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Your First Car


Gus Mears

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What was your first car? How shit was it? Any fond/less fond memories?

I've never met anyone with a licence who doesn't have strong memories of their first vehicle, however terrible it was.

Mine, in theory, shouldn't have been too bad. An early 2000's Ford KA. In jet black, so it was basically the Batmobile.

Unfortunately, I bought it off my Gran who really ought to have sent it to scrap about a year before. She has an emotional attachment to her old cars that once led her to phone up Haynes Motor Museum to see if they wanted her 1980's Honda Jazz. Shockingly, Mr Haynes wasn't too keen on putting this next to the Lamborghini's and the Ferrari's. 

Image result for 80's honda jazz

In a story that no insurance provider could possibly believe, the KA was crashed into while stationary when the driver of another vehicle got a lava lamp stuck under their pedals, causing them to career into both of my Grandparent's cars. The first one was entirely written off, but the KA was patched up and handed on to me for a nominal fee. Anyway, this meant it had a massive hole in the back, which caused it to grow mould in various places and steam up like I was hotboxing every time the temperature went below 15 degrees. 

Still, some fond memories in it. Like Simon of the Inbetweeners, got it to reach a ton on a couple of occasions while terrified (only while going downhill on the A303). Also had some fine road trips down to the sea shortly after buying it.

Even though I was older than 17 when I got my licence as I couldn't afford lessons until well into uni,  that initial sense of freedom from a shitty car was phenomenal. Before that freedom transformed into a 3 hour daily commute and doing all the shopping. 

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96 Ford fiesta. It wouldn't start without the clutch and accelerater down, would stall if it slowed too much and would lurch terribly when accelerating. Yet it kept passing an MOT somehow. I sold it on after a couple of years as I was doing 80 miles a day and could afford to avoid the hassle. 

I have no fond memories of it, as it was a shit bag that I needed to get to university each day. 

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This isn't the one I had, but it's as close as I can find online. It was a dark red, 1995 Rover. On the back corner windows it had two white decals of Mickey Mouse giving passers-by the finger. How and why they got there, I have no idea. 

It was a heap of scrap that overheated like crazy. My mum had bought it for £500, before she was going to buy a better car she wanted me to learn in something I could afford to wreck, whilst she taught me to drive. 

It turns out she was right too, as it took me from October to April to pass my test, then three weeks after that I took it on a trip to Punchestown Racecourse (around 90 miles away) to watch Bon Jovi with a mate of mine. On the way home I fell asleep in the fast lane of a three laned section of motorway and woke up to the sound of driving over the cat's eyes at the edge of the hard shoulder, three lanes over. How I'm still here I don't know. Surprisingly, I put more damage to the car trying to drive out of my own driveway whilst eating an apple, and attempting to reverse out of my Aunty's farmyard. 

A terrible car, that had an even worse driver, so we had something to bond over I guess. As comfortable as lying in bed though. No wonder I fell asleep at the wheel. 

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Mine was a Blue Y reg Saxo, are colour as Gavin's car in Gavin and Stacy, except mine was the bog standard model with no alloys or extras etc. It didn't even have central locking or power steering. I loved the thing though....

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Closest picture I can find, although mine was R reg. 

fordfiesta95to99_749_500_70.jpg

Bought it off a women whom I worked with which is a proper silly move in hindsight. 

It was very nippy with the Zetec engine and it had a sweet walnut dash and a smart blue upholstery. Electric windows/mirrors and heated front and back screens. Also bought a CD player with a remote(?) I thought I looked the bollocks. 

Car was a total money pit though. Don't wanna think about how much I spent on it over the years. Everything needed replacing at some point. It also leaked water into the passenger footwell which turned the car into a damp mess. 

Was doing a daily 60 mile round trip back then, so the poor car had a kicking for a good few years before the engine finally popped on the way to work one morning. 

 

And yet, I bought another Fiesta for my second car. 

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251069_10150207898554247_5203588_n.jpg.9bac74b84198a7e435b2242f8ca7b34a.jpg

What an absolute babe magnet! 

But enough about me from 13 years ago*. This blue Corsa was my first, and I was absolutely gutted the day I finally had to part with it. Parents helped me cobble the cash together to get this bad boy as an early Xmas present for passing my test. A fine runner for a good five years, rarely gave me an ounce of trouble.

More than anything else, it gave me the precious gift of independence. Norfolk is a fucking wonderful place, but unless you lived in say, the centre of Norwich, getting out and about without a car was quite difficult. Norfolk's rail network isn't very extensive, the buses were always breaking down and not very frequent, and you were effectively left to rely on things like lifts from parents to get around. Finally passing my test meant I could finally get around, see my friends more regularly and get to explore new, unexplored places. All happened during my College days as well, which was perfect timing as of course you meet lots of new people, start courting, etc. I soon started a long distance relationship and the car meant we got to spend more time together. I take it for granted now but just having that independence, cruising around in the summer at a leisurely pace listening to terrible music along the coast, were amazing times. 

*Not sure what's going on with my ankles and the cargo 3/4's mind you. 

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1989 Nova 1.3 sr

Bought it standard and took the 14" wheels off and put on 15" Fox Racing alloys. Green stuff grooved brake discs and pads. Janspeed exhaust system including manifold and lowered 60mm. Bolt on K&N filter. Clear side indicators and 100w ice blue headlight bulbs. Also 600w sub and amp plus parcel shelf speakers the next size up from 6x9.

Had bad rust on the corner of the doors but i loved it. It never ran the same again after i got to 120mph on the speedo.

https://imgur.com/a/487PkHK

Blew the radiator on my first drive after passing my test.

 

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Blue Fiesta. H reg. My older cousin came with me to buy it because "he knows about cars". All the fucker did was kick the tyres. It was for sale for £750. I'm not good at haggling but I bravely offered £600 and the guy ripped my hand off, never mind biting. That was my first clue that all was not well.

I locked the keys in the boot after a day and had to smash a window to get in. While replacing the window, I laid down for better access to get the rear door panel off and broke the indicator stalk with my foot. The brakes barely worked. The fuel gauge worked until you had 1/4 of a tank left and then it was complete pot luck. It had a major fault where the spark plugs would get covered in oil and if I didn't clean them every week, it would run on 2 cylinders and sound like a tractor. Added to that, it had a massive dent in the front where I had my only ever accident when my girlfriend panicked over nothing and I drove into a parked car.

I loved that car.

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An old Volkswagen Polo not unlike this one, but black:

Image result for black volkswagen polo 1998

It had been my aunt's for years and years and though she'd got herself a new car a long time beforehand, couldn't bear to be parted with the Polo. The idea of it being inherited by me, however, she could tolerate, so I got it for free.

No power steering, no heating to speak of, certain gears wouldn't work all the time, and the radio was stuck on max volume, but it was a car, and like others, got me to uni and back as well as to friends' places during holidays.

Not long afterwards my mum was getting a new car herself so I ended up with her Toyota Yaris and we sold the Polo under strict instructions that my aunt must never be told it had gone. I had to keep the pretence up for about two years before my dad gently broke the news to her.

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Bloody hell @Fatty Facesitter Have you been sharing ankle care tips with Marty Janetty? 

11 minutes ago, HarmonicGenerator said:

Not long afterwards my mum was getting a new car herself so I ended up with her Toyota Yaris and we sold the Polo under strict instructions that my aunt must never be told it had gone. I had to keep the pretence up for about two years before my dad gently broke the news to her.

My Gran ended up crying when I broke it to her that the KA was irreparable and needed to go for scrap.

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Behold the futuristic wonder of the Citroen BX 19:

 

citroen_bx_10.jpg

This truly was the car of the future.  When you started it up, the suspension slowly pumped up (rear, then front) like a poundshop low-rider.  It made fast get-aways an impossibility unless you wanted to lose the underside of the car.

Dials on your dashboard?  Nothing so antiquated.  The dashboard was something from the Millennium Falcon.

citroenbxdigit_dash3.jpg

 

No indicator or other sticks either.  On the right-hand side at the top, it had a switch for left/right indication.   One slight design flaw, it got so hot after about an hour of driving that you'd have to put your sleeve over your hand to flip it.

Electric sunroof, kicking stereo - check.  I took this bad boy to a lot of free parties and festivals over the years, you could super-pump up the suspension for extra ride height which was useful when driving across fields.  Speed - not a lot, a a diesel it would struggle to make it up hills at more than 50.

This beauty faithfully served my mother, then my brother, and finally me all the way through Uni, until it finally expired when I crashed it on the Bournemouth Spur Road at 70mph on my way back from a festival when considerably worse for wear.  So it's final act was to save my life, as it was built like a fucking tank.

 

 

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A 1987 Renault 5 Campus. A beaut. 4 gears, hold up and shift for reverse, manual choke which meant you had to wait 10 minutes before actually going anywhere.

It was so light it used to shake all over the gaff when you went over 60. This was when I worked in a pawn shop so I had a wicked stereo and a couple of 6x9 Kenwoods in a home made shelf in the back. In the summer of 2004 I sellotaped pictures of Gazza, Robson, Hurst, Moore to the back windows for the Euros.

When I moved back to London from Basingstoke and no longer needed it, it sat semi abandoned outside my sisters until it was vandalised. Not a problem as I didn’t want it, but I had to report it in case it was stolen (it eventually was) and my name was still on the DVLA, and I’ll never forget ringing the police and them asking me what had been done to it.

I had to tell them that a massive gold penis had been sprayed on the bonnet. My CookPassBabtridge dream had come true.

I loved that car so much. Because it had a really high clutch, I used to beat super cars off the lights all the time which was wicked. Only for 0.3 seconds before they overtook but still...

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