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The Second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: THE COUNTDOWN


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Are we serious about this? We're not allowed to repeat scurrilous stories about celebrities in case Neil gets sued? This place is more important than I thought.

 

Agreed. I think it's a bunch of crap, personally. You should see some of the stuff that gets posted by dithering retards on the Freeones board, and that's about 1000 times bigger than this board, and not once have I heard of any legal notices being posted to the moderators. For instance, people are always posting that Carmella Bing has AIDS on there (SHE DOESN'T) - never heard a peep from her or her 'people'.

 

Nobody gives a shite about some British wrestling forum, least of all some irritating short-arse adolescent American pop singer.

 

You'd be surprised.

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Are we serious about this? We're not allowed to repeat scurrilous stories about celebrities in case Neil gets sued? This place is more important than I thought.

 

Agreed. I think it's a bunch of crap, personally. You should see some of the stuff that gets posted by dithering retards on the Freeones board, and that's about 1000 times bigger than this board, and not once have I heard of any legal notices being posted to the moderators. For instance, people are always posting that Carmella Bing has AIDS on there (SHE DOESN'T) - never heard a peep from her or her 'people'.

 

Nobody gives a shite about some British wrestling forum, least of all some irritating short-arse adolescent American pop singer.

 

You'd be surprised.

 

The fact that that singer in question has a career at all is proof in itself that he has one of the most carefully managed online reputations of any celebrity. Carmella Bing, on the other hand - if you search for her on Google the 4th link down involves her engaging in ass-to-mouth sex. Apparently. So, not really that much of a reputation to protect.

Edited by matbro1984
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And the winner isn't...

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

2

Katie 'Jordan' Price

(2009 ranking: 1. Down 1)

 

Katie-Price-001.jpg

 

What's she famous for?

I don't know if she needs to be famous for anything anymore. She's just famous.

 

And you think she's a twat because...

Selected views from voters:

 

air_raid_crash (ranked her #5): "We're talking high quality twat now. I really don't get her at all. How much more [of] a career can you milk out of a career with a short shelf life that should have finished years ago?... What probably annoys me most is that I regularly... used to spaff over her, and probably helped line her pockets and build the foundation of her 'empire'. What the fuck is that all about? Why the fuck is it women that buy her books and watch her shit on telly?... 'What Katie did next' - who the fuck cares?"

 

crawlingwest (ranked her #8): "I still would though if she didn't talk."

 

El Espanacas (ranked her #8): "Do I really need to explain myself?"

 

Nexus (ranked her #6): "It sickens me that there are little girls who grow up wanting to emulate her. What, exactly, has she done that's worth emulating?... The fact she kept Alex Reid in the spotlight as well means that she deserves to be on this list. I despise everything that she does. She's always in the papers, or on the TV, and she doesn't ever do anything worthwhile."

 

patdfb (ranked her #7): "Has multiple TV shows and is shown up to be some kind of personality despite being a charisma vacuum. Its not hard to hate someone who apparently gets so much public attention... Apparently in some quarters this is seen as being a driven and independent woman. Horrendous!"

 

Rave (ranked her #2): "I hate this ugly bitch with a passion!"

 

Seph (ranked her #3): "Not as steadfast in my decision to put her top as I was last term, mainly because every piece of media she wants to be seen in prints a competely different story - 'She's having trouble with Alex!' 'She's stringing him along!' 'She hates Peter!' 'She can't get over him!' 'She has a new boyfriend, it's forever this time!' She's a Reality Life, no more, no less. And [the fact] that with one breath she despises it and [with] another she willingly courts it when it suits her shows you can't trust her opinion on anything. The only way to stop [this] is to ignore her, something that will likely never happen."

 

The Maestro (ranked her #1): "The epitome of what is wrong with modern day celebrity and society. Every single day she's either in the papers, news or television without ever doing anything other than slating Peter Andre or Alex Reid. Who are another pair of enormous twats."

 

TUFCfan (ranked her #1): "An annoying woman whose only talent is self promotion. Has a horrible, grating personality."

 

Uncletrunx (ranked her #5): "She's now starting to look like a two armed version of 'Sheeva' from Mortal Kombat..."

 

Was she voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes. Fun fact: Price was the only celebrity to receive at least one nomination for every number between 1 and 10.

 

And so to summarise, Katie 'Jordan' Price is worse than...

Almost everything.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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Which means that...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Picture may be NSFW. Or for sane people. Be aware.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

1

James Corden

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

James_Corden_996941a.jpg

(He's the one on the right)

 

What's he famous for?

"It's SMITHY! He's so HILARIOUS!"

 

And you think he's a twat because...

Selected views from voters:

 

air_raid_crash (ranked him #6): "What's worse, the fact that this tub of guts has attained fame, success and a load of cash despite being fat and not funny? Or the fact we have to hear about it? Looking at his smug fat face on that quiz of his, usually when surrounded by one or two ACTUALLY funny people, damn near makes me want to rip his throat out. The first episode of him and Horne's shite was so full off 'I'm fat, LOL' remarks, I actually wondered if that's the joke. Laugh at the chubber, people! Worst of all, he seems to get far more crumpet than I do. Come off it ladies, it's not because he's funny or a 'nice guy.' Nice guys get nowhere unaided. It's because he's ON THE TELLY... Watching him sleaze on the fitter of the ladies he has on LOTO makes me throw up in my mouth a little... Untalented jammy unfunny fat twat."

 

BiffingtonClyro (ranked him #1): "What can I say about James Corden? He is a vast slug on the patio of British 'entertainment'... Why is he on television? Why?"

 

BigJ (ranked him #3): "Can we please have a count of how many times these 3 words have been used to describe him in everyone's nominations: unfunny, fat and cunt? Thanks."

 

El Nicko Loco (ranked him #5): "The thread is absolutely tailor made for him."

 

Gladstone Small: "I think Scott Steiner said it best when he said, 'James Corden is a fucking unfunny fat useless cunt.'" [NB: Scott Steiner did not actually say this.]

 

jimufctna24 (ranked him #1): "Never has a man so unfunny got so much attention..."

 

Kay Burley Upskirt Formerly Surf Digby (ranked him #1): "I could simply leave this as 'because he's James Corden'. The latest pudgy faced tosser who got some middle aged women feeling sorry for him (or rather, a character he was playing in a fictional TV show), [and] assumed that this meant he was popular... Took on the mantra that being fat and loud automatically makes you funny. He's this generation's Lisa Riley."

 

Magnum: "Inexplicably omnipresent, and not just because his fucking belly covers the breadth of the country... James has undergone a meteoric rise over the past year due to his mastery of the rare talent of being fat... effortlessly combining this with the difficult skill of being loud. Really, is it any wonder the nation's kids aren't arsed about exercise or healthy eating when a big round belly is now a ticket to fame and fortune?"

 

matbro1984 (ranked him #9): "As unfunny as he is fat. Which is a lot."

 

Mr. Seven (ranked him #10): "He'll probably romp this. Not funny. Never was. Never will be. The poster-boy for the Banter Brigade."

 

Rave (ranked him #3): "Never has somebody done so little and got so much. He is not funny in any way and his 'comedy' is just the same thing over and over, I'm fat and loud, I'm fat and loud. Yes, you are! You are also a massive cunt!"

 

Rave on Jimmy (ranked him #2): "Fat twat."

 

Seph (ranked him #1): "While I've consciously decided to avoid anything he's in, as he's routinely billed as the star attraction with his million chins, I'm pulling the Doug Williams card and putting him at the top to give my list some credibility (

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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A worthy/worthless winner. Prick.

 

Thanks again for doing this HG; it's been the highlight of my working day over the last fortnight or so. I still can't believe Kay Burley didn't make it in to the top 30, but her aside, it's a solid list. Some top write-ups in there, too.

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Great thread and a truly worthy winner. Gutted I missed out on voting but to be honest I couldn't have picked a better top 10. Great work on collating all of the comments HG, made it a hilarious read, and unlike some of the 'countdown' threads we have on here it actually kept up a decent pace and level of interest throughout.

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A worthy/worthless winner. Prick.

 

Thanks again for doing this HG; it's been the highlight of my working day over the last fortnight or so. I still can't believe Kay Burley didn't make it in to the top 30, but her aside, it's a solid list. Some top write-ups in there, too.

 

I reckon she's escaped purely because she's been somewhat off most people's radars recently. I kicked myself when I saw her nominated, as she'd have definitely made my list but for the fact I forgot she existed - which is impossible with the likes or Corden, Jordan or the Coles. If it had been around election time, she'd have made the list for sure.

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I just hope the Corden hate just isnt us merry men, let the hate grow until he goes away

 

Sadly I doubt he will as Jordan and Katona have been famous for years, well at least every year we can spew our venom, if he is still in your face as he is now I can see him becoming a multiple time winner

 

Good job on the list, was fun besides Phil Taylor not getting in :angry:

Edited by jimufctna24
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This has been thoroughly entertaining. I was very pleased to see Corden described as a winnet, which is a tremendous and apt word.

 

Great thread HG. This is destined for UKFF Gold

Edited by matbro1984
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Absolutely stunning thread, many thanks for doing it.

 

Surprised so many of my quotes were used

 

Here is the full list I sent should anyone be interested

 

 

1. Wayne 'The Cunt' Rooney. Perennial cheat and general Cunt of the highest order, Crowning moments include abusing his own fans when playing for his country and a contract dispute that marks him up as being a grade 1 Arsehole.

 

2. James 'Hilarity' Corden... Its like having your retinas burned by the sun. The last image you saw is there forever and there is no escape from it no matter what you do. This man has no talent, isn't funny and invades our TV screens in the most hideous of manners like it is somehow meant to be important. A definite contender for the title but narrowly beaten by the number 1 choice

 

3. Alistair 'Smug Bastard' Campbell. Cretinous ratbag, who has delusions of grandeur because of his role within the labour party as Dark Lord of the Sith. An odious man who exudes a persona that makes you what to smack his face in every time he appears on telly with an acid tipped spear, just because it will some how make things better.

 

4. Ricky 'Oh crap not him' Gervais- Yes he splits opinion about whether he is funny or not, but lets be honest if acting like a wanker permanently is some kind of act, then more fool him for coming across as a sanctimonious cunt. Painfully unfunny and unendearing, pretty much the same in everything he does and I would shed a tear if he said he was retiring forever and moving to a cave in Idaho to become a hermit.

 

5. Cheryl 'Useless Bitch' Cole/Tweedy- When did 'Nation's Sweetheart' become a term for describing a talentless vapid waste of space cunt such as herself

 

6. Sarah 'Painfully Unfunny' Millican. Where to start with this, well the voice that cuts through you like being aurally raped by an Ogre with the worst kind of STDs and a stage presence that means if you have to look at her for any length of time your eyes will melt are not bad to start with. Add in that Jo Brand called and wants her act back and is by far the funnier comedienne in this circumstance, you have an amazing tale of someone who easily meets twatlist criteria.

 

7. Katie 'Umpaloompa' Price/ Jordan. Famous for getting her tits out in years gone by, now more famous for being orange and not a lot else. Has multiple TV shows and is shown up to be some kind of personality despite being a charisma vacuum. Its not hard to hate someone who apparently gets so much public attention despite being a complete and utter demented bitch. Apparently in some quarters this is seen as being a driven and independent women. Horrendous!

 

8. Every single panelist on Loose Women, ever. Fucking hell I thought that the programme was meant to be about entertainment not watching some trussed up middle aged bints whining about a) how drunk they get, b) how shit their lives are or c) any other inane or banal thing that makes it seem like a worth while thing. Those that make this more hell than anything else include Carol McGiffin, Denise Welsh, Sherrie Hewson. It's embarrassing yet people seem to lap it up because they are like totally real and in our living rooms. If they were in my living room, Id make them have a gladitorial fight to the death. At least then there could be some interest.

 

9. Jeremy 'Problem Solver' Kyle- What do you say about some one who instantly conjures up the word cunt? Really really thinks he is above his station and is somehow above things on his show, yet for all the advice and shouting he does, not very much happens. You can do it my way or the highway with my team. He may as well say you useless pile of shit cos that what we all know he thinks. Has not got a caring bone in his body and is very much out for being number one. Tries to hard to be a saviour comes across as a wanker instead

 

10. Glee- Yes its a TV show, but that's all it is, It isnt a life choice, it isnt something that is going to make you a better person, nor is it something that deserves any space on any TV channel at all ever. Oh look at the drama and the story its oh so important to life. Attracts a fan base that like to call themselves 'gleeks' Is this eras, Friends, Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City, Ally McBeal or whatever where people will follow blindly because it is camp, kitsch and American and will give them hope about everything. because they cant do it themselves and have to express themselves through the medium of TV and Song. Fuck off with that shit basically. People using a TV show to be their emotions really helps endears this show and everything around it to be on the twatlist.

 

 

No place this time for many of my last choices, mainly because they have either become less twattish or I havent been as exposed to their undeniably cuntish charms. I cant even include the Bieber fellow as other than news reports about the hysteria that surrounds him. I havent been subjected to anything that marks him out as being a complete twat

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