Paid Members IANdrewDiceClay Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 I could do with a laugh. Anyone got any jokes? Here's one. Â Simple gag: Man hates his girlfriends cat, so he drives up 5 miles up the road and chucks it out the window. He comes back and the cat is sitting on the sofa. So he drives 10 miles up the road dumps the cat again, comes back and he's on the sofa when he returns. So he drives 20 miles up the road, throws the cat out again. He then rings his girlfriend and says "is the cat there". She says yes, and he says "well put him on, I'm lost" Â Now you tell one. Hopefully better than the one above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 What's brown and sticky?  <-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler  Anal.   [close spoiler] ");document.close(); Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 What's both large and small at the same time  <-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler A big egg  [close spoiler] ");document.close(); Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van Dammer Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 What do you call an Indian lesbian? <-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler Minjeeta  [close spoiler] ");document.close();                           Apologies for any offence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vito Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Behold, my favourite "crap but always makes my giggle" joke:  Where did Saddam Hussein keep his CD's?  <-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler In Iraq  [close spoiler] ");document.close(); Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PepperPlunge Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I'm moving to a new house in a rough area of town. I had a viewing the other day and the landlord told me it's best to take the path by the supermarket when I'm walking home. Safeway, innit? Â Perhaps a little dated... Â I've vowed not to make jokes about the Spanish any more. No way, Jose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 Who's the coolest guy in a hospital? Â The Ultrasound guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Fox Piss Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 Polar bear walks into a bar and says to bartender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RancidPunx Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Polar bear walks into a bar and says to bartender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PepperPlunge Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Did you know 9/10 people enjoy gang rape? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?  <-- click on 'spoiler' to show/hide the spoiler Only one, but they should use a good set of steps or they might slip on the kitchen floor  [close spoiler] ");document.close();   I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzfan Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273C. My mates think I'll die, but I think I'll be 0K. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baz Windham Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Conjunctivitis.com - That's a site for sore eyes. Â This bloke said to me that Marie Osmond is about to star in the world's worst film. I said Warner Brothers? He said I already have. Â I haven't seen a cowboy film in ages. It's all quiet on the western front. Â My mate asked me if I could tell him the name of someone that lives in Corsica. I said Corsican. Â Â All courtesy of the best book ever, the Tim Vine joke book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Fox Piss Posted May 7, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted May 7, 2011 Knock Knock  who is there?  Biggish  Biggish who?  Go and get a real job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baz Windham Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Knock Knock  Who's there?  Braden Walker...and i'm gonna knock your brains out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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