Jump to content

Hive heating


PowerButchi
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Moderators

There's a lot of things I don't like. Adrian Lewis, Arriva Trains Wales, Supermarkets, and that's just a few. But there's nothing that quite boils my piss like the Hive Heating advert. If you've not seen it, it's "quirky" and "funny" and stuff. It's basically a male cunt version of that eminently punchable, crap singing, unfunny, probably ukelele playing hipster queen Zooey Deschanel. 

 

Right, what Hive is, right, is an app so you can control your thermostat when you're not in the house for, if example, you're so fucking precious you can't handle being cold for five minutes when you get home waiting for the heating to come on when you turn it on. And to get this over, they have a song. On a ukelele. And the lyrics are QUIRKY and RANDOM.

 

"Why don't you use a DVD, to cook a petit pois pea?

 Hijack for a bus, while you brandish a blunderbuss?

While you're controlling your heating from your phone."

 

It's so fucking annoying. And not funny. And not surreal. And not that kind of "charmingly quirky" that they so smugly think it is. In fact I reckon they should round up the singer, the ad execs, British Gas, Blur for letting use "The Universal" for their old adverts, and every Hive user, and fist them while holding the double sized VHS of Wrestlemania IV. With no lube. So yeah. Horrible cuntistry of the highest degree.

 

So, what adverts piss you off to the extent you wish you were deaf, dumb and blind? Bonus points for more hatred of Hive Heating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad someone else thinks Zooey Deschanel is an awful singer. My girlfriend LOVES 'Him & Her' or whatever they're called, and just won't accept my criticism that she's not that talented.

 

(Bear in mind that whilst I can't claim to be a Freddie Mercury myself, I have been the singer in various bands for about 18 years know, so I think I have a rough idea what I'm talking about...)

 

Anyhow, on the subject of Hive - didn't it fuck up the other day and basically turn a load of people's gaffs into greenhouses, and leave them facing megabills (which will get waived, of course, but still.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

I've only heard them on the radio, never had the joys of the TV advert. It annoys the shit out of me that they've nothing to ryme with "ready" so they rhyme it with "Eddie" and the line is "While you're out dog-walking Eddie". Who the fuck is Eddie? How is that a thing? Cunts.

 

In fairness, it doesn't wind me up as much as the Wonga adverts about "responsibility". You're the least responsible cunts in the fucking world. Or those other bastards whose advert suggests you could turn a good business idea into a business. Seriously, enocuraging people to start a business with a payday loan? Motherfuckers should be shot.

Edited by tiger_rick
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

I hate ads with a passion, I always have.

 

The cute twee shit like that hive one make my blood boil. I hate any ad that tries to be deep, cute or inspiring, everyone going on about different Christmas ads made me hate some of my friends more than anything else they've done.

My current worst ad is the one for Virgin internet or whatever where the mum uses the internet to bond with her daughter over an inspiring selection of great women like Paloma Faith. Ugh.

 

The following is my least favourite ad of all time, and I hate you for making me see it again.

 

https://youtu.be/1S5lWStK2ME

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've just searched the Hive advert and I'm with you 100%. I hate adverts that try to be all cutesy. Shove your ukelele up your arse you daft cunts. Match.com is the epitome of that for me - that annoying one about liking Godfather 3. These cutesy adverts seem to have such annoying voices too. I don't remember these voices in music or adverts pre-Kate Nash.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yeah the match.com adverts are horrible, as is the stupid twee singing. What's the one that has the slogan "little things, mean a lot" sung in an annoying voice (with uke strumming, of course)? I think it might be Aviva insurance. It's horrendous, whatever it is.

 

Appropriately for this thread, I just noticed yesterday that MasterCard are still using "Priceless" as their slogan. It has been almost twenty years!!

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yeah the match.com adverts are horrible, as is the stupid twee singing. What's the one that has the slogan "little things, mean a lot" sung in an annoying voice (with uke strumming, of course)? I think it might be Aviva insurance. It's horrendous, whatever it is.

 

 

Axa insurance. Still vacuous cunts though. What have nice little gestures got to do with ripping you of money for years then refusing to pay out when your telly gets swiped?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

My current worst ad is the one for Virgin internet or whatever where the mum uses the internet to bond with her daughter over an inspiring selection of great women like Paloma Faith. Ugh.

 

 

 

Totally agree on that. It's the usual 'right on' cuntery that emanates from Branson's corporation from the top down. Equating Billie Holiday with Paloma Faith (which they try to do) is so far off the mark. The former being one of the first female black artists at a time when being a female and black singer in the States made you more likely to be lynched than famous. The latter being Paloma Faith, who is best known for being thick as pig shit and singing "It's the world in onions" during the World Cup.

 

I know I posted a year or so ago about my undying hatred for adverts on Talksport, I'll try and find a few more recent ones later today (spoiler: they are still shit).

Edited by Gus Mears
Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Charmingly quirky". Fantastic way to describe it Butchi, I fucking despise any of those smug ads. Same goes for a lot of new TV shows, certainly the C4 ones aimed at Edward Snowden lookalikes with the stupid camera angles that are so avant garde cos they're not focusing on the subject and they're so cool because they talk about twitter and mention The Guardian, all set to the type of fucking acoustic female cover tracks that John Lewis is to blame for.

 

One that really stood out to me recently was a Specsavers ad on Spotify. (I read recently how to disable ads on Spotify without paying for it. I'll be googling that sharpish.) The same type of smug, charmingly quirky, nasal voice, trying to sell us on their hearing tests - I sincerely hope I don't become blind or deaf, and if I do, I won't be using those cunts on the back of that ad. 

Edited by Undefeated Steak
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

 

I know I posted a year or so ago about my undying hatred for adverts on Talksport, I'll try and find a few more recent ones later today (spoiler: they are still shit).

 

 

As a loyal listener to Talkshite I am in full agreement. Cellco, it's where the trade go. Fuck off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

 

 

I know I posted a year or so ago about my undying hatred for adverts on Talksport, I'll try and find a few more recent ones later today (spoiler: they are still shit).

 

 

As a loyal listener to Talkshite I am in full agreement. Cellco, it's where the trade go. Fuck off.

 

 

 

My Dad used to be a wholesale ironmongery salesman and flat out refused to sell to Cellco for a number of years, due entirely to that advert.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

God, those fucking adverts. Too many to list, but too many have that slightly croaky female voice, and are usually a shit hipster cover. There's that car advert with that woman whose voice gets used for so many ads - you know the one, singing "twinkle twinkle little stahrrrr". Fucking shit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...