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The Second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: THE COUNTDOWN


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I'll probably post some Nearlytwats after each day's complement of entries this week, so here's some.

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

Alan Carr ("Fuck off you shrieking little piss stain... His laugh makes me want to pass a law banning things that are funny, just so I never have to hear HIM laugh again. Speaking of funny, he isn't." - air_raid_crash), Harry Redknapp, Leigh Francis, Lewis Hamilton, Louise Redknapp, Miley Cyrus, Phil Taylor, One Direction, Stephenie Meyer, and Tommy Sheridan.

 

 

 

Numbers 8 and 7 tomorrow.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

8

Nick Clegg

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

clegg_1419710c.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Politics.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

The list's first politician (but will he be the last?) raised your ire chiefly, it appears, for his distinct change in attitude pre- and post-election last year. At the risk of Getting All Political, the word 'liar' was used by virtually every forum member who nominated Clegg, and some went on to elaborate. El Espanacas, who ranked Clegg at #1, considers him "the man who promised so much then essentially wiped his arse on his manifesto" while Uncletrunx, who ranked him at #2, extends the 'liar' motif by calling Clegg "a lying liar. Who lies." Finally, LariatTom, who ranked Clegg at #10, explains "I'm constantly told I should hate him because I'm a student and Nick Clegg was going to be our fucking saviour and stop us having to sell our grandparents, cats, XBoxes and livers to be able to afford to go to uni in the future. Then he didn't. He decided he wanted to know what power tastes like by being David Cameron's little friend. I don't hate Nick Clegg because he formed a coalition that has seen his popularity plummet to a depth that only Davy Jones' locker can relate to. No. I hate him because he's just a twat."

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Nick Clegg is worse than...

People who think it's acceptable to piss on the Cenotaph.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

7

David Cameron

(2009 ranking: Did not place)

 

david-cameron-scotl_673648c.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

He's only the bloomin' Prime Minister!

 

And you think he's a twat because...

This is starting to turn into the Politics thread... anyway, the highest ranking political type on the list is also the country's current most powerful one, the PM himself. "Who is more of the fool," asks Seph, who ranked Cameron at #2, "Nick Clegg, for allowing this vampire to beguile him into giving his party the future of the whole fucking nation on a silver plate, or me and millions of people for allowing it to happen? If I'm lucky enough to last another forty years on this rock in space, I will still have to work at least two more just to get less money per week than a burger-flipper." opcws, who ranked him at #1, argues: "It's quite a feat for someone to become more repulsive AFTER being in the Bullingdon Club. At least back then, he threw money at things after destroying them, thus guaranteeing them at least a chance of future success/existence. I doubt he'll be doing the same to the British education system."

 

"It is not only his politics which annoys me but... [also] his personality and the way he portrays himself [which] pisses me off," says El Espanacas, who ranked him at #3, adding: "he has more faces than a cube." Magnum, meanwhile, thinks Cameron is, in his opinion, a "hamster-faced, country-ruining twat. His brilliant new idea to fuck with the clocks, thus sending a nation out to work in the cold, harsh darkness, seems like a pretty good metaphor for his pantomime villain mode of government. No doubt he'll find a way to blame Labour for it, though." "Posh twat," adds Rave on Jimmy, who ranked him at #7.

 

Uncletrunx, who ranked Cameron at #3 and also nominated Nick Clegg highly, says, "I'd like to vote for every member of the current government, but the current leaders will be my representatives in this list. Essentially, they made a lot of promises, broke every single one in short order and are crucifying the country while doing nothing to stop the excesses of those who created the whole mess in the first place. 'In this together' are we? Yes, because you'll not be trying to cope with a 75% cut in your disabled living allowance, you tosspiles. I know this is a political rant which doesn't contain the required element of humour but it's my reason for voting for this pair... Piss off, the lot of you."

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, David Cameron is worse than...

Wars we haven't quite noticed we're sort of involved in yet.

 

 

 

 

 

Two more entries done, and here's some more Nearlytwats for your efforts:

 

Andy Gray, The Black Eyed Peas/Fergie ("she wails like she's caught her pubes in her zip" - matbro1984), Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, Claudia Winkleman, Enrique Iglesias, 'The ghost of Jade Goody' ("Come on, surely this counts? Can I still have her? Why did the whole country flip from hating her... to adoring her as soon as she got cancer?... What makes it worse is the fact she has spawned a new sub-breed of Z-list pseudo celebs! I now have to read about what her exes are up to! What the hell? Do I care what the widower Tweed is doing? Worse still, I now read front page kiss and tell stories on the front of the red tops - some cow gets her face in the paper just because she has bonked Jeff Brazier. So??? This is relevant because... Jeff used to stick it in Jade Goody? So??? Jade was relevant... NEVER???" - air_raid_crash), John Bishop, Ke$ha, Lenny Henry, Louis Walsh ("BUT SIMON THEY'RE FUN! YOU ARE THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION! YOU HAVE THE X-FACTOR! YOU'RE GONNA BE A STAR! DERMOT IT'S REALLY HARD TO MAKE A DECISION! Wash, rinse, repeat. Blue rinse apparently you fucking old bitch. The definition of the word 'odious'." - Mr. Seven), Rush Limbaugh and Steve Wright.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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I've clearly missed something, but why has someone nominated the president of Argentina?

 

 

 

Because shes an utter cunt (yes I nominated her, no I'm not a Falklands vet, Im far too young). From calling the British 'Pirates' on Twitter to having her warships threaten Falklands fishing ships inside of Falklands water the woman is a twat of the highest order. I've been following the news in the South Atlantic for the better part of two years and this woman is worse than Hugo Chavez, at least he doesnt try to hide what he is.

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Yes he does, with an iron fisted grip and mass murders of people who speak out against him. Like all socialist dictators he devolves into a violent maniac as soon as people realise this shit doesn't and never will work.

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A dictator? You realise he was voted into power? Twice now. He's only a few steps away from dictator for sure, cant deny that, but he is in power fairly right now. He doesnt deny being anti-American and anti-British, he doesnt deny having very socialist views and policies, he doesnt deny that he holds tight reigns over the media. The human rights in Venezuela have mostly improved under Chavez.

 

Mass murder of political opponants has no tangiable evidence.

 

I admit that some of the more recent activities of his and his little gang of cronies has come close to turning him into a dictator though. I wouldnt be shocked for him to take the final steps in the next year.

 

 

edit: Either way, shes a twat.

Edited by ReturnOfTheMack
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BREAKING TWAT NEWS!

 

Your #13, John Terry, admitted today at a press conference reinstating him as England captain that he's 'not everyone's cup of tea'.

 

THIS IS THE NEWS.

Glad I'm not the only one who found this hilarious. He deserved a top 10 finish for sure.

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Very pleased - but not surprised - to see Cameron and Clegg enter the top 10. this has been a good list so far. Who can the remaining 6 be? Have we had Cheryl Cole yet? Jordan?

 

Also, a wrestling-only twatlist would be a great idea if only for the rants about Matt Hardy which could be [zing]even longer than his tab at McDonalds [/zing]. Naturally, the quips would be far better than that. In fact scrub the list, just get the wordsmiths of the forum to compete to see who can mock Matt in the funniest fashion.

Edited by matbro1984
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