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Worst TV theme songs


Gus Mears
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Couple of years ago, we had a thread chronicling the best TV theme songs, featuring the likes of Boon, Big Break and other fine tunes. Of course, not everything is up those lofty standards.

Case in point, the theme to insipid early 90's sitcom On The Up ("Just the one, Mrs Wembley"). If you ever wanted to hear Dennis Waterman whistling in the loo and rambling on about his shit marriage, then this is the theme for you. It's a breathtakingly lazy piece of work.

Possibly the case that it's easier to remember the good over the dross, but any suggestions of awful themes much welcomed by me here.

Edited by Gus Mears
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21 minutes ago, Chest Rockwell said:

 and now because I like the show I kinda like the terrible music because that's how the human brain works.

Exactly how I feel about Black Books, LaRue.

I adore Black Books, and along with Spaced it's my joint favourite tv show of all time, but the theme song sounds like the musical equivalent of somebody struggling on the pot with gastroenteritis.

 

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39 minutes ago, hallicks said:

Whatever the fuck it was at the beginning of Star Trek: Enterprise put me off ever watching it.

I did watch it, but I agree that that theme was terrible, and it was particularly irritating because they'd made that excellent intro sequence, showing humanity's gradual progress through history from sailing ships up to the Enterprise.

My initial thought was "Wait a sec - have they chosen this track because Scott Bakula's in it?" Because it just seemed very "Bakula-esque".

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27 minutes ago, Chest Rockwell said:

The intro music for Still Game is so atrocious it almost put me off watching. I'm glad I persevered, and now because I like the show I kinda like the terrible music because that's how the human brain works.

That's a tremendous shout. It's both terrible and completely unfitting for the programme. Why is there rumba music for a show about Scottish pensioners? 

The West Wing will always be near the top of my list, both the theme song and closing credits. I think the latter might be the worst offender though; you go from a terrorist attack killing hundreds of people or something to the Simpsons theme.

 

 

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1 minute ago, Scott Malbranque said:

I don't have a problem with that one, except that it feels like a bargain-bucket version of The Punisher's theme, which is awesome.

BTW, you somehow deleted the "u" from "youtube" in that URL, Steed Jr.

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Yep. On the opposite side to my previous post, some shows are so terrible their otherwise innocuous music has become so awful. The frantic leaping across the room that happens if I hear the opening twang of the Hollyoaks music is something to behold.

Edited by Chest Rockwell
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Yes, that Hollyoaks music can get to fuck. It's like the total 180 to the opening twang of 'BBC Worldwide Snooker' (which gives me the warmest, nostalgic feeling of watching telly with my Granddad). 

The opening to 'Neighbours' was truly bad. Not only a really awful song but a reminder that all the post-3pm kids shows were over and I had to go do homework or go outside or some other awful activity.

Edited by Accident Prone
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41 minutes ago, Gus Mears said:

That's a tremendous shout. It's both terrible and completely unfitting for the programme. Why is there rumba music for a show about Scottish pensioners? 

The West Wing will always be near the top of my list, both the theme song and closing credits. I think the latter might be the worst offender though; you go from a terrorist attack killing hundreds of people or something to the Simpsons theme.

Video of WG Snuffy Walden's finest hour

 

I only saw The West Wing a couple of years ago, and after so much exposure to 'serious episode = silent end credits to let it sink in' from more recent TV shows, the closing theme really stood out as completely incongruous. The stuff they would end episodes with - and then this! Wouldn't happen today.

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