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HarmonicGenerator

Three wrestling wishes

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Imagine. Turns out you rub a bottle of water one day and in almighty spray, out emerges a Genie Triple H. He grants you three wrestling-related wishes (with the Aladdin caveats that he can’t kill anyone, can’t make anyone fall in love and can’t bring anyone back from the dead). What do you wish for?

I would ask for

1) The WWE Warehouse to become a proper museum (and if it needs someone to organise things I’ll do it)

2) ‘I Want It All’ by Queen to be used as the theme for the following year’s WrestleMania. I just think it’d fit.

3) Velveteen Dream to be protected and kept safe from harm. That diamond in the rough is the future of the business.

 

I have not just watched Aladdin. Genuinely I haven’t.

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1) A completely authentic, War and Peace sized autobiography, completely and solely written by Vince McMahon. Covering absolutely everything.

2) A wrestling specific time machine, with the ability to go and be in the crowd for any wrestling show from the past. Imagine being in the crowd for when Sammartino lost the belt? Or when Undertaker lost his streak? Or something like Punk in Chicago, or Naito in Osaka.

3) Probably just the funding, travel and accessibility to go and visit any show, in any country - purely to tick off loads of famous venues like the Tokyo Dome, Arena Mexico, Korakuen, MSG. 

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1) Return of The Greatest.

2) Triple H vs Cena for the 16/17th (whatever the record is) world title.

3) Norman Smiley enters and wins a King of the Deathmatch/Tournament of Death.

 

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1. 1 more Austin match, but not for Saudi blood money

2. Seth Rollins to have a massive CM Punk style falling out with management and to leave WWE forever. Bonus if he also decides to take up MMA and gets battered.

3. Leaked video of Alexa Bliss like the Paige ones from a few years ago.

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1. Tom Hanks as Raw GM.

2. William Regal to have the send off match he deserves on a big stage.

3. Tyler Bate first English WWE champion.

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1. When the time comes, Regal vs Velveteen Dream (GMship vs NXT spot)

2. Wrestlemania UK

3. A warts-and-all history of the WWWF/WWF/WWE with all the detail, fuck the legality involved (publish it in North Korea or something)

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1. A miracle drug that restores Kenta Kobashi's knee's to mint condition. Kobashi can then make a return as a freelancer and work huge matches around the world in a glorious victory lap.

2. The total destruction of BRITWRES~! fan tropes such as:

  • "One Fall!"
  • Constant chants to the tune of Seven Nation Army
  • The word GRAPS 

3. The wrestling business version of #MeToo

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1. A 24 hr shoot interview with Vince on truth serum

2. All the classic wcw wrestlers came over for a proper 3 year invasion angle  with all our dream matches and alliances played out in 2001

3. All the tragic deaths, suicides and unhappiness to be undone. 

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