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Moments of amusement


air_raid
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Just a thought I had - the opposite of Petty Annoyances, what real life occurrences or sights give you a wry little smile to yourself? Anything at all, be it something that reflects on your particular feelings of society crumbling or the world going to hell but in a way that tickles your funny bone, or just amusing corporate logos that accidentally look like a knob. Anything.

Mine for today - always amuses me when a sole house in an utter shithole estate tries to tart up their image by attaching a sign instead of their house number, naming their domicile “Oakdene” or something equally Tory. Bagheads might piss in the ginnel behind number 25 and there’s always discarded Chunky Chicken boxes in the front garden of 29, but not Oakdene. Get over yourselves, Clive and Fiona. Your post comes to 27 and your post code tells everyone else you’re here because you can’t afford Didsbury.

Anyone else have a small chuckle lately?

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One Christmas when I worked in a supermarket we had two men run out with two trolleys, they had be clocked by the security so he’d already called the police that we had two known suspects in, as they left the store he chased after them as did any staff nearby the split into two directions, about 4 of us tailing each one. We managed to tackle them in the end and the police were there in minutes. The reason it was funny was because we we’re dressed up. I was in a Santa outfit, 1 as a reindeer, 1 elf and the rest just had Santa hats on.

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2 hours ago, air_raid said:

Just a thought I had - the opposite of Petty Annoyances, what real life occurrences or sights give you a wry little smile to yourself? Anything at all, be it something that reflects on your particular feelings of society crumbling or the world going to hell but in a way that tickles your funny bone, or just amusing corporate logos that accidentally look like a knob. Anything.

Mine for today - always amuses me when a sole house in an utter shithole estate tries to tart up their image by attaching a sign instead of their house number, naming their domicile “Oakdene” or something equally Tory. Bagheads might piss in the ginnel behind number 25 and there’s always discarded Chunky Chicken boxes in the front garden of 29, but not Oakdene. Get over yourselves, Clive and Fiona. Your post comes to 27 and your post code tells everyone else you’re here because you can’t afford Didsbury.

Anyone else have a small chuckle lately?

West Didsbury,obviously.Who wants to live with those oiks in East Didsbury. Even then West Didsbury is the poor man's Withington.

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1 hour ago, jazzygeofferz said:

West Didsbury,obviously.Who wants to live with those oiks in East Didsbury. Even then West Didsbury is the poor man's Withington.

Withington?? Only people trying to claw their way out of Wythenshawe aspire to Withington. West Didsbury is the new Chorlton.

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1 hour ago, Uncle Zeb said:

Why are non-security staff risking their safety to chase and tackle thieves of any kind? Pauline on the customer service desk doesn't get danger money.

Heat of the moment, it was only later on we were even told that. We just reacted but we would have been in the shit had we been hurt at all because we wouldn't have been covered. Pauline remained behind the customer service desk though, can't leave a till unattended.

@Keith Houchen They had TV's and a load of booze in their trolley's. It's a bit different and as someone no longer in retail I wouldn't grass anyone up, not my drama.

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1 hour ago, Uncle Zeb said:

Why are non-security staff risking their safety to chase and tackle thieves of any kind? Pauline on the customer service desk doesn't get danger money.

When I worked in Sainsbury's, we were shutting up one night and this teenage girl comes racing through the shop with an arm full of stuff, making a bolt for the door. One of the checkout supervisors dives in her way to try and stop her and she pinned him on the floor, kneed him in the bollocks four times, and the rest of us just stood aside and let her go. Walk it off, son.

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It's not exactly secret that Cathy Barry hails from Bristol.

Today I discovered she lived/lives just up the road from me.

On...

Genuinely on....

Actually living on a thoroughfare legitimately called...

 

 

 

Cock Road.

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You know those moments where you walk away from an argument and something perfect comes to you and you think "Fuck I wish I'd said that" (Jerk store), it only happened to me once.

When I was 18, I worked in a Spoons (Moon Under Water in Twickenham) and I fucking hated it. The hours were long, I was a lazy bastard, scruffy cunt Tim Martin used to sit at the bar all day (think he lived near then) and it was full of Rugby bastards most Saturdays as the month I was there was 5 Nations. Hated it.

One Friday when it was heaving and I was on the verge of tears, someone asked me for a double vodka and Red Bull, and I 'happily' obliged, but gave it to him in a small tumbler, so really no room to add the can of Red Bull.

He looked at it exaggeratedly, and tutted and tutted, pulled faces and said "Where am I supposed to put the Red Bull? How long you been a barman?"

And it came to me. The perfect thing to say, and as I was putting the details in the till turned around and said "Not long. How long have you been a dickhead?"

Everyone at the bar did that lovely "Ooooooh" thing that collective crowds do, and after a very tense 3 or 4 seconds, your man said "Fair play, that was funny" and off he went with his vodka.

I replay this in my head when I'm feeling low, as I think I peaked then.

Unrelated, but also in Twickenham, I once saw a man try and start a fight with a group of girls, only to turn perfectly into a well placed bollard to the bollocks. 

Went down like a sack of shit, and it was lovely. 

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9 hours ago, air_raid said:

Just a thought I had - the opposite of Petty Annoyances, what real life occurrences or sights give you a wry little smile to yourself? Anything at all, be it something that reflects on your particular feelings of society crumbling or the world going to hell but in a way that tickles your funny bone, or just amusing corporate logos that accidentally look like a knob. Anything.

Mine for today - always amuses me when a sole house in an utter shithole estate tries to tart up their image by attaching a sign instead of their house number, naming their domicile “Oakdene” or something equally Tory. Bagheads might piss in the ginnel behind number 25 and there’s always discarded Chunky Chicken boxes in the front garden of 29, but not Oakdene. Get over yourselves, Clive and Fiona. Your post comes to 27 and your post code tells everyone else you’re here because you can’t afford Didsbury.

Anyone else have a small chuckle lately?

I’m sure I’ve mentioned on here before that I’ll deliberately not deliver to people who all of a sudden invent names for houses that are numbered. People need to learn that whether they like to send or receive, Postie is always the top to their bottom.

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