Shit adverts

[Gus Mears]

For my sins, I have been listening to Talksport over the past few weeks and the only thing worse than listening to Adrian Durham is the plethora of adverts where people from the Black Country do impressions of Phil Daniels from Parklife.

 

Take for instance this charming ditty from the people at Vanarama, which will likely now be emblazoned on my brain for the remainder of my life.

 

 

"WHEN ME VENS OF DA ROWD I'M NOT WURKIN, SO WAT AM I GUNNA DUUUUUUUUUU?"

 

Continuing in the vein of outright butchery on well known songs is this impressive effort from Amigo loans.

 

 

Another favourite, which I can't find a recording of, is the advert for industrial deafness that has deliberately been recorded in abysmal quality so that people will think they are deaf and haven't realised, or something.

 

Sadly, I also can't find an audio recording of the worlds gimpiest sounding man shouting "SELCO!", which listeners of Talksport will be familiar with, largely due to the fact it's played every 10 minutes throughout the day.

 

Happily, Talksport did at least remind me of some shit adverts from the past that do have some entertainment value.

 

"That was me in the 70's. I didn't have time to look for van insurance then"

 

 

This might be the single greatest thing committed to film in recent years. The idea that someone at VanCompare thought that Andy Scott from The Sweet was the best choice to advertise van insurance in 2010 is fantastic. Makes Vince look positively hip for rolling out ZZ Top every couple of years. My favourite part is probably at the end when Andy's managed to staple a link to his tour dates on the sly next to the VanCompare logo. Oh, and he looks exactly like Greg Valentine.

 

So please share some of your most loved/hated adverts, preferably of the shit variety.

 

[Ladiesman345]

This'll be for the Scottish posters only, but does anybody remember tha adverts for Scottish Telecom circa 98? They featured a GINGER girl talking on the phone about some shite. They were ripped to pieces back then so I can't imagine how bad they must be nearly 20 years later.

[Dr.PeterVenkman]

That advert with the Chinese kid having a shit was literally shit

 

Always thought the fox off the Foxy Bingo ads is creepy as fuck

[Flangedango]

 

 

Those Barclays lifeskills adverts were the absolute fucking worst. They might be aimed at teenagers but any half-intelligent person knows how to conduct themselves for crying out loud. Some just can't be arsed to do so.

 

If I was 16 again I would find these incredibly insulting.

[Dazzer]

That advert with the Chinese kid having a shit was literally shit

 

 

 

Is that where the kid was positively giddy about going to his mate's for a dump?

[Merzbow]

The Chinese kid one's different, but poo at Pauls kid is a tosser too.

 

At least someobne made it better.

[LCJ]

Tradepoint is an instant "change the channel" moment everytime. Sung to the tune of "Vindaloo" by Fat Les. Annoying as Hell!

[Gus Mears]

Tradepoint is an instant "change the channel" moment everytime. Sung to the tune of "Vindaloo" by Fat Les. Annoying as Hell!

 

 

I knew there was one of the Talksport/Phil Daniels brigade I was missing.

 

"TRADE POINT! TRADE POINT! COME ON LADS, GET THE VAN, TRADE POINT!"

 

I don't really know if this classifies as shit, becuase it is meant to be shit.

 

 

Never has cleaning out your crapper been a more life affirming and positive experience.

[PunkStep]

Betting adverts. All of the betting adverts. They're all shit and they make me glad I don't bet.

 

First, you have the LADbrokes advert:

I don't know any of these guys, they're probably nice chaps. But this makes me hate them. The thought that betting brings these lads together and they go go-karting and on the pull, oh the black one always gets a round in! Go away.

 

Then there's the Coral advert

"ODDS"

 

Then Betfair:

The bloke sitting there getting all agitated because he night not win his bet? I hoped history would rewrite itself in this fixture and wish Fellaini had a stinker just so this bloke lost everything. Look at him, it's a fucking bet, stop getting so worried. That's a terrible advert for betting, at least with the Ladbrokes one it's all a bit 'oh well, never mind if you don't win' rather than this

 

Betfred, the one with the band playing Crazy In Love:

WHY IS IT SO LOUD? If I'm watching Sky Sports late in the evening, which is highly likely, this commercial will come on a lot. I have to turn the volume down because the decibels triple from that shitty version of the Beyonce song.

 

And then you have Victor Chandler, such an ego he appears in his own commercials, with Paul Kaye doing the worst thing he's ever done. Ray Winstone's floating head for Bet365, dropping the same lame Scum references (IT'S ALL ABOUT THE IN-PLAY). Stan and James, acting like divs from Soccer AM.

 

Just get shot of them all.

[bAzTNM#1]

The long version of the "Have I Got PPI?" advert. Just offensive on some many levels. Guy goes to the doctor, and you're thinking it's HIV (but not actually said). Doctor says "You haven't got THAT, but you've got PPI !". "YEAH!!". Fucking awful and quite offensive.

 

I can only find the short cartoon one that airs during the day. It's just your standard advert, so I won't link to it.

 

Those Barclays lifeskills adverts were the absolute fucking worst. They might be aimed at teenagers but any half-intelligent person knows how to conduct themselves for crying out loud. Some just can't be arsed to do so.

 

Yeah, if you're a teenager and don't know any of the stuff they are telling you to do, you must be a moron.

 

Here's one from the RSPCA in 1989. If you don't know what's coming, you might be rather shocked.

 

Yes, it is a legit advert.

[Abe_Knuckleball_Schwartz]

Unsure how to post links via an iPad, but one of the most annoying adverts has to be Confused.com and Brian in particular - and now they have started to do figures of the annoying little twat.

[WyattSheepMask]

There's one for Specsavers at the moment that says they are the biggest seller of hearing aids, and then says "yes you did hear me correctly, hearing aids"

 

Great, I don't need a hearing aid then do I

[HarmonicGenerator]

Claims Direct have had some terrible ones over the years. The one that sticks most in my mind was the one about Little Declan, who fell off a slide and needed glasses, and got £10,000 in compensation.

[PowerButchi]

Betting adverts. All of the betting adverts. They're all shit and they make me glad I don't bet.

 

First, you have the LADbrokes advert:

I don't know any of these guys, they're probably nice chaps. But this makes me hate them. The thought that betting brings these lads together and they go go-karting and on the pull, oh the black one always gets a round in! Go away.

 

 

Completely irrelevant, but when I lived in Hebden Bridge me and a couple of mates used to spend our afternoons in Ladbrokes drinking tea, smoking rollies and losing 50p E/W Yankees with hangdog expressions in front of the wall length window to the outside world. One day a "vandal" doctored the sign to "Sadblokes". We all thought that was legitimately piss funny as it mirrored us all looking glum, and throwing betslips on the floor as we'd lazilhy roll some more Golden V through the window directly under the sign. We actually asked them to keep it. But they wouldn't.

[Surf Digby]

"Your body could be saying summink different"

 

I'd sooner employ someone who's a bit shy when speaking face to face than someone who can't even be bothered to speak their native language correctly.