Royal Rumble Reviews

[FLips]

I'd never seen the 1993 Royal Rumble until a few nights ago, and Bob Backlund's marathon through it is one of my favourite rumble moments ever now.

[Nexus]

It was fantastic. Probably one of the best long-runs I've seen.

[Daaaaaad!]

Royal Rumble 2012

 

Oh hell yeah! Let’s Get Ready To have a big match resulting in a triumphant combatant who will be entitled to proceed to participate in a world championship match at WrestleMania (or something). This was last year’s match and as such, the most recent iteration of the Royal Rumble. So let’s get it on. Of course, at this point it’s worth remembering that there was NO chance that the winner of this match would be in the proper ‘main event’ of WrestleMania XXVIII, as The Rock vs. John Cena was already well established… so it doesn’t quite have the same effect as other years. Also, I won't put up the poster because it's one of the wanky kiddy ones.

 

First up is The Miz, who Cole informs us was designated this slot by losing to R-Truth on RAW the week before. Miz cuts a promo (which he flubs) and as usual, mentions main eventing WrestleMania that one time. Alex Riley is #2, gaining a small pop from the crowd as he had a brief feud with his former mentor after they split. Miz SAYS IT TO HIS FACE and dumps him after a brief scare. Naturally, R-Truth is #3 and they go at it for a bit as the crowd laps it up before the man who was then Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes comes out to ally himself with Miz temporarily. Fourth is Justin Gabriel to even the face/heel dynamic (which King even makes mention of) followed a minute later by Primo, who is apparently a tag team champion right now. We get our second elimination as Miz eliminates Truth, but ol’ Ronny doesn’t take it too well and drags Miz out through the bottom rope to give him a finisher on the floor before leaving. The camera pans back for a wide shot, so you know it’s someone worthwhile coming out at #7…

 

 

That isn’t a screen print, it’s a GIF of how quickly Foley failed to run to the ring. Poor bastard just shouldn’t be there and he makes that obvious by barely being able to move. Despite this, he still eliminates Primo. At number eight, it appears to be the then-injured Alberto del Rio…

 

 

Ricardo makes what must surely be close to the best entrance in the Rumble ever, aping his mentor by coming out in a car and wearing the scarf. He and Foley eliminate Justin Gabriel together and he aeroplanes around the ring, sliding to his knees in celebration. Santino is ninth and he and Ricardo work some comedy stuff before Marella uses the atomic wedgie to eliminate Rodriguez. This leads to the inevitable but mildly amusing Cobra vs. Socko stand-off, which the crowd’s pretty into, but they are interrupted by Epico, who gets the Cobra and is then Socko-ed out nearly as quickly as he arrived. Miz and Cody Rhodes decide to make themselves known again at this point, with the latter lobbing Santino out. Foley puts Socko on Miz, but Cody’s quick to it and tosses Mick over the ropes.

 

 

Naturally with two heels we need a face to come in and fire up, so Kofi Kingston’s #11, which is notable for two reasons: one, he’s the first superstar to get pyro, and two, Booker T doing an incredibly racist Jamaican accent. Kofi gets a double Boom Drop on Miz and Rhodes, but at #12, King leaves commentary to enter the match, sadly not using the ‘It takes a king…’ line. He gets his stuff in but Rhodes eliminates him after the fist-drop to put an end to that. Cole says “No announcer should enter the Rumble match, we’ve got a job to do.” Remember that. Big Zeke Jackson is still employed at #13 and lobs people around to zero fanfare, whilst eliminating nobody. Booker ruins his shit by pointing out how inherently stupid it is that he’s not making any effort to put anyone out. Jinder Mahal is #14 and gets absolute dick for a reaction, unlike the man who is at #15, The Great Khali. He facechops everyone and chucks Jinder out, then gets rid of Zeke too.

 

For a second I genuinely didn’t realise who #16 was as they didn’t even give him a graphic – turns out it was Hunico. Booker T walks off commentary at #17 to participate in his second consecutive Rumble, but the real highlight here is Kofi Kingston’s ‘handstand’ rescue plan, which for me is only second to John Morrison’s ‘parkour’ Rumble moment in terms of avoiding elimination. Dolph Ziggler, who took part in the title match earlier on for the second year running also, enters at #18 with Vickie. Another surprise entrant is ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan, the nineteenth entrant, who pretty much walks in, shouts ‘HOOOOOO’ a lot and holds his thumb up. Cody Rhodes eliminates him quickly, which must surely make him the man with the most eliminations in this Rumble, especially when one considers that he conspires to get rid of both Khali and Booker soon after, albeit with some assistance from the Miz who has survived from #1 at this point. The twentieth entrant, and the final one to come off of the commentary position, is Michael Cole (incidentally, predicting his entry won me the sweepstake last year, for which I have yet to receive my prize). The fans hate it and boo the fuck out of him, and Cole plays up to it, dancing around as if he’s got it won whilst going nowhere near the four superstars in the ring who are already occupied.

 

 

#21, though, is the returning Kharma, drawing a huge pop and making her the third woman to enter the Rumble in history. She clotheslines his headgear off and intimidates him into leaping over the top rope himself, prompting Booker and Lawler to briefly leave commentary to pull him off the apron themselves. Ziggler confronts Kharma and tells her to get out, but she plants him with the Implant Buster and throws Hunico out for good measure. Sadly, Ziggler regroups and chucks her out, ending her WWE career. #22 is Sheamus, who I don’t believe has been a face for very long at this point, and he lobs Kofi Kingston out very quickly before turning his attention to Miz and Cody. Then comes number 23…

 

 

OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW? The people pop big for the Road Dogg, who gets all his shit in including the Pumphandle Slam. “You’ve Still Got It” chant the fans, and they aren’t wrong. One of the Usos is out next, in a pre-Haka era where nobody liked or cared about who they were. United States Champion Jack Swagger is next, followed by Wade Barrett with his shitty music. Despite this disadvantage, he chucks Road Dogg out and goes to work on Sheamus. David Otunga is next with his awesome music, but it’s #28 who gets the St. Louis crowd going as Randy Orton hits the ring, hitting all his spots including a double rope-assisted DDT on Cody and Dolph. He chucks the Uso out and Wade Barrett follows soon after. The penultimate entrant in his ultra spangly jacket is Chris Jericho, who at this point has said only one sentence since returning at the start of the year. He eliminates David Otunga straight off and goes to work on Cody soon after.

 

If my memory serves, number thirty is Big Show - I reckon it has been him a few times, has it not? Ah yeah, I’m bang on. Judging by his reaction he’s a face and it transpires that he lost a cage match earlier to Daniel Bryan. Cool. Swagger is helped over the ropes by Show before he even enters the ring and eats a KO Punch for his troubles.

 

All our participants have entered now, with both Miz and Cody still remaining from early on… wait, I spoke too soon, Show just threw them BOTH out and then eliminated Ziggler! Final Four is Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Show. Naturally, they all go for the big man and, naturally, he flings them all away. Jericho eats a chokeslam but Orton nails the giant with an RKO and with a small assist from Sheamus, puts the big man out. Orton doesn’t mind his surroundings though and Jericho takes care of him, leaving just himself and Sheamus.

 

The two circle each other as the camera (naturally) pans to the WrestleMania sign and Y2J does the required point. A brief exchange leaves Jericho going for the pre-Lionsault bulldog, but Sheamus attempts to use his momentum to throw him out over the buckle. Jericho avoids and hits a missile dropkick. Irish Curse from Sheamus and he sets up the High Cross, but Jericho drops and clotheslines Sheamus over the ropes. The Irishman barely hangs on and Jericho tries a dropkick from the buckle to the apron, but he’s still there. A quick Battering Ram dive over the rope from the apron knocks Jericho down, but the Brogue Kick shortly afterwards misses and he ends up in the Walls of Jericho. Y2J thinks he’s got it won and runs at Sheamus, but the Irishman ducks and our Party Host is left clinging on for dear life to the top rope. Through a swish counter he attempts to superplex Sheamus to the OUTSIDE, but that simply won’t work fella. Each man falls and they end up on the apron. Rolling back in leads to a Codebreaker and Jericho goes for a pin for some reason, ostensibly because he is dazed from hitting his head. An exchange causes Sheamus’ Brogue Kick to miss for a second time and Jericho once again goes for the Codebreaker, but Sheamus chucks him over and the Canadian is left once again hanging on to the top rope. Jericho finally gains his balance and gets back on the apron, but the Brogue Kick won’t miss a third time. Sheamus is the winner!

 

 

This Rumble is fun enough but suffers MASSIVELY from the fact that nobody would ever have bought the winner of this as the proper main eventers of WrestleMania. That said, it really seemed to push Sheamus to the next level and that's been pretty important, sooo....

[zep81]

I'd never seen the 1993 Royal Rumble until a few nights ago, and Bob Backlund's marathon through it is one of my favourite rumble moments ever now.

 

And the Savage brainfart moment

[FLips]

Miz SAYS IT TO HIS FACE

 

Had me in stitches.

[Fox Piss]

I was a massive fan of Royal Rumble 1993 due to the fact it was one of the few videos the local Blockbusters had.

 

It gets shit on but the Giant Gonzales angle was fucking great in the Rumble. A young me was terrified when he came out and it's a pretty fucking cool visual.

[sukhy]

Big Show coming out as Number 30 in the 2012 Rumble is the worst Rumble moment ever for me, they hyped it up as a Rumble where "Anybody can enter!" damn Rumble had the least surprises ever and it ended with Big Show coming out at Number 30 I was actually pretty drunk by the time the Number 30 countdown happened and I was planning on taking the next day off work. Then Big Show comes out and I've never gone from "Happy-drunk" to completely sober in the space of seconds before. I was pretty disgusted. Ended up going to work in the morning.

[HarmonicGenerator]

The twentieth entrant, and the final one to come off of the commentary position, is Michael Cole (incidentally, predicting his entry won me the sweepstake last year, for which I have yet to receive my prize).

 

Sorry about that... I wouldn't hold your breath though, it was a silly prize to offer. This year, however, I will make a concerted effort...

[Fatty Facesitter]

Whoever was posting links, here's 2001.

 

Just as a heads up, on the right hand column there's links to other Rumbles from the Noughties too. Good find.

[PowerButchi]

Bollocks, been invited to a Christening in the morning. Not going to be able to do the 2nd one I was given as well as finishing the awful one I'm currently doing in time for 1am tomorrow.

[IANdrewDiceClay]

WWF ROYAL RUMBLE 1989:

This was the real first Royal Rumble to many. it’s the first one commercially released and the first one where the Rumble itself was the featured attraction (as opposed to a contract signing like the previous year). Its also the first Rumble where the match was laid out how it would be for the next couple of decades. 30 men were in this one and it featured the debut of every Royal Rumble spot for the next 25 years. The 6 on 1 fat bloke spot, the partner vs. partner thing, the midcarder gets notice by bumping a lot part of the Rumble. And not forgetting the winner that makes little sense spot. But this wasn’t for a WWF title shot, so it didn’t really matter. It’s a tale of two matches. The first half is as exciting as any of the Rumble matches of the era, with a lot of feuds being progressed and big stars in it. The second half is just a bunch of midcard acts waiting about until John Studd wins it.

Drawing number one and two were Demolition members Ax and Smash. They were the WWF Tag Team Champions at the time, so this was a pretty big deal (as daft as that sounds now). The fans seemed indifferent actually. Two baby faces who we all liked wasn’t intriguing to the fans in the arena. People actually liked these two. They didn’t want to see any bad blood. The offence was as basic as you can get. Shoulder blocks, axe handles, clotheslines and that kind of stuff. Ventura and Monsoon are a great pair. Speculating whether there will be any lasting hatred following this and pointing out how neither man are taking it lightly. No sports entertainment storytelling shite. Just two blokes chatting and making sense. What is different is that the countdown starts at 6 and there doesn’t seem to be any clock on the big screen. So there is no massive countdown from the fans. No music either. They just come out the entrance way. There was a definite reaction when number 3 came out, though. Andre The Giant walks out. And the action stops in the ring. Andre is close to being on his last legs. This is the tail end of the black singlet era, just before he changed into the navy blue get up. Speculation has been rife for years whether he wanted to change his look or if the smell of the black singlet just got to much for even Andre’s nostrils. His hair is standard fodder though, with his Rab C Nesbitt hair and pubes sideboards. Demolition pat each other on the back and charge towards the Giant with a double clothesline and giving him the Demolition beat down. Gorilla tells us the old “Andre has won more battle royals than anyone in history” line he always used to give. Poor Andre is getting a pasting. He really did his best to put new talent over in the late 80s. Demolition used to always get the better of him, which did wonders for their gimmick. Number 4 saunters down the aisle and its Mr. Perfect. He isn’t the Mr Perfect of late 89. He’s still got his AWA trunks on and they still occasionally refer to him as “Curt Hennig”. His work is still top notch though. A lot of this Rumble created the blue print for Rumble matches even today. Perfect’s performance is the bench mark of every midcard worker trying to create a good impression in a featured match. He’s over the top and holding on to the ropes, doing somersault bumps off Andre head butts and totally showing off. He’s basically Dolph Ziggler. Even looks like him in this match. Hogan, Savage and Andre are the stars, but he’s the one looking great doing his job. Andre throws out Smash during the Mr. Perfect show. Ron ‘Hands of Stone’ Garvin enters the match and Ax, Hennig and Garvin triple team Andre. Andre has a breather by sitting on Ax, which must be a practical joke on Andre’s part. Just seeing Andre’s fat arse sitting on Ax makes you feel for him a bit. The names keep coming with Greg Valentine out next. There’s definitely some time trickery going on here. Garvin was hardly in and Valentine followed. I know he’s not the most interesting of blokes, but fucking hell? Valentine goes straight for the 8th Wonder of the World also. Greg works like a total baby face for most of this match. It sort of makes sense with the “friend vs. friend/enemy vs. enemy” tag, but if Jimmy Hart didn’t lead him to the ring you would think The Hammer was in the face camp. Maybe he just wanted to work with the legendary Giant, which is fair enough. We see the first example of “load of blokes team up on fatty” in Rumble history and not the last. Andre fights out of it with ease and hip tosses Garvin out. Its going to take some doing getting big Andre out. His record in battle royals was quite outstanding. Not forgetting the fact, he can barely move and you wouldn’t fancy him taking a bump over the top without dying.

Jake Roberts is the next participant. He was feuding with Andre at the time so he goes straight for him. Andre boots him in the gut (hilariously) and chokes Jake with the same vigour as he did at Survivor Series 88. In an inspired decision, heel Greg Valentine tries to make the save for some reason (but gives up when Andre presumably has a word). Jake hasn’t had a bit of offence in and Andre chops, chokes and slaps him around and then throws him out. Strange to see a babyface take such a beating and get chucked over the top rope. It won’t be the last time we see him, though. They didn’t hang their top babyfaces out to dry in 1989. Everything seemed to have a plan to follow on from it. Outlaw Ron Bass is our number 9, with a freshly shaved head thanks to Brutus Beefcake on a Saturday Nights Main Event. “Fired soon” stamped right on his gig marked forehead. It was much easier to tell who was gone soon back in the late 80s. The gimmicks were the whole act, so if something major happened to the gimmick it meant “run over” or they were getting repackaged as something not as good as before. Its where the baby blue tights theory came from. When they were handed something out of the ordinary to wear or were asked to get their hair different, that more or less meant it was time to call Crockett. Gorilla Monsoon just buries Mr Perfect because he can “do you think Perfect can hurt Andre? I doubt it”. A bit unnecessary, no matter how factual. Perfect did hurt Ax, though. Sending the number one entrant to the floor. Shawn Michaels is in at number 10. A very interesting performance by Shawn Michaels for anyone who has read his book. He pretty much copied Mr. Perfect’s style in the Royal Rumble match, so this being the first for both men, you see a different performance from Michaels than you would in later years. Michaels is pretty much every wrestler you see in the Rumble match. No over the top bumps, no teasing getting eliminated. Shawn just finds a corner and throws punches and puts a wrestlers leg over the rope like everyone does. Shawn Michaels of the 1992 Rumble would have shook his head. AWA buddies Michaels and Hennig do have a nice exchange. Shawn skins the cat and gets back in and punches Hennig who takes a spiral bump. It makes Shawn Michaels (who along with Jannetty wasn’t much of anything just yet in the WWF) look great. He drops kicks Perfect and it looks like he’s eliminated him, only for Mr.P to hook on at the last minute. This is one of those aforementioned examples you get in Royal Rumbles of people who won’t usually work with each other on TV or house shows fighting because they are desperate to work with each other. They are glued to one another for a lot of their time in the ring. Hennig in his prime is just incredible. Springs in his boots, the delivery and swagger is all top notch. He’s a pleasure to watch.

One of the biggest pops of the night came with the entrance of Bushwhacker Butch. I was stunned as well, until I realised Jake Roberts was behind him holding Damien. Monsoon was calculated in his bury jobs. He brings up the fact the fans are going crazy for Butch just before realising they were popping for Jake. Andre spots the snake and runs from it, eliminating himself in the process. Andre is proper great. His looks terrified. And the sideboards are standing on end. I’m sure Andre could have protested, but he wasn’t to fussed. He just wanted out of the arena. Gorilla and Jesse put over this as a massive upset. Honky Tonk Man is the next to shake his way down the aisle. He goes straight for his old Stampede Wrestling mate Butch. Butch is working like a heel. He’s marching about hitting all our favourites. He spent years as a heel, so doesn’t seem to have got rid of old habits. Valentine and Honky Tonk double team Michaels. They whip Mr Perfect and Shawn into each other and they collide. For an extra bump Hennig walks towards the corner and lands head first into the bottom turnbuckle. Curt is really taking advantage of the everyman for himself law. He’s dishing out pastings to Michaels, Ron Bass and Honky Tonk Man. Tito Santana rushes to join the action at number 12, and like everyone in the business seemingly, he wants to work with Perfect. Butch is a massive idiot. Everyone is working and he’s posing trying to get himself over as the action goes on. What a gonk. The definition of “Business Picks Up” is at number 13 with Bad News Brown. They must have given him 13 to fit with this blokes attitude. He hates everyone. They pretty much set this match up for him when he walked out on his own team at the Survivor Series. He’s got pre-existing heat with the WWF champion Randy Savage as well, so he’s a big focus in this battle royal. The fans hate Bad News. The boo him as soon as they see him. Tito Santana and Bushwhacker Butch gets rid of Honky Tonk Man. Some fall from grace for Honky Tonk. Bad News is selling for Shawn Michaels which is cool to see. Butch won’t sell for him, but one of the promotions biggest heels will. Marty Jannetty joins his pal Shawn Michaels in the match. They double team Ron Bass and send him flying with a double drop kick. Of course Marty goes for Mr. Perfect next. They all want a bit of Perfect. He’ll make your shit look great.

The champ is next out. Randy Savage runs to the ring going straight for Bad News Brown. Savage is dressed like his Hasbro. Orange trunks with the stars, orange knee pads and yellow boots. He even has his bandana and shades on as he stamps on Brown. He’s intense. Its shocking he didn’t clap out with a heart attack sooner the way he looks so unhinged in this. Him and Bad News begin tearing strips off each other. Butch does his “yeeeeeey” pose again. I’ve decided I hate him. A midcard twat trying to steal everyone’s spotlight. Randy eliminates Valentine. Good effort from The Hammer. He’s been in it for ages. We are at the point of the match pre-existing feuds start to take over. Arn Anderson is next representing the Brain Busters and he goes straight for Michaels. Arn actually no sells the Sweet Chin Music, which must seem odd for those who didn’t watch pre-singles career Shawn. Savage and Arn double team Shawn and eliminate him. Seeds are planted that Randy isn’t such a nice bloke after all. Its almost like he’s about to turn heel in a few weeks or something. Marty Jannetty isn’t best pleased. He picks up were Shawn left off with Arn, but unlucky for him the next entrant is Tully Blanchard. The “I’d like to work with Perfect” theme continues with Savage and Tully having brisk exchanges with Hennig. Arn hits his lovely Anderson Spinebuster on Marty Jannetty and eliminates him. Jannetty actually hangs onto the top rope by his toes before hitting the floor, which looked pretty cool.

The Man arrives at number 18. Hulk Hogan gets a typically thunderous reaction. He goes straight for Mr. Perfect. Not for the reasons the rest of participants did, but because he sent him flying over the top rope. Hogan is hitting everyone with punches, eye ranks and double noggin’ knockers. Hogan saves Randy Savage from certain elimination and chokes Bad News with his bandana. He’s pretty much a massive cheat, but people like him so whatever. Bad News gets Hogan’s legs over the ropes. There is genuine concern he’s going over. Its madness. There’s no way he’s going over after 30 seconds. Tito Santana hit’s the deck in the process, but nobody cares. Monsoon says “I notice Macho Man didn’t come to The Hulk’s aid?” Its almost like Savage thinks Hogan is diddling Miss Elizabeth. Luke Bushwhacker is the next out just in time to see Butch eliminated by Bad News Brown. Good. Hogan picks up Tully into a Gorilla Press and drops him onto the top rope. It looked really nasty. Tully’s head springs back off the rope and lands bad. If it wasn’t for Tully’s soma addiction, he could have been hurt bad there. Koko B Ware arrives and knows his role in life. He fights with the other jabroni in the ring, Bushwhacker Luke. In some sort of tribute to Ric Flair, Arn does the Flair top turnbuckle spot and Tully does the Flair flop. They were thinking of him. Luke and Koko forget themselves and try and double team Hulk Hogan. Hogan doesn’t have any of it and just firemans carries Koko over the top rope without selling his offence. Hogan starts hitting everyone in the ring and they drop. In a spot I’m sure was called on the fly, Hogan hits Luke and Luke no sells it so Hogan powers him up and dumps him out of the ring. The message is, you either sell for the big man or you take an early bath. Hogan is going mad now. He’s throwing everyone out. He’s finally grounded somewhat with the Brain Busters double teaming him. The gong hits for entrant number 21. It’s The Warlord. As the Warlord is jogging towards the ring, the Busters whip Hogan off the ropes and on the journy back Hogan grabs both of them by the throats and eliminates the pair of them. Warlord steps into the ring for his two decade record setting appearance before Hogan Axe Bombers the bitch over the top rope. Hogan then ‘saves’ his partner Macho Man from a Bad News based assault by eliminating them both. Imagine if Cena did this now? Hogan threw out a good 10 of them on his own and he’s only been in it about 6 minutes.

Savage isn’t happy about this at all. Savage’s legendary paranoia creeps in and he gets in Hogan’s face. Accident or not, there is trouble between the Mega Powers. You could say the Mega Powers were about to Explode (hence the tag line for WrestleMania V). This had been brewing since Hogan hugged Miss Elizabeth a few months earlier and Savage looked pissed off. Finally someone had unlocked the janitors room and Elizabeth ran towards the ring to sort this mess out. A calming voice it didn’t take long for Liz to get this pair to see sense and do the Mega Power handshake. And just in the nick of time as well because the BIG BOSS MAN, was marching towards the ring with Slick grinning like a Cheshire Cat. He seems happier than usual. Almost like he has a plan up the sleeves he doesn’t have. Savage exit’s the ring half hoping Hogan gets what is due to him, and we have the mid-Rumble one-on-one contest we get every year. And a typically good match is was. Boss Man bumps all over for Hogan. They circle the ring and start brawling. Hogan gets the better of it. Hogan had been on a constant revenge mission for an attack by the Boss Man on the Brother Love Show and another good beat down at the Survivor Series. Boss Man even laid down Hogan’s bitch card by yelling “where’s Hogan, the stupid puke” after every squash match. Well he now has what he wanted. The Hulkster hilariously smacks Boss Man’s head off the mat about half a dozen times and follows it up with a body slam. Boss Man quickly recovers and gives Hogan a piledriver which is shocking. I have no idea why Hogan would take a piledriver from a relatively new guy on a canvas that hard. With Hogan down, Akeem was the next entrant which was rather unfortunate for Hogan. You see, earlier in the night Ted DiBiase looked flustered at the number he drew. So having a word with Slick who was doing everything but getting his knob out about the Twin Towers numbers, Teddy slipped him a few quid to get the pair together. And with Hogan likely to dominate the competition and be in the ring with them, Slick jumped at the chance.

Jesse met the arrival of Akeem with the words “is Hogan in trouble now?” Hogan initially doesn’t seem to bothered. He body slams Akeem upon arrival. He even breaks out a side suplex, until they eventually over power him. They stack him in the corner and hit their double avalanche. They then throw him out. Hogan takes the safest bump over the ropes ever. He could probably do the same bump now, 8 back surgeries later. He goes over, carefully lands on the apron and rolls off. Less is more, brother. Akeem and Boss Man do their little dance to celebrate. People aren’t happy. Those expecting Hogan to shuffle off to the back didn’t take into account his downright horrible lack of sportsman ship. Hogan pulls Boss Man under the bottom rope and starts beating him with stuff around ringside. Akeem joins in the brawl to give his mate a needed helping hand, when the next participant enters. ITS BRUTUS! This is one of those “start future plans off early” situations. Hogan and Beefcake had the odd interaction, but they weren’t banging arse like they would be in later years. So this was really the start of the Mega Maniacs. In 1989 alone, Brutus and Hogan were joined at the hip. Beefcake was there when Savage turned on Hulk, he teamed with him against The Human Wrecking Machine Zeus and Randy and main evented many a house show in tandem with him. You see unlike Macho Man, Brutus knew his role in life was to stand next to Hogan and pull funny faces and reference riding Harleys on their downtime. One thing I’ve noticed, though, is Brutus has some fire to his game. Call it “standards have dropped” all you want, but when he hit the ring and started belting Akeem I was getting into it. He looked pretty cool as well. You can give someone the spot, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to carry it. Beefcake was over for years in the WWF. In another show of Hogan’s ill manners, he yanks the rope down and sends Boss Man flying over the top rope. Its really shocking, but I suppose all is fair when Boss Man or Akeem bought their number to do him out of a Rumble win. Gorilla even says “so what?” when Ventura screams that this was an illegal elimination. Hogan and Boss Man brawl to the back as the argument in the broadcast booth continues, with both announcers giving valid points. Its like a real argument between them, over who is right in this scripted, predetermined contest. It’s the sort of passion you never see anymore.

Back in the ring, Akeem is trying to throw Brutus out. Thankfully, The Red Rooster is on hand to help. I imagine there were no female workers left in the building for him to sexually harass. Because he’s the Red Rooster, Akeem didn’t deem him worthy to sell for and took him out every time he tried to muster some offence. Its all got very boring once the likes of Savage, Hogan, Boss Man and Bad News have left. Its turned into a WWF Challenge battle royal. In fact Brutus wouldn’t have been the worst idea to give a victory to look at the names left to come I. The Barbarian is next out. Gorilla Monsoon’s legendary burial of wrestlers continues when Barbarian breaks up and elimination attempt by Brutus and Rooster and goes for Akeem himself. “Well that was stupid, if he’d have helped he’d have got him out of there”. And he’s right as well. It makes you wonder if the reason ring psychology and the fundamentals were so superior in the 80s and early 90s was because they were scared to be buried under ground my Gorilla. Akeem, Barbarian, Beefcake and the Red Rooster aren’t keeping the interest of the fans. They want some fresh blood in there. And they sort of got it with the arrival of Big John Studd. Who is a babyface in this. The fans don’t seem to into him upon his arrival, but they get into it when he starts pounding on Akeem. They have a proper slow big man exchange. But as slow big man exchanges go, it was a decent one. Jesse and Gorilla keep bringing up how Red Rooster is to small to win this. One of my favoruties draws number 28. The Mighty Hercules. Looking as pink as ever. He doesn’t eliminate anyone but he’s spirited enough. He’s in the group you expect will get a WrestleMania payday. Again, the match has lost all excitement with this lot in it. There are two left. Rick Martel gets number 29. He’s a babyface and he injects a bit of life into the match. Not as much as in pervious years, because he’s in there so late but when you have Studd and Akeem cutting off anyones offence off, you are just happy with what you can get. Ted DiBiase as expected comes in at number 30 after buying the number earlier in the night. DiBiase is a super worker. He steps in and Flair flips The Red Rooster over the turnbuckle. Monsoon has a bit of a moment where he doesn’t quite know what’s going it. He’s so desperate to bury the eventual winner John Studd, that he doesn’t realise wrestling is supposed to be real. “How’s he going to eliminate him with the guys leg hooked around his?” Jesse quickly corrects him that the Barbarian is actually trying to stay in by holding onto Studd. Brutus makes the mistake of putt Herc in his sleeper leaving them open for DiBiase and the Barbarian to eliminate them both.

We are now down to five men. Akeem, Studd, Martel, Dibiase and Barbarian. Barbarian delivers his running power slam and a diving headbutt from the top rope to Martel. In a strange turn of events Martel then eliminates Barbarian with a dropkick to send him flying. Akeem doesn’t make quite the same mistake and Martel joins Barbarian on the floor seconds later. Akeem and DiBiase make a pact to double team Studd. I’m guessing once Studd is gone, Akeem is going to eliminate himself, otherwise he doesn’t get his money. Akeem goes for an avalanche on Studd, but Big John pulls DiBiase in front of him. Studd them hammers Akeem onto his back and his flies over the top. The final two is now Studd and DiBiase. DiBiase was always the nearly man, looking back. He NEARLY won the WWF title. He NEARLY won the Royal Rumble. He NEARLY had a child worth watching on TV. It’s a shame he was in the era where heels were fodder, because he makes Big John Studd look brilliant here. I assume Studd is in pain every waking hour of the day by this point. He hasn’t done much of anything and years of injecting growth hormones to make him appear bigger than he actually is must have caught up to him. We hadn’t seen him in the WWF in 2 or 3 years. So DiBiase is bumping tremendously. Landing on his neck, flipping up and balancing on his head. Like Perfect earlier (and Dolph Ziggler today) its almost like he’s showing people who is actually doing all the work in this match and who deserves the win. He does a bump on his back and neck which they played at the start of the Silver Vision video releases for years. Big John Studd had enough eventually and threw him out for the win. After the match, Virgil jumps in and takes a good kicking for his troubles as well. John Studd used Hacksaw Duggan’s music at the end, which is confusing. Odd choice of winner, but looking at it now Hogan and Savage’s feud came off better with both men losing. What with Savage being jealous of Hogan, and Hogan wanting revenge on the Twin Towers down the line. Studd on the other hand at least established himself as a babyface in time to referee the Andre and Roberts match at WrestleMania V. And the Rumble wasn’t as established as now anyway. So it doesn’t seem so bad looking.

[ShortOrderCook]

ROYAL RUMBLE 1999

 

 

 

 

 

This one most certainly needs a bit of background given, even if you all already know what that background is. This Rumble is, more than any other Rumble, all about one thing. And that is the epic rivarlry of Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Vince McMahon, which is right around its peak. We're coming off a superhot 1998, which saw Austin vs Vince really develop and come the end of the year, it had really escalated. We need to go back to Breakdown for where the story towards this Rumble really matters. It was there where Stone Cold lost his WWF championship and it was declared vacant as Vinces masterplan came together and Ausitn was doublepinned in a triple threat match by Kane and The Undertaker. It remained vacant and went through many fun moments and shenanigans over the next couple of moths before FINALLY a new WWF Champion was crowned at the absolute masterclass that was the Survivor Series - Deadly Game Tournament . It was there that Austin was again screwed, in a moment i remember very fondly, i vividly remember watching these events unfold and having my tiny little mind blown. Austin went out in the semis to Mankind, who seemed to be Vinces choice for new champion, via a stand-in referee double cross from Shane McMahon. It was fucking incredible.

 

 

Austin had been denied in epic fashion. The Rock, who was Vinces actual choice as new champion went over in the final against Mankind (who got screwed over himself) and became WWF Champion for the very first time and in doing so, abandoned being the Peoples Champion to become the Corporate Champion. Vinces grand plan had come together magnificently and thus the Corporation was born and the road to WrestleMania XV had been well and truly paved. But there was more magic moments on the way to the Rumble and more animosity created between Austin and Vince. Austin made his intentions clear to enter the Royal Rumble, win and gain back his WWF title. Vince said 'You're in the Rumble. That's if you can beat The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match!' And that he did. While he was doing that, Mankind who had become increasingly popular since Vince screwed him entered into a feud with The Rock, challenging for the WWF title. In yet another moment i vividly remember and frankly, one of my favourite moments ever Mankind managed to best The Rock and become brand new WWF champion, with a little help from a returning Stone Cold Steve Austin. It was a truly majestic moment. You could tell the clear joy that filled DX at these events unfolding as they celebrated with Mick. I remember this like it was yesterday. Famously, the result had been revealed beforehand. I remember reading about it on WWF.com on a day earlier in the week, which was already an awesome day because school was cancelled as it was cold as fuck and the pipes had frozen. I'd recently got my first taste and access to the internet as my Mams boyfriend had a laptop with glorious internet. So naturally, the only real things i bothered checking out were naked pictures of Sable and WWF.com. WWF.com revealed Mankind was taking the belt and it made me happy, i loved Mankind. It didn't seem to taint the moment knowing at all, it was that good. Come Friday night, i watched with glee on what was a cracking Raw. My brother, who was never massively into wrestling like me but had a passing interest every so often, namely at points during the attitude era, began watching with me about half way through Raw is War. I decided not to tell him what was going to happen and we watched it all go down together. My bro has probably never been as pulled in and as captivated by wrestling as he was with that match, for a moment they'd got him. He already liked Austin and Mankind too so this was perfect for him, he was 100% as emotionally invested as i was in that moment. Austin arrived and we both did our trademark burst onto your feet and throw your arms up as the glass shattered just like the entire crowd did and then proceeded to go nuts as Mankind was crowned new WWF champion. Austin had got revenge and Vince was fuming.

 

 

Before we arrive at The Rumble Mankind and Rock switched the title a couple of times more but as we headed into The Royal Rumble, Mankind was the WWF Champion for the 2nd time and would be defending the belt against Rock in an I Quit match. Also before we arrived at The Rumble, now that Austin had earned his place in The Rumble, he needed his number to be drawn from that famous gold tumbler. Vince and Shane carried out this task and shock horror, it was only #1...as was every other number in there which was later revealed. Not satisifed with only that and determined to make sure Austin had NO CHANCE IN HELL of winning the Royal Rumble, he also placed a $100,000 bounty on Austins head. Whoever eliminated Stone Cold from the Royal Rumble would be 100,000 wing wangs richer. Surely Austin was fucked. To really rub salt in the wounds though and give even more of a big fuck you humilation to Steve, Vinman decided to enter the Royal Rumble himself. On Raw, a mini Royal Rumble was set-up between the members of the Corporation and the members of DX with the winner earning the #30 spot in the Rumble. I'm sure Commissioner Shawn Michaels had something to do wih that. This Raw Rumble provided yet more magic moments. Vince entered late and toppled over the remaining guys and began a fantastic vest ripping celebration with his stooges believing he'd bagged it but oh no, think again. Nobody had factored Chyna. Chyna was a part of DX and entered the match, Vince was stunned. Austin turned up and distracted him and Chyna lobbed McMahon out. Chyna was the #30 entrant into the Rumble and became the very first female competitor to enter the match. Further to Vinces dismay, now that he'd officially made his interest in entering the Rumble clear, but failed to bag the 30 slot, Commish HBK broke the news that he would be entering the match at #2. Right after Austin. Magnificent.

 

The stage was set. But this only went on to create yet more magic moments. In order to prepare himself for his Rumble adventure and being alone in the ring with Austin for 2 minutes before anyone else was allowed in, Vince began training. His son Shane took care of preparing him for this epic challenge. The results were just tremendous, an absolute riot. Vince and Shane featured in Rocky style vignettes - chasing chickens, downing Raw eggs, pounding meat carcass and Stone Cold Stunnering a bunch of jobbers. "I HATE AUSTIN! I HATE AUSTIN!"

 

TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF IT HERE

 

It was, for me, undoubtedly the finest build-up to a Royal Rumble ever. So many great moments, great stories unfolding and some brilliantly booked angles setting the stage. It was a great time to be a fan. And seemingly, it was a great time to not be a fan. I mentioned my brother earlier but this seemed to be a time that grabbed hold of casuals in general and suckered them in. It was that good everyone was starting to love it. I remember there was this absolute pillock at school, just an absolute cock. He'd rip the never-ending piss out of anyone who happened to be into the wrestling, even though his best mate was. His mate must have got him to watch the Rumble as the following day at school WWF had it's new biggest fan, running around stunnering everbody and flipping them off. Thankfully it was short-lived and he only seemed to have interest for a couple of weeks. But this period seemed to be so damn entertaining, even the most unlikely of candidates took an interest.

 

And with all that being said, let's finally get to the actual Royal Rumble match. We've got Austin at #1, Vince at #2, Chyna at #30. All the DX and Corporation lads are in there and that's probably all you need to know. This is all about Austin vs Vince. Rock has just obilaterated Mankinds brains with a steel chair and taken back the WWF title. Let's get to it.

 

Fink breaks down the rules for anyone who isn't clear by now (they do change a bit to be fair). As he does the camera pans the crowd and it is just a sea of signs. You don't see that much these days do you, one of the signatures of the attitude era almost.

 

Here comes Austin. JR is busy taking care of his melting face so we've got King and Mickey Cole on commentary. Cole tells us only one man has won from #1 before, can Austin be number 2 to do so and win his third straight Royal Rumble. King reckons the man who's going to win this match is the man who's never ever lost a match, 'who's that?' asks Cole. 'Vince McMahon!' cries King. 'Oh please, he's never had one.' Hmmm. Mr.McMahon makes his way to the ring sans music, he'll nick this Rumbles theme later. He's just got out of sitting in a tub of babyoil, he's greased up to the gills. Good tactic fankly, you'll struggle to eliminate a man made of grease. Fairplay to the old boy though, he's looking good. Shane has done a fine job. He looks like he means business.

 

 

The bell rings to officially start the match and we're straight into it. Vince immediately goes for a clothesline, Austin ducks, lands a set of right hands and has Vince down in the corner and proceeds to ferociously 'stomp a mudhole in him' as the crowd start to rise to their feet and go nuts. They're loving it already. Vince is in trouble and Austin looks lke he's going to take his time and enjoy this opening 2 minutes. Stomp to the grapefruits for Vince. Austin teases tossing Vince out but stalls and gives him a clothesline instead. He doesn't want him going anywhere, but it's time for someone to join them as here comes entrant #3.

 

 

But he's looking more like this

 

 

The crowd are having a riot, the Oddities music playes and a large portion of hard camera facing crowd are swaying along side to side with it. It looks tremendous. 'Quake makes a smart move and holds fire on entering the match until he sees an opening. Austin thesz presses McMahon and Golga makes his entry smelling 100,000 notes and goes straight for Steve. He gets a bit of offence in and goes to toss Austin out. Surely not? Nope, Austin reverses and Golga is straight out. As Austins attention has been taken away from Vince, he's made a get away and slipped out into the crowd. Austins on to him though and goes and joins him. Austins battered him all the way through the crowd to the back. They've completely abandoned the ring and it's left empty as the next countdown begins. Surely there should be some sort of ruling against that, this can't be on, surely?

 

As the countdown hits zero we hear 'WHAAAAT A RUUUSSH' but i don't know which Road Warrior it is as the cameras have cut to Austin and Vince in the back, Vince leads Austins chase into the ladies, what's he got in mind? It's a set-up! The Corporation were laying in wait and bumrush Austin. We cut back to the ring and turns out 'he's gonna...he's gonna...HE'S GONNA PUKE!'. Droz just sits tight waiting for #5 which brings us an extremely young looking Edge. Both lads making their Royal Rumble debut here. Nobody really cares though, all King and Cole are talking about is what may be going on in the ladies and getting some more cameras back there. I'm sure #6 is going to bring more of the same.

 

 

HOLY SHIT! Perhaps not! DA MAN has arrived as a surprise entrant and the crowd swiftly begin a deafening GOLD-BERG. chant. This can't be good for Droz and Edge. King says he could go on to win it all, Cole thinks he can't be serious. I guess #6 is an early draw. Goldy takes his time entering, posing and flexing and all his other stuff sending the crowd into a frenzy. He gets in the ring and goes to the ropes and does that bit he does, pushing the top rope down and sticking his tongue out. But it's a big mistake! Edge sees an opportunity and pushes him over the top rope. The crowd are stunned. One of the surefire favourites is out within seconds of entering and we are denied the potential dream encounter of Goldberg vs Austin. A travesty, we've got 90 more seconds of Edge vs Droz. An even greater travesty. We cut to the back and The Corporation have left Austin laying in a puddle of womens piss. Back to the ring and it's PARTYTIME!

 

 

 

Nothing of note goes on in the ring as we're still more interested in what's going on in the back and Austin is suffering from all the female urine and is being fixed to a stretcher, it's that bad. The next countdown brings us some seriously fucking awesome music i don't recognise and it's...

 

 

THE BEAST! He goes straight for partytime with a sweet takedown. They may have been feuding recently, if they haven't they've certainly clashed in the past. Cole confirms it, informing me Severn turned on Blackman in a Lions Den match a few weeks ago when he was the special guest ref. We see Austin being taken into the back of the ambulance as fucking Tiger Ali Singh makes his way to the ring to enter the Rumble. Bloody hell, this guy might have been worse than Mr.Anderson, a true cancer to wrestling. I will never forgive this man for becoming associated with Lo Down and ruining them forever. No wonder we're currently more interested in watching a man unconscious on a stretcher than the action in the ring. We've got 5 guys in there - Puke, Edge, Partytime, Beast and Tiger. And heavyhitters Earthquake and Goldberg are the only ones eliminated. This Rumble is all backwards. I really couldn't care less about what's going on in the ring at present. Why did Severn wrestle in his sweaty t-shirt? Here comes the next entrant and it's music i don't recognise and OH SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY, it gets worse.

 

 

 

Blue Fucking Meanie. Somebody on this board has said that the Rumble provides a great snapshot for how the product is at the time and it's roster. Well, this snapshot ain't pretty, but in ways it does do exactly that as this would provide a great picture for all those idiots who cry everything and all the wrestlers are shit today and were better in the attitude days. Droz. Tiger Ali Singh. Blue Meanie. Really? Meanie is a truly disgusting human being, almost as repulsive as Chris Hero. This really is a good snapshot of the attitude era though, because there was a tonne of shit on th undercard and it was all about the big angles. Here's the countdown again and i'm begging for someone, something decent. And it's...

 

...

 

 

...

 

Oh.

 

It's nobody! #11 has gone missing. Fantastic, another couple of minutes with Meanie and Singh. Just grand. Suddenly we cut to the back and Big Black Mabel has just thrown Headbanger Mosh about. Mosh must have been number 11. It was probably good for him to be kept away from Singh, he should have always done that. So Big fat Mabel seems to be stealing Moshs spot, just like Drew Carey would 2 years later and Mick Foley would do with Test in 2004. Mabels dressed like he's come for a Snooker match rather than a Rumble match, donning a swanky all black number - black shirt buttoned up to the top and black waistcoat, black gloves. Fair play he pulls it off and actually looks pretty boss, a lot better than the pyjamas and bin liners he would go on to wear but not a patch when just fucked it off and got his massive tattooed tits out.

 

 

Mabel comes in a swiftly eliminates The Beast and The Lethal Weapon. Eliminations were due for sure. There goes Tiger, who brought less here than Orlando Jordan. He also dumps Meanie and Droz as the buzzer goes off to bring our next entrant...

 

 

'OH YOU DIDN'T KNOW!?!' Finally some more talent comes into this match. This reminds me we've got all of DX and The Corporation to come. Hopefully the Jabroni portion is over. As i mentioned in the '97 review, you need jobbers in a Rumble, these were here for Mabel fodder. That wasn't worth it, i know everyone's thinking about Austin vs Vince but there should have been something more interesting immidiately after to keep us going. Mabel tosses Edge who hangs on but then gets shoved off. Early into his career here but a very uninteresting showing for the future rated R. We're left with Mabel and the Dogg and suddenly the lights go out, which brings a great roar from the crowd. Undertakers awesome Ministry music hits and blue lights flash in the darkness. The lights come back on and The Acolytes and Mideon are in the ring and have clubbed Mabel out of it and up the aisleway where a cloaked Deadman has arrived. Undertaker whispers some sweet nothings in Mabels ear and then his Ministry club the tar out of him again. Weird. I remember this confusing the shit out of me when originally watching the PPV round a mates after South Park at the time. Amusingly to one lady in the crowd in particular, Faarooq lands on his ghetto bootay after tripping over the set getting stuck into Mabel. Apparently this means Mabel has been eliminated somehow and has been 'sacrificed'. The real double J is left alone in the ring and seems pleased to have lost Mabel and throws his arms up in an X. The next countdown starts and i'm predicting we're getting some Corporation here.

 

 

I would be wrong. Gangrel. Awesome, awesome music. Those lads in the front row who enjoyed the Oddities tune agree and bounce alone to the awesome music making for a tremendous visual. He doesn't last long, Road Dogg reverses his offence to send him flying over the top and landing with a nasty thump. He'd been in a match with X-Pac for the European title earlier to be fair and he was a bit of a fat fuck, he was probably suitably knackered. Must be some Corporation next then. B.G is all alone for now, maybe he will go all the way! He rips off Austin and checks his imaginery watch. Here comes the next one, Test i'd say. No, wrong again, it's Kurrrrrrrgan and those lads in the front are at it again. Kurgs is decked out in a tye-dye t-shirt, red tye-dye pants and a leather swimming cap. It's a fine look. Not much going on in this Rumble so far. Man, Kurrgan was fucking lousy by the looks of things, can't say i remember anything about his run besides being in the previous Rumble and being eliminated by Shamrock, i think. Next one in...

 

 

YEAH! I loved Al around this time. This might be entering this Rumbles version of the hardcore portion, Al and Roadie had been having some hardcore battles over January i'm sure. But they actually double team Kurrgers as a 'HEAD, HEAD' chant breaks out. Al almost climbing out himself in trying to eliminate him, B.G notices this and drops back and shoves him out. Al is gone. Ah, nuts. Countdown time already, that went quick. This is #16 and it's...

 

 

Feels like these numbers may have genuinely been drawn at random bar 1,2 and 30. Doesn't feel like there's much actual booking thought process behind them really, no stories bar the big one here at all. The time's flown by again, already time for #17.

 

 

'boiw-boiw-boiw-bah-bah'

 

 

 

 

All aboard! Godfather sends his sluts to the back and makes his way to the ring. The fans aren't happy to see the Hos go and make their voices heard 'WE WANT HOS! WE WANT HOS!' It ain't easy. Time flys again and it's time for #18.

 

LIGHTS OUT.

 

BIG POP.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Business is about to fucking pick up. Entering his first ever Rumble, the Big Red Machine. King didn't realise he was in the Rumble, the crowd are loving that he is and it's not surprising, they've surely been desperate for something besides fun music for a while. Kanes music is awesome here, i love his original music and entrance. The whole package is awesome actually Kane is an absolute hoss here, a tower of power. This provides a much kinder snapshot of the attiude era now - RoadDogg, Goldust, Godfather, Kane and um, Kurrgan. Coles telling me something here as Kane makes his way to the ring looking 7 feet of badass. Kanes a recently new Corporation member, the 1st in besides Vince no less. CommishBK set up some sort of match between Rock and Kane and Kane refused to lay down for The Great One apparently and he walked out on them refusing to help them against Austin and Mankind another time. He's seemingly a reluctant Corporation member, he always clashed with The Rock i remember. They get him a little gift on the next nights Raw i think which makes him stay. The crowd are desperate to cheer him though and it's easy to see why. He's in and immiediately chucks The D O double gizzle. There goes Kurrrrrrrrrrrgan. Godfather? Gone. Only Goldust left and he gets swiftly chokeslammed out. Kane has entered his first Rumble and cleaned serious house in moments. Impresive. He owns this bitch and the crowd love it. But what's this, a bunch of lads in white coats run down and hit the ring. They're trying to coat up the big red retard and wheel him off to the loony bin. He chokeslams one as he comes in. Grabs the straightjacket throws it out and then exits the ring over the top rope, heading after the orderlies through the crowd eliminating himself in the process. And we're back down to Austin and Vince. Will they do a HBK and Bulldog here? Of course they will, it's the only story going here. They're still not back yet though. The ring is left empty once again as the clock goes up again. Shamrocks music hits. And hold the phone...

 

 

Vince is back and he's put a jumper on, neglecting his earlier grease tactic. That could cost him. But he's got Crazy Ken for back-up now. Nicely timed Vinman. He exits the ring and leaves it for Shamrock and goes and joins King and Cole on commentary and FUCK ME how different does Cole look? A scrawny little runt with a horrible goatee. Man, i like Cole these days but he looks so different. He looks much better for getting fatter. He actually looks like a man now. He looked like an ill, food deprived child with a stick on beard here. Vince is great on commentary here, saying he's done what he set out to accomplish, Austin is in hospital and he isn't coming back. Mickey notes he's still in the match, King notes how good Vince hair looks, not a hair out of place after being in there with Austin and Cole asks him why he's there with them and not in there with Shamrock. 'Shamrock!? Whatdyathinki'mnuts!? I made a good accounting of myself i think.' And he settles down and gets comfortable in his old chair.

 

Shamrocks ready and waiting for the next entrant, he wants to get it on. And he's gonna because now it's going to get interesting because here comes...

 

 

hobbling down to the ring in just one shoe having had an IC title match with Kenny earlier and getting his ankle raped in the process. They lay straight into each other, Billy hit some of those aforementioned in this thread sweet snap punches but Ken sweeps the leg and takes out the ankle again. I actually enjoyed these two feuding over the IC title, it was a shame leading into 'Mania it all got convuluted and everyoen got involved and he and RoadDogg switched places. Dogg taking the hardcore title and Gunn-Shamrock at 'Mania would have suited me nicely. Cute Kip nearly has Ken out a couple of times but Ken avoids elimination and goes back to work on the ankle. This 90 seconds feels a lot longer than the those previous. I'm not complaining though, something's actually happening now. Here's come #21 and the Corporation are begining to flood in, it's hired Gun Test. We cut to the back and The Ministry is still laying into Mabel and we see him getting stuffed into a hearse. But this is simply to lead into the next sequence of events. We hear an ambulance siren and an Ambulance comes rushing around the corner into shot. As it gets closer we see that it's Austin driving the ambulance. He's back!

 

 

The camera cuts back to Vince at commentary, his eyes widen and he gives his infamous gulp of fear. Vince starts panicing and looking worried, his facials are great. In the ring Billy Gunn is holding his own against the two Corporation members as the buzzer hits zero and someones music plays but out walks Austin at the exact moment it hits zero. He's going straight for Vince and Vince makes a run for it again. Vince leads him into the ring and straight into the path of the World Most Dangerous Man. HARD TIMES arrive (it was Bossmans music playing) as Austin chucks Shamrock out. Getting interesting now, Austins back, a Rumble legend has just arrived and DX and the Corporation are all coming in. Bossman and Austin always seemed to be working together. 'Get up you piece of shit' Bossman is dishing it out to Austin and talking trash. We're reminded the bounty is still in effect, Vince declares he'll be very happy to write that cheque. Time for another entrant.

 

 

Rocking some DX green and black pants, this is a long way from the Triple H we have come to recognise. One year later he would look very, very different and be in a very different position. It's quite the contrast in appearance between those twelve months. 5 men in there in Austin, Bossman, Gunn, Test and Triple H. Everyone's up for going for Austin as both DX members have a go. Austin fights back against Gunn though and catches him with meaty clothesline as the clock pops up. #24 brings us Val Venis and he sprints to the ring with the big valbowski flopping about all over the place. Billy Gunn is still choosing to attack Austin and it costs him, the rattlesnake lobs him out. Shortly after X-Pac arrives in next. His 90 seconds fly by too and everyone in the ring right now best worry and keep their bills paid if this man charges for air.

 

 

MENRY! Sexual Chocolate Menry to be preicse. SOMEBODY GONNA GET THEIR WIG SPLIT! He's wearing Big E Langtons attire here and immediatey targets Stone Cold. Lucky #27 brings us Jeff Jarrett! Is Jarrett going to go all the way? He gets a good pop but there's a good chance it's for Debra, who's with him. Some good names coming in here now, clearly saved them for the home straight. Triple H amusingly very loudly asks Val 'If i throw you, can you hang on?' We never get to find out as Jeff cuts him off. Here comes #28

 

 

YES!!! D'LO! C'mon D'Lo! You can do this. I loved D'Lo at the time, always thought he'd eventually step up to the next level. Ring is starting to fill up as we have two remainng to enter. Austin doesn't like it so throws Test out. And neither does Bossman as he charges across the ring with X-Pac and lobs him out. X-Pac got up to surprisingly little here. As people begin flying out Vince pleads for someone to get rid of Austin. Austin lamps Double J about and Triple H picks up the scraps and throws him out as #29 arrives and enough is enough and it's time for a change.

 

 

He's in his roadsign gear here but he's got quality music. All my CAWs would get that music on WWF Attitude. Austin slips out the ring and goes to the commentary desk for a sip of water and then smacks the jug over Vinces head and gets back into the action. Vince is pissed. Our last entrant arrives and as we already know it's the first ever female entrant into the Royal Rumble in Chyna.

 

 

Most people hate Chyna, i never had an issue with her. I like my wrestlers to look they could come right out of a Marvel or DC Comic Book and Chyna was exactly that, which fit WWF and WWF at this time just great. I became quite fascinated by her around this time, in '99-'00. She was totally unique and again, i think that's something a WWF superstar should be. She didn't look like the female bodybuilders i'd seen previous that disturbed me and still managed to remain feminine. Over the course of the next 2 years she became smoking hot as far i'm concerned. Little ShortOrderCook didn't mind a bit of Chyna. Hers was certainly an ass that wouldn't quit. That thing could have fucking cut diamonds. If she'd have embarked upon her porn career looking like she did in 2000 my cock and balls would be in a coma. Menry didn't mind some Chyna either and had managed to get her on a date. He's been bragging about going downtown to Chynatown though, when apparently he hadn't and the 9th wonder didn't much appreciate it. She goes straight to work on Henry and actually manages to throw the sexual beast out. Immediately after though Austin clotheslines her straight out. And Menry has a hearty chuckle to celebrate.

 

Triple H isn't happy with that and goes right for Austin, they battle it out for a bit and try to get each other over the top rope. Val gets involved but then Trips throws him over and turns out he can't hold on after all. Val is eliminated. Trips eats a stunner and now he's gone too. Shortly later The Rattlesnake gets rid of Owen who might as well have not bothered coming tonight. And that brings us down to the final four. And what a final four! McMahon, Austin, Bossman and D'Lo Brown! Austin gets hit with a combo of Bossmans trademark baseball slide outside to punch while hanging on the middle rope and falls back into the ring to taste D'Lo sexy, sexy frogsplash. But D'Lo makes the mistake of celebrating and Bossman sneaks up behind and shoves him out. BOSSMAN IS GOING TO DO IT! SUREY THIS IS HIS YEAR! Nope. STUNNER and Bossmans gone. Austin turns immediatey to McMahon and the crowd become unglued. They know exactly what this means, we're back to Austin vs McMahon, finishing just as we started.

 

Austin launches himself across the announce table in attack. McMahon is holding his own and manages to fire in some shots, but Austin gets the upper hand and drags him over the announce table and tosses him into the crowd. He's throwing Vince about outside everywhere. He grabs a steel chair and Vince takes a sick chair shot straight to the face. McMahon is down, McMahon is down! Austin soaks up the atmosphere, talks some trash to Vince, picks up the dead weight and tosses it back in the ring. This is a formality, Austins got this won, but hows he going to do it. He allows Vince to climb back to his knees as he looks at him in disgust. LOW BLOW. Vince fires back. They both rise to their feet, McMahon swings, Austin ducks. STUNNER! This is it! No, he wants to hurt Vince some more. Middle rope elbow to the sternum. C'mon Steve, finish it! Feels like he's stalling now, what's he waiting for. Here comes The Rock! Rock must have been late i reckon. Rock dappered up in $5000 shirt and has his newly won WWF title with him. He's got Austins attention. Austin dares him to get into the ring but Rocks not having it. He's talking trash but he's not getting in. Austin edges closer, Rock notices Vince stirring and suddenly pops up onto the apron and Austin goes for him allowing himself to get too close to the ropes as McMahon stumbles over and flips him over. McMahon has done it. MCMAHON WINS! MCMAHON WINS! HOLY SHIT MCMAHON WINS! Austin feels like a right prick and is furious with himself. Rock on the other hand is well chuffed with his work. Austin goes to go back in after Vince but Rock grabs him and they begin tussling all the way up the aisle. Mr. McMahon has won the Royal Rumble! He's out of it though, the officals help him up to his feet and Shane and Patterson and Briscoe arrive to start the celebrations. Mr. McMahon has won the Rumble, Mr. McMahon is the #1 contender, Mr.McMahon is going to WRESTLEMANIA!!! The Fink makes it official and announces his victory. Shane grans the mic and says you did it Dad, YOU'RE GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA! He also doesn't have to lose 100,000 smackers for eliminating Austin. If you want something done, do it yourself. This is huge, this calls for a cold one. Vince gets chucked a load of Vinceweisers and shares them out with his boys. They give a toast to his victory and guzzle those badboys down, celebrating just the way they should. Vince McMahon has won the 1999 Royal Rumble! What a man!

 

 

[Daaaaaad!]

WHATAMANEUVER!

[SpursRiot2012]

Great review SOC. I remember pissing my pants in the build up to that Rumble. It was awesome. I remember loving Deadly Games as well, but was that really Rock's first title win? I could have sworn he'd held it sometime before that...oh well.

 

Also, until now I never knew Golga was Earthquake.

[FrankCastle]

Everyone, I've been reading these while I've been waiting for my account to be validated - I've enjoyed every single one, well done. When the WrestleMania/Summerslam/Survivor Series threads start, count me in - please!