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The Second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: THE COUNTDOWN


HarmonicGenerator

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I actually forgot to include his assault. Can't believe that. But yes, he's a fucking disgusting human being for getting away with assault. There was a tool in this thread who reckons he hadn't.

Yeah, that Miz person reckoned he didn't do it. But he's a dummy.

 

Maybe I just hate scousers.

Not a problem! We all still love you :thumbsup:

Edited by Waterboy
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I'm confused about this 'getting away with assault' business. The jury saw and heard all the evidence and decided he was not guilty. The judge agreed with the verdict as I recall. So why is it that we are all seemingly convinced he should have gone down? Is it based solely on that CCTV footage?

 

Either way, I think he's a knob because he says 'erm' too much.

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I'm confused about this 'getting away with assault' business. The jury saw and heard all the evidence and decided he was not guilty. The judge agreed with the verdict as I recall. So why is it that we are all seemingly convinced he should have gone down? Is it based solely on that CCTV footage?

 

Either way, I think he's a knob because he says 'erm' too much.

 

That, and Gerrard's own rather astonishing 'defence' statement in which he basically admits (to anyone with a brain) to instigating the situation by confronting a DJ who'd committed the crime of 'telling me I can't have my music on'. You can read it here:

 

http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/news/Steve...ticle97779.html

 

Plus the CCTV footage very clear showed an aggressive-looking Gerrard wading into a bloke who'd just been forearm smashed in the face by on one of his thug friends.

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Someone voted for Sarah Millican?? I'm glad she didn't make the list as I would've been seriously upset with that addition. How she could be in anyone's top ten when there's 3 people in JLS & numerous 'Big Brother' contestants is beyond me.

 

Well be upset then :p

 

Sarah 'Painfully Unfunny' Millican. Where to start with this, well the voice that cuts through you like being aurally raped by an Ogre with the worst kind of STDs and a stage presence that means if you have to look at her for any length of time your eyes will melt are not bad to start with. Add in that Jo Brand called and wants her act back and is by far the funnier comedienne in this circumstance, you have an amazing tale of someone who easily meets twatlist criteria.

 

I can't remember if I voted for her or not, I suspect I didn't. If I didn't she came very close to making my list though.

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Have you watched the CCTV footage, though? It really is pretty clear cut. A mate of Gerrard's launches an unprovoked forearm smash at a bloke posing no ostensible threat, and as the bloke reels, Gerrard wades in with a few uppercuts. I honestly fail to see how that can constitute self-defence, especially when the reason Gerrard supposedly felt threatened is because a DJ wouldn't let him have a song on.

 

If that trial takes place in any other city in the country, Gerrard is convicted.

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The most odious thing about Jeremy Kyle is that his show splits up relationships and families based on fucking polygraph results, which he disingenuously refers to as a 'lie detector' and dishonestly (it can't be called anything else) asserts is reliable in 96% of cases. He then compounds this stupidity by responding to many of those who dispute a negative polygraph result by saying things like "Oh, you're one of the 4% are you love, do me a favour." If he only says that twenty five times then even in the fantasy world he inhabits where polygraphs can detect dishonesty in 96% of cases he's likely to have dismissed the objection of at least one sincere person.

 

Pointing out stupidity on the Jeremy Kyle show is a redundant exercise I know, but the cunt doesn't get enough shit for the harm he does. I'd have been hard-pressed to think of anybody to place above him if I'd submitted a twatlist of my own.

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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

20

Robbie Williams

(2009 ranking: 7. Down 13.)

 

gary-barlow-an-robbie-williams-pic-splashnews-com-332411348.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

Being in Take That, not being in Take That, then being in Take That again.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

Another big drop in the rankings here; perhaps Robbie's re-allegiance with Take That has softened people's views on him.

 

Then again, maybe not. Kay Burley Upskirt Formerly Surf Digby, who ranked Williams at #5, explains: "After years of 'I'm bigger than Take That ever were', he's been shameless enough to crawl back and latch onto their rekindled success as he's been unable to ride the coattails of 'Angels' any longer. Rather than appreciate them allowing him back, recent appearences have shown him back to his usual arsehole attention seeking self.""Can anyone name a less likeable pop star?" asks Dead Mike (who ranked him at #9). Waterboy, who ranked him at #3, would seem to agree with Mike's sentiments. Let's hear from Waterboy:

 

"Well you

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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

19

Adrian Chiles

(2009 ranking: did not place)

 

ITV-host-Adrian-Chiles-006.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

TV presenting.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

"Anyone who can ruin my day, before I have even got out of bed... deserves to be called a twat. I only have to look at him and I want to punch something.

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Final entry for today. Tomorrow - #s 17 - 15, and the third batch of Nearlytwats. But only if you're good (even if you're not).

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

18

Dappy

(2009 ranking: did not place)

 

Dappy-dappy-3254348-250-376.jpg

 

What's he famous for?

It's him off N-DUBZZZZ innit, like, blud, aiiit, yeah, brrrrap brap brap.

 

And you think he's a twat because...

"I really couldn't put my hatred of Dappy into words," says CleetusVanDamme, who ranked Dappy at #1. "Hopefully someone else managed to, stupid hatted cunt." Someone else did manage to, and one of those someones was air_raid_crash, who ranked him at #8, and said: "Take that stupid FUCKING hat off, stop making shit music with some twat called 'Fazer', stop ruining Buzzcocks whenever you're on it, stop thinking you've had it hard and you're from the 'streets' - so what? I grew up on the cul-de-sac, bitch. Just generally fuck off, you loathsome stupid hat. I mean twat."

 

Just look at him in the picture. That, believe it or not, is a good picture of Him Off N-Dubz. And what the fuck with the fucking stupid fucking hats, innit though? Fucking hell. And to paraphrase the thoughts of BiffingtonClyro, who ranked Dappy at #3, there are kids growing up right now who want to be like him. That shoots straight past 'hilarious' and right on through to 'downright worrying'. Brap brap brap.

 

Was he voted a Top Twat (#1 Twat)?

Yes.

 

And so to summarise, Dappy is worse than...

Knife crime.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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