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Frankie Crisp

Idiots at work

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Idiots. They are everywhere.

 

Unfortunately, when they are at work, you have less of an opportunity to walk away or ignore their ramblings. In my case, I have to tolerate sitting opposite one of the most idiotic people I

Edited by The Waterboy

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She does sound like a few braincells short of an Essex girl.

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My office is pretty good, I can't think of any real idiots. There's a guy who doesn't grasp things as well as he should for his position but apart from that we're good.

 

I imagine JLM will have some good tales about Swordmouth, though.

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I don't have any real idiots as such... But since I moved out of my prime time awesome desk position I sit near a couple pretty irritating people.

 

Oh another thing I hate for my list is the woman sitting next to me. She is irritating, has awful personal hygeine, perfume that really stinks, and most annoyingly is wearing a bracelet that scrapes and scratches across her desk making horrible noises everytime she moves her mouse. She seems oblivious to how grating she is.

 

 

For those of you following my adventures, this is the woman I asked about some time ago whether it was OK to be disgusted by her or if we thought she has a medical problem. She was off for ages on long term sick, so I think it might be the latter. But she disgusts me anyway, I decided.

 

Edited by Chest Rockwell

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There were a few bells at my last job, a few warehouse staff had the typical tabloid reactioary opinions on the foreign staff apart from the fit girls who brightened up the place etc. The smokers could be dicks as well when it was pissing down and they had to stand in the smoking shelter, some even gave it the "Prisoners have more human rights than smokers" bollocks but generally I worked with good people there.

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A workmate and I were washing a large grill in a sink.

 

due to the nature of the caked on grease, we're using neat dishwash fluid (corrosive) and wire scourers.

 

lass comes in with gunk on her hand and proceeds to dunk it in our sink.

 

Me: "I think you'd better wash your hand now"

Her: "Why? I just did"

M: "You just dunked your hand in dishwash fluid, it's highly corrosive, you need to wash your hands if you want them to exist at the end of your shift" (OTT I know, but it's the easiest way to get the point across)

 

She washes her hands in another sink and leaves.

 

2 minutes later she comes back in, washing her hands again.

 

2 minutes later she comes back in, washing her hands yet again.

 

M: "What's wrong?"

H: "My hands feel soapy"

M: "Yeah, that'll be from the alkaline dishwash fluid, it reacts with the fat you have in your skin and makes soap, it's how soap used to be made"

H: "what? from people?"

 

*facepalm*

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A girl I went to school with burned a jelly. She boiled some water, added the jelly cubes and then spent the next hour stirring the water in the pan with the hob still on full blast waiting for it to magically turn into a jelly. It didn't.

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There is one really annoying chavvy girl that fits the stereotype perfectly. Loud, relatively stupid and a bit racist along with the added slutty behaviour she insists on telling the other girls in our office about.

 

There's another girl who's the same type of tabloid reactionary that we all meet from time to time. She's terrified of this Swine Flu and was telling us all about how she's taking her son out of school to prevent him from getting it. Talking to her about it, it went something like this

 

"I'm gonna have to take him out of school"

"Why?"

"'Cos of that swine flu"

"how's taking him out of school going to stop him from getting it"

"aye you can catch anything in a school yano"

"yes, but he can catch it being at home as well.

"ya what?"

"so are you going to book a few weeks off work until it's over too?"

"No"

"Well what if you or his dad get it? Are you going to book time off work until it's blown over?"

"oh yeah never thought of that."

 

I'm all for parents being protective over their kids, but she's just being silly.

 

There's another girl who is the typical flirtatious type with the managers and needless to say, she gets away with absolute murder. Another one rang in sick the day Jade Goody died.

 

 

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typical tabloid reactionary opinions on the foreign staff apart from the fit girls who brightened up the place etc.

 

They are right though. They do brighten up the place, good at making brews, nice arses etc.,

 

Other than the fact that someone made a retarded remark about paraplegics on air the other week without knowing it, everyone I work with is pretty bright. Of course the former administration (Who sacked me for next to fuck all) were idiots in the extreme.

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someone made a retarded remark about paraplegics on air the other week without knowing it,

 

Wasn't that you?

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No, I was Lempit Opik last year, which led to my termination,. I was producing the show when the Paraplegic comment was made last Sunday. I knew how he meant it, and it was harmless to be honest, luckily the administration now aren't as wanky, so he just had a quiet slap on the wrist.

Edited by FrankSidebottom

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Oh man, it has its own thread now?

 

She's been off all week. It's been wonderful. Monday she returns, and I'll have ammo for this without question.

 

I wondered what happened with that woman next to Rockwell with suspected Llorkira. Speaking of annoying sounds, the one sound that kills me like no other is that of two pound coins clacking together. Swordmouth does this when we're in the queue to buy sandwiches from the sandwich lady without fail. ARGH.

 

The Karate tale about beating up a mugger will take some topping. She's like a living parody of people like herself. It's remarkable that she's lived this long really.

 

For those following my aventures, hot based elsewhere lady who turned out to not be single was the first work-related person to clock on to my burning hatred of Swordmouth.

 

I ended up sat right next to Swordmouth (but otherwise surrounded by the young and attractive clinical audit team) at the team dinner the other week. It was nice, but I had to endure so many stories. Stories of pure bullshit. Everyone politely laughed and joined in while I wondered if anyone was internally thinking "SHUT UP YOU LIAR! YOU TEDIOUS BLOATED LIAR!" Later in the pub (with attractive clinical audit team, thankfully the oldsters and managers left at 10), when everyone else had gone and we were waiting for a taxi back, hot based elsewhere lady goes "so, do you think (Swordmouth) talks a lot of drivel then? I saw your face during dinner and you looked like you wanted to kill her".

 

Whoops. I thought I hid it well, but this is clearly not the case. I'll have to watch that. Turns out she agrees and we had a wonderful bitching session in the cab. She also said something like "Colleen and Wayne's future child, how young is too young for surgery?" which was pleasingly vicious. God damn her relationship status. :(

 

Anyway, yes, more tales from the female toby jug filled with hot piss (she actually does remind me of Chiles, which only adds to the hate) next week.

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I'm having to blatantly bump this, because the lads who I normally vent to aren't here and I need to tell someone, anyone, before my head starts to bleed.

 

The idiot has struck again, twice in ten minutes. Here's the gist:

 

On dogs:

"He's got a Rockweiler"

"You mean Rottweiler?"

"No, they are called Rockweilers"

"They aren't"

"They are, they are called that because they are rock hard dogs. It's probably a nickname though and they have a really boring name like German Weiler or something"

 

On overseas communications:

"My mate is going on honeymoon on Friday, she got married last week but they couldn't get a flight until Friday"

"That's nice"

"Yeah, they're going to Hawaii"

"That's nice"

"She's really excited, but I don't know if she'll be okay talking to people"

"Why?"

"Well I know some people in the hotel will speak English, but it might be difficult if she meets people because she doesn't speak Mexican"

Edited by The Waterboy

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