The Official UKFF RAW Thread...

[quote the raven]

Top marks to Y2J

 

When he came on the screen, i thought........o please just fuck off. When Brock turned up i thought..........fuck Chris is going to get the best of him.....then he was treated like a total jobber.

 

Bravo

[SpursRiot2012]

I have heard nothing but bad things about The Ascension but that promo they did was awesome simply because it reminded me of the Road Warriors. I like a bit of a throwback. 

[sivy]

Does Rollins need heyman? To me he's been the only light in the last few months and apart from lesnar he's been the no 1 heel in the company.

Edited December 16, 2014 by sivy

[Loki]

Am I the only person on this forum then who's enjoyed the Bunny storyline? I thought it was excellent light relief from the usual "dead serious enemies, no cheating" wrestling we generally get now on Raw.

[King Pitcos]

There's nothing wrong with the Bunny story in theory, but it's shit because Adam Rose has turned on him every week for about two months. When Shawn threw Marty through the window, they weren't teaming up again the next week.

[Statto]

I have heard nothing but bad things about The Ascension but that promo they did was awesome simply because it reminded me of the Road Warriors. I like a bit of a throwback.

They've had Road Warrior similarities for a year or so, but heading to the main roster they seem to have been turned into total rip-offs. The paint & shoulder gear are all new.

 

They feast on fear & dine on destruction rather than snacking on danger & dining on death though, so obviously no similarities there.

[Undefeated Steak]

The Ascension are great and there's nothing wrong with rehashing the Road Warriors, they should bring back more classic gimmicks.

[Linus]

Well, it's Raw, I guess. It's a tough Raw, because it's following what should be a blockbuster PPV but TLC... & S fell flat for a number of reasons (NXT hitting it out the park, Lucha Underground doing a better ladder match days before, the main event ending with a fart...), so you know.

Show starts with Chris Jericho coming to the ring. He looked ridiculous. I can't imagine when or where he'd have looked anything but. He said he was tonight's General Manager. Okay then.

He called out Fandango, using a bunch of stupid names for him. Now I like Jericho, and I can't see Fandango being anything but a massive joke, but why do this to one of your own "superstars"? Oh, and it wasn't funny.

Aaaaanyway, instead of Fandango, Paul Heyman came out and wanted to talk about Seth Rollins, for some odd reason. Before he could say anything, Seth Rollins and his goons came out. The ring was starting to fill up.

Rollins did a terrible talky - saying he wanted a rematch with Cena but not until he was ready -  which was thankfully interrupted by John Cena. Yes, another interruption. Go with it. Cena came out and put Rollins in his place. He did a seriously good talky about how real men don't whine about losing, they just get on and fight. Heyman agreed with him on that.

Cena said that they should have that rematch Seth was talking about, and they should have it tonight. Rollins did not look happy. Cena said if only there were someone around who could make matches, like a Raw GM, and Jericho obliged, adding in - for reasons that would be made redundant by the actual match (more on that later) - a cage to the deal.

Rollins pissed and moaned at Jericho and told him that he was so rusty that Y2J couldn't even beat Heyman. Jericho stopped him, booking himself in a match with Heyman, supposedly over $200 he was owed from his ECW days. He said the WWE App users could decide the stipulation.

Now, this went 24 minutes. That's not always a bad thing. 24 minutes of anything good is not a problem. This was just meh. Buckle in.

After the commercial the first match is up, and Big Show & Luke Harper, and Erick Rowan are already in the ring. Jobber entrances, I guess. Dolph Ziggler joined them for a Ziggler/Rowan versus Show/Harper tag, because we haven't seen some combination of these four men fight each other enough lately.

They got the heat on Ziggler, and it was just two men beating up on one, really, as Rowan prowled the outside. At one point the ref went over to tell Rowan to stay in his corner and he hadn't moved an inch. Sucks to be him.

Ziggler made the hot tag and Rowan came in and cleaned house. For a bit. Ziggler took Harper to the outside and they ended up in a heap behind the announcers' table because last night obviously wasn't enough bumping onto unpredictable and very hard objects for them.

Back in the ring, Show punched Rowan and pinned him. Of course he did. Fucking shit.

Backstage, Jericho bumped into Fandango. He told him he'd beat him up later.

Michael Cole introduced a re-cap of the main event from TLC...& S, and it's "shocking" ending. He really said those words. He used to be a journalist. They announced Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose for Smackdown. Not fighting, just on it.

Backstage Renee talked to the New Day. Xavier Woods got a bit angry again before Kofi calmed him down with some rhyme talking like wot Cena used to do. Big E sweated. Xavier & Kofi told him to towel off. This is a thing now.

Hmm, it's the women. It's Nikki & Brie Bella versus Alicia Fox & Natalya. Do not expect a classic. Oh, man, it was terrible. And they treated it as a commercial for the new season of Total Divas. Thanks for that, fighting show. Natalya's arse is distractingly mannish.

Natalya got the win with the sharpshooter on Brie, after knocking Nikki off the apron. Tyson went to check on Nikki and Natalya got made but he SMOOTHLY covered it up by raising her hand repeatedly. Yeah, I don't know either.

Hey, it's the Highlight Reel. Jericho brought out Rusev and Lana and belittled them. That'll sell PPVs. Rusev threatened to crush Jericho, using - almost word for word - a line Andre the Giant is rumoured to have said to former Steeler Ernie Holmes before the WM2 NFL Battle Royale. History!

Jericho said he didn't want to fight Rusev but knew someone who did, and called out Ryback. I thought for a minute they were giving this away on free TV, because you know, but it was a fake out and Rusev backed out of the ring and the fight did not happen. Ryback looked confused, poor lad.

The Ascension sent their promo video in from the 1980s again. FEAR! ATMOSFEAR!

Okay, it's the New Day. They're fighting the Dust Brothers because there are only four tag teams on this fucking show. Xavier Woods and Big E worked the match while Kofi did commentary. They spent a good while talking about Big E's sweat problem. Christ.

This was a match. It struck me during it that Goldust is 45 years old. He was 16 when the next oldest person in this match was born. That is both brilliant and sad.

The New Day won with the Midnight Hour, which is their finisher. Standard. At times they tried to get the crowd chanting New Day but the crowd wanted to chant NXT more. Good lads.

Backstage Renee spoke to Miz & Mizdow about the Usos. He said stuff. Mizdow copied him.

Adam Rose was partying to the ring with his Rosebuds. Jimmy Jacobs was there! He promised them a big after-party later. They bumped into Kane, who did not like them. He told Rose he was fighting him. Rose did bot like that.

So they had their match. Rose got fuck all because you want to keep these young 'uns reaching for that brass ring, right? That Fucking Bunny tried to help out and the ref did not call for the DQ. Instead, he watched as Kane chokeslammed That Fucking Bunny and Rose, and then pinned Rose. Afterwards he returned to the ring and hit a tombstone piledriver on That Fucking Bunny, hopefully killing him dead. JBL LOVED this. The others tried not to laugh.

Okay, it's Jericho versus Paul Heyman, and if you couldn't guess from the very first second this match was made what was going to happen then you're this show's target audience.

Heyman came out in a tracksuit and said he did not want to fight. He tried to pay Jericho the money he supposedly owed him but Jericho wanted the match. The fans on the WWE App voted for a streetfight. Heyman looked appalled and said he couldn't understand why Jericho would want to pick a fight with... and paused... BROCK LESNAR. I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

Lesnar came down in a t-shirt and sweatpants, like he'd just finished watching Storage Wars or something, and DESTROYED Jericho with a sloppy F5. At no point did the bell ring, and Heyman didn't cover Jericho for the pin, so the WWE App was robbed of a match. I have mixed feelings on this, which I'll expand on later. Lesnar, that is, not the WWE App being shortchanged. I don't give a shit about that. Although, in Memphis they'd have damn sure done the pin.

Earlier in the night, Jericho made Fandango look like a dick, and then got destroyed himself, so what does that make Fandango? Well, we didn't have to wait long, because Fandango was in the ring after the commercial, so we didn't even get to see his dance WHICH IS THE FUCKING POINT OF THE FUCKING CHARACTER.

He said something but it didn't matter because Roman Reigns's music played and they spent a fucking age trying to find him in the crowd. Come down the ramp, you dick! He got to the ring and just DESTROYED Fandango. It wasn't even a match. Yay?

He was about to say stuff on the mic when the Big Show did everyone a favour by interrupting him. Show came down and told Reigns that he'd made a mistake putting his hands on the giant and Reigns told him if he stepped in the ring he'd punch him in the mouth. Show got on the apron - not in the ring, you'll note - and Reigns Superman punched him.

Show sold it by rubbing his hurty mouth a little bit. Brass. Ring.

Hey, it's the Miz & Mizdow. Miz is fighting Jimmy Uso because FEUDZ. Mizdow and Jey Uso are at ringside, as per. Mizdow did his comedy and they teased a dissent spot between him & Miz. Uso won with the splash after Jey used his Slammy behind the ref's back. Crowd turned on the Usos after this. About fucking time, they're so dull.

After a commercial - and backstage in front of a television camera - Miz told Naomi he'd help her win the Divas title but she shouldn't tell Jimmy about it. The highlight of this was Naomi walking down the corridor - in her gear even though she had no match - looking like she was seeing colours for the first time.

Backstage Renee spoke to Seth Rollins and, holy shit, was he bad. He fluffed his lines and came across as such a dick. Yeah, I want to watch him put my heroes in peril!

Hulk Hogan's on Raw next week. Yay?

Okay, it's main event time, and it's John Cena versus Seth Rollins in a cage match. Let's put aside the fact that they're giving away a match between their top (regular) heel and their top face on free TV again, and that the'yre doing a gimmick match to boot, and let's talk about cage matches.

Cage matches were invented to end - or sometimes, but not often, further - a feud during which one of the parties, usually the heel, either keeps running away or employing judicious outside interference. The point of the cage is that you can't run away and no-one can interfere on your behalf because they can't get in. Therefore, you usually end with a solid, feud-ending result. This is Booking 101. It's Booking Kindergarten. Bookers learn this shit in the WOMB.

So, of course, during this match the goons employed by Seth Rollins - J&J Security - interfere with aplomb. They interfere with the cage door, hand Rollins a weapon, try to tug their man out of the cage, all that jazz.

They went TWENTY minutes of your usual cage stuff, including an insane Attitude Adjustment off the tope rope (and giving THAT away on free TV as well is smart), which ended with both men down in the ring, seemingly out for the count.

Cue Brock Lesnar. Still in a t-shirt. Still in sweatpants. I guess Pawn Stars just finished. He came down to the ring and entered the cage. You know, that cage that is supposed to keep people in/out. He killed Cena with 3 German Suplexes and a sloppy F5, and then looked over at Rollins.

The announcers had sold that Rollins kerb stomped Lesnar at Night Of Champions but instead he motioned for Rollins to leave the cage. Heyman walked over to Rollins and held out his hand. Rollins shook it, I guess because Lesnar is gone after Wrestlemania and they're smart enough to know that Heyman is brilliant.

Rollins left the cage with the help of his goons and won the match. And that's your Raw.

Okay, this didn't sit well with me. I realise from some people's tweets that I may be in the minority with this. I do not like a part-time champion. It demeans the product if your champion can't be fucked to turn up to your TV shows, or even your PPVs.

There may be times when the particular absentee champion could warrant that treatment but I don't buy Lesnar as a big enough star for that. Again, I know I'm probably not in the majority when it comes to that.

BUT what I absolutely CANNOT understand is why you'd book the absentee champion to make sporadic appearances AND make your regulars look like geeks. He made Jericho look like a geek, and by extension anyone underneath Jericho in the pecking order look like a geek.

He made Cena look like a geek, and by extension made Rollins - who cannot beat Cena, even with the utmost outside interference - look like a geek. The only one safe from it was Reigns, but the Big Show took care of him.

I get that Vince wants Lesnar to be this monster. I get that it's a long-term story for Reigns to finally be the man. But don't kill everything on the way. And at least make Lesnar wear proper fucking ring gear when he comes to work.

Bah, I get that most people won't have minded this, but it fucking sucked. Such stupid booking, because Lesnar will now take a powder until the Rumble, leaving Rollins to do his geek work for him. In a run when EVERYTHING WWE are doing makes no business sense, this isn't an exception. An Okay Show.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Linus

[tiger_rick]

There's fuck all wrong with Lesnar's gear. He wasn't there for a match. I'm far more bothered by fuckers who wander around in their pants when they don't have a match.

 

Not with you on the part timer thing either but I'm sure others will be. As long as he gets his commupence at the end of it, it'll have been a worthwhile angle. They've had full time champions for most of the last five years and the quality of the shows and the business they've done hasn't been much different.

 

The part time champion isn't why they don't make superstars anymore. If anything, at least it establishes some forms of hierarchy. People can't climb the ladder when everyone is at the same level.

 

And you're fucking wrong on Roman Reigns' entrance too!

[ColinBollocks]

I thought Roman Reigns got the reaction of a proper star and looked like the sort of bloke you want to be. People seem down on him, but he got the reaction Tom Jones got whenever he walked out on a stage in '68. I'm not sure I've ever heard so many women yelp as a wrestler stands there looking cool as fuck.

[Mr_Danger]

Not watched Raw for months and I did fast forward a fair chunk but Lesnar is fucking great. I quite like the part time champion thing, feels like it gives the belt a bit more prestige because it's not over exposed and it's on a genuinely exciting superstar.

 

Big E is the least convincing stereotypical black guy ever. Pure Carlton Banks.

 

Where the fuck does Jericho get off wearing that ridiculously poncey scarf and expecting me to not want to see him get beaten to a pulp?

[King Pitcos]

I don't understand why Lesnar would be mandated to wear his wrestling gear for an appearance. That makes no sense at all. Like rick says, wrestlers just wandering around in trunks and singlets when they haven't got a match is crap. Brock luckily never (or at least rarely) does this.

[SpursRiot2012]

Where was the belt the first time Lesnar came out?

[King Pitcos]

'Sake. Double post.

 

Edit: Apparently, Vince gives Jericho loads of shit about the poncey scarves as well.

Edited December 16, 2014 by King Pitcos

[DeanoTheGame]

Can Jericho fuck off for good now? He's been shite for years but here he was just embarrassing. 

 

I know a lot of people aren't enjoying WWE much at the moment but I'm still finding it decent enough. Cena/Rollins was a great match, the thought of Rusev vs Ryback has me excited, and Roman Reigns looked like a star. Lesnar is incredible too, him destroying Jericho was brilliant.