Paid Members tiger_rick Posted January 10, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 10, 2011 #1 - CoreyVandal  5. The artist we had come to give a talk at our uni yesterday. He did these mixed media pieces where he's painted murals then doodle over them with bizarre illustrations and stick on things cut out from magazines. All fair enough, although as he got on to his later works there seemed to be more and more phallic & pornographic imagery. Again, pretty standard, but as he went on that seemed to be all his work had turned into. Just fields of massive erect cocks cut out from porn mags and blown up to terrifying sizes, paintings of the lines on his scrotum, paintings of the artist pulling a goatse painted on a gallery ceiling. All done without a hit of irony.  Every slide was left up for an uncomfortable amount of time while he talked about the materials he used, his inspirations, but never once did he reference the shear amount of dick he'd seemingly devoted his career to. After the talk he did a brief Q&A, and you know what? no one else mentioned the subject matter either. We'd just spent 45 minutes very literally having cocks thrust in our faces and no one else seemed to batter an eyelid. Is there something wrong with me that I thought it was the slightest bit off? Is it now normal to spend your life cutting out 6 foot shlongs and sticking them over perfectly fine paintings? Is this the type of person out tutors want us to aspire to be like? CAN NO-ONE ELSE SEE THE FUCKING PENISES?!?  #2 - Woyzeck  That's what I thought before... but now with so many people doing it to death, it makes me think it must be pretty good. And I've been with girls who like getting choked as well. That many people can't be wrong. I reckon there is a market in some kind of device that strangles you, but has some kind of automatic release mechanism, designed specifically with the stranglewanker in mind. I'm on it!   "The mechanism is far too flimsy. Imagine my kid wanting to do a choke-cum and the bearing giving out right as his balls start puking. I'm coming home from the opera to watch Mrs. Paphetis give desperate, futile CPR to a jizz splattered corpse hanging off the back of the door to the third guest bathroom. Sorry, but for that reason, I'm out."  #3 - Keith Houchen  Learn to take a joke, chump. This, totally this.  Seven, you know I'm queer for you but I can't see why you got so bothered over Kenny's digs when its obvious they were done for laughs. I mean I doubt anyone on here sincerely thought "You know what, I didn't realise Seven was a paedo". To me it was the next move in a tit for tat banter type fued on here and nothing more.  Besides, I know what you look like and, lets be honest, you can always tell a nonce can't you? They have that look about them, the glazed over eyes, usually going bald, wearing glasses and having a mouth like a pan of chips that leers greasily over babies. I saw one of those shitty motivational posters at work and it summed it up, look at this guy  So don't sweat it, man. Just take the joke on the chin.  #4 - ButchReedMark  After a drunken gushing E-mail to Sean Mooney last night about how ace he was compared to Todd Pettingill, and how super duper he was on the old coliseum videos, he's already replied. With one bit that makes him even more amazing in my eyes. om: Sean Mooney (sean@seanmooney.net) Sent: 20 May 2010 03:43:51 To: Gareth XXXXXXX (XXXXXXX@hotmail.co.uk) Gareth, Thank you for taking the time to drop me a note. I too have been nostalgic as of late for the great times I had when I was with the WWF. This past week I did a "Legends of Wrestling" autograph show in New Jersey and I was amazed at how many people really enjoyed the work I did back then. I love to hear from people who after all this time still remember the great video's his Lordship and I did. I have actually been talking to the folks with the WWE about coming back. Drop Vince a line and let him know you think it is a great idea! I also have a soft spot in my heart for Wales. When I was in college I played the great game of Rugby and toured your wonderful country. It remains as one of the great experiences of my life. All the best, Sean  :love:  #5 - BionicRedneck         Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted January 10, 2011 Author Paid Members Share Posted January 10, 2011 #6 - NEWM  One of the reasons I love this forum so much is the balance between great posters/mongs and that every thread has huge potential to be a good thread, even if it starts off dull to you personally. And "good" is a broad terms there, because it covers either a) excellent posts with intelligent input from knowledgeable posters on diverse and interesting subjects or b) 100% retardation and pedantry that is just a complete blast to read. It puzzles me as to why some people get wound up at a shit thread, or claim "shit" posters are clogging up the board and whatnot. Surely the purpose of this forum for most people is the same - a way to waste time on the internet. If it serves that purpose through either a) or b) as listed above, is it not doing its job for you? Some people seem to treat the UKFF as a society that needs careful homogenisation in order to keep the shitehawks out, but it's often their posts that create half the great debate and discussion that goes on.  Mr Seven, for example is an absolute triumph of a poster for this forum. He will pop in to something he has no interest in, fire one insult off and then bam - 30 posts later and he's still being attacked/defended and a whole other argument has started about that. Discussion on a discussion forum, the purpose for each user has been served. Likewise Butch & Cleetus who will polarise opinions but polarise them in a way which keeps people's interest. Pity, Ian, Loki, Magnum and loads of others have got fantastic wrestling wisdom, so they always trigger conversation with exchange of information. Likewise JLM, Waterboy, Woyseck and others in Off Topic. I agree with virtually nothing Richie Freebird says, but he throws his oar in with conviction, and you get good debate. Conversely, there are some absolute fucking dregs that drop in and out to spew horribly typed garbage all over, who then either get systematically destroyed or bite back - either way the thread is a treat to read.  What I'm getting at is that every poster and thread makes for a better forum overall, because diversity creates discussion and discussion creates the very reason we stop by here in the first place. It's nice to be able to be 100% ourselves too, because I've no doubt we all couldn't and wouldn't be such massive twats/super cool dudes in real discussions with one another.  In conclusion, I think these threads and all the stupidness within them are brilliant, and can be a huge reason for me spending time on here. Certainly just as big as the bright banter about Raw and that. If they piss you off that much, there's just too much else on the web you can be doing to occupy your time, so do that instead. A perfect society with just who you deem to be the best posters is Nazi thinking, and it doesn't make for anything good.  http://ukff.com/index.php?showtopic=120846...t&p=2177324  #7 - Stug Rivers  So without a week by week analysis of wrestling in the past four years, what the fucks going on? How are TNA doing? Wheres the 6 sided ring? How are the WWE getting along, i thought we were due a massive boom? And blimey whats happening with British Wrestling, are we still on an Universal Uprising of BRITISH REVIVAL? Undertaker retired Shawn. Shawn retired Flair. Batista retired himself. No-one could care. The Miz is awesome. John Morrison's okay. Bob Holly got fired. Hip hip hooray! Benoit killed his family, then killed himself. WWE now have more space on their "B" archive shelf. CM Punk won World titles. The first was immense. So did Rey Mysterio. Both times made no sense. Matt Striker's on commentary as a punchable boffin. Kanyon jumped out of the closet and into a coffin. Many wrestlers died. Even more were fired. Two Brits were sent home when their Visas expired. But they're back now, and so is Low-Ki. He's in NXT season two and he's in the last three! TNA went back to a ring with four sides At the start of this year. In the rafters, Sting hides. WWE always beat TNA in the ratings. Both have been getting fair praise and fair slatings. Any half-decent angles are quickly imploded. The only boom was when Vince's limo exploded. There's been an uprising, but of vile from the belly Of the UKFF; There's no BritWres on telly. Any coverage it gets revolves around World Of Sport. The last shameful piece was the BBC's fault. In closing, overall you haven't missed much. But this forum's missed you. Do stay in touch.  #8 - Big Benny HG  Well, in all the crazy history of this place, I believe this may actually be a UKFF first. On Tuesday night, I was visited at my flat by the police, who were following up a complaint against me personally for harassment of her son. Yes, they were talking specifically about an entry in the "Shit List".  It was a rather strange experience trying to explain to two coppers exactly what the UKFF was, what the UKFF UK50 was, and how it worked ("Are you the Ben Corrigan who writes for the UK Fan Forum website?"..."Erm......Yes?!"), though they seemed happy enough with my co-operation. They suggested that I add a disclaimer to entries to reiterate what I had already stated, in that these were not my own personal views and opinions, just a collation of those from all the fans/wrestlers/promoters that had contributed to the list.  As such, I have decided to remove most of the text from Surf Grafitti's "Shit List" entry. While I'm not sure exactly what the law actually is, and whether quoting the stories that other UKFFers contributed as a write-up actually constitutes harassment, but at least this way it prevents future complications or further complaints from the party in question.  Carry on...  #9 - Burchill's Buddy  My proudest internet achievement. (possibly my greatest life achievement) was seeing a Nigerian scammer doing the old "selling you something that doesn't exist" scam on gumtree a couple of years ago, this one was particularly interesting as he was selling Yorkshire Terriers. I set up a G mail account under the name 'Man Meat Ltd' and took on the role of a Mr Ji-Sung Park. (you can probably see where this is going) I told him that I was interested in buying Yorkshire terrier meat from him, and also gave him a list of other rare meats that we were in short supply of (Mogwai, Ewok, Bantha and other fictional animals mainly). At first he was taken back at my proposal of him killing his pet dog and sending me the meat, but once I told him the prices we were prepared to pay (I was very generous) Unsurprisingly he was more than happy to tell me that they could get all of those things, and that the Yorkshire Terrier meat was ready to go.   Basically I dragged this on for weeks, back and forth, wasting as much of his time as possible by getting him to fill in shipping forms and quality of meat forms (all made up in MS Word by me). Eventually I told him that in order to do business we needed photo ID of any customer we dealt with, holding a secret password written on a sign for confirmation of ID. Although obviously hesitant to take a photo of himself, he tried to get around this, sending me fake photos he'd clearly ripped off of Google image search. I went back to him saying in a gesture of good faith I would send him a photo of myself, and photoshopped up a picture of two asian butchers with Man Meat on their aprons.   It took me about 2 weeks of playing hardball after that, pretending to back out of the deal, ignoring him for a few days and telling him we had other companies we could buy from. A few days later I got my photo though, a photo of my own little nigerian scammer holding up a sign that said  "I sell Yorkshire Terrier meat to Ji Sung Park"    I have not felt pride like it since. After that I told him I had to back of the deal because I had signed for Manchester United (complete with attaching a photo of Ji Sung Park shaking hands with Sir Alex Ferguson) He was not pleased I had wasted months of his time. He called me some bad words  #10 - Peacekeeper  Ok so it's been about 5 years since I posted on this forum, but I love threads like these... So here's my story...  I met a girl on a dating website last year, she was a nice enough person, had a kid which didn't bother me too much as it was still young. She looked a bit like Thandi Newton, which was never a bad thing. So we agreed to meet up and go for a drink, I picked her up from her house and took her to the local pub which was down the road.  As soon as she got in the car I could tell something wasnt right, she was slurring her words slightly and was a bit out of it. She said she had had a couple of glasses of wine before comming out as she was nervous. "Ok" I thought, thinking to myself that I should make sure she didn't drink much more. We get to the pub and she wants a large glass of rose wine. I go to the bar and she heads outside for a fag and said she would meet me out there. I deliberately ordered a small glass and gave the excuse that they didn't have any large glasses. She jokingly tells me it's because I'm cheap, but says next time she will have 2 small glasses to make it up to a large one.  We sit outside and she chain smokes and goes through a 10 pack easily. She was a nice enough lass and we were getting on ok, she was laughing at my shit jokes and seemed responsive, if a bit pissed. We have a few more drinks and she manages to keep at a stable level of drunkeness. She says she fancies going back to my place, but first she wants to buy a bottle of wine and then head to hers so she can "pick up a few things". I try to discourage her from buying the wine but she is adamant about it, so begrudginly i buy the bottle from the bar (a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Green Posted January 10, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 10, 2011 Has to go to Keith really, although NEWM's post was just lovely too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members CleetusVanDamme Posted January 10, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 10, 2011 I went with NEWM summing up this place perfectly. Houchen would be a worthy winner as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators neil Posted January 10, 2011 Moderators Share Posted January 10, 2011 Voted for Sickboy's perfect piece of parody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Frankie Crisp Posted January 10, 2011 Awards Moderator Share Posted January 10, 2011 NEWM's was a great post and the Big Benny one still defies belief, but BionicRedneck's effort has me laughing every single time I see it. Each image used is absolutely perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members martyngnr Posted January 10, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 10, 2011 Has to be Houchen for me. Yet somehow he doesn't understand why he is in the running for "funniest poster". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted January 10, 2011 Awards Moderator Share Posted January 10, 2011 Went for Big Benny HG. A truly historic moment, unlikely ever to be repeated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Devon Malcolm Posted January 10, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 10, 2011 They're all great. I think I might be on the turn for NEWM, to be honest, but I went for Houchen because it's just so perfectly paced and hilariously finished. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted January 10, 2011 Moderators Share Posted January 10, 2011 They are all really good... I'm glad for the post of the month stuff providing a good selection from the year gone by. Â Still haven't decided though. I'll come back to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gordon_The_Gopher Posted January 11, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 11, 2011 A vote for Benny casts lights on the most hilarious reaction to anything ever. If you talk about extremes - you have gotta talk about S**f G****tti! Â Â Â Â **Censored to avoid legal action** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted January 11, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted January 11, 2011 (edited) Peacekeeper's post for me, but Burchill's Buddy's came UNBELIEVABLY close. Edited January 11, 2011 by bAzTNM#1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Houchen's post is the best timed joke I think I've seen on the internet. Amazing. Â NEWM's post runs a super close second, as it exactly sums up my feelings on the UKFF. NEWM needs to post more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turnbucklepads Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Those really are some top posts. But Peacekeepers is an amazing story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Pitcos Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Neck and neck between NEWM and Houchen, so much so that I can't remember which one I voted for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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