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Tell me a joke


IANdrewDiceClay

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I could do with a laugh. Anyone got any jokes? Here's one.

 

Simple gag:

Man hates his girlfriends cat, so he drives up 5 miles up the road and chucks it out the window. He comes back and the cat is sitting on the sofa. So he drives 10 miles up the road dumps the cat again, comes back and he's on the sofa when he returns. So he drives 20 miles up the road, throws the cat out again. He then rings his girlfriend and says "is the cat there". She says yes, and he says "well put him on, I'm lost"

 

Now you tell one. Hopefully better than the one above.

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I'm moving to a new house in a rough area of town. I had a viewing the other day and the landlord told me it's best to take the path by the supermarket when I'm walking home. Safeway, innit?

 

Perhaps a little dated...

 

I've vowed not to make jokes about the Spanish any more. No way, Jose.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

<-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler

Only one, but they should use a good set of steps or they might slip on the kitchen floor

 

[close spoiler]

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I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

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Conjunctivitis.com - That's a site for sore eyes.

 

This bloke said to me that Marie Osmond is about to star in the world's worst film. I said Warner Brothers? He said I already have.

 

I haven't seen a cowboy film in ages. It's all quiet on the western front.

 

My mate asked me if I could tell him the name of someone that lives in Corsica. I said Corsican.

 

 

All courtesy of the best book ever, the Tim Vine joke book.

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