The Official UKFF RAW Thread...

[mim731]

 

 

They're only shit because that is how they've been presented.

They're really, really not. They were shit in NXT and they're shit now. Emma is the exception. She's just competently dull as fuck.

 

 

Leo Kruger was a better character than Adam Rose. He has been infinitely hurt by this fucking Bunny storyline and has never been given a chance to prove himself.

 

 I'm still hopeful they'll have him 'snap' at some stage and come back as Leo Kruger. Unlikely, but would be a far better use of him than what he's doing now.

[Ars]

I stayed up through all of Raw last night. I was really excited at the start, an intro and pyro! This set the tone, but the show didnt quite live up to that. I think the problem WWE has at the moment, is what a lot of TV shows suffer from. Staff writers. They're basically one big factory press, splurging out shit scripts because they have to meet a deadline every week or so. Theres no higher level thinking, it's just lazy basic 'storytelling'. I understand it's difficult for WWE as things change and its a live show, but it seems like they're making it up as they go along, rather than have any detailed foresight. Raw started with a bang, and ended with balloons. 

[WyattSheepMask]

So does this count as Rollins' cash in? Or are they going to have him on a battered Cena whose just beat Lesnar, or betray Brock who just pinned Cena. Could go either way I suppose but I can't see them putting the belt on Rollins heading into Wrestlemania. If this doesn't count as the cash in they've still got till mid year to think of something

[neil is brill]

It won't be his cash-in. It'll be like when Edge won the Gold Rush tournament whilst still holding the MITB, it'll just be an extra title shot.

[tiger_rick]

So does this count as Rollins' cash in? Or are they going to have him on a battered Cena whose just beat Lesnar, or betray Brock who just pinned Cena. Could go either way I suppose but I can't see them putting the belt on Rollins heading into Wrestlemania. If this doesn't count as the cash in they've still got till mid year to think of something

They're in a great position because there are a million fantasy scenarios you can think of. Having Rollins fail to win at the Rumble only to immediately cash-in would be nuclear heat. If they really don't want to do Lesnar/Reigns at WM then the more I think about it, the more I'd do this:

 

The immediate cash-in on Lesnar or Cena happens. A frustrated Lesnar takes Bryan out of the Rumble. Reigns wins the Rumble but faces Bryan at Fast lane for the title shot because he's such a nice guy. Lesnar costs Bryan the match. In the main event, Rollins takes on Cena who's had some run-in with Rusev and Rusev costs him the title match.

 

WM: Rollins vs. Reigns, Cena vs. Rusev, Lesnar vs. Bryan.

[neil is brill]

It'll never go down, but if Rollins won the title and was his own number one contender via the briefcase, it'll be a bit of ammo for whoever he faces. Could go down the "if you beat me, you haven't really beat me because I'll cash this in" route... but then again, fantasy booking isn't for everybody.

[zep81]

I'd take that please tiger. I'd be ok with Lesnar dropping the belt at RR, if it means we can get Brock/Bryan.

Edited January 6, 2015 by zep81

[Linus]

Welcome to Raw, or All Our Babyfaces Are Geeks!

[Onyx2]

Just another long line in his story but where is that Cesaro thing going?

[LaGoosh]

Matches with the New Day every week from now until Wrestlemania I would imagine.

[harlow2]

Why was JBL ripping on the Ascension so badly surely his job is to put over new talent rather than buried It.

[neil is brill]

Fuck knows, JBL himself doesn't know who to root for week in, week out. He was banging on about them disrespecting The Road Warriors though. Funny story, Lance Storm tweeted last night that he had to turn Raw off in protest because it was so disrespectful as Hawk isn't alive to defend himself.

[PunkStep]

Bit over the top, it could be worse:

 

 

 

 

I'm kidding, obviously. Heiden-warrior was boss.

[Linus]

Hey, it's Raw: All Our Babyfaces Are Massive Geeks!

Show starts with the whole roster in the ring. John Cena is front and centre, along with Sin Cara. Cena started to apologise for bringing back The Authority, saying he had no choice. Well, he did, but the other choice would have led to a man's DEATH, still as-yet-uninvestigated by police.

HHH & Stephanie cut him off, and said they'd asked for the whole roster to be in the ring. Just in case you thought they'd all got their booking sheets mixed up. HHH mocked all the fill-in hosts - essentially burying his own product - before bringing out Seth Rollins.

Despite making a public statement on Smackdown that they had nothing to do with Rollins's actions last week, they thanked him for them. They also gave him a special gift in the form of being in the Royal Rumble main event, which is now a three-way for the title with Cena & Lesnar. Joy.

Stephanie told Cena that tonight wouldn't be a night for punishment - well, except for the viewers - but a night for celebration, presumably for every other channel with television programming opposite this fucking show.

HHH said that this was a new era, and that the talent will all get what they deserve. He then made the first match - Dolph Ziggler versus the man who never lost the Intercontinental belt, Bad News Barrett.

(Incidentally, people who also never lost the Intercontinental title: Ultimate Warrior, Shawn Michaels, Jeff Jarrett, Shawn Michaels, Goldust, Ahmed Johnson, Steve Austin, Steve Austin, HHH, Chris Jericho, HHH, and Edge)

So, yeah, they had a match, which was mostly Barrett beating up on Ziggler before Ziggler got a surprise pin for the win. You know, your basic Ziggler match. After the match, Barrett whipped the piss out of Ziggler, and totally destroyed him.

Kane then came out to the top of the ramp, in his suit and tie, and said he'd forgotten to mention it was a 2 out of 3 falls match. He then sat at ringside so we could be distracted by his pudgy face.

Barrett took the second fall pretty quickly, with a shitty finisher, at which point the ref called the doctors into the ring. Ziggler decided to continue, AGAINST MEDICAL ADVICE, and got some heat back, but Kane distracted him and superkicked him, and Barrett hit his shitty roaring elbow that looks like a punch and a different shitty finisher for the win.

Backstage Renee spoke to Roman Reigns, who spoke absolute nonsense. Seriously, Bray Wyatt was up next with a promo that made more sense. Think about that.

Hey, it's The Ascension! They come to the ring looking as bad ass as they can manage, and do a weird dance thing. THEN THEY TELL JOKES. Even JBL buried them. They're heels, he's the heel announcer, and even he couldn't stomach this.

They're fighting two Area Jobbers, again unnamed but we'll call them World's Smallest Man and Tall Al Snow. The Ascension beat up the World's Smallest Man. Tall Al Snow didn't even get in the ring. They won with the Fall of Man. The crowd went absolutely home.

Big Show versus Roman Reigns, again, up next, and it was everything you'd expect. Match finished when Show was DQ'd for throwing the steel steps at Reigns on the outside. He threw them both inside but Reigns hit a spear on Show which made him drop the steps on his head. Hope he's dead.

Smackdown last week had no women's match on. I didn't even notice. Sadly, that streak is over, as we have Nikki Bella versus Natalya. They were just about to fight when Paige's music played because FUCK KNOWS WE'VE GOT TO PLUG TOTAL DIVAS, right? Paige was in Natalya's corner because reasons.

They had a micro-match, and didn't botch anything, before Nikki got distracted by Brie and Paige fighting on the outside and Natalya rolled her up for the win. Michael Cole announced we had a new Divas champion before we got a shot of Nikki carrying her belt to the back, at which point he announced that Natalya had a win over the Divas champ. And Matt Striker gets shit.

Backstage, Dean Ambrose said he had no New Year's Resolutions, but he was going to kick Bray Wyatt's ass. Again.

Hey, it's Erick Rowan. He's back! Where did he go? And did he have A New Day with him? He's fighting Luke Harper again because they've given up, except there's no ref, which perturbs the obviously Asperger's Rowan.

J&J Security are announced as the refs for this match and the story of tonight's Raw becomes apparent: you will be robbed of entertainment by this petty shit.

So they heeled it up as refs, which is actually one thing I'd like to see make the transition from Mexico that never really has in the right way, and Harper wins with a fast count. Noble & Mercury then try to beat up Rowan but he grabs them before Harper comes back and kills him with another lariat. Then they all beat up Rowan some more. This fucking sucked.

Backstage, and earlier today apparently, Alicia Fox was talking to Naomi, saying that although they may be on different teams tonight - and if that doesn't make you switch over I guess nothing will and we're all going to Hell together - they're still friends. She then mocked Naomi for not being on Total Divas anymore, and shoved her head into the dressing table and beat her up.

The best ambulance I ever saw in pro-wrestling was when my new friend Roddy Piper put Ric Flair in one, only to reveal that it was from the local insane asylum!

This could never live up to that, of course, but surely Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose could have another slobberknocker, right? Well...

They did the Attitude Era thing of brawling around the arena without actually looking like they were hurting each other much. Some dodgy selling didn't help this. They brawled up to the ambulance, and did a couple of spots around it, including bringing out two common-or-garden wrestling tables hilariously painted white with red crosses on them, before inexplicably GOING BACK TO THE RING. IN A MATCH WHICH COULD NOT FINISH ANYWHERE OTHER THAN THE AMBULANCE.

They made it back to the ambulance, and Ambrose did a dive off the top, sending Wyatt through one of the hilarious tables with an elbow, before Wyatt hit two Sister Abigails and stuffed Ambrose in the ambulance for the win. I guess Ambrose is now as dead as this feud?

Hey, it's the Usos, and Mrs Uso! The thing about married couples in wrestling that is aimed (at least partially) at kids is that when you're a kid, who do you know who is married? Your mum and dad. Do you want to watch your mum and dad wrestle? I didn't think so.

So, yeah, it's Jimmy and Jey and Naomi, and they're fighting Miz and Mizdow and Alicia Fox, who disappointingly does not match her wardrobe to her teammates. Boooooooo!

They have a bad match, during which Naomi is referred to by Cole as the "athletic" one in the Divas division. It's a fucking sport - albeit a pretend one - they should all be "athletic"!

The finish comes when Jimmy mistakes his wife for Mizdow and falls prey to, yes, a roll-up. His wife is black and, well, a woman. Mizdow is white, significantly taller, TOPLESS, and a man. *Shrug*

Oh well, on with the show, and we've got another match! It's The Ryback versus Seth Rollins. Oh, wait, Kane "forgot" again, and it's actually a handicap match with his bare chest, suit pants self teaming with Rollins.

The Ryback, because he is big and strong, actually gets the heat in this, but the two men managed to beat him as after he hit the Shellshock on Kane, Rollins kerb stomped him TWICE (which temporarily killed Jack Swagger a ways ago) for the pin. Have you noticed a pattern? A depressing, poorly-booked pattern?

After the commercial break we have ANOTHER match. They are really spoiling us tonight. It's Adam Rose versus Big E of A New Day! Where have they been? Church?

Apparently, on the Raw pre-show, which all the several million chumps who watch this show on proper TV and not the network don't see, A New Day stood up for the Rosebuds as they were getting a brow-beating from Rose. Hey, it's a reason for a match, at least!

So, yeah, they do a match, and Big E gets on top, and two Rosebuds hit the ring and attack him for the DQ. These Rosebuds are suspiciously adept, unlike the usual schlubs, and after they hit Tyson Kidd and Cesaro's finisher on Big E they are revealed to be... Tyson Kidd and Cesaro! The heels! Adam Rose is amused by this so I'll give it a pass.

Hey, it's main event time! And it's not a match! Because why would you main event with a fight on a fighting show? It's John Cena Appreciation Time!

HHH and Stephanie call out John Cena and tell him how much they appreciate him. The crowd could not give two pisses about this. They then called out The Ryback, Erick Rowan, and Dolph Ziggler, and told them off for joining Cena's team. They handed out suspensions as punishments to each man before leaving the ring and walking up the ramp. Stephanie then announced that they'd changed their mind and, in fact, these men were FIRED. She tried to do her Dad's voice, which was creepy and bad.

John Cena stood in the ring, with his three friends, who at least did not attack him for this, looking crestfallen. Yay, crestfallen babyfaces! And that's your show!

This was a Bad Show. And I'll tell you why... All of the babyfaces - our proxies - on this show are massive geeks. They are eternal losers, constantly out-fought and out-thought. Now this isn't a totally bad thing if there's at least a note of hope. BUT. The Authority were gone. Now they're back. They're fucking with the babyfaces, and ruining the TV show, and there's nothing to be done, because it obviously won't work.

Man, Sting's got a LOT of work to do.

Edited January 6, 2015 by Linus

[SpursRiot2012]

The vigilante Sting.