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James Bond Watchathon


Loki

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That's probably a deliberate ploy to try and get more people into the cinema.

Do the blurays have the Roger Moore commentary on them? 

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Those commentaries are so good. Maybe not as good as the Brian Blessed commentary on the 25th anniversary Flash Gordon DVD, but still great.

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  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

... and we're back.  Did you miss me?

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/15604f30-e51c-4338-a8ec-ba8b08a557b4


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Previous Films

 

  1. Dr No
  2. From Russia With Love
  3. Goldfinger

 

Thunderball (1965)

Thunderball_-_UK_cinema_poster.jpg

Bond: Sean Connery
Bond Girl: Claudine Auger
Villain: Blofeld/Emilio Largo
Henchmen: Volpe / Vargas?

How Bond Is It?

Very Bond.  You have exotic locations, beautiful women, stupid gadgets, villains with physical impediments.  This time the cyclopean Largo steals two nuclear warheads and leads Bond conveniently to evergreen Bond location the Caribbean, this time the Bahamas.  Particularly of note are the underwater fights - Bond being a Navy man, this is in his wheel house and we'll see his underwater skills a lot more in later movies.

After the excitement of the DB-5 last time, the gadgets are a bit on the ridiculous side here.  A jetpack is conveniently located outside a hotel for a quick escape, for example, and Bond is rescued from the sea at the end by a skyhook.  In between you have the usual gimmick watches, vehicle-mounted weapons and another look at the gorgeous DB-5, this time giving some baddies the old Austin beer truck spray.

We get to see a lot more of SPECTRE this time, with a board meeting of the organisation that allows all their agents to know all their secrets.  It's interesting to see what a terrorist organisation was considered to be in the 60s.  Rather than an Al Qaeda collection of cells that keeps secrets and protects assets, everyone gets together in Paris to list their villanous plans.  The turnover of staff continues - with one Spectre Agent electrocuted to death in the board room and dropped through the now-famous hatch in the floor.  I don't envy SPECTRE's HR department.  They have an Assassination Bureau just to take out failing agents!

This is the last Bond movie to be directed by original director Terence Young.  It's a decent effort but it's not as well shot as From Russia With Love.  There's a clever scene in the spa where the shadows of various henchmen loom around Bond before an attack, and the underwater sequences are technically brilliant for the time.  I imagine that was all shot in the giant tank at Pinewood, which is NOT warm even in summer, so hats off to the cast in their bathing suits.
 


Women Bedded

- "Any woman he wants he will get
   His days of asking are all gone" - Tom Jones, opening credits

We know, Tom, we know.  But you don't have to literally mention it in the theme song.

There's a nice foreshadowing of the next movie at the start, with Bond making eyes at a Japanese French secret agent.  Hold that thought...

Otherwise, Bond is in full flow here, forcing himself on his masseuse and blackmailing her into bed with the threat of her losing her job.  Classy.  He also sleeps with the main henchman Fiona Volpe (a familiar refrain from Goldfinger and A View To A Kill).  Volpe makes the mistake of telling Bond post-shag that she's not fallen in love with him, so obviously he pushes her in front of a bullet.

Memorably Bond manages to sleep with main bondgirl Domino whilst underwater and wearing an aqualung.  Claudine Auger is absolutely stunning but I'd have waited until we got to the beach at least.
 

Women Hurt

Wallop!  We open the film pre-credits with Bond punching a grieving widow RIGHT in the kisser!  Yes, it turns out to be a man in drag but the message is clear.  As mentioned above Volpe gets shot for the crime of not turning face, Bond's local help Paula is abducted, tortured and then commits suicide, and Domino herself gets the cigarette burn torture in the last reel.  Dropping like flies in this film.
 

Minorities Killed

Despite this being set in the Bahamas, there's a disappointing lack of inter-racial murder.  My expectations were raised after Bond hires a native boat captain but surprisingly he doesn't get burned to death, indeed I believe he survives the whole film.  Otherwise most of the goons are of indeterminate Eastern European extraction.  To make up for this though, Bond punches Felix Leiter in the stomach.
 

Accommodation?

Personally I think the spa in which James is recovering at the start looks quite plush, but he describes it as "dreary" so we know he has high standards.  Standards that are definitely met by his palatial suite at his hotel in Nassau, complete with en-suite secondard bedroom/entrance, and a typically admiring front desk girl.  Does Bond take a bath?  Yes, he does.

Largo's palace on the island is also very, very nice - and he's the first Bond villain to have a shark tank so far.  And a shout out to the MI5 board room which looks suspiciously like the Greenwich Observatory.

This film definitely feels less like a travel advert though, which is a pity.

Overall

Whilst this is still early-period Bond I think the blush is already off the rose as far as the serious-spy character is concerned.  Bond has lost the tough professional edge and whilst he's still got good instincts he also relies on a lot of luck, being in the right place at the right time.  He also seems less of a killer, letting quite a few bad guys off the hook rather than ruthlessly murdering anyone in his way.  Spending most of the film in short shorts doesn't help the macho image.

It's a good film but it's too long - anything over 2 hours is wasted in an action film.  It's the highest grossing film of the entire series (adjusted for inflation) though, so it went down very well with audiences.  For me, it's just missing a truly memorable Henchman.  None of the bad guys barring Largo are that good, and there's certainly no Oddjob or Jaws to act as a primary antagonist for Bond.

I'll give this a solid 7/10.
 

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I enjoyed Thunderball though I agree with most of your assessment. Largo was a great villain. The underwater stuff I found a bit underwhelming for the most part. Looking forward to your review of You Only Live Twice. One of my favourite Bond films (possibly my favourite Connery film).

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Ok, so I watched this a few months ago and my notes weren't great, so this might not be the best writeup - apologies.

 

Previous Films

 

  1. Dr No
  2. From Russia With Love
  3. Goldfinger
  4. Thunderball

 

You Only Live Twice (1967)

You_Only_Live_Twice_-_UK_cinema_poster.j

Bond: Sean Connery
Bond Girl: Akiko Wakabayashi /  Mie Hama
Villain: Blofeld/Osato
Henchmen: Hans / Helga Brandt

How Bond Is It?

Well, look.  In some respects it's a definitive Bond - with Blofeld threatening the world from his ricidulous lair.  In other respects though it's quite different from the last few.  There's no obvious Bond Girl for one - Aki being the main love interest but she's killed.  There's also no super obvious henchman who Bond finally defeats at the end.  And the plot has much more spying and intrigue than its predecessors, akin to the first few films. We're also back to Bond apparently dying in the pre-credits - again.

Putting aside the genuinely awful space craft models, the whole film is rather lush visually.  It's set almost entirely in one country and devotes a significant amount of the running time to authentic Japanese culture, which is something that the Western audiences would have found genuinely intriguing.  Bond and his Japanese counterparts put some real effort into infiltrating Osato's facilities and plans, and of course the giant battle at the end within Dr Evil Blofeld's lair is one of the biggest set pieces to date, culminating with Bond finally coming face to face with his arch-nemesis.

In terms of gadgets, we of course have the iconic Little Nellie - once again Q is despatched on location to deliver Bond some extremely useful tech, including this flat-pack helicopter.  And we continue the fish-death theme from Thunderball with a convenient piranha tank. 

The script for You Only Live Twice was actually written by Roald Dahl, and it feels more serious and less quippy - and to be honest it works.  One slight annoyance though, it turns out Bond went to Cambridge.  Wrong'un.


Women Bedded

It's all about the exotic charms this time.  Ling, the HK agent, apparently "tastes different".  Bond does really seem to fall for the plucky Japanese agent Aki, who rescues him and then beds him.  There are some hot tub masseuses - I do hope he didn't get any soap in his (japs) eye.  We get the traditional bedding of the bad girl in Helga Brandt, who then tries to kill him with a plane.  And finally the amusingly named Kissy Suzuki who Bond... get this... actually MARRIES.  Kind of.
 

Women Hurt

Poor Aki takes a poison shot to the mouth.  Helga Brandt is eaten by pirhanas.  Again, sleeping with Bond almost guarantees death.  Otherwise this entry isn't hugely punishing on the ladies.
 

Minorities Killed

It's a Hiroshima of a body count in this one, thanks to its location.  Japanese henchmen get shot, drowned, beaten up, blown up, knifed, and exploded in helicopters.  To be honest I lost count.  James must be a wrestling fan though because he only stuns High Chief Peter Maivia who's playing one of Osato's henchmen in his office.

As an aside, Sean Connery applying yellow face and "passing" as Japanese seems, well, pretty awkwardly racist now.  Karate chop!

 

Accommodation?

The book upon which the film was based is basically one giant travelogue, and a lot of that survives into the film.  Bond's Hong Kong apartment isn't lovely, but does come with a bullet-proof fold up bed.  Mrs Loki had a fold-up bed when I first started dating her, I don't recommend them.

Local MI6 contact Henderson has a rather splendid Japanese paper house which James visits, and of course properly messes up on his way out.  The Japanese M, Tiger Tanaka, has a pretty cool, extremely 1970s underground lair with his and hers hot tubs.  He also has an amazing training island and Bond stays in a beautiful house with Aki with an unfortunate roof access.  And finally Bond shacks up with his new missus on yet another exotic island.

Blofeld's volcano base is worth a mention but you wouldn't want to stay there it's a bit utilitarian.


Overall

So, look - I think this film divides viewers.  For some, the plot is ridiculous and the gadgets and special effects are super corny.  But I really enjoyed it for the reasons I now realise I usually enjoy Bond - the beautiful locations and beautiful women.  1960s Japan is pretty well served by the cinematographer Freddie Young, who'd recently shot Laurence Of Arabia and Dr Zhivago so he was on the top of his game. 

And I appreciated Bond being back to more of a super-spy - from his cool underwater funeral escape to his lair infiltration techniques, he's saving the world and looking cool doing it.  Put it this way, it's definitely the best Bond movie released in 1967 (against competition from Casino Royale - and how odd that this isn't the only time this will happen!)

Also - the music in this one is absolutely fantastic.  John Barry does a good job of Japanes-ing up his themes, and some of the incidental stuff during the space shots is gorgeous.  The theme is absolutely bang on as well - better than Tom Jones' one last time out.

I give this one 8/10.  Sean Connery obviously felt different because he quit as Bond after the production.  Perhaps, like me, he was puzzling over just where the hell Blofeld's cat disappears to at the end!  One moment there, then... gone.

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Previous Films

 

  1. Dr No
  2. From Russia With Love
  3. Goldfinger
  4. Thunderball
  5. You Only Live Twice

 

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1968)

On_Her_Majesty's_Secret_Service_-_UK_cin

Bond: George Lazenby
Bond Girl: Diana Rigg
Villain: Blofeld
Henchmen: Grunther/Bunt

How Bond Is It?

Rrrr-remix!  The film opens with a jangly remix of the Barry Bond theme to signify that things have changed.  Sean Connery has retired from Bond and George Lazenby is into the tuxedo.

In fact, the producers go to great lengths to signify that it's Bond As Usual.  The opening credits are a montage of still from previous movies, there's a dwarf who whistles themes from earlier movies, and in a scene in Bond's office (!) they play clips from the music of earlier films as Bond packs up various gadgets he's used before.

But Lazenby is not Connery.  He's the Bond you get in a videogame Bond where they've not got the license for the actual actors.  He looks quite like Bond and he's actually better built than Connery, but he's just not particularly charismatic, bless him, and the one-liners are possibly the worst of the whole series.

And the movie itself is a step back from the excesses of the last few films, a more "realistic" serious spy caper.  It also introduces a number of new Bond tropes as well as maintaining them.  We get James drinking Dom Perignon 57 (silly Bond there WAS no vintage that year!), and we get a gamut of winter sports (more on that later).

Gadgets?  Does a portable photocopier count?  Otherwise... no.  We do have a lovely Aston Martin DBS for Bond's honeymoon though.  If only it had had bulletproof glass!
 


Women Bedded

Seeing as this film is basically set in the Playboy mansion, you'd expect James to be motoring.  But in fact he's relatively restrained.  You have his early seduction of Diana Rigg's character Tracy, and indeed with Blofeld's Angels of Death he does make some progress - Ruby is rubbed, and Nancy is, um, nobbed?  The look that Ruby gives Bond whilst writing her room number on his inner thigh is about the sexiest thing in any of these films so far.  And that's it, he doesn't even make a pass at Joanna Lumley.

 

Women Hurt

As is now utterly traditional, Bond seduces the Bond girl by slapping her hard in the face and nearly breaking her wrist.  Outside of that though, I believe no women are hurt in the rest of the film.  Maybe times they are a-changing as Dylan wrote a few years before.  Oh, I tell a lie, Tracy's Corsican bandit father punches her unconscious, but it's for her own good.

 

Minorities Killed

We are in Europe again, and in the Alps no less so there's very few non-white faces.  In a nice reversal, the black "good" henchman flamethrowers a white guy to death in the final reel.  

 

Accommodation?

Something else has changed in this film - we get to see Bond, not on duty, but at leisure.  And it turns out he likes to holiday at the Plaza in what I presume is Monaco.  It's incredibly fancy, from the Beluga caviar to the OUTSIDE BED.  Yes, a double bed on the balcony.  He also breaks out the tux and plays Baccarat, which is a made-up game for Bond that nobody ever plays.  Seriously, have you ever seen a Baccarat table?  Neuf a la banque.

We also get some exotic Corsican locations - bull fighting and an absolutely slapping looking wedding.  

Finally, about 2/3 of the film takes place in the Swiss alps and is essentially an advert for winter sports such as skiing, curling, tobogganing and (checks notes) stock car racing?  Bond spends what has to be one of his most agreeable stays in Blofeld's mountain-top lair which comes with chalet-style rooms, open fires, revolving dining room and 12 beautiful women from around the world.  Does Bond take a bath?  No.  In fact, I'm not convinced he even showers in between seductions which is pretty yucky.  At least a quick wash of your pits and bits, James.


Overall

I wasn't looking forward to this, and initially everything feels wrong with Lazenby, especially the 4th wall breaking "this never happened to the other guy".  But actually this is a good... movie, even if it's not that Bond.  What is a major plus is Diana Rigg.  Previous Bond girls have been, frankly, terrible actresses but Rigg is just fantastic in this.  She's luminously beautiful but also tough and smart and delivers all the charisma Lazenby lacks.  She does a lot of the traditional Bond things, like driving a crazy car chase, escaping an avalanche, and she even kills the main henchman in a fight at the end.  She's ace - forget Lazenby, they should have just made HER James Bond.

Having found such a perfect fit for the franchise, had Bond fall in love and marry her, they absolutely burn the barn to the floor by killing her at the end, in what is an unexpectedly tear-jerking and very non-Bond scene.

There's also a major, major plot hole.  Yes, I know, it's Bond - who cares?  But the plot of this film revolves around Blofeld not recognising Bond even though they've met at the end of the last film.  It makes zero sense.  

I'm going to give this 6/10 on the Bond scale.  It's a very good film, but it's again too long - they should have cut about 20 minutes of skiing out.  And Lazenby is poor.  I wonder if they could use AI to replace his face and voice with Connery's?  Then it would be 8/10.  About half of the film he's dubbed by George Baker anyway.

Edited by Loki
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Previous Films

 

  1. Dr No
  2. From Russia With Love
  3. Goldfinger
  4. Thunderball
  5. You Only Live Twice
  6. On Her Majesty's Secret Service

 

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

Diamonds_Are_Forever_-_UK_cinema_poster.

Bond: Sean Connery
Bond Girl: Jill St. John
Villain: Blofeld.. again....
Henchmen: Mr Wint and Mr Kidd

How Bond Is It?

George who?  Don't know what you mean, pal, this is a sequel to You Only Live Twice.  See - Blofeld's still alive, James is still in Japan in the pre-credits.  And look, there's Sean Connery, or possibly Sean Connery's Dad... @jazzygeofferzwas right, he ages appallingly between outings.

We're into the 70s, and the legend has it that Lazenby's agent persuaded him that Bond would be passé in the 70s so he declined to return.  That agent might have been onto something.  This formula feels really tired at this point.  It's Blofeld, back from the dead, killed off in the pre-credits as a palate cleanser and then BACK AGAIN later on.   Women's lib has arrived in the theme song, which is all about how crap men are, but once into the film it's bitchslapping as usual.  Even the gadgets seem a bit worn out now - there's a mousetrap thing in Bond's pocket, some fake fingerprints, a grappling hook, voice changer and the piece de resistance, a zorbing ball for Christ's sake.

Everything we expect from Bond is here but without any of the charm and glamour of the earlier films.  It's Bond, but it's not serious spy Bond, and nor is it OTT campy Bond.  It's just... Bond.


Women Bedded

On the plus side, nipples have arrived in the Bond universe, with Marie in the pre-credits and the girl cavorting under the theme tune both showing some significant pointers.  On the minus side, Bond sleeps with literally ONE woman, the amusingly named Tiffany Case, in the whole film.  They go through the motions with various bikini-clad ladies, but Sean's heart really isn't in this, and who can blame him.

 

Women Hurt

Bond slaps Tiffany Case good and hard, always a precursor to a shag, he water tortures Bambi and Thumper, and Plenty O'Toole is cruelly drowned.  In an odd coincidence, the Bond girl here is Jill St. John, who was/is married to Robert Wagner, who knows a thing or two about drowning women.

 

Minorities Killed

I might have to retire this section as, this being the US, most of the henchmen were white.  They didn't let the blacks work in evil lairs in the 70s.  There is an odd black-girl-turns-into-gorilla scene though, which looks pretty sus.

 

Accommodation?

Most of the film is set in Las Vegas, and I guess it's meant to look all glamorous but to be honest it looks like a bit of a dump - the hotels are gaudy gold and brown, dingy and there are no decent views.  Bond spends almost no time in his room anyway this time out.  He does ship out in a fantastic looking berth on a cruise ship at the end though, so he gets a bit of hollybobs here.


Overall

They've shortened the running time back to 2 hours, but even so this film is just... quite dull.  America is not glamorous, Amsterdam is not glamorous, and the whole thing feels like everyone's run out of ideas and is just going through the motions.  The special effects are a series worst here, the various nuclear explosions look cheap, and the oil rig lair is just uninspiriring.  Cinematography is equally bored, there's very little visually of interest.  By the time you get to the faked moon landings, the moon buggy and Blofeld in drag, you're thinking about your Xmas lunch and ready for a nap.

The only highlight is a fantastic pair of henchmen in Mr Wint and Mr Kidd, a sort of 70s Burke and Hare duo who follow Bond though the frankly incomprehensibly complex plot offing the other bad guys.  

This gets 4/10 on the Bond scale from me.  

The series is out of steam.  It needs an injection of fresh blood, some sharp scripts and some gorgeous women, murdered minorities, exotic locations, safari suits and oh, I dunno, some voodoo or something.  Cometh the decade, cometh the man...

Edited by Loki
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I'm not a huge Bond watcher, but over a quiet weekend and a sick day today I've watched the first five in order. The only two I'd seen before, strange as it may be, were You Only Live Twice and Thunderball. 

This may not be how many big fans of the series would put it, but in order of favourite to least favourite so far:

1) From Russia With Love

2) Dr. No

3) Goldfinger

4) Thunderball

5) You Only Live Twice. 

Robert Shaw is typically excellent as the evil henchman in From Russia. Overall it was an easy first choice for me. Oddjob is a winner in this category too. It's a crucial part of the recipe to get a good Bond movie by the looks of things. The Henchman is as important as the Evil Boss. Get both and you could have an 'A' level Bond. One or the other, and if everything else is right, you could hit a B. Neither one? D territory beckons for you my friend. 

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8 minutes ago, WeeAl said:

I've watched the first five in order

My man!  

I’m basically unemployed atm, my next contract doesn’t start till January, so lord help me I have time for this.

Can’t argue too much with your list.  I really like You Only Live Twice but it is flawed.

Henchmen are crucial - so it’s odd a number of the Connery ones just don’t have decent ones.

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