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Check your bits!


Fatty Facesitter
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Posted (edited)

Recently caught up with an old colleague who is raising money for charity - he previously suffered from testicular cancer. Obviously he beat it and has been encouraging others to check themselves regularly. 

Shortly after seeing him, a couple of weeks ago I found a really small lump 'downstairs' (note - not some kind of euphemism after reuniting with my old colleague!) and got it checked by a GP at the earliest opportunity. He referred me to hospital and I've since had an appointment booked for an ultrasound, which annoyingly has been pushed back a couple of times but it will now take place this weekend all going well. Hopefully it's just a benign cyst, which are not uncommon and will require minimal treatment if anything. 

However, in the two weeks since then, I've been increasingly uncomfortable and my squadron and I have been in the wars. 

I was very uncomfortable on Tuesday night so took a trip to A&E - arrived at 9pm, got lumped in a long waiting queue and wound up not getting seen by a neurosurgeon until 4am, before then not seeing another senior neurosurgeon until 9am, so it was long, grim evening with me and more poor old spacehopper suffering through it together. 

The pain started off feeling like I'd effectively been kicked in the bollocks, and then as the evening progressed it felt like a sort of squeezing sensation. Overall it was a thoroughly miserable experience - also any Londoners here that have ever visited the mai. hospital in Woolwich will tell you it's a loathsome place. Like the place Mufusa told Simba to never go to. Or somewhere like Peterborough. 

The first two neurosurgeons I spoke to were concerned because of the pain I was in - after having my assets inspected, poked and proded for a fourth or fifth time that evening and still being in pain which was only getting worse, they were talking about the possibilities of testicular cancer, or testicular tortion and possible surgery, which as you might expect was a delight to hear. I also had some sort of weird fever spike, possibly unrelated and might have been a reaction to the painkillers but I was all over the shop there for a brief spell.  

After contemplating whether to do an Amazon Prime order for a giant jar to store my potentially-retired grapefruits in, a senior neurosurgeon finally arrived and conducted another inspection. Thankfully, mercifully, the worst case scenarios were ruled out very quickly and he was satisfied that I wouldn't need any surgeries etc - I was given some antibiotics and sent on my way, this completing my stay at the local medial facility. 

Luckily, for now it appears to just be a small infection - still got a follow-up ultrasound to attend this weekend but hopefully all well and Mrs Facesitter* will soon once again become the beneficiary of endless hours of passionate, endless bombastic lovemaking. 

So at the moment it looks like a false alarm - but as mentioned one of my old colleagues did have a worse issue a couple of years ago, and after catching up with him it actually made me have a proper check and I'm glad I did, even if the problem wasn't as severe as first thought and had I not checked I'd have still been in worse bother than I ended up being. 

I think most people are sensible enough on here to check for this sort of thing regularly so starting a thread might seem a bit unnecessary and I'm absolutely not looking for sympathy - me and 'the gang' are all doing ok (if a little sore 😿) - but I do think it's an important subject and if this inspires one person to have a check and if it reduces any chance of someone finding themselves in an unexpected tale of woe, then that's a good thing. I'm sure some of you won't hesitate on such an invitation to have a thoroughly good play with yourselves!

All joking aside, we all know someone that's gone through or might currently being through a type of cancer and it's an absolute bastard, so ladies and gents please do check all your bits and just look after yourselves and make sure everything's in full working order. Perhaps use this thread to send through any links to any useful videos about the best way to check yourselves, not just for your bits but other things you can potentially spot earlier. 

 

*I'll probably just knock one out*

Edited by Fatty Facesitter
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One of my plums is about three times the size of another. I’m like Randy Marsh and his space hopper. I’ve had it checked and it’s most likely a hydrocele or whatever it’s called. I’m on the waiting list for surgery so until then I’m Barry Big Ball. I’d post a pic of them but I’m not Le Branquefurter. 

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1 minute ago, Keith Houchen said:

One of my plums is about three times the size of another. I’m like Randy Marsh and his space hopper. I’ve had it checked and it’s most likely a hydrocele or whatever it’s called. I’m on the waiting list for surgery so until then I’m Barry Big Ball. I’d post a pic of them but I’m not Le Branquefurter. 

Hope it doesn't get damaged. 

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Had mine took to the nut doctor a few months ago with dull achey pain and after a lovely fluffing session he prescribed me some antibiotics that seemed to clear it up. Said it was probably some inflamed ball tube or something. The late 30’s seems to be the beginning of a steady decline for me.

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I too experienced a similar thing with the antiobiotics and what not. The first time occurred whilst I was on holiday, panicked and got seen really quickly by the NHS. Couldn't fault them.

They said 'oh you have calcification on your chaps and you'll need to get checked every now and then'. Fair one.

Last time I went, as the ultrasound was occurring, he genuinely pulled back a curtain as I was 'tackle out' and said 'you don't mind if all these trainees watch do you?'.

'Of course, but hopefully they aren't as cold in here as I obviously am....'

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Well, I didn't give you the full story in my post there. Mine got all swollen the day before I was due to fly off on my holidays. I had a big aching nut and felt like shit and had no time to get it checked out before I left. All flu symptoms and that with it. Perfect for a 10 hour night flight with two young kids, one of whom tried to sleep on my lap and knocked into my inflamed sack several times causing immense pain.

Eventually we got to our destination and I was able to get checked out by a doctor. The doctor being my wife's uncle. Nothing unusual for him of course but felt pretty damn awkward for me... And my wife was not at all discrete about asking him to check me out - just announced it to the whole family whom we were staying with for two weeks. Wonderful.

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Sorry to hear of your experience FFS, these things can be horrible in terms of worry and hospitals are foul places to be hanging around in such a state.

My dad nearly died of testicular cancer when he was 40 and I was 10. He’s the absolute worst person for not going to the doctor and by the time he did, it had spread to his abdomen and his treatment was a lot more severe and his outlook a lot more bleak. He survived it, but he’s never been the same since - either physically or mentally. Had he gone when he first found something, the last 30 years of his life would likely have been far more pleasant.

I thought I felt something odd when I was about 26 and went straight to get checked out. The doctor was 99.9% sure it was nothing but sent me for an ultrasound nonetheless.

2 years ago I noticed I was taking longer and longer to piss and went to the doctor. I had a prostate examination there and then (booked in and explained to me over the phone by an ex-girlfriend I hasten to add) and followed it up with an ultrasound 2 days before Christmas. Being told I didn’t have prostate cancer meant I had the best Christmas ever, let me tell you.

However, I still needed a camera put down my nob to rule out anything sinister. It turns out I’m just getting old, so I’ve fully embraced the sit down wee and take my time. I don’t drink alcohol so don’t often find myself needing a piss when I’m out, so it kind of works.

Anyway, having had discussions, examinations and cameras all involved with my bits, the take away has been how utterly uneventful and unobtrusive each of those experiences was and so I’d urge anybody worried to just go without even thinking about it. Having a finger stuck up your bum or a camera slid down your wee pipe was really nothing to write home about at all.

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1 minute ago, scratchdj said:

Having a finger stuck up your bum or a camera slid down your wee pipe was really nothing to write home about at all.

Glad you're OK! 

But as for the above  I can't speak for the camera down the eye, but one down the throat is worse than one up the arse. 100%

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My friend of 25 years had testicular cancer around 6 years ago. It had me worried but luckily it was caught early enough and he is cancer free.

Due to it, he found the love of his life on a forum like this for cancer patients supporting one another. 

I had to shave his head, it's very nerve wracking shaving someone else's head with a razor!

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I had a swelling in my left nut last year. It was proper sore and swollen a couple of days later when I jizzed Bumblebee yellow, paniced and promptly had it checked out. The chap confirmed it was an infection and gave me antibiotics. He said as a rule of thumb if the swelling hurts it's less likely to be worrying than if it doesn't but always get them checked either way.

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When I was a lad I was playfighting with my Dad and knee’d him in the balls and the pain never subsided so he got it checked and turned out he had cancer and had a bollock removed. As an adult now I always make sure to check.

Valentines Day a few years ago I woke up early with testicle pain that was aching worse than anything I’d ever felt and spent the day in A+E getting put on a drip and drugs shoved in my arse because it turned out it was Kidney Stones. 

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3 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

 

Eventually we got to our destination and I was able to get checked out by a doctor. The doctor being my wife's uncle. Nothing unusual for him of course but felt pretty damn awkward for me... And my wife was not at all discrete about asking him to check me out - just announced it to the whole family whom we were staying with for two weeks. Wonderful.

This is a very George Costanza scenario.

2 hours ago, scratchdj said:

However, I still needed a camera put down my nob

That Sucks The Office GIF

The finger up the bum is alright though. Not the worst thing in the world and vital to have checked.

I worked with a young lad who got testicular cancer when he was 22. I'll never forget when he told the office about it (I believe he was part of setting up Movember)

He said that because he was told with his parents, and because they both broke down at the news that one would have to be removed, to try and make them laugh, he asked the doctor if he could have a fake one in the shape of a star 😂

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