumstances he ends up looking for Nazi gold in the Sahara Desert along with three women, Ada who is an expert on African Geography, Momoko who is a Japanese woman looking for the meaning of death, and Elsa who is a blue eyed, blonde haired ayran woman and Granddaugher of one of the nazis there who is looking to prove that her Grandad wasn't all that bad really. Ok then.

The film runs a lot smoother this time. The plot jumps from point to point and you never lose track of it like you did with the wizards, and Jackie is a lot funnier and likeable in this one with no mention at all of the previous film. His sidekicks all come into their own too, even the nazi one and there's some fab slapstick throughout from all of them.
It takes a little longer to get going but really comes into it's own from the scene in the hotel when the action and comedy really shine through.

Still the same old problems though as the first one. Shocking dubbing for everyone involved, massively racist from the black/white face, Jackie's hard R, and because it takes part in the Sahara Desert I don't think I need to explain how many of these accents on the dub are concerning. This one as well is a little harder to root for the good guys because one of them is literally a nazi sympathiser and then when they do meet one of the nazis he's also played somewhat for sympathy too.

The action and comedy in this one are better than the first with a fun fight in a wind tunnel to cap it off and a very funny fight in a hotel early in the film. Right at the start too he also gets in a zorb and zorbs right down a mountain. Bonkers.

If you can look past all the blackface, all the accents and slurs and some of the more confusing plot points you still have two very fun action adventure films with some excellent fight scenes, explosions, car chases and comedy and pretty much everything you'd want from this kind of riff on Indiana Jones. They both rock in at around 90 minutes or so which I think we'll all agree is the sweet spot. They both feature that trademark Jackie Chan blooper reel during the credits too which are a decent mix of actual funny bloopers and clips of him almost dying botching stunts.

There is a 3rd Armour of God film which if I can get hold of will be added to the watchlist.
 

 

 

[SaitoRyo]

Champions

The one about a disgraced basketball coach, played by Woody Harrelson, being made to coach a team of adults with learning disabilities as part of his community service. Really by-the-numbers sports underdog story that is way less funny than you expect it to be. Woody is good in it, as is Kaitlin Olson, but there's only a couple of laughs and it's not the uplifting film that it thinks it is. 

Fandango

No, not a bio of WWE's hottest star of 2013 (for a minute), but a road movie from 1985 starring Judd Nelson, Sam Robards and Kevin Costner as a group of Vietnam-bound friends who drive from Texas to Mexico for one last blowout after graduation. It's really well acted and directed and I'm not surprised it has become a cult classic years after initially bombing upon its release. A really confident directorial debut for the man who would give us Waterworld later on in his career.

Edited March 20, 2025 by SaitoRyo

[Devon Malcolm]

Last Breath (cinema)

Quality dad film. A good old-fashioned survival thriller, all over in about 90 minutes, nice solid cast of good character actors. You can't beat this sort of thing.

The Electric State (Netflix)

It's not *quite* the total disaster that's been reported as the character design and Millie Bobby Brown are plus points. But for the money spent and the time it took to make, it sure is extremely boring. An absolute waste of everyone's time.

Sister Midnight (cinema)

Amusing Indian horror-comedy about a bored newlywed who starts to undergo some unexpected changes. It runs a bit too long for its own good but it's pretty funny and well acted.

Santosh (cinema)

Really cool to see so many Indian independent films (like the above) making their way into cinemas these days. This is not an easy watch - a harsh ACAB drama about a woman who takes her dead husband's position on the police force and witnesses all kinds of shit. Superbly acted and a story with so much to say. Excellent film.

The Road (Great! Movies)

Relentlessly depressing post-apocalyptic drama with a really irritating kid performance but lots of entertaining bleakness. Never been a huge Viggo Mortensen fan but he's very good here.

Desert Fury (YouTube)

One of a few films snuck out in the 1940s that had extremely thinly veiled gay relationships in them. In this case allied to a superb noir / western hybrid with Burt Lancaster and Lizabeth Scott. Really good.

Portrait of a Young Girl at the End of the 60s in Brussels (YouTube)

From the director of UKFF favourite Jeanne Dielman, 23 quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles, a really nice coming-of-drama that clocks in at about an hour and might be the best entry point to Chantal Akerman's work.

Fight or Flight (it's on Sky Cinema)

Comparisons to Bullet Train are not unfair - except I enjoyed this and did not like Bullet Train. Couldn't tell you why tbh. Josh Hartnett is really funny though and handles the (very large amount of) action really well. Fun!

Patterns (Talking Pictures TV)

Excellent boardroom drama written by The Twilight Zone's Rod Serling. Great performances and some crackling dialogue and exchanges, staunchly anti-capitalist and constantly thrilling.

Edited March 23, 2025 by Devon Malcolm

[Mr_Danger]

The Electric State is a Netflix arse Netflix film. They were reaching for Amblin but it misses the mark. Reminds me of Ready Player One in that it’s visually stimulating and something is always happening but it’s still quite dull and lacks any performances of any merit. The Russo’s best make the most of their post Avengers cart blanche. 

Something came on Tubi that I let play called The Endless. Two brothers revisit the Alien suicide cult they escaped 10 years prior and things are amiss. It’s no great shakes but theres some good ideas in it and for the tiny budget it’s good enough. Apparently the two fellas who did it have done a couple of other films along the same lines so I might check them out. Reminds me of that Brit Marling alien cult film.

[FLips]

Black Dynamite
Blaxploitation spoof in a similar vein to I'm Gonna Git You Sucka. Michael Jai White plays the titular Dynamite, a handsome kung-fu expert former CIA agent as he tries to avenge his Brother's killer.
If you thought Sucka was stupid then this one is doubly so, with fourth wall breaks, "technical issues", weird adverts during the film and a whole section at the end where he fights President Nixon because he's been shipping out a drink that gives you a tiny dick. The entire thing is shot on Super 16 for an authentic feel and it works really well.

It's absolute nonsense from start to finish but had us laughing our guts up at times. One worth checking out for sure.

Half Past Dead
Has a ten minute long opening credits scene that's couldn't be more 2002 if it tried. Steven Seagal must have defected to Russia at this point because he plays a Russian and he's damn proud of it. Ja Rule is arguably the main character.

We tapped out after maybe 20 minutes or so. Awful.

Edited March 26, 2025 by FLips

[organizedkaos]

On 3/23/2025 at 4:19 PM, Mr_Danger said:

Something came on Tubi that I let play called The Endless. Two brothers revisit the Alien suicide cult they escaped 10 years prior and things are amiss. It’s no great shakes but theres some good ideas in it and for the tiny budget it’s good enough. Apparently the two fellas who did it have done a couple of other films along the same lines so I might check them out. Reminds me of that Brit Marling alien cult film.

Oh I loved The Endless, just the right mix of curious ideas, genuine expressions about humanity and scrappy homemade/personal feeling thats a film very much up my street.

Resolution is their first notable film and links quite directly into themes around the Endless although Endless takes a simple horror concept from Resolution and expands that concept into something much more interesting.  For anyone else reading this and are curious about these films, watch Resolution first. Try not to read much

Spring is more standalone but a great fun film. I once picked Before Sunrise for a film club and then at the last minute switched it out for Spring (we did the full Before triology later, don't worry, I'm not a monster).  Again, it's really worth not knowing much about these films going in - half the fun is realising what they're doing. Spring is a romance film, with some genre stuff too to keep it interesting

Syncronic and Something in the Dirt didn't work so much for me. Syncronic is fine, just fairly uninspired so it was pretty dissapointing to go to after three very inspired films. Something in the Dirt is an interesting concept about the internet and stories but it just didn't quite click together right in the way I felt the Endless and Spring really do.

Oh and then Benson and Moorhead got swallowed into the Marvel machine.  Which is fine I guess. I mean, they've made enough stuff I really liked that I tend to seek out/anticipate their new projects and their newest project is on TV right now and I'm watching it and I don't recognise their work in it. I still occasionally find myself wondering what they're up to and then remember - it's Daredevil/Moon Knight, which is fine and entertaining and not at all them. Can't begrudge people getting the bag and there's always some new interesting people making new heartfelt scrappy weird genre savvy films (huzzah Jane Schoenbrun!) but yeah, shame that's basically going to be their output for a bit

[Jesse]

Needed something to break me of my malaise so me and the housemate gave Before Sunrise a go and isn't that just a delightful thing? Immediately cast back to my romantic, adventurous youth watching these two fall in love. Impossible not to like, and has left me feeling warm and sentimental tonight. I've reached out to an old friend to remind them of how much they mean to me, housemate has booked a holiday to Paris to find love. The power of cinema.

Young Ethan Hawke has incredibly goofy facial hair, but it was the 90's and we didn't have real internet back then so I'll forgive him. 

[SaitoRyo]

She-Devil

Glamorous romance novelist Meryl Street steels Ed Begley Jr. away from frumpy housewife Roseanna Barr and Roseanne makes it her mission to destroy both of their lives. It's fun. 

Aloha Bobby and Rose

I wanted to like this more. There were bits of it I did really enjoy, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was supposed to be or who it was supposed to be for. For people who like watching wayward youths driving around to Elton John songs, perhaps? Not awful, but not quite the hidden 70s gem I expected. 

[davertfnewman]

Movies like She-Devil, The War of the Roses and Creator seemed to be on a constant loop on the Movie Channel on Sky back in the day. Seen it as a result because everyone was watching Roseanne before she burned through every bit of good will people had for her.

[FLips]

Tag

A bunch of grown men still play Tag every May and now they have a plan to finally catch one yet unbeaten friend during his wedding.

It’s been a long while since I’ve watched anything more than dead average with Jon Hamm or Ed Helms in and this one is no exception. 
Rounding out the group of mates is Hannibal Buress who is the only good thing in it, Jeremy Renner who is rubbish and has a face I inexplicably hate and Jake Johnson playing the generic stoner friend which is an archetype that always makes me cringe and rarely makes me laugh both in fiction and real life.

The laughs are few and far between and at times the film is needlessly dark including a fake miscarriage and a random unresolved terminal cancer ending

Not good. Everyone involved has been in better things. 

Edited April 3, 2025 by FLips

[Onyx2]

4 hours ago, FLips said:

anything more than dead average with Jon Hamm

It continually astounds me that Hamm gives one of the single best performances of all time - certainly the last decade - in the incredible facsimile that is Don Draper, able to communicate the shallowness of the American dream in a furrowed brow, yet ends up in such bland film roles. 

[Devon Malcolm]

Confess, Fletch was excellent, but he doesn't choose well on the whole.