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Recall a wrestling story with only the 1,000 most common words.


JNLister

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So at http://xkcd.com/simplewriter/ there's a tool where you can write stuff and it will warn you if you use anything that's not among the 1,000 most commonly used words, the idea being the result could be understood by a kid who's only just learned to read, or by a non-English speaker who's only learned the very basics. 

 

It's a real bugger (though the guy behind it wrote an entire science book called the Thing Explainer using it.) So let's see if it's possible to describe a recognisable wrestling event in as much detail as possible using only those words.

 

I came up with:

 

The man with no hair and black pants and boots had a play fight with the rock in the building with the roof that was not straight in the state in the south of the country. Both men lost blood and used chairs and did their own moves and each other's moves. In the end, the man who ran the business and hated the man with no hair and black pants came out and it was a surprise because he helped him win the gold that goes round your stomach. Then they shook hands and drunk beer. The people watching were happy even though it was meant to be a bad thing, so the man with no hair and black pants and boots had to hit his friend with the black hat and then hit a woman with red hair with a chair until the people watching shouted that they were not happy.

 

 

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Ahh, this could be brilliant.

 

The man with special powers didn't like the big man who had long hair but cut it a bit shorter. He made black stuff run down the big man's face from his new shorter hair. The man also used his powers to make the big man's stomach hurt. Around this time, he ran down to the ring during a fight between other big men. Nobody really knew why he did this and some people believe he had no business being there at all.

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The dead man and the man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie had a not real fight inside a metal box. The man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie climbed on top of the big metal box with a metal chair and the dead man followed him. The man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie hit the dead man with the chair but the dead man pushed him off the metal box on to the floor. The people watching were very happy about this. The man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie was hurt but climbed back on the metal box but this time was thrown through the floor by his neck. The people watching were very happy with this. The two men fought some more inside the metal box and the man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie had a tooth come out of his nose. The man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie put lots of sharp things all over the floor and tried to push the dead man on to them but could not and the dead man dropped him on the sharp things instead. The dead man turned the man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie the wrong way round and dropped him on his head. The dead man covered the man that covers his face in brown animal skin and wears a white shirt and tie and the man in the black and white shirt counted one two three. The dead man was the best. The people watching were happy.

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In the greatest pretend fighting story ever told, the Hit man joined forces with his brother and brother-in-law to create a group who hated everything about the biggest country in the world and it led to a summer long war with Stone Cold and the Heart break kid. The Hit man ran down the country and its people at every chance he got and cut some of the finest talking bits ever seen in pretend fighting. He won the gold that makes you the man from the Under taker at Summer Slam when the Heart break kid lost his cool and hit the dead man with a chair. Some might say the hit man got what was coming to him at the big show when the bad man who is the owner of the company stole the gold from him by telling lies to the man in the black and white shirt who then ran away really fast.

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This is really hard so many words are not allowed haha, I had a go but I don't think its any good:

 

Only one big company was left. A group of red necks led by a stupid woman made up their mind to create a company to go against the big company. She was pretty, well pretty stupid and had bad ideas and bad ideas given to her that made people all over very sad about what they were and are doing. Cases which had good and bad things in them which made no sense to the people opening them let alone the world are always known about this company. A man that was once thought of well become a joke by doing the same as a known movie bad guy. The stupid woman speaks to all of her workers in front of the world making them look like jokes. An event where people have to hang things up instead of pull them down. Where they have to enter the ring instead of being thrown out. A woman who said a good man touched her in a bad place. A man who was in a bad way for an event that looked like he was sick but really he did it for "fun" as the world watched on in tears. These are a few things which make this company really bad and that you should not see. The worst part of this, is this is all true and even worse that it still has a chance go on. So make sure the tv is off do not let this bad stuff into your house. 

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I played around with TNA too.

 

"in 2002 there was a new company that made use of some very good smaller guys who could really jump around. there was room for this company because two big ones died last year. though this new company sounded really great, they also had a lot of crazy things that you didn't want to watch such as a very big man breaking the ring in the first ever fight. you had to wait while everyone talked and they tried to fix it. then we saw a very very short man give himself good feelings into the nearest place where you put things you don't want. then very very old people turned up. some had a very slow fight while others just talked for ages. it carried on like this for another 14 years though, and we all learned to love it."

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The main event was the 30 man over the top war

During the war, lots and lots of men entered the ring, and attacked other men and two others were not even allowed in this They were thrown out soon after each time. the man who came in at 5 controlled upon entering, at one point him and his friends danced in the ring until the man attacked the others, and he continued to dance alone. as he was large it took six men to throw him out. 

The final three men in the war were The Rock, The Big Show and the big red machine . 

The Big Show had The Rock on his shoulder, and tried to throw him over the top , but The Rock hung on the bottom, and carried The Big Show over. The Rock won the war. 

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The man with the hairy face lost to the crazy man and had to stop doing his job.

The lady he was with got angry and kicked him until a lady friend he used to have ran down and stopped the angry lady, throwing her out of the ring.

The man with the hairy face was confused until the nice lady made him see that the other lady did it.

While they looked at each other there were people watching who were shouting and crying.

They came together and were friends again.

A long time later they got married and a man who is often drunk made it not fun for them with a bad gift.

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At the end of a big fight, the man with his face covered came down the stairs and threw everyone around. He beat up all the good guys and bad guys until there was no-one left in the ring, even the little man who used to work in that top place. Then his brother told him to lift the big round metal thing high, and said that it was his kind-of-church again.

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