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HarmonicGenerator

The THIRD UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: WINNER REVEALED!

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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: PLEASE no stories about celebrities along the lines of 'I once heard that...' or 'My mate's sister once worked with ___ and she said that...' . No 'allegedly's or 'apparently's or references to things that may or may not be true, either, please. That sort of thing will get you in trouble with the forum, and it'll get the forum in trouble with legal types. I will not include anything of this kind in the write-ups, so please don't post it in the thread either. As neil said in the second Twatlist thread, "VERY IMPORTANT. Stop posting "I heard a story about..." stuff. This attracts the attention of laywers looking to justify their existence to clients. I'm going to be editing any posts. Please don't do this in the future." Ta.

 

 

 

The first UKFF Celebrity Twatlist, from summer 2009 and won by Jordan, can be found in Off-Topic Gold HERE.

 

The second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist, from spring 2011 and won by James Corden, can be found in Off-Topic Gold HERE.

 

 

For those who don't recall it, the Twatlists were parodies of those ubiquitous Top 50 / Top 100 lists that could be found in magazines, on television and on this very forum at the time. Compiled in the summer of 2009 and again in the spring of 2011, UKFFers sent me lists of their most reviled and loathed public figures. Their choices were ranked, and those ranks went into an overall tally to determine, in a satirical Top 30 countdown (or cuntdown, am I right, LOL), which famous person the users of this forum were least keen on. Each entry in the 30 had an opportunity for those who had nominated that celebrity to spit their vitriol and vent their spleens. It was quite entertaining for the contributors and the readers and, I like to think, therapeutic to them too.

 

I reiterate that the countdown's write-ups aimed only to feature UKFFers' opinions of celebrities, so as to avoid any potential wranglings.

 

So why do it again?

 

Well, partly for fun and because it's been about eighteen months since the last one, but here's the final rankings from the second Twatlist:

 

30. Ricky Gervais (NE)

29. Jack Whitehall (down 6)

28. Liam Gallagher (down 11)

27. Russell Howard (NE)

26. Simon Cowell (NE)

25. Bono (down 19)

24. Jeremy Kyle (NE)

23. Chris Moyles (down 13)

22. Davina McCall (down 14)

21. Steven Gerrard (NE)

20. Robbie Williams (down 13)

19. Adrian Chiles (NE)

18. Dappy off of N-Dubz (NE)

17. Katy Perry (NE)

16. Michael McIntyre (down 4)

15. Jedward (NE)

14. Louie Spence (NE)

13. John Terry (NE)

12. Kerry Katona (down 8)

11. Frankie Boyle (up 14)

10. Lady Gaga (NE)

9. Jamie Redknapp (NE)

8. Nick Clegg (NE)

7. David Cameron (NE)

6. Wayne Rooney (NE)

5. Cheryl Cole (NE)

4. Justin Bieber (NE)

3. Ashley Cole (NE)

2. Katie 'Jordan' Price (down 1)

1. James Corden (NE)

 

 

As you can see, it's quite a variety of famous types. Actors, singers, footballers, general personalities.

 

Only 10 of the celebrities in the first Twatlist still annoyed you enough to make it into the second list, and of those 10, only one, Frankie Boyle, moved up the rankings. In the past eighteen months, a lot's changed in celebrity land. New faces have appeared, old ones have faded away, and a whole other bunch of people are plastered all over the media every day. For instance, do the likes of Dappy or Jedward still cause you emotional injury? People have even warmed to James Corden since last spring thanks to him being pretty good in 1 Man, 2 Guvnors. Basically, we could be looking at a whole new collective of celebs you can't stand. I'm looking at you, Only Way Is Essex Made In Chelsea Geordie Kardashian Jersey Voice Shore stuff. And the rest.

 

So let's do this.

 

 

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO:

 

- Pick your list of Top Twats - up to ten of your most disliked celebrities - put them in order, and send them to me. Either e-mail jimbobfredericksson@hotmail.com, or PM me.

 

- Make sure you include reasons for your selections in your e-mail/PM . If you do, I'll use your rants and diatribes in the final write-ups, and everyone will know how hate-filled you are deep down. You are, of course, free not to include reasons, but where's the fun in that? The longer and swearier, the better. I want to know why you hate these people. Be eloquent, be obscene, but please, keep it to your own opinions. Read the original threads if you want to get an idea of how this works.

 

- Please submit your votes by midnight on Sunday 28th October. (That gives you a little over two weeks at time of me posting this thread. That's loads of time). The list will start to count down soon after that. Remember to include your UKFF username so I know who to credit in the write-ups!

 

- In the meantime, please use this thread to persuade others who to vote for. Why should so-and-so or whoshisface be despised by everyone, and not just you? Tell the forum!

 

- The person in 1st place on your list receives 10 'Twatpoints' to go towards their final total. 2nd place gets 9 Twatpoints, 3rd gets 8, and so on down to 10th place which will receive 1. If you want to nominate more than 10 people, please do - everyone from 11th downwards on your list will get 1 point. This means your Number 1 will have a much better chance of a high ranking - so put your choices in order if you can.

 

- You can nominate any public figure, past or present. Actors, musicians, sportspeople, politicians, artists, royalty; A-list, D-list or Z-list; well-known or obscure; individuals or groups (the collective cast of a TV show, or an entire band, for instance); living or dead. Go topical if you like, or reopen old wounds and nominate the same people you went for last time (if you're one of those wonderful people who voted). Just don't be telling stories that you may or may not have heard about things that may or may not have happened.

 

- It's okay if you can't remember their name - we'll try to figure out who you mean. As this is a wrestling forum, I understand the temptation to fill your list with wrestling personalities will be high, but it'll turn out really boring if that's all anyone nominates. Please try and limit things to one or two wrestlers per list. The same goes for footballers - please resist the urge to nominate 11 footballers just because they play for a team you don't like. That, too, is really boring. No members of this forum will be counted if you vote for them.

 

- If you want to use this thread in the time between now and when voting closes to canvas for certain Twats you think deserve to be pilloried, please go ahead.

 

- I'll be hoping for enough nominations to do another Top 30. Needless to say, if there aren't enough nominations I'll be very sad.

 

- So, to recap, please send your Top Twats, with reasons please, to jimbobfredericksson@hotmail.com, or by PM, or in this thread if you want to, by midnight on Sunday 28th October.

 

 

This thread and the Twatlist has received mod approval, but only if the disclaimer at the top is abided by. Fair warning!

 

 

Aaaaand .... let us begin.

 

 

 

So, Jessie J's a bit annoying, isn't she?

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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Collectives count as one, yes. So you can include a band, or the cast of a TV programme, and so on, as a single nomination. However, if there is one individual within that collective you dislike more than the rest, they would receive a separate nomination (i.e. if you don't like Elbow much, but really can't bear Guy Garvey, he'd get his own nomination.)

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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I'm guessing we get a new number 1 again this year. Corden (and I voted him top of my list last year IIRC) hasn't been in the UK for much of this last year, esp the last few months, so he's out of the spotlight.

 

Justin Lee Colins on the other hand.

Edited by MichaelScarn

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Just sent mine through now. It was fun to vent.

 

I'm quite glad of my list although I realise I left off Nick Clegg. Bastard. I did write a mini essay on Kelvin Mackenzie though so swings and roundabouts.

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This sounds like a perfect outlet for my newly formed theory that Harry Styles is like a police composite sketch comprised of all the most punchable qualities in a face.

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Does Ken Bates count as a celebrity? He's a massive fucking Twat for not closing the Gates to Elland Road years ago. TWAT!

 

And what about dead celebrities that have recently been proven to be Dirty Old Twats?

Edited by PSF

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Can the Military Wives count as one?

 

:D This will be fun.

 

Hah, my thoughts exactly.

 

Already cracking on mine. Might be a bit politician-heavy.

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Does Ken Bates count as a celebrity? He's a massive fucking Twat for not closing the Gates to Elland Road years ago. TWAT!

 

And what about dead celebrities that have recently been proven to be Dirty Old Twats?

 

I've never heard of him but if he's a public figure then yes, he counts. (However, I doubt he'd make it into the top 30, whoever he is.)

 

Dead celebrities have been counted before (both Jade Goody and Princess Diana made the 2009 list) but I'd be very careful about that word 'proven'.

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I think we may be about to reach Hislopian levels of the word "allegedly" here.

 

UPDATE: got my 10 sorted, doing the writeups now. 6 out of 10 are politicians. If I'd had 20, it'd probably have been about 15.

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I was only reading the last Twatlist the other day, actually. Contributing!

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