Kenny McBride Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "can you make me one with everything?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RancidPunx Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philo_Vance Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 What's got eight legs and a big black cunt? Â The A-team. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philo_Vance Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I had a mate once with some strange sexual proclivities. He got into spanking and S and M, progressed to bestiality, and eventually on to necrophilia. Â By the end of it he was flogging a dead horse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hellsguardian Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 A Mother walks in on her Son fingering his sister. The Mother is horrified and yells "YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR DOING THAT!" The son ponders and eventually pipes up...... "Well, I found Dad's wedding ring." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobra_gordo Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 One I made up  Where do they keep the sex offenders register? In a peadophiling cabinet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Your Fight Site Posted June 19, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 19, 2011 Said in a Northern accent: "I saw an ol' friend the other day and he told me he was getting married. I said you twit to who?" Â Â I said this back to myself in a northern accent out loud and i still don't get it. Â I think the 'ol' has to be pronounced 'owl'. No idea which 'northern accent' says it like that, but I'd deduce that's where the comedy treasure be buried. Correctomundo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insert_name_here Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 LOLZ CENA!  and in an attempt at an actual joke:  Whats red and invisible?  SPOILER - Highlight the black box to read The blood on Kate McCann's hands  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted June 20, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted June 20, 2011 Ouch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glen Quagmire Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time. He says "This is Amanda" Â His dad jumps up... "It's a fucking what?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Miz Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Gemma was pregnant with Triplets. She reads a newspaper article saying theres a man going around shooting pregnant women She just ignores it and gets on with what she's doing. The next she goes out and to her shock a Man confronts her in an alley way with a gun. Praying for her life she begs him to spare here, but this was the man from the article! He pushes her against the wall, takes aim and shoots her three times! Â Thankfully she is rushed to hospital after a passer by quickly raises the alarm, and the doctors save her life. More good news follows that even though she was shot three times, her babies are all fine also. Â Fast forward five years, and the Triplets are fit and healthy, and Gemma loving life. Suddenly one afternoon one of Gemma's Triplets comes running out out the bathroom and sed MUM MUM, I DONE A POO AND A BULLET CAME OUT,,,, the mother replied well when u were in my stomach I was shot and.... Â The following month another one runs out and goes MUM MUM I DONE A POO AND A BULLET CAME UP... and the mums says the same.. well when you were in my stomach I was shot... Â That year just before Christmas the third Triplet runs out and says MUM MUM... "Let me stop you there Darling. Did you just have a Poo and a Bullet came out? Â No, the Child said....I JUST FARTED AND I SHOT THE CAT!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smeg_&_The_Heads Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Damn I must of first heard that one 20 years ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Miz Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Me too lol. I have always remembered it and is my favorite joke to tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted September 15, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 15, 2011 It's far funnier if you fast forward 11 or 12 years, and go with bullets coming out in the two girl triplets wee, and the boy saying "I was having a wank and I shot the dog." Â IMHO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted September 15, 2011 Paid Members Share Posted September 15, 2011 Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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