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Check your bits!


Fatty Facesitter

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Recently caught up with an old colleague who is raising money for charity - he previously suffered from testicular cancer. Obviously he beat it and has been encouraging others to check themselves regularly. 

Shortly after seeing him, a couple of weeks ago I found a really small lump 'downstairs' (note - not some kind of euphemism after reuniting with my old colleague!) and got it checked by a GP at the earliest opportunity. He referred me to hospital and I've since had an appointment booked for an ultrasound, which annoyingly has been pushed back a couple of times but it will now take place this weekend all going well. Hopefully it's just a benign cyst, which are not uncommon and will require minimal treatment if anything. 

However, in the two weeks since then, I've been increasingly uncomfortable and my squadron and I have been in the wars. 

I was very uncomfortable on Tuesday night so took a trip to A&E - arrived at 9pm, got lumped in a long waiting queue and wound up not getting seen by a neurosurgeon until 4am, before then not seeing another senior neurosurgeon until 9am, so it was long, grim evening with me and more poor old spacehopper suffering through it together. 

The pain started off feeling like I'd effectively been kicked in the bollocks, and then as the evening progressed it felt like a sort of squeezing sensation. Overall it was a thoroughly miserable experience - also any Londoners here that have ever visited the mai. hospital in Woolwich will tell you it's a loathsome place. Like the place Mufusa told Simba to never go to. Or somewhere like Peterborough. 

The first two neurosurgeons I spoke to were concerned because of the pain I was in - after having my assets inspected, poked and proded for a fourth or fifth time that evening and still being in pain which was only getting worse, they were talking about the possibilities of testicular cancer, or testicular tortion and possible surgery, which as you might expect was a delight to hear. I also had some sort of weird fever spike, possibly unrelated and might have been a reaction to the painkillers but I was all over the shop there for a brief spell.  

After contemplating whether to do an Amazon Prime order for a giant jar to store my potentially-retired grapefruits in, a senior neurosurgeon finally arrived and conducted another inspection. Thankfully, mercifully, the worst case scenarios were ruled out very quickly and he was satisfied that I wouldn't need any surgeries etc - I was given some antibiotics and sent on my way, this completing my stay at the local medial facility. 

Luckily, for now it appears to just be a small infection - still got a follow-up ultrasound to attend this weekend but hopefully all well and Mrs Facesitter* will soon once again become the beneficiary of endless hours of passionate, endless bombastic lovemaking. 

So at the moment it looks like a false alarm - but as mentioned one of my old colleagues did have a worse issue a couple of years ago, and after catching up with him it actually made me have a proper check and I'm glad I did, even if the problem wasn't as severe as first thought and had I not checked I'd have still been in worse bother than I ended up being. 

I think most people are sensible enough on here to check for this sort of thing regularly so starting a thread might seem a bit unnecessary and I'm absolutely not looking for sympathy - me and 'the gang' are all doing ok (if a little sore 😿) - but I do think it's an important subject and if this inspires one person to have a check and if it reduces any chance of someone finding themselves in an unexpected tale of woe, then that's a good thing. I'm sure some of you won't hesitate on such an invitation to have a thoroughly good play with yourselves!

All joking aside, we all know someone that's gone through or might currently being through a type of cancer and it's an absolute bastard, so ladies and gents please do check all your bits and just look after yourselves and make sure everything's in full working order. Perhaps use this thread to send through any links to any useful videos about the best way to check yourselves, not just for your bits but other things you can potentially spot earlier. 

 

*I'll probably just knock one out*

Edited by Fatty Facesitter
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One of my plums is about three times the size of another. I’m like Randy Marsh and his space hopper. I’ve had it checked and it’s most likely a hydrocele or whatever it’s called. I’m on the waiting list for surgery so until then I’m Barry Big Ball. I’d post a pic of them but I’m not Le Branquefurter. 

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1 minute ago, Keith Houchen said:

One of my plums is about three times the size of another. I’m like Randy Marsh and his space hopper. I’ve had it checked and it’s most likely a hydrocele or whatever it’s called. I’m on the waiting list for surgery so until then I’m Barry Big Ball. I’d post a pic of them but I’m not Le Branquefurter. 

Hope it doesn't get damaged. 

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Had mine took to the nut doctor a few months ago with dull achey pain and after a lovely fluffing session he prescribed me some antibiotics that seemed to clear it up. Said it was probably some inflamed ball tube or something. The late 30’s seems to be the beginning of a steady decline for me.

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I too experienced a similar thing with the antiobiotics and what not. The first time occurred whilst I was on holiday, panicked and got seen really quickly by the NHS. Couldn't fault them.

They said 'oh you have calcification on your chaps and you'll need to get checked every now and then'. Fair one.

Last time I went, as the ultrasound was occurring, he genuinely pulled back a curtain as I was 'tackle out' and said 'you don't mind if all these trainees watch do you?'.

'Of course, but hopefully they aren't as cold in here as I obviously am....'

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Well, I didn't give you the full story in my post there. Mine got all swollen the day before I was due to fly off on my holidays. I had a big aching nut and felt like shit and had no time to get it checked out before I left. All flu symptoms and that with it. Perfect for a 10 hour night flight with two young kids, one of whom tried to sleep on my lap and knocked into my inflamed sack several times causing immense pain.

Eventually we got to our destination and I was able to get checked out by a doctor. The doctor being my wife's uncle. Nothing unusual for him of course but felt pretty damn awkward for me... And my wife was not at all discrete about asking him to check me out - just announced it to the whole family whom we were staying with for two weeks. Wonderful.

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I had a swelling in my left nut last year. It was proper sore and swollen a couple of days later when I jizzed Bumblebee yellow, paniced and promptly had it checked out. The chap confirmed it was an infection and gave me antibiotics. He said as a rule of thumb if the swelling hurts it's less likely to be worrying than if it doesn't but always get them checked either way.

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When I was a lad I was playfighting with my Dad and knee’d him in the balls and the pain never subsided so he got it checked and turned out he had cancer and had a bollock removed. As an adult now I always make sure to check.

Valentines Day a few years ago I woke up early with testicle pain that was aching worse than anything I’d ever felt and spent the day in A+E getting put on a drip and drugs shoved in my arse because it turned out it was Kidney Stones. 

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3 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

 

Eventually we got to our destination and I was able to get checked out by a doctor. The doctor being my wife's uncle. Nothing unusual for him of course but felt pretty damn awkward for me... And my wife was not at all discrete about asking him to check me out - just announced it to the whole family whom we were staying with for two weeks. Wonderful.

This is a very George Costanza scenario.

2 hours ago, scratchdj said:

However, I still needed a camera put down my nob

That Sucks The Office GIF

The finger up the bum is alright though. Not the worst thing in the world and vital to have checked.

I worked with a young lad who got testicular cancer when he was 22. I'll never forget when he told the office about it (I believe he was part of setting up Movember)

He said that because he was told with his parents, and because they both broke down at the news that one would have to be removed, to try and make them laugh, he asked the doctor if he could have a fake one in the shape of a star 😂

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A lad in the 2nd year of 6th form had testicular cancer so the school left an inspection kit in the common room containing a pair of lifelike testicles with a cancerous lump so people know what to look for. 

To my knowledge people just zipped them into thier flies so it looked like they were walking around with thier bollocks out.

Thankfully I've only had my genitals medically inspected once, unfortunately it was by a nurse who was build like a prop forward and looked as enthusiastic about life as you'd expect for someone who spends 8 hours a day jabbing things up mens urethra and was as gentle as you'd expect. 

4 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

The finger up the bum is alright though. Not the worst thing in the world and vital to have checked

Is there an age where they start regular prostate screening like they do for bowel and breast or do you just pop along to the GP and politely ask him to finger you?

Edited by Tommy!
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18 minutes ago, Tommy! said:

Is there an age where they start regular prostate screening like they do for bowel and breast or do you just pop along to the GP and politely ask him to finger you?

Not sure of the age (40?), but similarly to Scratch, I was pissing a lot, and I mean a LOT, it was dribbling out randomly, I never felt as if I'd fully emptied, my Grandad died from it, so I was checked out. 

 

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