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HarmonicGenerator

The THIRD UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: WINNER REVEALED!

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I don't dislike him at all, but I'd really love to see the writeup for Joss Whedon.

 

That might have been me but I may have let him off after enjoying The Cabin In The Woods. Honestly can't remember half of those I voted for.

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I don't dislike him at all, but I'd really love to see the writeup for Joss Whedon.

 

That might have been me but I may have let him off after enjoying The Cabin In The Woods. Honestly can't remember half of those I voted for.

 

There was no write-up attached to the (sole) vote for Joss Whedon, so the reasons behind it shall forever be unknown. But I can say that Gladstone, it wasn't you who nominated him.

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9

Boris Johnson

(New entry)

 

 

And we're obliged to ask... does he have shit on the market?

I doubt there's much. He is his own shit on the market.

 

Vintage Spectator magazines?

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The end is near... but still a magnificent seven of twats to go...

 

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

 

7

Adele

(New entry)

 

 

adele_2263085b.jpg

 

 

What's she famous for?

Chasing pavements, setting fire to the rain, making people who are crap at singing think they'll be good at singing if they sing one of her songs.

 

 

And you think she's a twat because...

"Fuck me with a four iron, she'

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

 

6

David Cameron

(2011 ranking: 7. Up 1)

 

 

David-Cameron-001.jpg

 

 

What's he famous for?

Being in charge of the whole country... he's the bleedin' Prime Minister!

 

 

And you think he's a twat because...

Let's get political again!

 

"I wouldn

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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Right then, before we head into the top 5, here's everyone else who DIDN'T make the list:

 

 

 

 

Mumford & Sons!

 

Mumford-Sons-001.jpg

 

("Just, please, fuck off. Just because millions of idiots all of a sudden seem to like your mewling indie-skiffle bollocks, that doesn't mean you shouldn't have your arms and vocal chords ripped off and out"

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

 

5

Tulisa

(New entry)

 

 

618_reality_x_factor_tulisa_female_boss.jpg

(I can't remember what colour her hair is at the moment, but it's okay if it's blonde this week, because it'll probably change back again soon. I'd have posted one of her with her possibly-but-possibly-not-boyfriend as well, but even through the visor of Heat magazine, he intimidates me, so no.)

 

 

What's she famous for?

She was in N-Dubz and then she was on X Factor. I'm going to skate around the whole sex tape thing because legal stuff.

 

 

And you think she's a twat because...

Because, according to Megan Midas (voted #1), she's "a repugnant talentless whore, who has managed to pull off the impressive achievement of making Cheryl Cole more likeable by comparison." She certainly appears to have usurped Cheryl's high ranking from the 2011 Twatlist. "Like Wor Chezza," says Magnum (voted #7), "she's trailer park trash with delusions of grandeur. What the fuck is 'the female boss' meant to mean? There's plenty of legitimately successful businesswomen out there, but I doubt any of them have gaudy tattoos on their forearm or [we're not mentioning any sex tapes]."

 

For PSF (voted #6), Tulisa has "gone from one of my favourite celebs to one of the most annoying... Chavvy twat!" "I can't look at her without thinking 'Malia Slag'," says Chilli_Mondeo (voted #1).

 

As we've already seen a few times, that little show called X Factor has played its part in the outcome of this year's list. "Ugh!" cries Nick James (voted #5) of Tulisa. "Get the fuck off of my screen." PunkStep (voted #1) agrees, arguing that Tulisa "has little talent and yet is a judge of future talent this country will have, and does so in front of probably the largest TV audience throughout the year. What has she actually done?"

 

Well, she has done music. But not well, say the UKFF. Nick James thinks "her music is terrible. She cannot sing, only shout," while Megan Midas considers her "a standard bearer for all the auto-tuned, musically bereft 'artists' out there who are more interested in their 'brand' than actually making good music."

 

And she was #1 in FHM's 100 Sexiest Women, as well, apparently. But not justifiably, say the UKFF. Nick James is confused. "How this woman won the FHM Sexiest Female thingy I will never know." And Megan Midas, similarly so: "For some reason [she was] voted #1 in the FHM Top 100 despite looking at all times like an Essex slapper at around 2am."

 

It's with MM where we will conclude. He summarises his thoughts on Tulisa: "Total and utter shitearse."

 

 

Twat Tweets!

Many of Tulisa's texts centre around publicising her various ventures, so they don't make for a thrilling read, but I'll throw this one out there, from October 22 of this year:

 

"That was actually a really bad spelling mistake, but if u lot had my hang over u would 4give me. Not that I give a shit anyway. Neeeed water"

 

And her little bio bit at the top of her page, too, why not:

 

"my attitude is based on how u treat me. WARNING!!!!...i swear sometimes & use txt slang ...no likey, no follow ; ) "

 

So that's you told.

 

 

And we're obliged to ask... does she have shit on the market?

She's 'The Female Boss', apparently (as a Springsteen fanboy I will make no comment, but I did retch slightly when I found that out), so she would be remiss if she did not.

 

Here's her book, which just came out a month or so ago. I haven't read it:

tulisa-honest-my-story-so-far.jpg

 

And her album, which is just about to come out. I have no plans to hear it:

tulisa_tfb_2400x2400_rgb3-dark.jpg

 

And there's her perfume as well, which has been out ages. I've never smelled it:

tulisa_the_female_boss.jpg

 

That'll do for now.

 

 

Twat Stat!

Tulisa received more #1 votes (but fewer votes overall, obviously) than this year's winner!

 

 

Was he voted Top Twat?

As indicated above, yes.

 

 

And so to summarise, Tulisa is worse than:

Having a sex tape of you released, and your deep-down fears that you're really very rubbish at it being confirmed.

 

 

 

 

 

So, four spots left, four twats to go. You can probably guess who they'll be... but in what order? You'll find out twats 4 and 3 tomorrow. I can confirm that no single voter nominated all four remaining twats.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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I find Tulisa a lot less irritating than most of the female celebs that usually get shoved down our throats - I wouldn't put her as a bigger twat than Jordan, Chezza or Kerry Katona.

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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Tulisa is a dime a dozen looks-wise, FAR from special. You walk around Enfield high street and you'll see a shitload of these skanky slap-up faced trollops with their Croydon facelifts and their unneccessary bling.

 

Just an average 'hood rat' at the end of the day that got lucky, but not in a courageous plucky underdog way. In a 'why the fuck is she doing anything involving a large audience when she should be asking me if I want chilli sauce with that instead' kind of way.

Edited by PunkStep

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I find Tulisa a lot less irritating than most of the female celebs that usually get shoved down our throats

It would be better if it was us lot ramming ourselves down their throats, wouldn

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