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The THIRD UKFF Celebrity Twatlist: WINNER REVEALED!


HarmonicGenerator

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seph can naff off as well. I'll take a stab at 'Daily Buzzard' voting for Laurie Penny.

 

Unless they're turning him heel eventually I stand by my words. Having him the face of Breast Cancer Month? fair enough, it's a great campaign and he's the highest-profile face. But he's still being given a higher profile than both the Champ and the second-place babyface who hasn't even had 1/10th of the push in the last year that Cena has. While not actually competing except for shoving Dolph Ziggler on his ass, which tells the world he won't take from an actual competitor what he "has to" take from Vickie Guerrero who - the very least that's wrong with this - Cena and others have ritually humiliated enough anyway.

 

You're talking about what he's scripted to do by WWE. None of this makes the man a twat, in fact his tireless charity work coupled with a work ethic that puts near everyone else in the business to shame makes me think he's a great guy.

 

"He does what he's told do, and it's not his fault everyone else sucks" isn't a compelling argument. And isn't most of his charity work done with WWE's endorsed programmes rather than personal causes? Or am I missing a huge part of the picture, not for the first time?

 

Finally, name the last person not called Johnson who looked notably stronger for 12 months coming out of a Cena programme, and if you solely blame the booking I'll assume Cena has very little say in who gets over with him and withdraw my argument on that basis.

 

No, no, let's turn that around. You give me a non wrestling based reason for Cena being a twat and I'll rescind my comment.

 

The charity work is for make a wish, it's in association with WWE but they are not a WWE programme. He spends a huge amount of his personal time bringing joy to kids with terminal conditions, more that would ever be considered the mandatory if such a thing existed.

 

It's not 2008 any more, this Cena sucks nonsense doesn't fly now. He constantly delivers on PPV, he's great on the mic, he's an ambassador for his company and the sport. You tell me who else should have been in his spot for the last 6 years.

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Whilst I highly agree that Cena isn't a twat, I think it should be noted that some people simply don't like his gimmick, this has nowt to do with any of Seph's mongy posts really but I do think the whole 'Cena works hard, you have to like him' thing is bollocks, most of his promo's are cringeworthy as fuck, matches (especially PPV) are always good but his 'funny' promos just get fast forwarded now

 

Also other than that knobhead 'five grand' bit in his book, Ashley Cole has never done anything to annoy me, he married a horrendous yet fit racist which I've always worked out as, shagged her because she's fit but cheated on her because she's horrendous, every credit to him

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Whilst I highly agree that Cena isn't a twat, I think it should be noted that some people simply don't like his gimmick, this has nowt to do with any of Seph's mongy posts really but I do think the whole 'Cena works hard, you have to like him' thing is bollocks, most of his promo's are cringeworthy as fuck, matches (especially PPV) are always good but his 'funny' promos just get fast forwarded now

 

You're right, his character isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea but that definitely doesn't make him a twat. Seph's post is akin to someone calling Steve McFadden a twat because he plays one on Eastenders (he might well be for all I know of course, just using him as an example).

 

I agree totally that when he tries to be funny it's usually terrible, but then again HHH was guilty of that too when he was on top. When it counts though, he's one of the best in the business on the stick. You look at his recent stuff with Punk and his work with The Rock pre-Wrestlemania as proof positive of that.

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Dear everybody,

 

Please shut up about John Cena. Please. It doesn't take Jamie Redknapp to tell you that literally nobody cares.

 

I apologise profusely to anybody who had been enjoying the thread up to this point. I regret mentioning John Cena, and I know now that I should have buried his name in a bigger list so nobody noticed. It annoys me that, nearly twenty full write-ups and well over 50 didn't-make-it twats in, John fucking Cena has garnered more discussion than practically all of them put together.

 

Whoever you were, thread-enjoyers, I hope you haven't abandoned it yet or become concussed from banging your head against a brick wall repeatedly. I will resume the countdown ASAP in a vain attempt to distract people from talking about John Cena.

 

Thank you.

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8 posts out of over 300, and barring Seph chiming in again it's done now so calm down Harm. Everyone loves your twat list and appreciates the effort but don't get so precious because it's sparked a discussion you can't be arsed with.

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8 posts out of over 300, and barring Seph chiming in again it's done now so calm down Harm. Everyone loves your twat list and appreciates the effort but don't get so precious because it's sparked a discussion you can't be arsed with.

 

Apologies. Precious, yes, sorry about that. But to paraphrase NEWM, it was a bit shite.

 

Entry number 12 on its way very shortly. It'll light up your world like nobody else.

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8 posts out of over 300, and barring Seph chiming in again it's done now so calm down Harm. Everyone loves your twat list and appreciates the effort but don't get so precious because it's sparked a discussion you can't be arsed with.

 

Apologies. Precious, yes, sorry about that. But to paraphrase NEWM, it was a bit shite.

 

Entry number 12 on its way very shortly. It'll light up your world like nobody else.

 

Most of my list hasn't appeared yet, so I await with baited breath :)

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Now. Where were we?

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

 

12

One Direction (particularly Harry Styles)

(New entry)

 

 

Od008.jpg

 

 

What're they famous for?

Music, inciting hysteria in young girls and cougars.

 

 

And you think they're twats because...

I will note first that I combined the votes for One Direction as a group, and Harry Styles as an individual, because while Styles was the only individual from the group to receive votes, a vote for Styles is essentially a vote for One Direction. Same sort of deal as with The Mighty Boosh and Noel Fielding in 2009.

 

With that said, they're all twats, according to you lot. Why?

 

Dingbat (voted the band #8) believes that "a bunch of pretty faces does not a group make. Like if Bieber split himself into every demographic available. They make my list for the added bonus that I went to school with one of them – incidentally, the one who can’t sing." It should be pointed out that Dingbat does not mention which one 'the one who can't sing' is. Answers on a One Direction branded postcard, please.

 

"They scare me," admits Chilli_Mondeo (voted the band #6). "When they wear suits with those stupid fucking trendy bowties, they look like a gang of ventriloquist dummies come to life. Unnerving." Snake Plissken (voted the band #10) also has a confession: "I don't know their names indivdually other than Harry, but," he continues, "they all need shooting."

 

Ah, Harry Styles. The sole target for some of you. Why?

 

Says Magnum (voted Styles #4): "He's like a police photofit made up of all the most punchable qualities in a face. Amazing that adult women seem to see something in this curly-mopped foetus." Dr.PeterVenkman (voted Styles #2) reckons Harry "seems to have some spell over every woman on the planet... I could understand if the media portrayed [him] as some 'every woman wants to mother him' teen idol but they make out he's some fabulous fucking hunk, even though he's got a pathetically weedy body and a haircut that would have got him a good hiding at our school 15 years ago."

 

But there are other motivations behind Styles' nominations. There certainly were for PSF (voted Styles #8), who cast his vote Harry's way "purely because a very average looking lad with [the] dodgiest hair on the planet is suddenly a sex idol, meaning that [his look] is now the look women like Caroline Flack [NB: who, according to the Daily Mail and other tabloids, had a brief dalliance with Styles] are looking for, and [that] a bald twat like me could never achieve. Fair play to the twat though. Lucky twat!" El Nicko Loco (voted Styles #7), meanwhile, may win the prize for most ostensibly positive rant of the year. Nicko thinks Styles is "a beautful, handsome, hip, womanizing, boozing, incredibly jammy twat. Nominated by me mainly because I'm extremely jealous of him and would trade places with him at the drop of a hat. Even if it meant having a go on Caroline Flack. Older woman love him. I fucking love him. And for that reason, he's a twat."

 

I've got one of their songs in my head now. Damn.

 

 

Twat Tweets!

I assume they all tweet, but I'm not looking, sorry. Just check the UK trending topics at any given time and it's likely that at least three of them will involve One Direction in some shape or form... In fact, Callum1993 (voted the band #7) explains that he voted "purely because of their fans on Twitter. They take up the entire trending list with pointless topics and instead, important news gets ignored. Pisses me off."

 

 

And we're obliged to ask... do they have shit on the market?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Christmas is coming!

 

There's CDs:

one_direction_album_cover_1407072.jpg

 

Calendars:

one-direction-calendar-2013.jpg

 

The pencil case with stationery kit:

one-direction-filled-pencil-case-2283-p.jpg

 

Pyjamas:

one-direction-pjf-12.jpg

 

Annuals (with a FREE WRISTBAND):

2156.jpg

 

Hot water bottle covers:

one-direction-kids-duvet-cover-set|A254P_SP253_02_25UWFf.jpg

 

Bedcovers:

lens19096122_225e05bc786f020ae54504be854436b0.jpg

 

Birthday cards:

one-direction-daughter-birthday-card-24773-p[ekm]233x349[ekm].jpg

 

Temporary tattoos:

TP0053.jpg

 

And those are all just from the first page of results. THE FIRST PAGE.

 

 

Twat Stat!

Without the combining of votes, at one stage, both the group and Styles individually were on course to make the top 30 as separate entries!

 

 

Were they voted Top Twat?

Neither the group nor Harry were, no.

 

 

And so to summarise, One Direction (and particularly Harry Styles) are worse than:

Debt.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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I can't explain why so many grown women seem to love One Direction, I really have no idea what their charm is, but its there. Most of us know they are terrible, the music is terrible, and they are quite twatty but we can't help it. I've not been tricked by Styles' charm though, I'm more of a Zain girl

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DISCLAIMER: All views and opinions within the Twatlist are just that; views and opinions. No views within the Twatlist are my own. I love everybody. Especially celebrities :love:

 

 

 

 

11

Nick Clegg

(2011 ranking: 8. Down 3)

 

 

Nick-Clegg-007.jpg

 

 

What's he famous for?

He's the Deputy Prime Minister! Very important man, right?

 

 

And you think he's a twat because...

Because you're ANGRY, that's why. GRRRRAGH. He's an "utterly useless and spineless cunt," says Megan Midas (voted #2), who "has taken every forward step the Lib Dems have made in the last 30 years and flushed it down the toilet because nobody is going to let them near government again." Nexus (voted #5) is "still bitter about the lying Lib Dems," and suggests Clegg "hasn't got a backbone. At all." A sentiment shared by stumobir (voted #4), who speaks to the DPM himself: "A brake on the Conservatives? Funny, I think you

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Cunt

 

That's not a very nice way to talk to HG after all the effort he's gone to doing this thread, is it?

 

This has been brilliant so far. I'm surprised Ashley Cole, One Direction (PICK ME HARRY!! PICK ME!!) and David Cameron haven't placed higher, or that Clegg actually placed higher than Cameron.

 

I see Rylan Clark from X-Factor didn't make the top spots, but I'd imagine he'll be a frontrunner for the 4th installment should HG ever wish to compile it. And I hope he does do another one, because I'd love this to become a yearly highlight. The write-up's this year with all the extra stats, tweets etc have been bloody super.

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And so tomorrow we enter the top 10. Who will make it? None of this lot, they didn't even make the 30:

 

 

 

 

Will Mellor!

 

Emeli Sande!

 

 

 

Tony Blair!

 

tony_blair_narrowweb__300x4100.jpg

 

("What a horrible state of affairs this Cheshire Cat grinning bastard has left." – The Natural)

 

 

 

Tinie Tempah!

 

Lance Armstrong!

 

 

 

Russell Howard!

 

550w_showbiz_birthdays_russel_howard.jpg

 

("A boss-eyed simpleton with the natural comic ability of a desk lamp. Probably a millionaire by now. Makes me sick." – Arch Stanton)

 

 

 

Gary Barlow!

 

headshotgary_2360023b.jpg

 

("His mouth seems to look like it’s melting whilst he chews treacle midway through a stroke. It wasn’t that bad when it was the '90s, was it? Or is he just talking extra-slow and simple due to the target audience who watch X Factor? Either way, I’m sick of him being lauded as a reputable musical figure and that his insight and knowledge is above and beyond us mere mortals. Yes, him. The lad who sang 'It Only Takes A Minute'. The same length of time it seems to take the fucker to get out a sentence these days. Worst thing is, without even watching that fucking show he’s everywhere. His face is all over the media, Twitter is a no-go zone at a weekend unless you want to see his name appear more times than his namesake’s has appeared in the credits to Corrie over the last eighty seven years and the worst one? The girls. Girls in work. Girls in pubs. Girls in shops. I can’t seem to go anywhere these days without being subjected to overhearing talk of his perfection and deity-like existence. HE WAS IN TAKE FUCKING THAT FOR FUCK’S FUCKING SAKE. Useless twat." – Frankie Crisp)

 

 

 

Wayne Rooney!

 

Coleen Rooney!

 

 

 

and... sorry, Gladders...

 

 

 

Sebastian Coe!

 

SebCoe.jpg

 

("I want it known how much I hate this cunt. I fucking despise him. Back when Manchester bid for the Olympics, this shitbag did everything in his power to make it clear that we should never be hosting the Olympics for oh so many reasons - we're not big enough, we're too northern, we're too busy down't pit to host it, presumably. Alright, maybe we don't have enough size and infrastructure to host the Olympics. Fair enough. Even me, as the most blinkered Manchester lover you will find, will happily admit that. But you then ask that the whole of Britain gets behind London when they host the Games because it's 'OUR' Games. FUCK YOU. I loved the Olympics and London did a great job and I actually really like London and I've spent many great and beautiful days out there with my wife and kids both separately and together. I'm really pleased it went so well. But don't you fucking DARE come out with this bullshit that the whole country should join arms and support the bid and the subsequent Games when you yourself did not lift one finger to endorse the bids that Manchester put in, nor the bid that Manchester put in for the Commonwealth Games, which was an unmitigated success, may I add. Quite the opposite. You publicly damned our bids. You're a lying, disingenuous cunt. And a Tory one at that. I HATE YOU AND I'M GLAD STEVE OVETT BEAT YOU." – Gladstone Small)

Edited by HarmonicGenerator
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