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The Second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: THE COUNTDOWN


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And we enter the Top 3.

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

3

Ashley Cole

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

ashley-cole_1361042c.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Football, being married to Cheryl.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

"Obviously people choosing footballers hints at rival club biases, but Ashley Cole's twattishness surely transcends football now, doesn't it?" asks Mangum, before continuing, "you barely need to know who he is to realise that you hate him, and even if you don't know his name, a glimpse of his weasel face or the sound of his whiny voice should be enough to provoke you to violence. A year characterised by his... dummy-spitting persecution complex has just ended with him shooting a bystander [NB: it should be noted that this has been reported as being accidental], an act made even more twattish by the fact he's a 30-year old man fannying about with an air rifle as if he were a 14-year old ASBO or a paranoid farmer. An utter abortion of a human being, but in his defence he is a decent full-back, so I suppose it's only fair that he's a multi-millionaire who gets to shag Playboy models."

 

The Natural, who ranked Cole at #2, calls him "probably my least favourite footballer today, if not ever, which is saying something. Hell, he transcends that to be one of my least favourite people I've ever seen in the media. I can't stand this arrogant fucker. A twat of the highest order." El Espanacas, who ranked him at #7, considers Cole "the prime example of the spoiled modern day footballer. He has not got one single redeemable feature about him."

 

Mr. Seven, who ranked Cole at #6, ponders: "Kinda worrying that the Chelsea back-line boasts the two most awful 'humans' in the modern game but there you go. Again, where to begin?... it's his sheer gall and arrogance in his misdeeds that makes him worthy of bile. Refuses to apologise for any indiscretion, carries himself like some kind of victim and has the intelligence of a door. Cunt."

 

Finally, air_raid_crash, who ranked him at #2, developed an unfortunate case of Ashley Cole Tourettes and concluded, "cretinous overpaid sleazy arrogant odious little fuckhole twat."

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Ashley Cole is worse than...

Getting shot. In the balls. Twice. Without even the satisfaction of knowing who did it, and no possibility of revenge. In the middle of nowhere so you have to walk miles for help. And you're naked, and you don't know why. Because you have amnesia. And your wife left you. Probably for the mystery person that shot you. In the balls. Twice. You remember that bit. But nothing else.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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So, with just the #1 and #2 spots left to claim, who will be top of the list?

 

Certainly none of these lot, because here is Everyone Else Who Got Nominated Who Haven't Been Mentioned Yet!

 

Adrian Lewis, Alex Bruce, Anne Robinson ("Whose career is on borrowed time? Whose jibes at contestants have gone beyond even the most impotent of daytime-TV-friendly putdowns to become the most limp, pathetic sentences spoken on any broadcast media? Who, like so many flotsam-jetsam WWE almost-weres, peaked as a celebrity when being dwarfed by The Big Show? It's time to vote off the weakest personality." - opcws), Chris Ashton, Damien Hirst, Eamonn Holmes, Gabriele Marcotti, Gary Neville, George Michael, George Passmore (of Gilbert And George), Heston Blumenthal, Holly Willoughby, Jack Shepherd (from Coronation Street), Jamie Oliver, Jeremy Clarkson ("I truly hate Jeremy Clarkson and anyone that likes him." - The Maestro), Jessie J, Jessie Wallace, Jim Davidson, Joe Swash ("OK, who the fuck is this little twat? No, really? I have a hard time abiding any Cockneh WANKAH that forces their jibber-jabber down my throat via the box, but this bell end does my nut." - air_raid_crash), John Cena, Josie D'Arby, Kay Burley ("Good lord. what a vile, obnoxious, wretched excuse of a person... Ill-founded opinions are not uncommon, but this fuckwit seems to spew them out at a staggering rate... I would love to continue, but she'd only interrupt me." - Waterboy), Kelly Brook, Lawrence Dallaglio, Lily Allen, Mark Chapman, The 'name check crew' (but particularly Tinie Tempah), Peter Dickson, Perez Hilton, Prince Andrew, Ricky Ponting, and Sarah Ferguson.

 

 

 

The list from #30 to #3 is as follows:

 

30. Ricky Gervais

29. Jack Whitehall

28. Liam Gallagher

27. Russell Howard

26. Simon Cowell

25. Bono

24. Jeremy Kyle

23. Chris Moyles

22. Davina McCall

21. Steven Gerrard

20. Robbie Williams

19. Adrian Chiles

18. Dappy

17. Katy Perry

16. Michael McIntyre

15. Jedward

14. Louie Spence

13. John Terry

12. Kerry Katona

11. Frankie Boyle

10. Lady Gaga

9. Jamie Redknapp

8. Nick Clegg

7. David Cameron

6. Wayne Rooney

5. Cheryl Cole

4. Justin Bieber

3. Ashley Cole

 

 

Two spots, two celebrities. Any guesses?

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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I've always thought it was a bit weird that footballers would play games like Fifa. I know my job is much more boring than 'playing in the Premiership' but I wouldn't want to go home from work, stick the PS3 on and then play a game of what is essentially my job... it's the same with Shelton Benjamin and the SmackDown games, I suppose. Do soldiers play Call Of Duty?

Edited by neil
fifa vs pes?
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They do it for a laugh. For example, when I played against Number 3 Twat, he was Man Utd and genuinely seemed to enjoy playing as Rooney and skinning my left back (who was Ashley Cole) over and over again.

 

If you were in a computer game with your mates, wouldn't you play it?

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I've always thought it was a bit weird that footballers would play games like Fifa. I know my job is much more boring than 'playing in the Premiership' but I wouldn't want to go home from work, stick the PS3 on and then play a game of what is essentially my job... it's the same with Shelton Benjamin and the SmackDown games, I suppose. Do soldiers play Call Of Duty?

 

I have an ex American soldier on my friends list on Xbox and he served in Iraq and loves playing call of duty. I thought most footballers played pro evo as well. I suppose if Ashley Cole plays fifa it's an ego thing he can have himself take all the free kicks and put himself up top and stick Drogba at left back. I wonder if they take the piss out of each others stats as well.

 

Also the people who hate Ashley Cole are you the same people that hate his ex. The reason he was so hated I thought was because he did the dirty on little miss innocent her self. Who a few years earlier battered a black woman in a night club toilet.

 

He shot someone recently but was all blown up by the media and they were all just probably messing about with a shit air rifle. I could see people hating him for what he did to Cheryl but then she was voted top 5 so wouldn't people be pleased he treated her like a twat? Also Ashley Cole is a great footballer. Yes he is greedy and left Arsenal, maybe he is just smart what have Arsenal won since he has left what have Chelsea won.

 

I can't see anything he has done that makes him a complete twat.

The Natural, who ranked Cole at #2, calls him "probably my least favourite footballer today, if not ever, which is saying something. Hell, he transcends that to be one of my least favourite people I've ever seen in the media. I can't stand this arrogant fucker. A twat of the highest order." El Espanacas, who ranked him at #7, considers Cole "the prime example of the spoiled modern day footballer. He has not got one single redeemable feature about him."

 

 

What was said about him is that he is arrogant, why wouldn't he be he is arguably the best left back in the world. If anyone claimed to be the best in the world at something or were actually the best in the world at something are they not entitled to be a little arrogant? Also "The prime example of a spoiled modern day footballer" how?

Edited by neil
shoudl have just deleted this post
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Also the people who hate Ashley Cole are you the same people that hate his ex. The reason he was so hated I thought was because he did the dirty on little miss innocent her self. Who a few years earlier battered a black woman in a night club toilet.

 

He shot someone recently but was all blown up by the media and they were all just probably messing about with a shit air rifle. I could see people hating him for what he did to Cheryl but then she was voted top 5 so wouldn't people be pleased he treated her like a twat? Also Ashley Cole is a great footballer. Yes he is greedy and left Arsenal, maybe he is just smart what have Arsenal won since he has left what have Chelsea won.

 

I can't see anything he has done that makes him a complete twat.

The Natural, who ranked Cole at #2, calls him "probably my least favourite footballer today, if not ever, which is saying something. Hell, he transcends that to be one of my least favourite people I've ever seen in the media. I can't stand this arrogant fucker. A twat of the highest order." El Espanacas, who ranked him at #7, considers Cole "the prime example of the spoiled modern day footballer. He has not got one single redeemable feature about him."

 

 

What was said about him is that he is arrogant, why wouldn't he be he is arguably the best left back in the world. If anyone claimed to be the best in the world at something or were actually the best in the world at something are they not entitled to be a little arrogant? Also "The prime example of a spoiled modern day footballer" how?

 

'I hate England and the fucking people'

 

'I was so insulted that they only offered me 55k a week instead of 60k, I nearly crashed my car'

 

'You should feel priveleged that Ashley Cole was sick in your car'

 

If you don't understand by now why most people think Ashley Cole is an arrogant, spoiled little cunt, you never will.

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Also the people who hate Ashley Cole are you the same people that hate his ex. The reason he was so hated I thought was because he did the dirty on little miss innocent her self. Who a few years earlier battered a black woman in a night club toilet.

 

He shot someone recently but was all blown up by the media and they were all just probably messing about with a shit air rifle. I could see people hating him for what he did to Cheryl but then she was voted top 5 so wouldn't people be pleased he treated her like a twat? Also Ashley Cole is a great footballer. Yes he is greedy and left Arsenal, maybe he is just smart what have Arsenal won since he has left what have Chelsea won.

 

I can't see anything he has done that makes him a complete twat.

The Natural, who ranked Cole at #2, calls him "probably my least favourite footballer today, if not ever, which is saying something. Hell, he transcends that to be one of my least favourite people I've ever seen in the media. I can't stand this arrogant fucker. A twat of the highest order." El Espanacas, who ranked him at #7, considers Cole "the prime example of the spoiled modern day footballer. He has not got one single redeemable feature about him."

 

 

What was said about him is that he is arrogant, why wouldn't he be he is arguably the best left back in the world. If anyone claimed to be the best in the world at something or were actually the best in the world at something are they not entitled to be a little arrogant? Also "The prime example of a spoiled modern day footballer" how?

 

'I hate England and the fucking people'

 

'I was so insulted that they only offered me 55k a week instead of 60k, I nearly crashed my car'

 

'You should feel priveleged that Ashley Cole was sick in your car'

 

If you don't understand by now why most people think Ashley Cole is an arrogant, spoiled little cunt, you never will.

 

Yeah it is possible I was under a rather large rock when these thing were said. Was the last one said in a jokey manner or was he serious?

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What did Gabriele Marcotti do wrong? He's a lovely fella that enjoys his wrestling.

:blush: In the past 10 months, nothing. But during his time on the Sunday phone-in on Radio 5 he was content to make himself sound cleverer than he is by debating what is, essentially, a simple game alongside complete morons such as DJ Spoony and Steve Claridge.

 

Just looking at some of the nearlytwats makes me wonder how they slipped my mind. Being without a TV for much of the last 18 months, including the last 7 weeks abroad so no iPlayer or 4oD either, hasn't helped. Plus there's the whole not being angry with life in general at the moment thing.

 

I think Marcotti was quite a way up my list as well, but he probably shouldn't have been there at all. I even admitted at the end of my rant that I agree with him sometimes. Plus I'd forgotten he was a wrestling fan, although that in itself doesn't preclude twattishness.

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